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misogyny nice guys redistribution of sex

This Nice Guy has some complaints about the sex distribution system

Please, miss, just a crumb?

Ah, the Nice Guy, perpetually confused that women aren’t vending machines that dole out a serving of sex for every five kindness tokens you insert in them.

Here’s yet another Nice Guy, captured in the wild by a commenter on the Nice Guys subreddit, expressing his indignation over what he sees as a terrible breakdown in the pussy-distribution infrastructure.

Dude, just stop. Have some respect for women, and some respect for yourself. The world doesn’t run on pity sex; never has. And that’s a good thing.

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Naglfar
Naglfar
19 days ago

Y’all will use them for male advice

Does that mean advice on how to attracted men? Because if there’s one group I wouldn’t ask how to attract men, it would be cishet men who have never tried to attract men.

ask to borrow some pussy

The way this is worded grosses me out. The idea that men should just be able to borrow someone’s genitals is gross in and of itself, but this wording makes it worse.

So instead I’m just going to picture a man asking if he can borrow a cat for a few hours. Actually, no, that’s also bad given what he would probably do to the cat.

This is just not a good phrase.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
19 days ago

@Naglfar

Yeah I had the same thought, and I also would not let this creep anywhere near a cat.

Spending time with friends’ cats is really wonderful though. I love cats so much, they’re like… perfect little furry balls of empathy and affection and support. And unlike Nice Guys they barely ask anything in return.

(Sorry if I’m a bit incoherent here, I triggered myself badly earlier watching something I shouldn’t have and am now into the exhaustion phase.)

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
19 days ago

Pro tip for folks with (C)PTSD around violence against women – The Fall might seem appealing, but it has at least one scene of very extreme physical violence against the (helpless) female protagonist. For people who have triggers around physical abuse of women, Damsel tropes, etc. it is not a safe show to watch.

(Do y’all hate how much TV and film is like this? Gods, I know I do.)

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
19 days ago

Hmm, my last post got eaten.

Hey @David – I’ve been holding back from volunteering because I have a lot on my plate right now, have been out of tech for years, and was never strong on WordPress and PHP stuff. But I was a sysadmin (sort of) once upon a time, and if you’d like I’d be happy to look into the technical issues here.

(It really has been a while though, IDK if I can promise anything.)

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
19 days ago

It’s not like this is a new idea. Heinlein, in I Will Fear No Evil, said in so many words that the best way a woman could say “thank you” to a man for having done her a mundane favor is to have sex with him. The idea that should could just do a mundane favor back, like any other human being*, in a normal friendship give-and-take, is a foreign one.

*”human being” does not include women of course

mothkiller
mothkiller
19 days ago

Borrow some pussy

That makes me think of a Wanda Sykes bit.

Also, does this mean if he has a gay friend he would gladly lend his gay friend any body part when asked? Because by his logic he Should or he is selfish. think we know the answer to that one.

Naglfar
Naglfar
19 days ago

@Cyborgette

Spending time with friends’ cats is really wonderful though. I love cats so much, they’re like… perfect little furry balls of empathy and affection and support. And unlike Nice Guys they barely ask anything in return.

Regrettably, I am allergic to cats, but I like spending time with dogs. My dog isn’t as much into sitting in people’s laps as many cats are, but she loves to sleep on the sofa next to someone.

Do y’all hate how much TV and film is like this? Gods, I know I do.

This is the main reason I never liked going to the movie theater. Even if the movie I was seeing wasn’t violent, there would always be violent trailers before it. I would only ever go if either a) it was a special event that I knew wouldn’t have traditional trailers before or b) I had a friend so I could go be elsewhere and they could let me know when the movie was about to start.

@mothkiller

That makes me think of a Wanda Sykes bit.

I know that bit. Although she didn’t mention it explicitly, my takeaway was how great that would be for trans* people, as presumably if genitals were easily removable we could exchange them. Come to think of it, that would be good for everyone, as organ transplants would be so much easier.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
19 days ago

Never understood Niceguys.

I mean, I can sort of understand Miggies – their thinking is fucked up but there’s at least a certain zero sum logic to it.
But niceguys … they’re just strange.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
19 days ago

Nice Guys and MGTOWs are not too dissimilar – both feel like relationships are entirely transactional, and that women have only sex to trade. They both feel very entitled to the the sex they have “earned” and are angry when women fail to dispense it. They diverge only in their proximate response, as Nice Guys put on a facade of politeness until turned down, at which point they snap, while MGTOWs snap right out of the gate. A lot of MGTOWs started out as Nice Guys, and I think Nice Guy might actually be the MGTOW larval state.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
19 days ago

@PoM, re Heinlein

Yay, even more reasons for me to hate his guts. That trope of women owing men sex (or love, or marriage) as a form of gratitude has to be one of the most damaging in human history.

Naglfar
Naglfar
19 days ago

@PoM

A lot of MGTOWs started out as Nice Guys, and I think Nice Guy might actually be the MGTOW larval state.

It definitely seems like that’s the case. A lot of MGTOWs have some story about how they used to be NiceGuys (and many even claim to have been feminist NiceGuys, failing to see the contradiction), so even they acknowledge that.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
19 days ago

(and many even claim to have been feminist NiceGuys, failing to see the contradiction)

Too many dudes seem to think that “can sometimes hold a conversation with a woman” is the only requirement for being a feminist, so obviously they were feminists back when they were Nice Guys. I used to know this Nice Guy who claimed to be super feminist because he “worships women” and when we parted ways he was getting more and more bitter because his “worship” didn’t translate into a successful relationship.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
19 days ago

This will possibly seem crass, apologies. One night I got a call from a friend whose car had arfed up on the turnpike… at 2:AM. I got up and drove thrre, appraised the situation, called AAA for a tow.

