Money-losing crypto “investor” proposes to his girlfriend with an NFT. Is this the most Reddity Reddit Relationships post ever?

First he lost most of his life savings on Dogecoin

If this story is true, and it’s so perfect it may not be, it is possibly the most Reddity of all the posts in Reddit’s Relationships subreddit.

The gist of the story: dude [31m] loses a buttload of money “investing” in cryptocurrency and options trading, enraging his girlfriend [28f] who thinks crypto “investing” is reckless and stupid and maybe so is her boyfriend. So he decides to win her heart (and win her over to the joys of crypto) by proposing to her not with a ring but with an NFT (non-fungible token), which I don’t really understand but apparently it’s basically a worthless crypto token attached vaguely to something in the real or digital world, like say the Nyan cat gif. (Verge has an explainer that might be helpful but I gave up reading part way through because my brain was freezing over due to my complete non-comprehension.)

In any case, girlfriend [28f] did not feel stoked about his proposal.

Let’s let dude [31m] (who calls himself HandHoldingClub) explain his financial and romantic misadventures.

He starts off with a misleading title:

My [31M] fiancee/girlfriend [28F] is upset that I proposed with an NFT instead of a ring. What can I do about this?

Ok, but she’s NOT your fiancée/girlfriend; she hasn’t said yes to your proposal and may not even stick around as your girlfriend for very much longer if she has any goddamn sense.

For this post my fiance will be Jenna (fake name) I’m 31 and Jenna is 28.
Jenna and I have been together 4 years. We have discussed marriage and agreed we would both be interested in the right situation financially. Jenna has recently been mad at me as I lost a significant portion of my half of our savings in dogecoin.

You lost a significant portion of your savings on a crypto “investment” that was intended as a joke?

I did make half of it back with stock market options but then lost some more and she wanted me to quit so I did.

So in other words you’re still down big time.

Jenna does not have an investing mind and is more interested in saving your money in a checking account and then buying a house or something, but I want to show her how we can multiply our money with investing.

You’re not investing, dude; you’re gambling and you’re not very good at it.

Well things were going okay and then I found something that made my jaw drop. It was an NFT with significance to our life that she would love. I rushed to buy it with almost my entire life savings because I know this is a good one that could be worth a million when we’re older.

Worth a million what, regrets?

I got down on one knee and presented her the NFT and she started crying. She said I was TA [the asshole] and that how could I do this. I explained to her that in ten years we could buy a mansion with this and it’s a symbol of my love and devotion but she sees it as selfish and foolish.

In ten years, if you’re lucky, you may have enough to buy a picture of a mansion.

I don’t want to sell the NFT because it’s once in a lifetime and I don’t want to leave her.

I’m not sure you’re the one who’s going to do the leaving. You might have to buy yourself a NFT of a new girlfriend.

What can I do?

Unfortunately, dude, all of my good suggestions involve using a time machine to go back to before you started “investing” in crypto.

If you’re unable to get hold of a time machine or even an NFT of one I would suggest dumping your NFT for whatever you can get for it. Then never try crypto or options trading ever again. Put what remains of your nest egg into index funds, which are invested in real companies, not crypto will-o-the-wisps. Do your best to forget about your investment so it can grow in peace. Take up a more sensible hobby, like trainspotting, or planking, or heroin addiction.

Unless of course this is all fake, in which case congratulations for writing a post that manages to be horrifying yet completely plausible.

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