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creepy cringe incels

How NOT to sweep a woman off her feet, Internet Edition

Today, what may be the cringiest attempt to slide into some unfortunate woman’s DMs that I’ve ever seen.

The screenshot starts part way through a failed attempt at textual seduction with the anonymous smooth dude here trying to blast on past the first “no.” And then it just gets worse and worse.

Where to even start? Dude, she may actually be “tired of normal men” — I mean, we all are, right? — but I’m not sure that the solution is to act like the world’s biggest weirdo. Even if you can “turn around with the force of a thousand sons [sic].”

H/T — r/IncelTear

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debauched_sloth
debauched_sloth
1 month ago

The rp asterisk actions are the epitome of cringe. Like, it would have been bad enough as a rant but the ‘*actions*’ make it exponentially worse.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 month ago

Was this written by a fedora that came to life? The overuse of *actions between asterisks*, corny pseudo-romantic actions that are creepy in context, and the Nice Guy™ snap at the end, and it just feels like all the tropes got thrown into a blender.

Lainy
Lainy
1 month ago

Was this 10 years ago?

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy

is
this
real
wtf

(these days I generally ignore spelling/typo issues but I can’t help imagining a thousand sons lined up while someone tries to measure how much force is involved)

Mothkiller
Mothkiller
1 month ago

Wait. If he has a thousand sons that means he’s had sex at least a thousand times with hundreds of women. Would that mean he is Chad? Is he just trying to increase his army of sons?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
1 month ago

Oh honey. No one is ever going to regret rejecting you.

Anyway, off topic, but I found the worst take on impeachment.

https://twitter.com/ggreenwald/status/1351641747718369284?s=20

Correction Automatique
Correction Automatique
1 month ago

A thousand angrey sons, actually.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 month ago

I got whiplash going from confusion to sadly to angry in the space of three seconds, then him turning around with the force of a thousand…suns…like, a galaxy rotating really slowly over 200 million years or something?

Followed by “I’m a nice guy”, followed by a revenge fantasy and misogynistic insults. He seems mature and emotionally stable.

Why does he put his own dialogue in quotes?

OT: I’ve had the Wellerman song stuck in my head on a nonstop loop for three days. Someone please help.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
1 month ago

Suddenly he’s An Grey? Who was he before? Oh right. Nice Guy.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
1 month ago

This dude reminds me of this classic video

Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
1 month ago

Wait. If he has a thousand sons that means he’s had sex at least a thousand times with hundreds of women.

Well, I guess he could *technically* have had multiple twins or triplets with every sexual encounter he had resulting in pregnancy without complications. But if I wanted to stretch that much, and that impossibly I should try being a contotionist.

That said, I am sure this guy considers himself a poet or the next great literary genius.

Chris Oakley
Chris Oakley
1 month ago

@weirwoodtreehugger: Greenwald is to bad journalism takes what Domino’s is to pizza. “Narrative-pushing melodramatic idiocy in thirty minute or less!”

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
1 month ago

Huh. Didn’t know it were even possible to roll zero for Charisma.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
1 month ago

OT: could someone who’s better at dealing with customer service type situations please assist me?

In the past few weeks two major websites have, in the course of violating the old adage “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”, managed to break their drag-and-drop support for things presumably as an unintended side effect of tweaking some other thing.

First, Facebook’s little chat popups stopped responding correctly to dragged and dropped files (it’s supposed to share the files). This is on the desktop site. Other drag and drop at FB still works, e.g. “add picture” on an album. It’s still possible to share files by going to the dedicated Messenger page and dragging and dropping there, as well, but there you can only have one conversation displayed at a time, whereas with the popups you can have up to four, plus be browsing other Facebook material at the same time.

I used the built-in “report something broken” at FB weeks ago and haven’t heard anything since. Unusually, not even an automated acknowledgement in the “support inbox” saying they’re “looking into it”. The problem itself has gone unfixed now for that long.

Second, and more recently, about a week ago Google’s search-by-image stopped accepting drag and drop. The font sizes in the thing that drops down to accept files all changed and it no longer does anything with the file (network monitoring shows no significant upload activity and it never goes to a search results page, even if you let it sit for ten minutes after dropping a 20KB jpeg file on it). There is a thread at Google’s support forum about this:

https://support.google.com/websearch/thread/93783592?hl=en

with confirmation from a so-called “diamond product expert” that the problem exists and is at Google’s end and that it’s being looked into, which is more acknowledgement than Facebook gave in four or five times as long. On the other hand, that seems to be the end of it. The thread gets a new post every so often from yet another affected user, but no more official acknowledgement, and the problem has still not been fixed.

