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conspiracy theory MGTOW misogyny toking the doobies

Legalizing weed: A plot to make men stupid enough to marry thots? One MGTOW says “yes”

Today’s Conspiracy of the Day comes from a post on the MGTOW subreddit from a dude who’s worried that the “push” for marijuana is part of a secret plot to make men stupid enough to marry “thots.”

I have nothing against weed but I can’t help to notice it being so pushed unto the public.

I’m not a pothead so if any of you were former potheads can you explain why?

My theory is to placate the public and keep them sedated. Perhaps to dumb them down enough to marry a thot? (note i have nothing again responsible usage but I still can’t figure why its being pushed so hard)

So, be careful out there, men, lest you wake up one morning in a bathtub full of ice with a wedding band on your finger.

Legalquestion4545 also has some thoughts on women who toke the doobies.

Women who smoke marijuana are complete retards,” he declares in another r/MGTOW thread.

Among the reasons he gives for why women smoke the jazz cigarettes::

They smoke to escape reality

they smoke from boredom

they smoke to imitate brain dead celebrities and music “artists”

they smoke in ht hopes to tell other men they are “cool”

They smoke in oder to compete with men (I’ve noticed many “women” imitating rap and listening to rap thinking they have dicks its hilarious

They smoke as a means to socialize because they are to lame sober

They smoke to calm themselves down from their impending or current SMV plummet

Oh but the marijuana will end up biting them in the ass:

Smoking pollutes their wombs smoking fucks up their hormones and thus their menstrual cycles

And to the cucks that are going to down vote this : Yes smoking fucks up your testosterone 100% too . You can’t even donate a sperm sample if that shit is in your system because it 100% fucks up sperm quality, motility and count. And lowers your Test

I don’t want the mother of my children to have smoked weed in the past or currently

I don’t want the mother of my children to have swallowed birth control pills that permanently fuck up their cycles and hormones.

I don’t want the mother of my children being a used up leftover alpha widowed cum dumpster

I don’t want the mother of my children to have used tinder

I don’t want the mother of my children to like rap music

I don’t want the mother of my children sucking dicks

worthless sluts

the worse offenders are the ones with marijuana leaf designed clothes.

Any man attracted to this type of behavior is a beta cuck thinking “wow she a cool broad she’s just like the guys”

cucks and sluts – smoke idiots smoke

So, no marijuana for you, sir?

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Tabby Lavalamp
Tabby Lavalamp
2 months ago

They smoke in oder to compete with men (I’ve noticed many “women” imitating rap and listening to rap thinking they have dicks its hilarious

I don’t want the mother of my children to like rap music

I know this is all about the racism, but this focus on rap is particularly weird. Even weirder in that first mention because you need a penis to perform or listen to rap?

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
2 months ago

More in the same thread from legalquestion4545:

JohnPettimore

High people don’t start fights. They don’t wreck cars. They don’t start arguments. You’re a moron.

legalquestion4545

Your proving my point. I wonder why they don’t.

Yeah, the Powers That Be are trying to take away men’s rights to start arguments, start fights, and wreck cars. I wonder how many fail videos legalquestion4545 has starred in.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
2 months ago

Completely off topic but fascinating:

After 20 Years, Former Ken Starr Advisor Reveals Her Boss Was a Pretty Bad Guy

Judi Hershman slammed Starr for his role in some of the worst chapters in contemporary politics, but she’s complicit too.

https://jezebel.com/after-20-years-former-ken-starr-advisor-reveals-her-bo-1847285867

Brett Kavanaugh comes under fire too. Hershman talks about her encounter with him in which he displayed an “almost feral belligerence.” Excellent description of that man — if you delete “almost.”

And Jezebel commenter stillbalefullyregardingyou says this:

I can’t wait to see the smear job that Starr and Kavanaugh come out with. It’ll be a doozy.

