Today, what may be the cringiest attempt to slide into some unfortunate woman’s DMs that I’ve ever seen.
The screenshot starts part way through a failed attempt at textual seduction with the anonymous smooth dude here trying to blast on past the first “no.” And then it just gets worse and worse.
Where to even start? Dude, she may actually be “tired of normal men” — I mean, we all are, right? — but I’m not sure that the solution is to act like the world’s biggest weirdo. Even if you can “turn around with the force of a thousand sons [sic].”
H/T — r/IncelTear
Follow me on Mastodon.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies on support from you, its readers, to survive. So please donate here if you can, or at David-Futrelle-1 on Venmo.
@ surplus go to messanger settings and make sure it hasn’t been changed accidently. Mine stopped giving me sound notification and lock screen notifications after they merged messenger and Instagram messaging. It happens when they try something new. You just have to fool around with your settings. Mine is working fine. Also turn your phone completely off and turn it back on.
The clichés, the misogyny, the excessive asterisks. It’s all so predictable. And pathetic. Very pathetic.
Looks like a zero before penalties, to me.
Sooo… like a couple of dozen bits of garishly painted and overpriced plastic?
So this is OT, But i just found out from a “friend” from high school that my abuser has married a 17 year old girl. I did some internet stalking to find out he’s been grooming her since she was 15. I’m shaking and disgusted. I should have stopped this. I should have killed him when I had the chance. I had the opportunity, I had the knife. I was to fucking weak.
TBH this feels extra gross because the asterisk-actions thing is something I use a lot consensually with close friends and partners, where there’s mutual trust and intimacy. It’s basically low-key roleplay, and what this guy is doing is forcing someone into a nonconsensual roleplay, which is super fucked, and IME a common grooming and gaslighting tactic.
Also just shuddering at the idea of this doofus biting his lip at someone, I mean good gods, the way he texts he probably hasn’t brushed his teeth in months.
My post does break community guidelines. I know that, but I could have protected this girl and anyone else that he hurt. I was the first one and statistically I know that I wouldn’t be the last.
@Cyborgette
I saw that as well, it definitely reads like he’s trying to roleplay some PUA script in text, and it’s really gross.
O/T: It looks like Q is pulling the plug. I’m sure the fans will carry on the delusion and the damage will continue, but the guy who most likely was Q appears to be giving up.
I think I’m going to change my name on here. I’m getting tired of my old nickname. I need to change something at least.
This is Lainy, I’m just going to start using my first name and adding something fun.
@Naglfar:
Classic.
First, I am distracted by the quotes around the “spoken” parts. I won’t judge the *stage direction* cause I use it. Just more as emphasis, not so douchily. But your text is your “spoken communication” the whole point of the ** is to separate out the non spoken bits. You don’t need the quotes. It makes it look like a stupid play.
Secondly, “I’m a nice guy. I’m tired of saying it.”
Maybe you have to keep saying it cause nobody can tell by your behavior. Cause that makes you look like a hat made of butts.
Thirdly, it’s amazing how often these guys’ claims of being a nice guy is soon or in this case followed by horrible vitriol. It’s like they’re holding up a sign that says, “You totally dodged a bullet, here.”
@Cyborgette – Yeah, even if it’s not exclusively a sexual thing, the *pretend to do actions* style seems like a game that people need to agree to. She didn’t agree to that. Changing to game-like talk also means he can use the just-kidding excuse if she calls him out for being threatening.
So, it’s a yuck as well as an eyeroll from me. 0/10, would not play again.
@Lainy – Yikes, that sounds really stressful to hear about. Remember to take care of yourself, too (I mean, you know that, but sometimes I need to hear something similar).
I once swept a woman off her feet by slipping on ice next to where she was standing. The shared concussive experience did not however lead to romance.
@Epitome
I’m going to try, my husband is busy but I did talk with one of our lovers and she helped me calm down a lot. I understand that I was also a teenager and that his actions aren’t my fault. But I can’t help feeling responsible. I don’t know how to move past it and I don’t know what to do.
@ Elaine the witch
You don’t need my, or anyone’s permission or approval, to feel or act in any particular way. But FWIW maybe consider these points.
Firstly, you have absolutely no personal responsibility for his actions; nor are you under any obligation to take steps to prevent him or protect others.
Now obviously you’re a caring and empathic person, so you will have that general feeling of sympathy for someone in a dire position, and that feeling of needing to help.
That’s a common issue for progressives generally. See harm in the world, Feel the urge to remedy it. Get frustrated when that’s not possible. And a corollary to that is prioritisng other people’s welfare ahead of your own. Or feeling you aren’t allowed to be happy whilst there’s suffering in the world.
But the fact is, he is the only person responsible here, and the only person on whom there is any obligation to remedy the situation.
I underhand how you can look back on ‘what ifs’ and feel you could have done something different. But realistically that just wasn’t an option. I can see an argument that we should eliminate every predator at the earliest opportunity; but society can’t work that way. Just for utilitarian reasons.
So unfortunately we have to live in an imperfect and unjust world. All you can really do is try to ensure you don’t actively add to the harm. Sometimes it is within our power to make a difference for the better; and when we can that’s great.
But the history of your particular scenario is one of the times when it wasn’t in your power. So you must try not to beat yourself up about it. You did nothing wrong.