The especially silly thing here is that both fixes are probably two-minute jobs: a) go into version control, b) find the change that was made at the same time that people say something broke, and c) roll back that commit, then d) alert whoever made that commit so they can figure out a less buggy way to accomplish whatever they were trying to do.

What I’d like is for someone to suggest to me how to get these two problems the proper degree of attention from these two giant megacorps, so that those two problems no longer exist by the end of this week or so. I could post a nasty rant to the Google thread but I suspect that wouldn’t accomplish anything. I could send a second, duplicative problem report to FB via their report-a-problem tool but I doubt that would accomplish anything either. Neither the Google support page I linked to nor FB’s reporting tool seem to actually be connected to anything at the other end, such as actual product engineers, with the power to actually locate and fix bugs on the basis of bug reports from users. Instead it seems both are just “mufflers” that exist for customers to vent into ineffectually, that absorb anything put into them and do nothing, placed there to channel user problem reports and other user displeasure specifically to where it won’t bother the Important People(tm) who build, design, develop, and of course get rich off all this stuff.

So first of all I need to know how to bypass these dead-end channels and get a message posted somewhere it will actually cross the desk of someone who is actually empowered to actually investigate and debug and fix the actual code. And second, advice on how to be diplomatic, but also firm, with such a message. I don’t want to just piss them off, but neither do I want them thinking they can just ignore me or fob me off with excuses; they need to know that the only acceptable response from them is to actually make their bloody products work correctly again.

Or, I suppose, someone could send such a message for me. Indeed, these are two of the most widely used products in the world, so odds are other people here have been themselves impacted by these bugs.

That also does leave me thinking that there’s something wrong with the world when not one, but two of its most-used products can become partially broken because someone in the engineering department carelessly “fired from the hip” in making some change to it. Both products have literally billions of users, and someone just opens up one of the configuration files for major site functionality late on a Friday afternoon, bangs in a change they think might make it 2% more efficient or whatever, and then ambles off for the weekend without so much as loading their site’s front page up in a browser and testing that basic functions of it all still work … nevermind testing the change on a non-production machine first, or running it by a higher-up, or anything like that. On a product with billions of users.

It’s probably something as stupid as a misplaced dot or a missing semicolon. And millions of people can’t use either product properly for weeks because of it, and because the “customer support” seems to be set up more to keep customers from bothering them than to ensure they find out about things like this quickly when the trail hasn’t grown cold and it will be easy to find which recent change caused the problem and fix it.

This is another form of “too big to fail”. In the short term I need both companies’ engineers (not customer service lackeys) to know there are problems in need of fixing, and in the long term we all need antitrust with real teeth again, including a recognition that being big is a problem in and of itself, even without evidence of “abusing a market position”. Being big distorts markets inherently, as it creates monopoly power vs. customers and monopsony power vs. suppliers (ask book publishers how good Amazon has been to them sometime). And it also creates every engineer’s worst nightmare, single points of failure.

banned@4chan.org
banned@4chan.org
1 month ago

UwU

Bastethotep
Bastethotep
1 month ago

This reminds me of the time when I rewrote that stupid “I sexually identify as Attack Helicopter” copypasta (dumbest supervillain origin story ever!) to be about Nice Guys™, since it fits them so much better than transfolk:

I sexually identify as a Nice Guy. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of opening doors for females and getting sexually rewarded for it. People say to me that a person who is selectively nice in expectation of a reward is not actually nice and I’m a sexist arsehole but I don’t care, I’m a Supreme Gentleman. I’m having a plastic surgeon install a Nice Guy Card and an Attraction Sign on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Darling” and respect my right to sexually harrass females needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re an incelphobe and need to check your Stacy privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 month ago

@Battering Lamb

I am sure this guy considers himself a poet or the next great literary genius.

Without a doubt. I’m sure he also thinks he’s a philosopher.

rv97
rv97
1 month ago

If you wanted being a nice guy for one, stop basing your worth and that of others’ on industralist standards.

Last edited 1 month ago by rv97
IseultTheIdle
IseultTheIdle
1 month ago

“You know what? I’m a nice guy.” You forgot the trademark.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

So, Trump departed to the strains of “I did it my way”.

