Incels feel so little empathy for women and girls that they simply refuse to believe that they could ever feel bad about themselves.
Over on the Incels.co forums, one unempathetic fellow called MaxZM98 wonders aloud if it’s “even possible for females to have a low self-esteem in 2020?” Naturally, he answers his own question with an emphatic “no.”
I’ve been wondering, is this even possible? since women are pedestalised and treated like queens even if they aren’t good looking, how can they not have an inflated ego?
I like how he assumes that only hot women deserve to feel good about themselves.
they may have their confidence reduced if chad insults them, and they could have a low self-esteem compared to other females, but they would still reject their looksmatch because they believe they are ‘above’ him and he is not worthy.
There’s no law saying that women (or men) are required to date their “looksmatches.” This is just an incel fixation.
all the positive reinforcement from society throughout their lives makes it impossible for them to think badly about themselves, at least to the extent that men do.
[Citation needed]
perhaps if she is obese and disfigured, and has been abused throughout her childhood…but that’s like 0.5% of the female population and even then she’d probably get hit up by desperate guys giving her validation.
Being “hit on by desperate guys” is not necessarily the fun ego-boost that incels assume it is. (Seriously, incels, spend an hour or two in the CreepyPMs subreddit and tell me again how much fun it is to get sleazy come-ons from horny weirdos.)
Of course, Max’s colleagues on Incels.co agree with him.
The only women with low self-esteem, one writes, are those with
[S]evere mental issues (like autism, BDD, BPD, etc.) or extreme ugliness/disabilities/chronic illnesses. Otherwise it’s (nearly) impossible, maybe after chad rejects her for a few moments sadness/doubt, but otherwise the positive reinforcement is too much. And even when they have severe issues they still live a dozen times better than their male counterparts or most males tbh. Mental illnesses and physical disabilities reduce the dating pool for women, but they aren’t fully excluded unlike their male counterparts.
Another adds that
Even the ugliest of women gets constant validation through social media 24/7. You’re average foid probably gets more validation per minute than we’ll get in our entire lifetime
Weird creepy messages from total strangers aren’t “validation.”
Trust me, incels, you don’t have a monopoly on feeling shitty about yourselves; the fact that you think you do is a large part why no one wants to get with you. Try a little empathy.
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Nice to know I’ve just been imagining the self-loathing all these years! Though with how strict their standards are, a lot of incels very well might consider me extremely ugly.
Once again, I wish I lived in the fantasy world that incels think the real world is like. It sounds like a much better place to live.
Mostly I just write random commentary and chat with people I know. If that’s validation, then I guess, but I don’t think it is.
*lifts whine-glass to nose*
I am catching hints of:
-women are shallow creatures that constantly post selfies or whatever
-all of them do this, and all such activity comprises the whole of women’s personalities
-likes on social media are automatically validating
-MY PAIN IS THE ONLY REAL PAIN
Not gonna lie: sometimes I wonder how smart I really am. Then I read some incel crapola and I realize, Damn! I’m a genius.
An interesting read:
https://verdict.justia.com/2020/10/15/racism-rage-and-raw-political-power-revisiting-the-motivations-of-trumps-supporters
considering one time during a bdsm scene with my husband and I, When he had me tied up instead of hurting me he made me say good things about myself before he let me have pleasure and it was so hard for me i full on started sobbing and couldn’t get past 3 things without him helping, yes females can have deep rooted self esteem problems you piece of human garbage.
It makes sense that they think that because they also think that the moment they don’t receive attention from men, women become lesbian/bisexual.
@Lainy: Thank you for your openness. My partner also has deep seated self-esteem issues. I’m sure these self-absorbed dingusses would call it attention-grabbing. So easy to dismiss pain when it isn’t your own.
It brings to mind cartesian thinkers attitude towards pain responses in animals, which boiled down to ‘it’s just how it functions, there’s no real feeling there’.
As for my own self-esteem issues, being trans they’d probably consider them more real because I’m ‘really a man (albeit a crappy one)’.
Ableism at its finest, yet they thought they are ugly because jawline and height. You can’t think you are a “victim” and at the same time blurted this nonsense. Its not about your look but your personality, and i cant point this enough to them to know because “feeeeeeeemales”
As far as I know, every women I know have been deemed ugly at some point more or less openly. The idea that women are so pedestralized that they cannot have ego problem don’t square with what I have seen.
Also, the infamous “you did super well for a girl !” ASSHOLE, I AM LITTERALY IN THE MEN COMPETITIVE RANKING, CAN’T YOU NOT DIMINISH THAT ?
Another day, another selection of rubbish from the trash heap that is inceldom.
I’d like to point out that 1. autism is not a mental illness, it’s a neurodivergency, 2. I know plenty of women with low self-esteem, 3. I also know plenty of disabled and mentally ill women who still manage to have healthy relationships, and 4. I know several autistic and mentally ill men in relationships.
If the exception proves the rule, then their rule of ‘women can’t possibly have no self-esteem’ and ‘disabled men are unable to get dates’, has been tested and proven wrong.
I know I’m far too logical, but I can’t help it. They’re wrong.