Last edited 2 months ago by Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
2 months ago

The guy with the list for “the mother of my children” is funny. It sounds like a checklist one would write for the day one wins a bazillion dollars. Dream on, dream on.

squeakymousefarts
squeakymousefarts
2 months ago

I like that “ being a used up leftover alpha widowed cum dumpster” lands you in the same circle of hell as “liking rap music”

That seems reasonable, fair and not at all like someone’s very personal hangup.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
2 months ago

Kat,

I’m not sure how much weight the ‘they don’t wreck cars’ argument holds. Driving while impaired on any substance is illegal because people do wreck cars that way. Sorry, that was just a little trigger on my part because I was involved in a quadruple-fatal highway crash many years ago caused by a driver who was drunk and high on painkillers. He was one of the fatalities.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
2 months ago

@Katherine the Adequate

You are so right. And I’m very sorry that happened to you.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 months ago

Marijuana is being “pushed” on the public? Not where I live.

Is there anything, anything at all, that some MGTOW/MRA/Incel won’t think is specifically designed to undermine them? They really do think they’re the center of the universe.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
2 months ago

This miggie doesn’t need to worry about what the mother of his children will/won’t do, since there isn’t going to be any such person. Exactly like the DEA is out there “pushing” pot on the public.

As long as people aren’t operating heavy machinery or putting the smoke into other people’s air, I’d much rather have them smoking dope than drinking, particularly for the violence potential. There are very few stoned sports hooligan mobs.

I wonder why this guy dislikes rap so much. I bet it’s the obvious awful reason. It’s not my favorite form of music either, but I don’t insist everyone should abjure it forever. Or that women can’t perform it. Missy Elliott probably has a few words for him.

@Kat, ambassador (etc): Starr, the guy who came down on Bill Clinton like a ton of bricks for having consensual affairs with an adult woman, exercised all his, er, “talents” to persuade prosecutors that Jeffrey Epstein did nothing wrong by raping children.

Yeah. This is my surprised face.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
2 months ago

Kat,

Thanks. I’m pretty well over it, but I still bristle when I hear a statement that seems to trivialize drunk/impaired driving. I’ll probably always be that way.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
2 months ago

And Starr defended Epstein? Eww. I didn’t know that.

Steph
Steph
2 months ago

I don’t think he’ll have to worry about having a “mother for his children…”

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
2 months ago

they eat an edible because it helps them sleep when their chronic pain is to bad night.

Queen of the Harpies
Queen of the Harpies
2 months ago

I may roll my eyes pretty hard at “weed culture”, but I’m still kind of on the fence about the issue. People who use it sparingly for medicinal purposes are fine. But I’m not going to make a huge deal of it either way if that’s what other people want to do as long as they don’t get it near me. Then it becomes an issue. I have the same reaction to tobacco smokers, if not more, because there are still more of them out in public. Once it starts affecting the health of others, then it’s a problem.

What this has to do with gender or rap music is all in this dumb Miggie’s head. And like the rest of you already pointed out, he’s more likely to have a winning lottery ticket than a “mother of [his] children” in the future.

Viscaria
Viscaria
2 months ago

Are all things that are legal by default being pushed onto the public? Is the government forcefully pushing Gatorade? Get that Gatorade away from me, pushers.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
2 months ago

I think it’s funny that this guy doesn’t want the mother of his children sucking cock. He knows that means she wouldn’t be sucking his cock right?

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

OT, but if I am not as active as normal for a time it’s because some shitbag sabotaged my computer. It just switched itself off with no user prompting and refuses to turn back on. Power button does nothing. Everything else works and has power here; this time it’s somehow selective to just the computer.

I am getting sick and tired of these incessant attacks. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve just been sat here minding my own business and bothering no-one when some outside force has reached into my home without my permission and without warning to shut down my gear, I’d likely be rich. How do I defend myself against this? Why does it keep happening? Why can’t I just be left alone? Now the fucking thing, whatever it is, that keeps stalking and harassing me is starting to cost me money, too. Money I can ill afford. Just having the sabotaged machine diagnosed is already setting me back fifty bucks, and you can bet that the evil force, whatever it is, that keeps harassing me will have arranged for actually fixing it to be as expensive as possible.

