The Incels.is commenter called aGuyAlone has some big plans for his upcoming holiday: he hopes to get laid at last, though not with a human female. Nope, he’s holding out for the right … dolphin?
“I really really want to have a female dolphin to have sex with,” he wrote in a recent post.
There pussies look far more aesthetically pleasing and tighter than like 95% of foids and dolphin pussy juice is designed to make the person fucking it cum faster because of some chemicals or some shit that it contains. I’m going on holidays to the seaside in the Med soon and i’ve heard that dolphins are really friendly so I truly hope I encounter a pod that has dolphins I can fuck.
He followed this up with a photo of a dolphin’s nether regions.
Like come on boyos, don’t tell me you wouldn’t fuck that. If it was skin colored and you cropped the pic right it could easily pass as a very attractive human pussy.
Not exactly.
But he got some support from other commenters, one of whom suggested that “dolphins seem quite … intelligent, unlike 99%+ of american foids.” Another agreed that the dolphin’s “pussy looks prime but still wtf is wrong with you.”
When another commenter pointed out that dolphins “are very prolific rapists and kill for fun,” aGuyAlone declared that he wasn’t scared of a dolphin’s tiny teeth.
It’s clear he’s thought a lot about the practical side of this plan of his.
Exotic pets can be imported to pretty much anywhere in the world for the right price. Dolphins are very plentiful and not hard to catch do so you could probably organize something under the table with a local fishery. Dolphins are treated as bycatch and often times just straight up killed because they deplete fish stocks so it’s not like they are valued or anything.
But he thinks his future dolphin sex slave might even consent to having sex with him.
Dolphins are one of a few animals that probably could form an actual emotional bond with a human and they are also always horny and regularly intercourse with other species of animals so it probably wouldn’t even resist.
Still, aGuyAlone recognized that his solution to celibacy was a little on the strange side.
Im fucked in the head. This is what a complete lack of intimate contact my entire life does. But I still stand with my idea and am going to investigate it’s feasibility further because it’s one of the few options I have left brocel.
He complained about what he thinks is a double standard when it comes to bestiality.
How is it fair that foids can fuck dogs for a bit of fun and just be considered “Freaky & quirky” but I can’t try solve my severe mental issues and depression by doing this.
Dude, fucking a dolphin will solve none of your issues. And no one, not even your fellow “dogpilled” incels, thinks that women fucking dogs is just a funny quirk.
Anyway, dear readers, if any of you know any dolphins please be sure to warn them about this guy.
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I wonder if he’ll actually try this, and how the dolphin will retaliate.
Wikipedia says this about bottlenose dolphins, the most common dolphin:
I’m sure that a creature this large would not be a danger to this incel in any way.
This incel had better make sure he gets a young dolphin or his fellow incels won’t be jealous.
High emotional intelligence? Dude, you are way, way, way out of your league.
Having seen a wild dolphin I can assure you that they don’t have tiny teeth.
From my summer job, I can unfortunately tell you…. the dolphins want to bang humans too.
@Elaine:
I swear I remember having read a science-fiction story circa the early 70’s from the viewpoint of a laboratory dolphin who’d fallen in love with his human handler (and reflecting upon the stuff I got away with reading because my parents evidently had no freaking clue what was going on in some of those SF, fantasy, and horror books.)
I’m sure he can drown himself just fine without making a dolphin an accomplice (or would that be an accessory?).
@Full Metal Ox
Mine either — usually. But my mother objected strenuously when she found my issues of Rolling Stone because they used the eff word in their journalism. Oops. I thought I had hidden them. I was usually pretty good at hiding my misdemeanors: it made life easier for both my parents and myself.
This sounds 100% like a true fact generated by the collective minds of human-dolphin fetish community, as such thing likely exists. Not to be confused with human dolphin fetish community, which would be humans roleplaying as dolphin.
Dolphin skin isn’t “skin colored”? Sounds about white person talking.
I trust David will be scanning the news for when some dumbass guy gets beat up by a dolphin that’s not in the mood. Or raped by a male dolphin who is. Or both.
@Kat: I hid my stuff too. So much less worry for my mom over such trivial things.
