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How can I flirt with a woman without accidentally making her feel good about herself, alpha male wannabe wonders

Show some sympathy for the poor alpha male trainee confused about how to flirt with women without inadvertently making them feel good about themselves by telling them they look pretty or something.

How do you flirt without validating,” someone called Lanaskillet wonders in a post on the Ask the Red Pill subreddit. He knows the general Red Pill stance is “to avoid validating and kissing up to women but,” he asks,

how do you even show interest to begin with. Talking to them without any sort of compliment will just have her thinking of you as just a man without a penis right? Push/pull to me seems like the only answer but even then it’s some sort of validation for them since you still give them a feel good statement. I’m trying to comprehend this part of the red pill

The trick, I imagine, is to figure out how to compliment a woman without making her feel good, about herself or about anything, really.

You’re beautiful — like the precious lives so cruelly snuffed out on 9/11.

If you were a fish, I bet you’d be a cod.

Your head shape appears to be within normal parameters.

You have a sister? Let me guess: she’s the pretty one?

Your makeup really makes your eyes pop … I mean, bulge.

You look better than you smell.

You’re almost as pretty as my mother.

You remind me a lot of this bug I once saw.

Are you a national park? Because you look like you’re open for drilling.

Are those your actual toes?

Use any of these suggestions and you’ll be in like Flynn.

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Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 months ago

Isn’t that what their precious negging is for? To flirt without making the other person feel good when they’re together?

Crip Dyke
2 months ago

@VP:

I guess, but would they even call that flirting?

And at some point they have to say that they want to have sex with us, and wouldn’t we get such inflated egos knowing that a pickup artist like “lanaskillet” wants to have sex with lil’ ol’ us?

Last edited 2 months ago by Crip Dyke
Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

Are you a national park? Because you look like you’re open for drilling.

If I heard this from a stranger it would be gross, but if a partner I trusted said it to me in jest this one would at least get a rise out of me. Unlike the others.

Are those your actual toes?

Someone asked me this about my hair once. I don’t wear a wig and I like my hair quite a bit, so I avoided that person from there on out.

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

You look better than you smell.

Heh, I feel a bit targeted by that one.

(Took a bit of a circuitous cross country route to a posh pub and met a few cows on the way)

Snowberry
Snowberry
2 months ago

Weirdest thing I ever got was “your hair would look better on a dead cat!” Granted, that was after things had already gone south and he was trying to pick a fight rather than neg-flirt, but still.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
2 months ago

Lanaskillet old chap, in your case you just flirt as normal.

Any women will be appropriately repulsed and mortified at the mere thought of you being attracted to her.

Last edited 2 months ago by Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Full Metal Ox
2 months ago

“Mm, I could just eat that leg for supper!”

(Actual attempted pickup line, from aboard the RTA bus—actual creeps in the wild will routinely surpass any attempt at satire.)

The bug line might actually have piqued my interest, at least long enough to ask the speaker to elaborate; I’m a long-standing entomophile.

Trying
Trying
2 months ago

I imagine the comments are at least as rancid.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Trying
I just checked and the comments aren’t as horrible as I had expected. A few say he should validate her, albeit with some shitty stipulations. And one even says to give her original comments that will make her feel good. Quite weird seeing that, but it’s there.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 months ago

“How can I have sex without looking at, talking to, touching, or in any way acknowledging a woman?”

jason-the-cripple
jason-the-cripple
2 months ago

I heard this just last night on a K. Trevor Wilson standup video:

Most women I only give the clap, but you get the whole applause.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
2 months ago

Snowboard18

Tease her. Make fun of her in a joking way

custoscustodis

This. It will show her that you aren’t afraid of her.

No way are these guys afraid of a woman. Or all women. Absolutely not.

Kereea
Kereea
2 months ago

What’s hilarious to me is that I geninely offer compliments to people I expect to never see again, as I work at a major tourist spot. And lived in a tourist area growing up. Just…if I think someone has a cool shirt or whatever, compliment it.

LaMaria
LaMaria
2 months ago

@ Kereea: same. I compliment people because other people feeling good… makes me feel good? Almost as if social interaction isn´t a zero sum game.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Keerea, LaMaria
I also compliment people if they have/do something compliment worthy. It takes very little effort on my part and can make someone’s day, so it seems like a good idea.

.45
.45
2 months ago

I want to use the head shape line. I think I will. The woman I’m talking to on Tinder will probably respond with “LOL what” and we can talk about this blog. ;D

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

O/T: JK Rowling has doubled down again, releasing a new book in her already heavily transphobic Cormoran Strike series that centers around a murder by a cross-dressing serial killer. This is red meat to her base, I expect to see a lot of TERFs praising it soon.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 months ago

One time in particular stands out in my mind. More than 30 years ago. I was in a bar in suburban Connecticut with my sister, who wasn’t even of legal drinking age yet. A guy who was at least 40 years old saunters up to us, and says, in a tone I imagine was meant to sound suave, “Bonjour.” Sis and I both giggled.