I’d like to know to whom I should send the fucking bill. Someone must be responsible for the constant deluge of shit that I experience. I want them to pay for this repair. Maybe that would deter them from messing with me ever again.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
2 months ago

@surplus

Mine did that. It was 5 years old and I needed a new one. My brother helped me buy my new one. My husband hates it because he hates dell. Sorry, i know you don’t have the extra money. But it sounds like you just need a new computer. The cheap ones don’t last long. My old one was 600 dollars. My new one was 1,100 so I’m expecting it to last longer and perform better. You get what you pay for.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
2 months ago

@surplus

My husband would like to know what kind of Computer you have, what year it is, what virus protection you have on it, and what kind of software/hardware it uses, He can possibly do something for you since money is tight.

Lakitha K Tolbert
Lakitha K Tolbert
2 months ago

First of all: None of that is true, and
Second of all: There is actually nothing wrong with Thots! I would marry a thot in a hot second (if I could ever have grabbed one’s attention.)

In Conclusion: I don’t think this guy , who is most likely white) even knows what a Thot is.

Like most things that come out of Black vernacular, this term wasn’t necessarily a negative connotation, but I have observed that every time white people appropriate Black vernacular, they turn the definition of the terms into something horribly negative!

Addendum: I’m so gotdamned tired of that shit!!!

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Last edited 2 months ago by Lakitha K Tolbert
Lakitha K Tolbert
Lakitha K Tolbert
2 months ago

Tabby Lavalamp

Please do not even try to make sense of the senselessness of this lethal combination of willful ignorance, misogyny, and racism, because that way only lies true madness…mostly for you.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meani
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meani
2 months ago

Personally I’d like to know what end goal these nofappers/semen retainers are aiming for by not rubbing one out on a regular basis. Like, what are they planning on doing with all that stored energy they say they now have? For example, monks from assorted religions also aren’t (supposed to be) fapping, but they’re using that saved energy to get closer to their God(s). Are the nofappers/semen retainers using their stored energy to create works of art, making the world a better place via volunteering to help Habitat for Humanity (for example), or something along those lines? Or are they just doing it to have something to humblebrag about?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
2 months ago

Interesting how they’re associating weed with rap music and therefore badness. Since plenty of musicians in other genres also partake. I wonder why they’re specifically mad at rappers?

Oh well, I guess we’ll never know.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meani
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meani
2 months ago

*facepalm*

I posted to the wrong post. ;_;

And I can’t edit it anymore.

Sorry. 🙁

Last edited 2 months ago by Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meani
Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

@Elaine: Thanks for the offer, but as the machine won’t even try to boot I don’t see any way he could possibly remote into it to try to fix it… or, given it’s clearly a hardware problem, what could be done remotely beyond some diagnostics anyway. In any event it’s at a local repair shop now …

TB Tabby
TB Tabby
2 months ago

@Tabby

To the Manosphere, you need to have a penis to do anything. You constantly hear about how woman can’t tell jokes, women can’t rap, women can’t fight in wars, women can’t do this, women can’t do that, and any examples of women doing the things they can’t do are dismissed as outliers.

.45
.45
2 months ago

Hmmmmm… My father bought a couple thousand dollar computer once that only lasted a few days before dying. He then spent a lot of time Googling possible issues on his cheapo $300 one to finally figure out which component blew up on him. (And I got to hear a lot about how crappy the $300 one was for that week.) Then he replaced whatever it was and it has worked pretty well since.

Ok, that was a thrilling story…

Sharl
Sharl
2 months ago

The worst thing stoners ever did to me was smell funny (I dislike the smell of weed immensely, which made attending TESC interesting), talk my ear off on public transit, and instigate occasional 2 AM drum circles when I was trying to sleep. I agree that banning high driving is a good thing, though.

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
2 months ago

Women who smoke marijuana are complete retards,” he declares in another r/MGTOW thread.

Well, I know several women with phds who smoke pot. Of course, he likely avoids women like that like the plague, since his fragile, little ego wouldn’t survive the encounter.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

I’m now being told I won’t have a working computer again until Monday at the earliest.

