How is it that so many self-proclaimed nice guys turn out to be so terrible?
I don’t have the answer to that but I do have some fine examples of Nice Guyism — five in all — borrowed from Reddit’s Nice Guys forum, devoted to showcasing DMs sent by “self-proclaimed ‘nice guys’ who are actually manchildren or douches, or who mistake being spineless and pathetic for being nice.”
This guy’s mask came off pretty quickly:
And neither do I.
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@surplus
You can’t use Firefox for that anymore. You need Google crome or Microsoft edge
Have you been using Firefox this whole time? Bro no wonder you have so many problems. That browser is so outdated and it has a hole in its programming the size of texas. I’m surprised your computer hasn’t exploded from the amount of viruses it probably has
I’m so glad I’m done with dating
‘Nice’ is lying. Anyone who calls themselves a ‘nice guy/person’ is automatically a liar.
Let me explain. I have a few times said I can be nice or I can be honest, not both. This is not hyperbole. When I say something complimentary it is the truth. If I’m being ‘nice’ – usually because my sisters or mother are standing next to me poking me with a finger if I say the wrong thing – I’m being insincere. If I have to be nice, I’m being forced to lie, and I don’t like lying and I don’t like insincerity, therefore, I am not nice. Which means I don’t have to lie and I can be blunt and honest. Works really well with being autistic.
I’m absolutely the first to admit I know considerably less than nothing about anything computerly, but I’ve been using Firefox for years, it’s regularly updated and I’ve never had any problems with it. Any possibility it could be missing some updates? (sorry I don’t have any actual knowledge to share, though 🙁 ) (I have had to change one or two plug-ins or add-ons or whatever the fuck they’re called, when one I was using was no longer supported so I had to find an alternative). I sympathise with computer woes precisely because I’m so useless with them myself (>.<)
@Surplus:
For the ‘back button’ part, at least, some of that could be just an attempt at saving memory by dumping the old cache… one trick that often works for that is that instead of just clicking the link to go to it, and then using ‘back’, right-click and do ‘open in new tab’, and then close the tab when you’re done. That way the original page was never moved away from, and the original cached version will still be in the original tab when you close the new one.
@opposablethumbs
Nah – I’ve used Firefox since it started out. Only times it gives me any problems now at all is if I’m messing around in a game and the browser wants to update – laptop starts lagging something fierce so I’ve got to hit a save point and deal with Firefox’ demands for attention (or close the browser before playing, but that’s a non starter!)
It’s a decent program as long as you keep it updated. Suppose Chrome is technically better, but Google already knows too much about me!
One guy I used to know was always described as nice, and he demurred that every time he heard it. He really was, but of course he had good and bad days like we all do, and did not-nice things on occasion like everyone. But he was polite AF. He’s now famous enough that if he ever did anything truly or even mildly horrible, we’d all have heard about it by now, so I presume he continues to be actually a good person on the whole.
@Le Samourai: I want to give that book to everyone, or at least to all tween/teen girls.
Once again proving that Nice Guys™ just cloak themselves under the Nice Guise.
One of the things I’ve enjoyed about retirement is being pleasant and polite to people, especially retail workers and other frontline flak catchers. My husband has observed that I don’t have an intuitive sense of how to do this, but that I’ve gotten better at it over the years.
It’s actually fairly simple to make other people feel good about having to deal with you, and it feels good to do it. Not necessarily easy, but simple.
These NiceGuys tee em don’t seem like happy people, and they’re certainly not the source of happiness in others.
Since we’re on the subject of Gavin de Becker books, another one that might be of interest to parents and/or teens is Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane). Based on the Amazon product description it sounds like it’ll give advice on (amongst other things) teaching kids on how to watch for danger without turning them into quivering puddles of fear.
https://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009
By the way, am I the only one who’d like to see an updated The Gift of Fear – or maybe an entirely separate book – covering the current wave(s) of mass shooters in the US, plus how to defend yourself when the Internet troll hordes target you?
Redsilkphoenix,
This would be amazing. Does anyone know if there is a Gift Of Fear-esque book that deals with these issues?
This. When using discord (the platform i use for onling rpgs) starting and ending with an asterix italicezes the text. So I immediately saw this as ‘douchebag roleplaying as a ‘nice guy'(tm)’.
@Robert: yes, just saying “Thank you” sincerely can really make someone’s day.
By the time I answer the doorbell, the Amazon/UPS/whatever driver is already back to their truck, but I give them a big wave and yell THANK YOU! and they wave back. They go out into the germ-filled world so I don’t have to, and it’s the least I can do.
I had a discussion with my spouse yesterday and he mused that he has probably never encountered a genuinely nice, or kind person he thought was physically ugly. I can subscribe to that. Halo effect works both ways, from inside out as well; if you think someone is a pleasant person, it simply makes the person more pleasant to look at, too, even if that person is not “objectively” attractive looking. Incels, “nice guys” and the like have a grain of truth in their delusions about the source of their misery, namely their alleged ugliness. Complete fucktardness leaks out pretty rapidly when interacting with people (and as these examples demonstrate, no live contact is even required). Even conventionally handsome and beautiful people do not get away with being disgustingly ugly personalities forever.
I’m fairly sure the last one’s fake, though. Troll at most, not that it substantially improves the situation.