I seriously wonder if he had the Sid Vicious version in mind. The one where Sid shoots everyone at the end?

[Hats off the the AF1 pilot though for synching the take-off perfectly to the lyric.]

Last edited 1 month ago by Alan Robertshaw
Covered In Cat Hair
Covered In Cat Hair
1 month ago

Every woman has met a “Nice Guy” who in a heartbeat turns vicious and threatening. And yet these guys keep wondering “Why don’t femoids trust “Nice Guys”?

And hint for online seducers: learn to spell. You are being judged by your words. Bad spelling screams “looser”. Add threats to that and you will never, ever get laid.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 month ago

@Alan – Sinatra loathed Trump. He once had his manager tell Trump to go fuck himself. Republicans, tone deaf as always.

You can literally see this guy trying all the cheat codes. “Looks at you firmly. Bites lip. Holds out hand. Looks sad. Whirls around with the energy of 1000 male offspring. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A. WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING?”

The last move is always to throw the controller at the TV.

Bakunin
Bakunin
1 month ago

@weirwoodtreehugger
Fuck, Greenwald is just determined to make himself as irrelevant as possible, isn’t he? Did he ever have good takes, or was he just pissed at Obama at the same time as the Left?

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

I’ve got a meeting starting shortly, so would people be kind enough to just assume I posted this at Noon.

comment image

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
1 month ago

I just lit a candle in an ice lantern on my balcony, mainly for personal decoration reasons, but also to accompany the tiny violins for the end of an American political era.

It’s about 7pm here, long past dark, and the most beautiful fluffy-snowy winter weather. Lately it’s been actually cold enough for making ice lanterns, unlike the entire last winter. However, this weekend it might all turn into mushy slush. Better use the lantern now, before it melts.

Lainy
Lainy
1 month ago

@ surplus go to messanger settings and make sure it hasn’t been changed accidently. Mine stopped giving me sound notification and lock screen notifications after they merged messenger and Instagram messaging. It happens when they try something new. You just have to fool around with your settings. Mine is working fine. Also turn your phone completely off and turn it back on.

North Sea Sparkly Dragon
North Sea Sparkly Dragon
1 month ago

The clichés, the misogyny, the excessive asterisks. It’s all so predictable. And pathetic. Very pathetic.

Jesalin, Sapphic Goddess of Lust
Jesalin, Sapphic Goddess of Lust
1 month ago

Huh. Didn’t know it were even possible to roll zero for Charisma.

Looks like a zero before penalties, to me.

Pie
Pie
1 month ago

the force of a thousand sons

Sooo… like a couple of dozen bits of garishly painted and overpriced plastic?
comment image

Last edited 1 month ago by Pie
Lainy
Lainy
1 month ago

So this is OT, But i just found out from a “friend” from high school that my abuser has married a 17 year old girl. I did some internet stalking to find out he’s been grooming her since she was 15. I’m shaking and disgusted. I should have stopped this. I should have killed him when I had the chance. I had the opportunity, I had the knife. I was to fucking weak.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
1 month ago

TBH this feels extra gross because the asterisk-actions thing is something I use a lot consensually with close friends and partners, where there’s mutual trust and intimacy. It’s basically low-key roleplay, and what this guy is doing is forcing someone into a nonconsensual roleplay, which is super fucked, and IME a common grooming and gaslighting tactic.

Also just shuddering at the idea of this doofus biting his lip at someone, I mean good gods, the way he texts he probably hasn’t brushed his teeth in months.

Lainy
Lainy
1 month ago

My post does break community guidelines. I know that, but I could have protected this girl and anyone else that he hurt. I was the first one and statistically I know that I wouldn’t be the last.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 month ago

@Cyborgette

It’s basically low-key roleplay, and what this guy is doing is forcing someone into a nonconsensual roleplay, which is super fucked, and IME a common grooming and gaslighting tactic.

I saw that as well, it definitely reads like he’s trying to roleplay some PUA script in text, and it’s really gross.

O/T: It looks like Q is pulling the plug. I’m sure the fans will carry on the delusion and the damage will continue, but the guy who most likely was Q appears to be giving up.

Last edited 1 month ago by Naglfar
Lainy
Lainy
1 month ago

I think I’m going to change my name on here. I’m getting tired of my old nickname. I need to change something at least.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
1 month ago

This is Lainy, I’m just going to start using my first name and adding something fun.

Crip Dyke
1 month ago

@Naglfar:

fedora that came to life

Classic.