This is an outrage. Almost everything with meaning or value in my life is either in or accessed via that machine. Everything that’s either on it or needs a password. I’m basically locked out of all of it for a total of at least four days without cause, without due process, and without appeals. How can this be allowed to happen? What am I supposed to do for the next several days? And how do I make sure nobody ever, ever inflicts something like this on me ever again?

And why, why is a lock on my door insufficient to safeguard my stuff? Uniquely among all the people I know, I seem unable to make my home sacrosanct, proof against outside interference absent extraordinary conditions. Things constantly behave in ways that indicate that they are not responding solely to my choices, even inside my home with no visitors and the door locked.

How are the malign influences leaking in that are creating the discrepancy between what my choices could legitimately produce (including unintended, but — in hindsight at least — understandable, consequences) and what actually happens?

And how do I shut them out?

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
2 months ago

@Surplus

You’ve had a dozen or so sudden power outages recently, with their accompanying surges and fluctuations in both current and voltage. You’re surprised your PSU died? Surge protectors are recommended for a reason, not just to make people spend more money.

.45
.45
2 months ago

@ Surplus

Ok, so my car has yet more problems with its electrical system. This may come as a surprise to everyone here, because I didn’t start ranting on here about how some malevolent entity chose to torment me with yet another attack on me me ME personally. That’s your thing, and you are hurting yourself. You are the malevolent entity making you miserable.

I don’t know how to help you, I don’t know what to tell you, but I am very tempted to start making unflattering comparisons between you and a modern six year, what with your utter inability to survive for more than ten minutes without access to a screen. Everyone has problems. You tell us you have basically no meaningful contact with anyone, yet somehow you also expect us to believe you have some sort of inside view on how perfect and trouble free their lives are, you ignore the fact that you have little more than a snapshot of their lives, you discount any problems we mention… You are determined to be miserable. You. Even if it actually was some sort of virus, it is hardly like nobody else has ever gotten a computer virus. It’s you.

What I was awkwardly trying to get across previously bringing up my life’s experience is that my biggest problem has been me. I hate most of my life, have so many regrets, feel that I have let everything pass me by while everyone else has found friends, love, and purpose…BUT that’s my problem. It’s me. It always has been. Always me. Always you.

/melodramatic

ActionistRespoke
ActionistRespoke
2 months ago

@surplus I mean this will all respect, you might want to consult a mental health professional. This is sounding like some real paranoid thinking. Computers just break, it happens all the time not caused by a malicious force sabotaging you.

Last edited 2 months ago by ActionistRespoke
Queen of the Harpies
Queen of the Harpies
2 months ago

@Surplus

I’ve been holding my tongue because I’m new to posting and I don’t want to dogpile or sound frustrated with you when you are obviously having a hard time, but please, please listen to the advice everyone else is giving you and get some help. These paranoid delusions you’re expressing are very concerning, and I know you’re otherwise a thoughtful, intelligent and insightful commenter.

To try to help you with your computer problems in the future, I’ve always found this site to be good:

https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/welcome-guide/

I’ve mostly used them for virus and software issues, so I’m not sure whether they can help with your current hardware issues, but you can check. You will need to be patient and polite with them, however, and not blow up or rant, because they’re mostly volunteers and they have a lot of other people to help too.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

I’ve just been locked out of pretty much my whole life for days without anything resembling due process. Regardless of the underlying cause or mechanism, this represents an abject failure of society to ensure that the basic needs of its citizens are met. I don’t think therapy, which is out of my reach anyway, is the solution here.

Indeed, it sounds more like treating a symptom while avoiding addressing the underlying problem. If I am paranoid, consider why that might be.

Begin with a childhood subject to being blamed for near everything that went wrong anywhere near me; arbitrary and capricious punishments for breaking often-unspecified rules; people getting mad at me for continuing to do something after they had sat there for a while furiously wanting me to stop but never asked me to stop, or previously stated was against the rules, or worse, for not doing some highly specific thing spontaneously without having asked me to and without any other prompting; and an assortment of trust betrayals by various people.