@Battering Lamb
In a way it’s almost the reciprocal of the way that TERFs treat AFAB trans people: they claim to empathize with them because they’re “really women” but still treat them horribly and view them as victims of some “trans agenda.” Similarly the manosphere claims to sympathize with AMAB trans people because they claim to see us as men but still both hate us and also think we’re victims of feminism somehow (I’ve actually heard this argument from MRAs online that trans women are forced to transition because feminism).
O/T, but it’s International Men’s Day today, so I’m curious what the manosphere spits out.
@Naglfar
Every day is International Men’s Day.
@Naglfar
I’m guessing they’re gonna ask why there isn’t an International Men’s Day, then start whining about misandry…
@Kat
True, I meant today is the one that gets called that by various organizations. It’s also the day I can point out if some MRA asks “when is international men’s day?” AFAIK it only exists for that reason.
As a result, I recommend instead using today as UN International Toilet Day, which focuses on people who do not have access to safe sanitation.
@Gaebolga
They usually do that part around International Women’s Day, IIRC that’s when searches for “International Men’s Day” are the highest.
A happy International Men’s Day to all and any men who might be reading this, and especially to Mr. Richard Herring: https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/comedian-replies-to-every-person-asking-when-is-international-mens-day-on-twitter-a3785081.html
Well, I’m miffed. Not a single Mens Day card has arrived for me today. Some sort of day this has turned out to be. 🙁
I did get a flyer in the post for a local plumber today though …
@Battering Lamb
It was a pretty eye opening experience. I’ve never cried during anything sexual my husband I had done before that. it wasn’t just a few tears either. I was sobbing. I sobbed for like an hour after the sex was done and he was just holding me. It was the first time I ever really needed after care and he didn’t even hurt me. he just made me complement myself and then make me agree to complements he was giving me for like an hour. if that doesn’t show how deep self loathing can go for a person I’m not even sure what is.
The idea that this is suppose to be fixed because some random dude on the street tells me he likes the way my ass shakes while i walk if laughable. I’ve been with my husband for 3 years now and he looks at me with such love and adoration and it has only been recently that I’ve believed him when he says nice things about me. I had to learn to let him love. I had to heal enough to let another person love me completely because my issues were so deep I didn’t believe i deserved such a deep affectionate love.
It takes years of work for me to start even to be okay with the body I was in. It took longer to actually start to like the way I look. It takes that work and the love of the person I considered my soul mate to start to like things about me that aren’t physical. The fact that incels think problems like that can be solved by some random horny men online or on the street just shows how utterly disconnected they are from reality and how much they really don’t see women as people but a breathing doll who’s online desire is to want people to find them pretty.
Not like women have much empathy for guys like us either.
You prolly wouldn’t be spending your life watchdogging online misogyny if a woman empathized enough to sleep with you.
I have to wonder whether most members of the incel community would consider themselves “fully excluded” from dating market. Seems that not many of them have legit disabilities, since they generally keep whining about trivial things, like being slightly shorter than average or having suboptimal facial bone structure. This is pretty much the first I’ve heard of them acknowledging that a) seriously disabled people exist b) they include women c) such disabilities might hinder one’s dating life more than just being ugly by Instagram standards.
(For the record, I don’t think disabled people are “fully excluded” from dating market, but let’s go with the incel logic here)
On the occasion incels have come here seeking pity, they tend to claim their community represents some small percentile of mythical “undateable” men. When they talk among themselves, they claim to represent some large demographic of ordinary if relatively unattractive men, most of whom have been brainwashed or silenced by abusive society. They contrast themselves against “Chads” rather than “normies”. They frequently talk about “ascending” and “maxxing” while complaining they were doomed from birth.
Generally, they refuse to acknowledge that someone else might have it worse.
Incels can kiss my depressed, socially anxious ass.
(Not literally, of course. I wouldn’t want an incel within 1,000 miles of my ass.)
@Lumipuna
Of course not. That would break their victim complex and that leaves the door open for the rest of their world view to collapse. I’d imagine most incels would consider themselves disabled because they likely think that having narrow wrists or a certain canthal tilt is a disability.
@Lainy: All I can say is I’m happy you have a partner like that. I aspire to be similar for my partner (and they tell me I am), and luckily they take their issues seriously and is seeing a therapist. They’ve gotten a long way, and still has a ways to go. I do what I can (minus the bdsm, I don’t think either of us would be a dom and it’s not really something we pursue. Not to knock it, btw. Again, I appreciate your openness.)
@Naglfar: It’s weird how that works, isn’t it? Most peculiar /sarcasm. Well, wouldn’t expect enlightened thought from bigots. As for ‘feminism forcing us to transition’… It actually held me back for a long time. I really internalized the ‘am I just some pervert invading female spaces?’ rethoric really got under my skin. We can play ‘no true scotsman’ all we want, but a lot of people see terfs as feminist (especially the terfs themselves). The fact remained that I doubted whether I was a ‘bad’ feminist for having these feelings. Also, I find it kind of entertaining that International Men’s Day is in the middle of Transgender Awareness Week. That’ll probably make some teeth grind.
I want to live in this alternate universe where women are put on pedestals and apparently nothing bad ever happens to them.