Green Glowing Goo
Green Glowing Goo
1 month ago

First, I am distracted by the quotes around the “spoken” parts. I won’t judge the *stage direction* cause I use it. Just more as emphasis, not so douchily. But your text is your “spoken communication” the whole point of the ** is to separate out the non spoken bits. You don’t need the quotes. It makes it look like a stupid play.

Secondly, “I’m a nice guy. I’m tired of saying it.”
Maybe you have to keep saying it cause nobody can tell by your behavior. Cause that makes you look like a hat made of butts.

Thirdly, it’s amazing how often these guys’ claims of being a nice guy is soon or in this case followed by horrible vitriol. It’s like they’re holding up a sign that says, “You totally dodged a bullet, here.”

Last edited 1 month ago by Green Glowing Goo
Nequam
Nequam
1 month ago

You are being judged by your words. Bad spelling screams “looser”.

comment image

Last edited 1 month ago by Nequam
epitome of incomrepehensibility

@Cyborgette – Yeah, even if it’s not exclusively a sexual thing, the *pretend to do actions* style seems like a game that people need to agree to. She didn’t agree to that. Changing to game-like talk also means he can use the just-kidding excuse if she calls him out for being threatening.

So, it’s a yuck as well as an eyeroll from me. 0/10, would not play again.

@Lainy – Yikes, that sounds really stressful to hear about. Remember to take care of yourself, too (I mean, you know that, but sometimes I need to hear something similar).

Amtep
Amtep
1 month ago

I once swept a woman off her feet by slipping on ice next to where she was standing. The shared concussive experience did not however lead to romance.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
1 month ago

@Epitome

I’m going to try, my husband is busy but I did talk with one of our lovers and she helped me calm down a lot. I understand that I was also a teenager and that his actions aren’t my fault. But I can’t help feeling responsible. I don’t know how to move past it and I don’t know what to do.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ Elaine the witch

You don’t need my, or anyone’s permission or approval, to feel or act in any particular way. But FWIW maybe consider these points.

Firstly, you have absolutely no personal responsibility for his actions; nor are you under any obligation to take steps to prevent him or protect others.

Now obviously you’re a caring and empathic person, so you will have that general feeling of sympathy for someone in a dire position, and that feeling of needing to help.

That’s a common issue for progressives generally. See harm in the world, Feel the urge to remedy it. Get frustrated when that’s not possible. And a corollary to that is prioritisng other people’s welfare ahead of your own. Or feeling you aren’t allowed to be happy whilst there’s suffering in the world.

But the fact is, he is the only person responsible here, and the only person on whom there is any obligation to remedy the situation.

I underhand how you can look back on ‘what ifs’ and feel you could have done something different. But realistically that just wasn’t an option. I can see an argument that we should eliminate every predator at the earliest opportunity; but society can’t work that way. Just for utilitarian reasons.

So unfortunately we have to live in an imperfect and unjust world. All you can really do is try to ensure you don’t actively add to the harm. Sometimes it is within our power to make a difference for the better; and when we can that’s great.

But the history of your particular scenario is one of the times when it wasn’t in your power. So you must try not to beat yourself up about it. You did nothing wrong.

Last edited 1 month ago by Alan Robertshaw
Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
1 month ago

@Amtep

I once took a girlfriend out for ice skating as a date. It would have gone well but she had never been ice skating before. I thought i could slyly hold onto her and keep her balanced and teach her how. It did not end up the romantic vision I had because she could not stay up right on those blades for more then 3 seconds. We ended up falling on the ice in a slippery mess on the ground, we laughed until she ended up getting a blood noise from smashing her nose on my head. Nice trip to the emergency room to make sure it wasn’t blooding. Needless to say I did not take her out on a date that required her to have wheels on her feet ever again.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
1 month ago

@Alan

I know that I shouldn’t be outing myself like this, but I lured him out to see me one night when I was in high school. I put a knife in my combat boots. He came, of course he came, I told a lie and told him I wanted to talk about getting back together. After the assault he showed me what kind of monster that he is. I saw something so inhuman in his eyes that day.

I was going to kill him, I was ready too. I remember taking out that knife and starting to head over cause I could see him in the trees at our spot. I was so close, I almost did it. I knew no one was going to do anything, it had to be me. But I couldn’t do it. I was suppose to and I couldn’t do it.