Add in being treated as unwanted and only grudgingly tolerated in most places and situations away from home, up to and including graduating university with a degree in an in-demand field (tech, at the height of the late-90s tech boom) and then not so much as vetting called in for a job interview (I’ve also never had a second date), and then being relegated to what seems a lot like society’s discard pile, and there expected to do everything myself with little or no assistance and no one having my back, while operating on very slim margins where I literally cannot afford too many substantial setbacks, so I have to very carefully watch my own back and be extremely cautious not to get scammed; with a history of being targeted for pranks and harassment campaigns; and you wonder why I seem paranoid?

Society has demanded that I be paranoid, on pain of homelessness or worse.

And this is before we consider the leg cramp saga, in which there was clearly an intelligent adversary responding to my every move with a countermove and escalating to the point of eventually proving itself to be capable of rewriting and retconning reality itself to ensure a particular outcome, rather like a poor DM bent upon railroading a campaign’s plot regardless of the choices made by the players.

So: society gives me few resources and very little recourse to be made whole from losses that aren’t my fault; keeps me isolated so no one watches my back if I don’t; and it’s all a simulation (I don’t even know how many of you are real vs. NPCs, though if I had to guess it’s the right wing and “centrists” who are the NPCs, if anyone is) anyway and one of those who operates it has taken a malign interest in harassing me from time to time.

And then I’m supposed to take a severe and unprovoked disruption to what passes for my life at face value without even considering that it might have happened to me in bad faith?

I don’t think so.

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

@ bookworm in hijab

Haven’t seen you around here for a bit. Hope all’s well with you and yours. But anyway, someone recommend these chaps to me. Gay vegan muslim punk band. Reminded me of our We are lady parts chat. (Must confess, I find the song a bit poppy rather than punk; but I like the sentiment)

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

@ surplus

I really feel for you. It’s heartbreaking to hear about all your woes during your life.

Society has demanded that I be paranoid

I have been thinking a bit about your posts; and what you said there resonates with what I have been pondering. I hope this doesn’t come across as internet diagnosing. Please feel free to tell me to stick it if it does.

There’s this idea that human have a heightened sense of ascribing agency to events.

There’s an evolutionary advantage to that. If we hear a twig snap; it was a good idea to assume that’s an enemy or predator. There’s usually no downside to a false positive; whereas a false negative (i.e. just assuming it was a natural random occurrence) can have fatal consequences.

That’s believed to be the reason behind things like Pareidolia and Apophenia.

So I totally get where you’re coming from.

But sometimes things are just random happenstance.

Like I say, it’s understandable to always assume the worst. It’s a valuable survival mechanism.

But sometimes that can impact on your life in a negative way. Caution is useful, but constant suspicion can interfere with the ability to form relationships and interact with people generally.

Social bonding requires a degree of mutual trust, and letting your guard down. Like for example how one of the best ways of making friends is to share vulnerabilities. But I appreciate how hard that might be; especially if you’ve been kicked int the teeth when you’ve tried that in the past.

Anyway, just a thought. I really hope you can find some help in making your life better. You’re a decent cove; and, like everyone, you deserve happiness.

Last edited 2 months ago by Alan Robertshaw
.45
.45
2 months ago

*Sigh*

I could sit here and recount how I literally spent years of my life so screwed up and clueless as to social norms I couldn’t really participate in casual conversations and frequently assumed nefarious intent on what, looking back with what I know now, were usually innocent gestures, but I doubt it would mean anything or help.

Anything else I want to say right now would be considered “tough love” at best and an insulting attack at worst, so I’m leaving it alone for now. Not sure therapy would help anyway. The first step in making a change is admitting the need for it in the first place, and Surplus, you don’t seem much interested in that.

Well, actually… this may sound like a weird suggestion, but have you considered reading a blog by this guy calling himself Dr. Nerdlove? It may sound strange, since he is primarily focused on dating advice (and comes at it somewhat obviously from a former pickup artist point of view), but has a number of articles on just generally living life and becoming a better person that you might find helpful.