@Amtep
I once took a girlfriend out for ice skating as a date. It would have gone well but she had never been ice skating before. I thought i could slyly hold onto her and keep her balanced and teach her how. It did not end up the romantic vision I had because she could not stay up right on those blades for more then 3 seconds. We ended up falling on the ice in a slippery mess on the ground, we laughed until she ended up getting a blood noise from smashing her nose on my head. Nice trip to the emergency room to make sure it wasn’t blooding. Needless to say I did not take her out on a date that required her to have wheels on her feet ever again.
@Alan
I know that I shouldn’t be outing myself like this, but I lured him out to see me one night when I was in high school. I put a knife in my combat boots. He came, of course he came, I told a lie and told him I wanted to talk about getting back together. After the assault he showed me what kind of monster that he is. I saw something so inhuman in his eyes that day.
I was going to kill him, I was ready too. I remember taking out that knife and starting to head over cause I could see him in the trees at our spot. I was so close, I almost did it. I knew no one was going to do anything, it had to be me. But I couldn’t do it. I was suppose to and I couldn’t do it.
I’ve worked on these feelings with a couple different therapist and counselors and they all tell me that I have to let that guilt go. But like the feel of his hand on my throat and the smell of his skin and his smile, I can’t let it go.
Maybe I just need to rant right now to the people here who are kind and don’t judge and it gives me a veil of amnesty to talk about these feelings and this trauma in a way that I don’t have to filter for the outside world. I’m just not okay right now and I don’t know what to do about it.
@ Elaine the Witch
Of course you couldn’t; you’re a regular human being. If you want all the technical stuff behind this, start with SLA Marshall or Dave Grossman. But in summary; hardly any people can kill, even in the most dire situations. Even professional soldiers. That’s why the military spend so much time looking into operant conditioning techniques.
So you have nothing to be guilty about. I know of course that even if you accept that intellectually, it doesn’t make the feelings go away.
But that feeling of helplessness is one of the most terrible things about trauma. I won’t internet diagnose about PTSD; but you can read the DSM I’m sure.
If external validation helps though, please do remember the above. Like I say, the choice you wish you’d made isn’t really an available choice at all. It’s hard wired into nearly all of us that we just can’t do that. It’s like feeling guilty because you couldn’t stick your hand into a fire.
@Alan
Thank you and you don’t have internet diagnosed. I was diagnosed with complex pstd when I was 17. I’ve done really well at working through it though. It’s better then it was. I have nightmares less, I can be touched and have sex again. My husband has helped desensitize to a lot of the physical triggers. He’s done thing like pet my hair and put his hand on my throat when we have sex, not choking of course but touching gently so I can have it touched. There was a time that I couldn’t get a hair cut because I couldn’t have people around my throat. Hell the fact that any man can touch me and not freak me out is a big thing. It took me a long time just to get comfortable with women touching me.
I am miles away from what I was but things like this send me down into a spiral of those feelings that I can’t just will away. It’s the same if you know a strange man gropes me or slaps my ass or chases me (all that happen from time to time). I don’t dissociate as much as I used to. But this is just a big thing that is brining me down.
@Elaine the Witch
Alan is saying most of the things I would like to say, but better than I would, so I’m just going to let him continue saying them. However I will add, I think in no circumstance you should feel guilty for not killing someone. That would have changed you, no matter how terrible the person was, no matter how much they deserved it, and no matter how much I would not judge you for doing it. It’s still better for you personally not to have killed someone, and to not have a death on your hands. His crimes are entirely his responsibility, and none of yours.
@Elaine The Witch
What you’re going through regarding your abuser and what you see as your failure is a familiar dynamic, as I spent a number of years with my own version of it. Hell, even though I’ve (mostly) worked through that aspect of it, I’m still not strong enough or brave enough to think about the whole fucked up mess in anything more than a superficial and roundabout way because otherwise I get to hurt and cry and feel like a worthless piece of shit for the next few days, and very, very seldom is it worth the cost.
…and I’m deeply sorry that I’m not willing to do that for you. I just can’t.
But what I can do is offer you a perspective that helped me in the hope that it might help you.
If I had killed them, I would have born the weight of that for the rest of my life, without the emotional lifeline of it being something that was done to me; this would have been my choice, my responsibility, my crime.
I would have allowed them to have so much control over me that I would have killed for them.
It doesn’t matter that they deserved it or that I told myself I was doing it to protect others (although honestly, in my case, I always knew that was merely a thin justification for my rage at being helpless); they would have made me into something ugly, and I would have let them do it.
They would have made me grateful for twisting me into a murderer.
You can’t change that he damaged you, but you should appreciate the fact that you’re strong enough that he couldn’t twist you into something obscene.
@Elaine the Witch
If you’re willing and if we are permitted to do this here or anywhere, why don’t we have the full details of the abuser out there? If anyone close to him and his workplace are aware of his business, he may hopefully be held accountable for his actions, but if not, hopefully others can do what needs to be done with him – ensure he’s kept well away from children and never allowed to see the light of day. The justice system, however, should not have to be involved without pressure from those affected by his abuse because they may do nothing to stop this man.
@Elaine the Witch, I wish I had something insightful or helpful to add to what has been said – I don’t, but I just wanted to send you support and that I hope you are OK (or as OK as possible). Take care of yourself.