If you’re in the water with a dolphin they can easily beat you to death (none of them have ever done that to a human in front of human witnesses) and/or drown you (defenders of dolphins say we can’t prove they did it on purpose) without resort to their sharp, sharp teeth.
@ full metal
well I don’t know about the female dolphins but I know if these incels want to put on a mermaid fin and get into a tank with some male dolphins they will aggressively try to hump them. they’ll drown because those fuckers pull them under, but they will lose their virginity.
Why don’t he just buy a sex-toy?!!
@Elaine the Witch
So . . . totally worth it for these guys, who hate their virgin status and hate life. Worth it in theory, that is. Everything with these guys is totally theoretical, or, as we non-incels call it, a lie.
This is bringing back memories of a documentary I watched where a researcher tried to teach a dolphin to speak (I think. Or am I getting that confused with Nim the chimp? It was something like that anyway) and it was incredibly depressing. Her dolphin loved her a lot, but it was a good parable about why it’s best to leave them having fun with their mates in the sea.
Given the reputation of rapist of dolphins, I have some idea of how badly this can end.
And yes, as Dalillama said, predators as big as dolphin probably can kill a man. LIke, I dont think it’s *that* hard for them either.
Next step is orca I guess ? Theses one 100% won’t have a problem eat a human, since they are accustomated to eat bigger stuff anyhow.
@Full Metal Ox: I… don’t think that was a sci-fi story. (Look up: The Dolphin House from AtrocityGuide)
@ dali
Hey; the burden is on the prosecution to show mens rea; so that’s a legitimate point to make to a jury.
On which note…
Because of course an incel would look up to The Deep….
[from The Boys]
@Lumipuna:
This sounds 100% like a true fact generated by the collective minds of human-dolphin fetish community, as such thing likely exists.
https://xkcd.com/305/
Dolphin skin isn’t “skin colored”? Sounds about white person talking.
As it happens, pink (i.e., Caucasian human value of “flesh-color”) dolphins do
exist in the Amazon—and, according to local folklore, are werebeasts given to assuming human form to seduce human women:
http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20160426-why-one-species-of-dolphin-has-turned-pink
An endangered Chinese subspecies of the Indo-Pacific humpback dolphin also comes in pink-to-white; the COVID shutdown allowed them to return to Hong Kong waters in 2020:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/sep/15/dolphins-return-hong-kong-covid-crisis-halts-ferries
@GMBigKev:
I… don’t think that was a sci-fi story. (Look up: The Dolphin House from AtrocityGuide)
What I read was indeed a sci-fi story: “Ishmael in Love”, by Robert Silverberg, first published in 1970, long before The Dolphin House came out; it’s possible, though, that Silverberg may have aware of Margaret Howe Lovatt’s research. This grumpy reviewer (https://syntheticsean.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/wordy-wednesday-ishmael-in-love-by-robert-silverberg/) complains that dolphinfucking is a trope; see also the XKCD strip linked above and indigenous Amazon folklore.
@Lollypop: That’s probably the documentary you saw.
Everything about this is absolutely hideous. I mean, it’s from an incel, because of course it is, but still.
Though yeah dude a dolphin can just chomp through a scale-armoured fish in a single bite, how well you think your heckin’ arm’s gonna do?
I’m thinking it might be time to make another revision to the comments policy….specifically instituting a ban on corny puns. That headline had no sole. It’s making me feel crabby.
If he’s really unlucky, the dolphin will consent.
They stay submerged until the sex is done – about 20 minutes.
There’s a video on YouTube about a man who claims he DID have sex with a female dolphin named Dolly, back in the late 60s or early 70s, when he was a young man. How true this is, I have no idea. He says the dolphin was a willing participant, and seemed to enjoy the sex.
Isn’t this sort of thing illegal in the US? If it isn’t, it should be.
@Full Metal Ox: Oh heck. That’s… disturbing.
How twisted does your self-perception have to get if you actually think that *have sex with sea mamal* will solve your issues? This is some mad lips stuff!
And… I mean, dolphins are kinda horrifying, if you look into the things they are up to (like getting high on pufferfish), but I’d rather they not get molested by this guy.