Edit: For example https://www.doctornerdlove.com/overcoming-helplessness/

Last edited 2 months ago by .45
Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

@Alan Robertshaw:

Social bonding requires a degree of mutual trust, and letting your guard down. Like for example how one of the best ways of making friends is to share vulnerabilities. But I appreciate how hard that might be; especially if you’ve been kicked int the teeth when you’ve tried that in the past.

And mutual trust and letting your guard down in turn requires margin for error. You need to have enough resources — social and financial — to cover the costs of a failed venture without being left destitute.

For example, say you invite someone new over and they get rowdy, refuse to leave, and start trashing your place. If you’re middle class, you call the cops, they get there promptly and arrest or chase off the miscreant, and you easily pay for the damages out of your discretionary income. Maybe you’ll have to wait an extra month or two before taking that vacation you were planning, or putting in that pool, at worst (assuming it didn’t escalate to physical assault).

If you’re poor, the cops may be slow to respond and they may treat you as the criminal, particularly if you are a POC. You may not want to call them at all. The damage is likely to be worse before you can rid yourself of your guest, and you may never be able to pay to have it all fixed. Maybe they steal or trash your computer and you lacked backups because you couldn’t afford additional disks (let alone a recurring monthly cloud company fee) so all your data is gone. Or there’s nowhere to ever restore the backup to because you can’t afford a replacement machine and it was uninsured because you couldn’t afford insurance. Etc.

Trust comes a lot easier when you can limit the downside risk to exclude your must-haves: food security, shelter, your most important possessions and tools of your trade …

@.45:

Dr. Nerdlove

Isn’t he that bourgeois peeg who assumes everyone interested in his advice has hundreds of dollars a week in discretionary funds to spend just on dating? Not to mention on clothes and vehicles and things. That one really needs to check his class privilege.

.45
.45
2 months ago

It’s like a train wreck, I can’t look away…

It always comes down to money with you. What, the rest of us solve our every problem by throwing money at it?

As for your example, I feel like there might be some sort of middle ground between hiding in your apartment and inviting less than reputable characters you barely know in.

It occurs to me we all here have far more faith in you than you yourself do. It was no coincidence I choose to link to Overcoming Helplessness off Nerdlove’s website, and not something about how to approach women in bars.

You keep coming up with reasons* not to try, to maintain the status quo, but honestly, how’s that working out for you? Judging from your comments on this site, not too well, but I don’t see anything or anyone coming in to hold your hand or save you, so might wanna look into it yourself. All we can or will do here is talk to you about it, you gotta do the actual work.

* Well, mostly talk of money and your obvious inability to read social situations and determine friend from foe, which as a side note I suspect they are mostly friends until AFTER they spend time with you. But you aren’t going to get better at socializing and reading people by avoiding them. I tried it. As Nerdlove likes to say, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Still amazed I never got sucker punched for being an unwitting asshole.

Last edited 2 months ago by .45
Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

@.45:

You keep coming up with reasons* not to try

Well, it’s more like the provincial government keeps coming up with reasons not to try, by not coming up with the three or four hundred more dollars a month that I’d need in order to afford things like therapy, a vehicle or frequent taxi fares, and so on.

I have doubts about therapy even so … at least under prevailing socio-political conditions. Consider the incentives of a for-profit therapy business: a satisfied customer is an ex-customer. They will want a customer to feel like they are “making progress” endlessly without genuinely getting anywhere, at least until the customer’s funds run dry, at which point they won’t care at all anymore as long as they won’t get sued. And if they have the needed expertise to genuinely solve the customer’s problem, they will have the needed expertise to pull off a more profitable illusion of progress as well. Most customers will not have the corresponding expertise needed to detect such a fraud and will end up spending a fortune to walk miles on a treadmill and end right where they started, except poorer and in debt.

Worse, even if a market initially had a mix of honest and unscrupulous providers, the latter will outcompete the former and drive them out eventually. Information asymmetry leading to a classic market for lemons.

