A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, and sometimes that thing he’s gotta do is to write a 1300-word rant about evil single moms who want to find new fathers for their kids.
It takes him a little while to get to the point, but life isn’t about the destination; it’s about the journey. Although, to be fair, his rant is less a ride down the highway of life as it is a ten-car pileup.
So I’m sitting here, I guess you can say a bit free. Free of the spell, of having a warm BODY to lay with.. Warmth is nice. Having a warmno body to lay next to, feel, is a nice thing.
Huh.
A nice, shapely woman to put your hands on, is always good. it’s not very fun to put your hands around something very large. Say you’re going to lay down, and you have to place your arms around a whale of a being.
He hasn’t even gotten in the vicinity of the point yet, but he’s already digressing.
( I’m not knocking fat chicks, not my thing.) (( but I’ve been there.)) – Well, I had me a whale of a woman at one time, roughly, 13 years ago, when I was a young punk shit, and couldn’t get…..
…. let’s say I just evolve Beyond what that lady was for me. Some guys like whales.
Oh yes, single mothers. Sorry. I met the jackpot of single mothers. Blond. Petite. Green eyes. Like to to go on motorcycle rides…
But there was just one goddamn motherfuking problem. I’m looking into the eyes of some fucking child. Some fucking bastard child. A child, that is longing for a father. A child, that would come up to me with his iPhone, trying to show me YouTube videos.
No, no, no! NO CHILD WILL EVER SHOW ME YOUTUBE VIDEOS.
Whose responsibility is it, to supplicate the love that is necessary for this thing?
Uh, “supplicate” means “ask or beg for something earnestly or humbly.” Not sure that’s the word you mean here, chief.
I’ll tell you whose responsibility it is not. It is not mine. Here is a clue I’m going to drop on you guys.
When I met this Psychopathic bitch we will call, the single mother. Don’t get me wrong. Loved her too fucking death. She is fucking beautiful. And amazing in every way, and a motherfuking artist, literally she sells paintings, is educated, speaks two languages, did my laundry, clean my fucking room, showed me some good food…..
So she’s “amazing in every way” except also, somehow, a “psychopathic bitch.”
….. but there was this fucking kid. This fucking child in the way.
Gosh how could you possibly have foreseen that coming while dating a single mother. What might have clued you in to the fact that SINGLE MOTHERS tend to have CHILDREN.
I’ll get back to that in a second. Before you call me some heartless, senseless, shitbag. An analogy. When I was a security guard, 10 years ago, I stumbled upon a litter of kittens. They were cute, adorable, full of life.
Aw, fuck, now he’s got tiny adorable kittens all mixed up in his bullshit.
These kittens, we’re about five of them, in a bush. I picked up one of these kittens, and because they were feral, the motherfuker bit me on my goddamn fucking finger. Blood squirted the fuck all over the place and I feared I got rabies.
I guess even tiny baby kittens can tell that you’re an asshole.
Life Goes On. And as beautiful, put together, strong, independent, cunning, intelligent, artistic, athletic this single mother of a woman I met, she is still a mammal. And what do mammals do in the wild? They make fucking litter of kittens.
Once again, our hero here seems somehow surprised that a single MOTHER would have at least one CHILD.
The absolute universal law, that governs every molecular manifestation that we as human beings live for today, involves, that same invisible, unexplainable driving force. Is procreation. That being said, the most motherfuking, goddamn, fucking draining thing ever, you can do in this life, is to attempt, to utilize your life resource, in bringing up the life of another.
So maybe you could try NOT DATING SINGLE MOTHERS.
Imagine, if I were to take on, adopting one of those stupid fucking kittens that I picked up in the wild? How many hours would it take, to raise this kitten, from placing it in a box, winning it on regular milk, heading it so that it would adapt..
Heading it?
I don’t even care what he meant to say there because I”m just glad he didn’t teke those poor innocent kittens in and then yell at them for being kittens.