I’ve worked on these feelings with a couple different therapist and counselors and they all tell me that I have to let that guilt go. But like the feel of his hand on my throat and the smell of his skin and his smile, I can’t let it go.

Maybe I just need to rant right now to the people here who are kind and don’t judge and it gives me a veil of amnesty to talk about these feelings and this trauma in a way that I don’t have to filter for the outside world. I’m just not okay right now and I don’t know what to do about it.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ Elaine the Witch

I was suppose to and I couldn’t do it.

Of course you couldn’t; you’re a regular human being. If you want all the technical stuff behind this, start with SLA Marshall or Dave Grossman. But in summary; hardly any people can kill, even in the most dire situations. Even professional soldiers. That’s why the military spend so much time looking into operant conditioning techniques.

So you have nothing to be guilty about. I know of course that even if you accept that intellectually, it doesn’t make the feelings go away.

But that feeling of helplessness is one of the most terrible things about trauma. I won’t internet diagnose about PTSD; but you can read the DSM I’m sure.

If external validation helps though, please do remember the above. Like I say, the choice you wish you’d made isn’t really an available choice at all. It’s hard wired into nearly all of us that we just can’t do that. It’s like feeling guilty because you couldn’t stick your hand into a fire.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
1 month ago

@Alan

Thank you and you don’t have internet diagnosed. I was diagnosed with complex pstd when I was 17. I’ve done really well at working through it though. It’s better then it was. I have nightmares less, I can be touched and have sex again. My husband has helped desensitize to a lot of the physical triggers. He’s done thing like pet my hair and put his hand on my throat when we have sex, not choking of course but touching gently so I can have it touched. There was a time that I couldn’t get a hair cut because I couldn’t have people around my throat. Hell the fact that any man can touch me and not freak me out is a big thing. It took me a long time just to get comfortable with women touching me.

I am miles away from what I was but things like this send me down into a spiral of those feelings that I can’t just will away. It’s the same if you know a strange man gropes me or slaps my ass or chases me (all that happen from time to time). I don’t dissociate as much as I used to. But this is just a big thing that is brining me down.

Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
1 month ago

@Elaine the Witch

Alan is saying most of the things I would like to say, but better than I would, so I’m just going to let him continue saying them. However I will add, I think in no circumstance you should feel guilty for not killing someone. That would have changed you, no matter how terrible the person was, no matter how much they deserved it, and no matter how much I would not judge you for doing it. It’s still better for you personally not to have killed someone, and to not have a death on your hands. His crimes are entirely his responsibility, and none of yours.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
1 month ago

@Elaine The Witch

What you’re going through regarding your abuser and what you see as your failure is a familiar dynamic, as I spent a number of years with my own version of it. Hell, even though I’ve (mostly) worked through that aspect of it, I’m still not strong enough or brave enough to think about the whole fucked up mess in anything more than a superficial and roundabout way because otherwise I get to hurt and cry and feel like a worthless piece of shit for the next few days, and very, very seldom is it worth the cost.

…and I’m deeply sorry that I’m not willing to do that for you. I just can’t.

But what I can do is offer you a perspective that helped me in the hope that it might help you.

If I had killed them, I would have born the weight of that for the rest of my life, without the emotional lifeline of it being something that was done to me; this would have been my choice, my responsibility, my crime.

I would have allowed them to have so much control over me that I would have killed for them.

It doesn’t matter that they deserved it or that I told myself I was doing it to protect others (although honestly, in my case, I always knew that was merely a thin justification for my rage at being helpless); they would have made me into something ugly, and I would have let them do it.

They would have made me grateful for twisting me into a murderer.

You can’t change that he damaged you, but you should appreciate the fact that you’re strong enough that he couldn’t twist you into something obscene.

Last edited 1 month ago by Gaebolga
rv97
rv97
1 month ago

@Elaine the Witch

If you’re willing and if we are permitted to do this here or anywhere, why don’t we have the full details of the abuser out there? If anyone close to him and his workplace are aware of his business, he may hopefully be held accountable for his actions, but if not, hopefully others can do what needs to be done with him – ensure he’s kept well away from children and never allowed to see the light of day. The justice system, however, should not have to be involved without pressure from those affected by his abuse because they may do nothing to stop this man.

Last edited 1 month ago by rv97
opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
1 month ago

@Elaine the Witch, I wish I had something insightful or helpful to add to what has been said – I don’t, but I just wanted to send you support and that I hope you are OK (or as OK as possible). Take care of yourself.