Incidentally, commercial dating services will have the same problem: wedding bells mean they permanently lose not one but two customers, so they will be incentivized to design their matchmaking algorithms to produce lots of enjoyable first dates, and maybe even some short term relationships that lead to sex, but nothing that will last beyond the first two or three weeks.

Absent a way to fix the information asymmetry, I don’t see a way for either of them to avoid corruption except socialism. Remove the profit motive and the incentive misalignment goes away, so the information asymmetry ceases to be an issue.

Incidentally, the corporate world suffers from an analogue: consultancies like the giant McKinsey conglomerate are incentivized to avoid doing anything that would make their clients cease to need their services, and the same information asymmetry applies or the client would just use in-house experts rather than hire a consultant.

Last edited 2 months ago by Surplus to Requirements
.45
.45
2 months ago

@ Surplus

Yes, money again. None of that prevents you from reading Dr Nerdlove or any advice columnist of your choosing on socializing and trying to have a casual conversation with someone. (From your comments I’m guessing you don’t normally try that sort of thing. In your case, again based on your comments, I’d advise being careful, because I’m afraid you might be so awkward as to get yourself kicked out of a place or something.)

Anyway, if dating, sex, marriage, or what the hell ever required copious amounts of money, the human race would have died out centuries ago. Homeless people who would love to be in your position get it on for crying out loud.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

@.45:

None of that prevents you from reading Dr Nerdlove or any advice columnist of your choosing on socializing and trying to have a casual conversation with someone.

No, but my lack of funds leaves me with very little opportunity to do so in meatspace. On the streets and in the store, people are busy with tasks rather than idling and available for chit-chat. The places where they are are either private or are restaurant type spaces where you’re expected to order something if you’re going to hang around. Typically something expensive, like alcohol or Starbucks or a full-service meal. (And now mostly closed due to COVID, and, when not closed, Petri dishes where you have an excellent chance of being exposed to the virus if you hang around.)

Add in either two taxi fares or a multi-kilometer walk per trip and I could not afford to go at all frequently as it would hit my pocketbook and/or my stamina too hard. And then the odds of repeat encounters are poor. When I was at university, nearly as many people as inhabit this town were crammed each non-summer weekday into a tiny fraction of the area and, outside of classes, I still almost never saw the same person twice. And since I didn’t want to disrupt a class, and everyone quickly dispersed when one ended, that meant I never built up any kind of familiarity with anyone that could have eventually led into a relationship of any kind, romantic or otherwise.

I don’t know how other people do it, or where the pop media image of universities as social ferments and hotbeds of sex comes from. Wishful thinking? Anyway my best guess is that adults mainly meet people at work (ain’t got none), in bars (expensive; also, ick), and through mutual acquaintances (ain’t got none).

Last edited 2 months ago by Surplus to Requirements
Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
2 months ago

@ surplus

Being vulnerable with another person has nothing to with money. being vulnerable and trusting means trusting another person not to hurt you. Like when i was intimate with my husband, it was trusting him not to hurt, not to push my boundaries, to listen if I say no and to respect my body as I respect his. That vulnerable because he is far bigger and stronger then me and could easily just take if he wanted to. Vulnerable is marrying him when I thought that I could trust a man again the way I trust him, trusting him that he would never hit, never cheat on me, never abandon me. Trusting him to look at all my broken parts and not run from it. I look it all the broken and jagged parts of him and see the good, loving person that he is. the vulnerability is trusting the other person to love and not to leave you wishing you were dead.

.45
.45
2 months ago

@ Surplus

Well, here is where we run into a problem of the blind leading the blind. (Just occurred to me that could be a politically incorrect expression.) I am socially… inexperienced as well and struggling there. Most of my socializing has been through college and work, and college no longer being a thing for either of us, that isn’t very useful unless you want to lament over missed opportunities.

One of my first thoughts was how I am managing to have some small conversations with people while going on, as you put it, multi kilometer walks. But since you stated that’s no good for you, it is not useful to know I have managed small talk with people who see me on a regular basis and make it easy for me by making a comment about me always walking by. That is too bad, as it is practically ideal for Covid times. Me in the street, them in their yard or on their porch in open air, basically renders risk of transmission nil.