Do I sound like the kind of guy, who has the patience for this fucking shit? Now imagine, investing the time and life effort into bringing up something, that has nothing to do with your own personal genealogy, Legacy, or spiritual imprint you’re going to leave on this Earth, rather that of another man?
Wait, are we still talking about kittens? Because if we are I’m getting very confused. Your cats aren’t going to help you pass your precious genes on to the next generation. And hopefully no human woman will either.
Brace yourself now. We’ve got a sharp fucking curve coming up.
And while you are doing that job, do us all a favor, ask a black man with a 10-foot dick, to come in the room bang your girlfriend, while you watch and suck your thumb, then pay him while he does it.
That is the equivalent of if you are going to become involved in another man’s child’s life.
No, it really, really isn’t.
[Edit: For Racially sensitive woke bots. This previous comment was not “Singling out the black man.” In fact, I am complimenting the black man for having superior dong sizes. If only I could have a penis the size of my forearm. My apologies. I digress.]
Yeah, nothing racist going on here.
There’s not enough words for me to describe the Slime that is a man, who allows a public court system to have his child taken away. Such was the situation when I met the aforementioned I’m speaking of.
What was the situation? Whose kid is this now? What are you talking about.
but a year was enough. One day I was driving in my car, having another Dramatical, emotionally charged, rollercoaster of a conversation with the single mother I was dating, and all of a sudden these words slipped out of my mouth.
” I will never raise another man’s child.”
Say it with me Brethren, and say it loud.
“I WILL NEVER RAISE ANOTHER MAN’S CHILD.”
Now say this with me, dude: I WILL NEVER DATE ANOTHER SINGLE MOTHER BECAUSE IF I’M NOT WILLING TO DEAL WITH THEIR KIDS I SHOULDN’T BE DATING THE MOTHER FOR A YEAR.
Now that particular combination of words, must have been potent enough to elicit a grading of emotional response from the receiver, because we have not talked nore seen each other in two weeks. I think she got the message.
Maybe you should have given her this particular message before you started dating her. And certainly before stringing her along for a year.
I was not trying to be flagrantly abusive, rather I was driving down the road when she was sending me some texts about, “not being man enough”, “accountable enough”, nor having the “emotional capacity” to love a family etc etc. …
Thee words just pooped out.
They pooped, that’s for sure.
TRULY.
It’s been a few weeks. I’m not going to lie. I do miss having a nice warm body to lay down next to, and give slight kisses on the cheek, exchanging “sweet nothings.” – but this one, I forgot, comes at a heavy price.
A heavy price you could have avoided altoether by just not dating single moms as I believe I might have mentioned one or two times before
That is the price of being cucked. CUCKED into an expectation of a role that I have no motherfuking interest to fulfill. Hell, why don’t you just make me go become a substitute teacher.
What.
While we’re at it, let me buy 10 pairs of khaki pants, participate at the local elementary school as a softball coach, and donate my weekends to knitting classes at the local Senior Center.
What are you even talking about?
( those are all Noble Deeds, don’t feel bad if you do any of those actual things.)
Yes, I’m sitting in the parking lot right now eating my pita chips and hummus. With my Trader Joe’s salad pack.
What relevant details.
One thing I would like to say, is that, I will not blame a woman for her actions in the reproductive game. When we are caught up in the midst of chemical neurosis and the smell of pussy, we’re not seeing the big picture.
Dude, you’re not even seeing the little picture.
little Timmy needs a daddy, and Mommy’s income just got cut in half. If you say you did not see the signs, you are a stupid fucking idiot. And don’t take that personally, because I willingly chose to be a stupid fucking idiot.
The first thing you’ve said that I agree with.
Now I have no regrets because, I was able to exchange bodily fluids with a European princess, who, unfortunately, has a young prince that needs guidance. But I’m no knight, I’m the guy who was shoveling manure outside of the castle courtyards so the crops will grow better for the kingdom Harvest.