Prith k'Dar
Prith k'Dar
2 months ago

A guy who was at least 40 years old saunters up to us, and says, in a tone I imagine was meant to sound suave, “Bonjour.”

To which the correct reply would be “excusez-moi, je ne parle pas espagnol.”

(I don’t speak French either, obviously)

Kimstu
Kimstu
2 months ago

@FullMetalOx: Likewise. Tbh, I would probably find “You remind me a lot of this bug I once saw” a genuinely intriguing opening line, and if it turned out to be intended as a sincere compliment from a guy who’s actually into entomology, I’d probably be absolutely charmed. (I suppose it would depend partly on what kind of bug he was thinking of and how he perceived the resemblance, of course.)

Last edited 2 months ago by Kimstu
Sheila Crosby
Sheila Crosby
2 months ago

You remind me a lot of this bug I once saw.

comment image

The weirdest pickup line I ever got was, “Excuse me, does your dad have a Quantcast lawnmower?”
Points for originality. And only for originality.

Paireon
Paireon
2 months ago

Welp, in my case the closest I ever got to flirting is awkwardly telling the object of my affection that I had feelings for her, after an equally awkward attempt at preparing so I didn’t sound like a creep and/or perv. She said no, and had what I (and most decent human beings’ I’d wager) very good reasons why, but it wasn’t a total loss because I still saw her (in a platonic manner, i.e. as friends) for over a year afterwards.

She did drop out of sight and stop answering my text messages (only 3 of them, and each more spaced out than the last – first was a week after we’d last seen each other, second was two weeks after the first, and third and last one month after the second), which were concerning some of her stuff I was carrying in my backpack and that we’d both forgotten about when it was time to go our own way last time we met.

I’m also not sure what, if any, influence the revelation when we last saw each other that she was a Holocaust denier (“because if the Germans had won we wouldn’t have ever heard about it”… No, seriously. I mean WTF.) had on us never seeing each other again even by accident, but it kinda softened the blow, in a weird, uncomfortable way.

Also, I would be totally up for talking about entomology with a potential date if the occasion ever presented itself. Bugs are fascinating (plus I’m sick and tired of the stereotype about women being afraid of bugs, especially since a LOT of women I know are like that. It’s a frikkin’ millipede for crying out loud! it’s completely harmless!).

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

comment image

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Paireon

“because if the Germans had won we wouldn’t have ever heard about it”

What kind of logic is that? “If the evidence was suppressed we wouldn’t know?” Haven’t quite heard that one before. Did they think that The Man in the High Castle was nonfiction and take totally the wrong message from it?

Re: bugs
I don’t care for them, though I’ll make an exception for butterflies which I like.

Paireon
Paireon
2 months ago

@Alan Robertshaw
Heh, good ol’ XKCD. Thanks, I needed that laugh.

@Naglfar
Yeah, my (internal) reaction was pretty much the same. I told her that it was nonsense, but didn’t feel like going on a logic rant then so I didn’t really go further; not sure it would’ve helped anyway. And since this was a while before the Amazon series, and based on my (admitedly limited) knowledge about her tastes, I doubt she’d read The Man in the High Castle or anything similar. Still a pretty shit take about what is potentially the worst crime in the history of humanity (Leopold does give it a good run for its money, though; IMO Joseph and Tojo are more several crimes that add up, and Mao may just be really, really shit at distinguishing ideology from the real world, not that it diminishes his responsibility much given the sheer scale and pigheadedness and sociopathic refusal to admit any responsibility).

anna
anna
2 months ago

There is a youtube channel of a guy who is posing as some sort of self-improvement coach for men. Well, basically he just sits in his car and regurgitates manospheran sludge https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0qIt8UH5cQ

Bookworm in hijab
Bookworm in hijab
2 months ago

I probably wouldn’t notice if someone was trying to flirt with me, so if someone approached me with a weird pickup line, it’s entirely probable that I’d just miss their intentions completely. And then…have an odd conversation, perhaps?

I have past experience to prove this is likely. In university there was a very nice young man who always chatted with me in our classes and seemed to run into me…a lot… between them. He was always seconding my points in class, complimenting me on my thoughts, my clothes, my choice in books lol, asking about my hobbies, etc. I treated him with the exact same courtesy I’d treat anyone I liked but didn’t know too well. Found out from a mutual friend, well after that year was over, that behind my back he’d told his friends he was trying to get up the courage to ask me out (I’d have said no). I’d had absolutely zero clue. I just can’t read this stuff.