Speaking of… Covid has really put a cramp on most of my plans to do more, regardless of my financial status, as this creates a risk for just about everything. A massive plague does tend to make it awkward to ask questions like “Are there any free events at local libraries or something?” For me and my purposes I’m going to see how the Delta variant goes, hope for a quick booster perhaps, and then look into some cheap activities such as clubs and events at libraries and whathaveyou.

Relative to you, I acknowledge I do have the advantages of more money, a car, and a willingness to cover a significant amount of ground with nothing but my feet if necessary or even just for the hell of it. I just need to take advantage of those advantages. Do what you can with what you got. That’s probably the best advice anyone can give either of us or anyone else for that matter.

contrapangloss
contrapangloss
2 months ago

Surplus:

For socializing + computer access…

Are you within walking distance of a public library of some sort? My library finally opened back up to in person use, and it’s a big resource. For example:

Many times they’ll have programs for computer access, with 30 min during peak times and whoever cares during longer times.

Also, libraries will sometimes have fliers for library sponsored activities. Most of my local libraries activities are hosted at the building and are free to participate (even if they’re only hosted like 1-2x a month).

Even if the activity doesn’t thrill you (I.e. book discussion circle on a book you have zero interest in), it can be good to try just for practice talking to/interacting with people. You’d have to rein in your tendency to be rather strident about people being wrong, but it could work out well. No way for them to trash your apartment and all.

Additionally, for activities with a cost, some (not all) libraries will offer financial assistance if you ask for it. Not like “afford life” levels, but “yeah you can come without the. 5$ Material fee” levels.

I can’t recall if you’ve got a library in range or not.

Another thing that’s getting more popular in my area is goofy little free pantries. If they exist in your area (or just outside your usual range, they could be helpful. Selections are usually not great, but it’s free.

Again, may not be in your area, but worth a search.

If you haven’t already called a local food bank or helpline, maybe give that a try too? Some will actually deliver a monthly box. Again, not great selections, but groceries that are affordable. May have to wait until you get a computer back up for research.

Again, I get if these things don’t exist in your neighborhood. If so, that sucks. Not a conspiracy against you, just a sucky area.

Maybe someday when you have means you could start a little free pantry and be the change your neighborhood needs.

Be kind to yourself, and please try to be kind to others. They are not in a massive conspiracy against you; they are also just trying to survive.

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

@ surplus

I do appreciate what you say about lack of funds. It may be though you can find some free or low cost opportunities.

I use this for example.

https://www.meetup.com

I’ve told it where I live and what sort of things I like; and I get emails with all sorts of free events like walks, talks, performances, exhibitions etc.

Also, I don’t know if you like art, but if you do register with any local galleries. Galleries have things called ‘private views’ when they get new works in. So you get to go along and meet people, and they have free drinks.

I’m sure there are other similar possibilities for all sorts of activities; wherever your interests lay.

Last edited 2 months ago by Alan Robertshaw
francis
francis
2 months ago

@seplus

in nice weather like this the local park is a great place to meet people. or you could volenteer some places even pay bus fair and have a lunch budget for people who stay all day.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

Hehehehehe … what nice weather? Every day here for the past two weeks it’s been either uncomfortably hot and humid, raining, or both at once …

I tried volunteering once, at a place called “Community Living” that I think helps find disability-accessible housing. They asked me to look into why their computers were slow and balky. I checked their startup items and autoruns, scanned for malware, but ultimately the problem was simple obsolescence. The machines were old and low-spec. Nothing I could do except recommend hardware upgrades, in the end. And that was the end of it. Apparently they didn’t need any other help.

As for taking a bus anywhere, there are none now. There was an intercity Greyhound, unaffordable of course, but not anymore. There’s now no way in or out of this burg, for a non-car-owner without friends willing to drive them for hours at a stretch as a favor to someone who has no way of reciprocating, except to stand by the highway with a thumb out. Obviously both unreliable and risky, and I am also unsure of the legality here.