This isn’t a metaphor; it’s just free association.
the dating strategy for single mothers will always be complex and evolve. Maybe the new single mothers don’t realize the implications of having a small human life and how it may become Kryptonite for a man, so they don’t really try to hide it at first.
I’m sure whatever strategy they come up with will work best if it enables them to avoid guys like you.
After enough guys have bounced, they stop putting it on their Tinder profile. ( or do they? I’m not sure.)
If a single mother is looking for a hookup, she might leave it off. But any single mom who’s looking for a long-term relationship is going to leave it on, because otherwise they might get stuck with a guy like you.
– every single mother has a right, to tell every man, “My child will always come first.”
And Every Man Has a right to say’ ” SEE YA!”
And everyone together has the right to say “you’re really kind of an asshole!”
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It kind of lost the magic when Richard Dean Anderson stop caring. But there was a season 10 episode where the SG-1 (including Younger Richard Dean Anderson Replacement Actor) stopped time and lived out their entire lives together on a ship that was pretty fantastic. So it wasn’t all bad after season 8 and it had moments that made the last two seasons worth watching.
Also I just looked up Dark star to see what it was and my beloved and I will for sure being watch that in a month. That describes his favorite kind of bad movies to a T. We watched a movie similar to that when we first started dating it each other and it quickly became the back ground noise sex so I’m hoping maybe I can use this for some sneaky seduction.
Definitely watch until the end though! The end makes the whole journey.
@policy of madness
It might have to be watched twice for that but we will give it a try lol.
@Elaine
Have you seen Plan 9 From Outer Space? It’s kind of the quintessential so-bad-it’s-good sci fi movie.
@naglfar
Yes we did actually at a film festival a few years ago. You are right, that was one of those things that made my husband and I realize we like to watch bad movies together. We almost had to leave cause we were laughing to much
Since he’ll be spending a lot of time with himself, that could tell us a bit about the size of something…
(Yeah, I know, juvenile)
@TheKnd
It’s not just juvenile, it’s shaming men who have small penises (or no penis at all) for reasons that are outside their control. “Hah hah you have a small dick!” is the kind of insult an asshole makes. Don’t be an asshole.
@TheKND
Don’t shame dick size. It’s like shaming someone when their fat. If someone is an asshole, tear apart their argument or the stupidity of what they say. Their dick size is irrelevant.
@TheKnd
Mocking people for their p.enis size…yes, very immature
@Policy of Madness
We agree on something.
@Elaine The Witch
Another person I agree with…?
Wow, you guys are actually being pretty cool for once.
@Naglfar
have you seen Cat-women of the moon? for old bad movies that’s a really good one.
@Elaine
I haven’t, I’ll have to add that to my list of films to watch.
@PoM
It also reinforces the idea that penis=man or manly, which isn’t great for people who have penises and aren’t men.
OT: I was at a pharmacy again today and asked them why HealthCareConnect doesn’t seem to work. They more or less admitted that nonemergency health care (supposedly a birthright of every Canadian citizen) is now basically being rationed to just the larger cities.
So, it seems the medical profession has joined Instacart and Hollywood in deciding that I am an unperson because I don’t live in an expensive enough zipcode. Paying less than $2000 a month for your housing? No grocery deliveries, new movies or TV content, or doctor for you anymore, you cheapskate! Those things are now, as of sometime in 2019 or so, reserved for white-collar skilled workers with six-figure salaries and the outright rich.
There was also some load of rapid-fire acronym-laden babble about VTA-something that I didn’t entirely catch, mostly because only every 2nd or 3rd word was English (or, for that matter, a word). Whatever that was, they neglected to mention any on-ramp to it (e.g., website address) anyway, starting and ending in mid-air as it were.