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
2 months ago

I feel like this is another case where the red pill nonsense causes guys to self-sabotage.

Dude, if you like her, then why is it bad to make her feel good? If you don’t like her, then what the fuck are you doing hitting on her at all? Either way, you’re doing it wrong.

Paireon
Paireon
2 months ago

@Lukas Xavier
Shhhh! It’s not supposed to make sense! Logic scares them almost as much as respect, kindness and compassion!

TacticalProgressive
TacticalProgressive
2 months ago

@Lukas Xavier
I realize this may be a self-evident prognosis for those currently present: but I suspect that it’s because these kinds of guy’s don’t see view women as people and have some kind of weird, zero, sum ideology that relationships are some kind of game, or outright some kind of existential war that is sorted into “winners” and “looser’s” and that any man who treats women as people and equals and making them happy is somehow “loosing” and thus means you are “less of a man” if you are dominating and making women miserable.

I mean my father was born in the 1940’s: and even he found and still finds these kinds of guy’s and their logic to be boorish, Misogynist, male chauvinist nonsense (in his own words no less).

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Paireon
But nothing scares them more than people who genuinely get along and want the best for each other. That’s anathema for a fascist.

Last edited 2 months ago by Naglfar
Bookworm in hijab
Bookworm in hijab
2 months ago

@ Naglfar,

But nothing scares them more than people who genuinely get along and want the best for each other. That’s anathema for a fascist.

They especially don’t know what to do with solidarity between various groups. They’re baffled enough by the idea of in-groups having compassion for their ownmembers (as opposed to having a sort of slimy, stick-together-as-long-as-it-benefits-me-personally attitude, followed by throwing one another under the bus when convenient). But their brains really explode when people with, seemingly, different interests and needs support each other and have each other’s backs.

To want the best for someone who is not exactly like you….WHAAAAT?! But aren’t we supposed to hate each other?!

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Bookworm in hijab

They especially don’t know what to do with solidarity between various groups. They’re baffled enough by the idea of in-groups having compassion for their ownmembers (as opposed to having a sort of slimy, stick-together-as-long-as-it-benefits-me-personally attitude, followed by throwing one another under the bus when convenient). But their brains really explode when people with, seemingly, different interests and needs support each other and have each other’s backs.

I think that’s one of the main reasons the right wing in America had their meltdowns during the lockdown. All the “preppers” who claimed to be able to survive an apocalypse were expecting that everyone would fend for themself in some sort of Mad Max situation, but instead all these disparate groups came together to support each other and that threw all their plans out of alignment. They couldn’t understand it so they ended up protesting for haircuts because they didn’t get the apocalypse they wanted. Of course, in an actual apocalypse cooperation and solidarity is the only way to survive long term, lone wolves may do better at first but will eventually succumb as a result of their own hubris.

I also can’t help but feel that their lack of solidarity is a result of projection. They project their shittyness onto everyone else, so they can’t have any connection to other groups because they think those groups are terrible. Fascists hate each other almost as much as they hate their stated enemies, so any group cohesion they do form is susceptible to change at the drop of a hat.

If a certain somebody shows up to defend fascism, I am going to roll my eyes.

Nequam
Nequam
2 months ago

I think that’s one of the main reasons the right wing in America had their meltdowns during the lockdown.

I think it was (hopefully just metaphorical) blue balls over not having an excuse to shoot the people they hate/fear.

Lollypop
Lollypop
2 months ago

When I was 18 and trying to flirt for the first time with a stranger (rather than lads I already knew through school etc) I told a bloke “me and my mates have a thing called Beard Watch, and yours is a definite ten”. Which, you know, isn’t the best start.

happy cat
happy cat
2 months ago

I suggest he just doesn’t talk to women. At all. That’s would be better for everyone.

an autistic giraffe
an autistic giraffe
2 months ago

comment image:large

Bookworm in hijab
Bookworm in hijab
2 months ago

@Autistic Giraffe,

That cartoon? That’s me. So somehow I have a reputation for a dry sense of humor and deadpan delivery, but nope, it’s just that I wasn’t actually joking!

@Naglfar,

I think you have a really good point re the not-Mad-Max nature of all this. It goes a long way to explain the truly unreasonable anger the right-wing is displaying (I know they’re always angry, but there’s an extra…pettiness? to what they’re showing over, say, haircuts). It might also explain their rush to get everything back to normal – work, school, etc – because if it’s not Mad Maxian total societal collapse, then they don’t believe it’s actually serious?

This is a bit o/t but speaking of covid and going back to work, has anyone heard from Surplus lately? I’m worried about them; they were pretty upset a while ago (I believe they live in a state where there are increasing #s of cases but things were still reopening?)

