The Transformed Wife is a blogger and a minor Twitter celebrity. In her profile she describes herself as
A wife, a mother, a grandma, and a keeper at home. Loves Jesus and is not afraid to speak Truth because it sets you free!
But I think she’s selling herself short here, because she seems to have forgotten that she is also a bold crusader against the evils of our age: feminism, witchcraft, and grouchiness.
Let’s roll the tape, or rather the tweets:
It’s just too bad God designed women to be so gullible.
Remember: Marriage and babies, good. Putting a hex on the Transformed Wife, very bad.
Apparently witchcraft and feminism are pretty much the same thing.
Uh oh, now she’s naming names!
Whatever you do, don’t dress like a slut, because that too is a sort of witchcraft.
This lady is doing it all wrong:
This tweet sounds a bit like a pitch for a fun rom-com — that is, if your version of fun involves burning in hell for all eternity:
And while you’re going about your non-witchy life, don’t be a grouch! Remember to smile or God will smite you or burn you in hell for all eternity or something.
And don’t worry about the end, which is near!
SMILE DAMMIT.
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She’s also a Pharisee, one of those people who brag about their holiness. Jesus railed against the Pharisees.
Whoa. It turns out that marital sex is unholy and that’s okay. All part of God’s plan.
So God’s not going to understand if I have difficulty smiling because we’re in the last days. I’m gonna need a better God.
So basically every woman is a witch or can be accused of witchcraft apropos of nothing. This is definitely not a quarter-baked nonsense belief designed to control women, oh no. Definitely not. Pay no attention to the men who actively benefit from our submission, and who hate us.
No, the woman in the picture David gave is absolutely positively doing it exactly right. Oh Goddess, I love that SO much!!! (David, you have great taste!) That whole exact classic one-piece plus tights or hose things is so much my signature look since back in my salon hostess days even!!! I’m not so into the pattern hose and would just do glossy sheer tights myself (in fact I just *did* for a creative performance piece I was going to post about, over in the open thread or wherever is best!) But that pattern does go with her theme I guess. The only question for me to complete the ensemble is which whip…bullwhip probably. I love her pose too.
I’d only have the little smile though if a guy with great shoulders and a handsome face was at my feet but would more likely be glaring considering the mood I have been in owing to obnoxious NiceGuys lately.
Yes. It is entirely a man’s fault if he is a creep because he’s upset I dress the way I do without doing what he wants. So I can answer that question.
Speaking as a grouchy feminist witch, I must be doing something right if the Transformed Wife is railing against this many aspects of my being.
Tag yourself. Are you witches or grumpy people?
I’m grumpy people, of course.
Definitely a witch.
I’ll rage before I’ll grump.
Just repeating, endlessly, whatever words you/your cult decide upon as “magic” (no “k” could ever be fixed upon that silly, empty word of Xians and all “conservatives”) is an effective prophylactic against the admission of your doubt, embarrassment and frightening ignorance and committed idiocy – if all that you demand of life in your greed is confirmation of an empty, grand thumping lie.
This woman is lost, lost, lost.
She will never, never be healthy again, not if she lives to be 100.
She will breed noxious, weak poison every day that she lives.
And she is someone celebrated by people just like her, but even lazier and more cowardly.
Because human consciousness is a joke, but one so bitter only the most enlightened mind can laugh.
She – and all like here everywhere – are the definition of disgusting and falsity.
I love it when bigoted ladies tell other women not to dress in revealing manners, but then two minutes later tell them to do X sort of thing and their argument is “because men find that the most attractive”. It’s so hypocritical.
*sigh* Oh, Lori.* You never met a bad take you didn’t like, huh?
*The Transformed Wife’s real name is Lori Alexander. She has a history of these types of shenanigans.
She’s also a marital rape apologist. Read these ones:
https://twitter.com/godlywomanhood/status/1390683216646840320
https://twitter.com/godlywomanhood/status/1390316664667791360
And she sells a book. The reviews on amazon are hilarious, though.
@WWTH
Grumpy, deffo grumpy here. Depression and PMDD will do that to you. And no longer interested in wallpapering that over to keep some gatekeeper happy while I die inside.
@IgnoreSandra
I mean, I’d say an eighth-baked at most.
@WWTH
Why not both? đ A grumpy witch.
@Big Titty Demon
I mean the point is fair. What’s insulting is that people are willing to pretend they believe this schlock. I mean I get why, it’s better socially than just going “Well I just hate women” though that’s basically what they’re saying when they talk about god wanting us to be submissive.
@WWTH
I don’t have to tag myself. Apparently every woman is a witch always.
Probably a bit of a grump, working on the witchcraft.
Also, I agree with Stacey that the witch’s aesthetics are pretty much on point. I really like the sleeves (generally combining loose clothing with tight clothing looks cool to me). I don’t know much about the intricacies of fashion, but this is an example of a ‘sexy archetype’-costume that seems to have had some actual creativity put in.
I am totally a witch!
x Woman (main criteria)
x Unbeliever (except in the power We All Have Within)
x Heals people with weird concoctions
x Collects tomes with arcane knowledge
x Knows stuff about plants and mushrooms
x Belongs in the forest
x Has a cat companion
I am also grumpy đ
I identify as a witchy grump.
@Gatecrasher
Learning new information in the past few years about mushrooms (they connect plants, allowing them to talk to each other!) and Neanderthals (they had offspring with Homo sapiens!) has rocked my world.
Grumpy.
Definitely grumpy.
Ooooooh boy. This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Lori. One of my favorite FB groups is about calling out her nonsense.
Both, obviously.
If she’s a transformed wife; shouldn’t she be a big truck or a jet fighter or something?
@Alan
Well, no. Big trucks and jet fighters have an impact on their surroundings other than child rearing just…because of what they fundamentally are. And doing anything that’s not unbelievably boring just isn’t in her wheelhouse.
#Alan Robertshaw:
If sheâs a transformed wife; shouldnât she be a big truck or a jet fighter or something?
@IgnoreSandra:
Well, no. Big trucks and jet fighters have an impact on their surroundings other than child rearing justâŚbecause of what they fundamentally are. And doing anything thatâs not unbelievably boring just isnât in her wheelhouse.
Sheâd be a food truck. Or a church van. Or a street sweeper: the KucheKircheKindermobile. Perhaps, in a particularly toxically-sweet mode, an ice-cream truck playing that jingle (âTurkey in the Strawâ has all sorts of creepy historical baggage, particularly the version that inspired its association with ice cream.)
@StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved:
The only question for me to complete the ensemble is which whipâŚbullwhip probably. I love her pose too.
How about a caning rod of witch hazel, to fit the theme? Particularly if youâre initiating them into your coven?
@Alan: Maybe she plans to do a spoken word album like William Shatnerâs âTransformed Manâ.