So that’s it. I’m basically circling the drain at this point, with gradually worsening chronic health issues of unknown cause that I can’t do anything about until they get bad enough to cause something like a heart attack that warrants sirens and a hospital stay, by which time it’s probably too late. Unless I move to somewhere that a) would rapidly deplete my savings, in a matter of months, and then I’d be found the next spring cold and stiff and protruding from some melting snowbank, and b) is crawling with COVID, so there’d be a non-neglible likelihood of my ending up in that hospital, maybe being fitted for a toe-tag, even sooner.
Where are the people who make these decisions? By what mechanisms are they supposed to be held accountable by the general public? And if I do develop some serious condition that could have been nipped in the bud, if they hadn’t made those decisions, can I at least sue?
@Naglfar
Like that old asshole walter who use to come here and tell us about a man’s only value is how big his penis is. And that people with big penis are the natural leaders and all of that bull shit
@Elaine:
The Filipino cult film Alyas Batman en Robin has…got to be seen to be disbelieved. The premise justifies the backyard-budget production values: it’s the story of two Pinoy comics fans who, fed up with the local bullies, decide to become the Batman and Robin (1960’s live-action version) they want to see in the world—and duly inspire equal and opposite cosplay villain nemeses. Oh, and did I mention that it’s a musical comedy?
The Internet Archive is the only place I know to find the film, because the unlicensed use of A-list superheroes (mostly DC, but at least one Marvel character makes an extremely memorable cameo) and a soundtrack of filked classic rock-and-roll songs make it a copyright clusterbomb: https://archive.org/details/alyasbatmanenrobin It’s unsubtitled, but there’s enough Taglish for English-speakers to follow the gist of the plot.
The grand finale should give you some idea of the flavor: http://youtube.com/watch?v=jd_AZuBjEIw
Elaine The Witch
I really liked “The Hidden”.
For something really off the wall, try “Cloud Atlas”, with Tom Hanks & Halle Berry. It was directed by the Wachowski sisters, who directed The Matrix, but it is more character driven than special effects driven. the Actors play multiple roles, sometimes with different genders.
If you like shorter movies, the YouTube “Dust” channel has short (about 10 – 30 mins), indie SF movies. Most have impressive plots, acting & special effects.
My contribution to the Bad Film discussion:
Way Bad Stone, 1991. Summary: A band of adventurers steals an enchanted stone, and earns a wizard’s desperate revenge. The wizard must summon all his old fighting comrades to get the artifact back – before its evil dooms their world.
This sounds like all right high fantasy, if probably goofy. But you have to know that 1) it was shot on VHS and 2) the total budget was about $2500. Apparently only a few hundred copies were ever made.
I don’t know if it’s available anywhere, the site I found it at had to take it down.
@rabid rabbit:
Way Bad Stone is on YouTube, although it’s age-restricted:
Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter is not to be missed by a B-Movie fan: Jesus returns to modern (actually like 20 years ago now) Toronto. His ministry is interrupted by a priest with the information that Toronto’s lesbians are being preyed upon by daywalking vampires, so it’s up to Jesus, El Santo, and gun-toting action nun Mary Magnum to save the day.
You should also try Six-String Samurai. I can’t improve on the intro text:
@dalillama
You just won yourself top place on the list of what to watch when he gets home.
@Elaine
Which one sealed it?
@Dalilama
Jesus Christ vampire hunter
Oh yeah, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is great. I think it starred most of the Ottawa punk community of the time. You might also like The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (parody of low-budget 1950s monster movies) and The Ambulance (1990), which like The Hidden isn’t actually bad, it’s just low-budget and has a quirky sense of humour.
@Everyone
I apologize for my behaviour. You are right and I should have known better. Sorry
1. The kitten didn’t bite because it was feral, it bit because it was scared.
2. Yes, it takes time to tame strays, who knew?
3. Actually, cats are lactose intolerant so they need special milk made especially for cats.
4. I, too, am surprised he didn’t admit or claim he hurt the kitten for biting him.