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
2 months ago

Show some sympathy for the poor alpha male trainee confused about how to flirt with women without inadvertently making them feel good about themselves by telling them they look pretty or something.

Red Piller, you can relax. If you flirted with me, I would not feel good. I would be thinking, Oh no. A rando guy who is really full of himself is talking to me. How do I get this conversation to end.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
2 months ago

@Sheila Crosby:
You remind me a lot of this bug I once saw.
If comic artist Will Eisner were still alive, and I were to meet him, I could reasonably use that line:

http://www.deniskitchen.com/mm5/graphics/00000001/A_WE.NUDE.WILL.B.jpg

Amtep
Amtep
2 months ago

The mystery of the anti-lockdown protests was cleared up for me when I realized that they started right after the news got out that the virus disproportionally kills Black and Latinx people. That’s when Republicans started pushing for the virus to spread more. No, I’m not inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Btw, I can’t comment from my Andoid tablet at all, even if I select the “desktop version” of the site. The name/email/website fields just never appear.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
2 months ago

@Amtep (and anyone else with the same problem)

Same. Can’t use the tablet to comment because the name/email boxes never show up. Also, don’t have the floating “Would love your thoughts, please comment” widget on the tablet – might be related.

I told David about it a couple days ago, so he knows and is looking into it.

Last edited 2 months ago by Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
2 months ago

@Prith k’Dar:
When a friend of mine was in Montreal one of his standard lines was “Je parle français comme une vache espagnole” (I speak French like a Spanish cow). It was never meant to be a pickup line, just a way to get them to laugh and then switch to English.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
2 months ago

re “one of his standard lines was “Je parle français comme une vache espagnole” (I speak French like a Spanish cow).

I remember being told that this expression was a Chinese-whispered version of parler français comme un Basque espagnol (to speak French like a Spanish Basque – i.e. referring to someone from the Basque country (which extends on both sides of what is now the frontier) not only having the effrontery to speak French as a second language, but to speak it like a Basque from the “wrong” side of the border).
Can any francophone mammotheers confirm or correct – is this an urban legend kind of thing, or is there any truth to it?

Full Metal Ox
2 months ago

@Kimstu:

Tbh, I would probably find “You remind me a lot of this bug I once saw” a genuinely intriguing opening line, and if it turned out to be intended as a sincere compliment from a guy who’s actually into entomology, I’d probably be absolutely charmed. (I suppose it would depend partly on what kind of bug he was thinking of and how he perceived the resemblance, of course.)

@Paireon:

Also, I would be totally up for talking about entomology with a potential date if the occasion ever presented itself. Bugs are fascinating (plus I’m sick and tired of the stereotype about women being afraid of bugs, especially since a LOT of women I know are like that. It’s a frikkin’ millipede for crying out loud! it’s completely harmless!).

In the process of looking up entomologist May Berenbaum, I learned a new thing on her Twitter: for the first time in her four-decade career, she met a real live mantispid—an insect resembling a cross between a mantis, a wasp, and a fly, but related to lacewings:

http://twitter.com/MayBerenbaum/status/1290511280051302400

The little critter is rocking some brilliant color, and has an air of being absorbed in Deep Thought—both of which could offer a foothold for non-creepy conversational icebreakers.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
2 months ago

Off topic:

  1. Testing bullet points.
  2. Seems to be working?
  3. ????
  4. Profit!

End testing.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Amtep

The mystery of the anti-lockdown protests was cleared up for me when I realized that they started right after the news got out that the virus disproportionally kills Black and Latinx people.

That’s also a major factor in the protests. The white protestors believed they were entitled to services from minorities in low paying jobs, and so when that stopped they felt as though their rights were being infringed upon. The same white entitlement that has been going on since slavery.

Last edited 2 months ago by Naglfar
Not Edward
Not Edward
2 months ago

Explain to me again how incels’ celibacy is supposed to be involuntary?

Last edited 2 months ago by Not Edward
Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Not Edward
Because to end their celibacy they would have to take some voluntary steps like being a somewhat less disgusting human being and not being misogynistic asshats.

Lainy
Lainy
2 months ago

@Bookworm

I probably wouldn’t notice if someone was trying to flirt with me, so if someone approached me with a weird pickup line, it’s entirely probable that I’d just miss their intentions completely. And then…have an odd conversation, perhaps?

I do this most of the time, But like I also had to very bluntly ask my husband if he wanted to have sex on our first date because he wasn’t getting any of my hints at all. Like when he was kissing me good night at that door I asked him if he wanted to come in and he still wasn’t getting it until I said “I’m asking you if you want to come into my apartment and have sex with me”

Sometimes this incredibly smart and wonderful man really does live up to his jar head stereotype.

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