The relationship was, she and her passenger were both newly clean in a substance abuse fellowship I attend.

This situation was tailor-made for exercise of the predatory behavior our society so encourages. Later I had leave to wonder if the two women expected to be preyed upon.

As the woman had bought the car from another person in recovery, the story got out, and I was asked by too many people who should know better… “Why I didn’t….”. Here’s the crass part — as I have no tolerance for predation, I replied “She needed her car towed, she didn’t need her field plowed”

My point isn’t to “white knight” myself, it’s just to demonstrate that even in the ugliest situation, being a decent person is not brain surgery.

@Cyborgette. PoM:

My fave critique of Heinlein is, his aliens are always humans and his humans are always Americans

Naglfar
Naglfar
19 days ago

@PoM

I used to know this Nice Guy who claimed to be super feminist because he “worships women” and when we parted ways he was getting more and more bitter because his “worship” didn’t translate into a successful relationship.

I think that kind of thing might be part of what happened with AVN from a few weeks ago. He had a weird worship complex going on so he thought he could at least pretend to be a feminist.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
19 days ago

@Weird Eddie

OMFG. 13th steppers are the fucking grossest.

I got sexually harassed the very first time I attended a 12 step program (back when I was a guy no less). That first time was also the last time. Luckily I found other ways to manage my problem but I can’t imagine what it’s like for people who have to rely on 12 step groups.

Also just… it kind of blows my mind that anyone would look at a situation like that and read sex into it, and think that was reasonable or appropriate or in any way not creepy. WTF.

Naglfar
Naglfar
19 days ago

Testing how this comment shows up. Testing testing 123

Naglfar
Naglfar
19 days ago

Well, it appeared right away but it looks like the edit feature is gone, as are the buttons for block quote and links. Can we get those back? And now comments appear at the top of the thread, which makes things harder to follow.

Edit: nevermind, it looks like it reorders them after reloading the page and I found the Edit button. Can we have the buttons back though?

Last edited 19 days ago by Naglfar
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
19 days ago

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Nope. Worse. WAY worse. Thought I’d had a facefull of expired CS for a minute.

Also had to enter my details for the first time in ages.

Naglfar
Naglfar
19 days ago

If possible, can you move the comments box back to the bottom? And make sure that comments stay in chronological order so we can follow threads.

Edit: buttons are back, that’s good

Last edited 19 days ago by Naglfar
Robert Haynie
Robert Haynie
19 days ago

That… that one just makes me sad.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
19 days ago

“. . . borrow some pussy . . . ”

Your comment is breathtakingly wrong.

First of all, you apparently don’t even know my cat’s name. Maybe you never bothered to learn it. Or maybe you forgot it. Either way, you’re entirely too careless and casual about my fur baby.

Second, no responsible cat parent lends out their cat. Cats are not for loan. I’m pretty sure your parents didn’t loan you out — and if they did, shame on them.

To sum up, you’re not a Nice Guy at all, and I suggest you join the Shitty Guys subreddit.

Errapel
Errapel
19 days ago

Just wanted to say thank you so much for the colour change. I can comfortably read this (and hopefully so can many others), and it means a lot you made the effort.

And yikes, nice guys really aren’t nice are they?

Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
19 days ago

So instead I’m just going to picture a man asking if he can borrow a cat for a few hours.

The only cat I’d borrow that dude is Greebo.

As the woman had bought the car from another person in recovery, the story got out, and I was asked by too many people who should know better… “Why I didn’t….”.

Incidentally why the ‘notallmen’ defense always falls flat. Not all but more than enough.

Also just… it kind of blows my mind that anyone would look at a situation like that and read sex into it, and think that was reasonable or appropriate or in any way not creepy. WTF.

Some people just seem to base their entire view of women on porn. Ideals, interactions, all of it.

Citerior Motive
Citerior Motive
18 days ago

Seems appropriate that the name-censorship bars all look like dicks.

Sheila Crosby
Sheila Crosby
18 days ago

I picture these guys as being in their early twenties, and I wonder how they’d react if I turned up and went: “Here’s a cake I baked you. Now can we have sex even though I’m old enough to be your granny?”

Well, I’m preyty certain I know how they’d react really.

Last edited 18 days ago by Sheila Crosby
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
18 days ago

Testing, 4 5 6

(1, 2 and 3 were taken)

Naglfar
Naglfar
18 days ago

@Sheila Crosby

I picture these guys as being in their early twenties, and I wonder how they’d react if I turned up and went: “Here’s a cake I baked you. Now can we have sex even though I’m old enough to be your granny?”
Well, I’m preyty certain I know how they’d react really.

You never know, the cougar trope is quite common in media. You might get lucky (though I wouldn’t expect the sex to be any good given the ages of the men).

Last edited 18 days ago by Naglfar
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
18 days ago

Content warning sexual predation

@Cyborgette:

OMFG. 13th steppers are the fucking grossest.

They are also the most tenacious, conniving, selfish, and destructive. I’ve been asked to help present this issue, and the issue of bigotry in the fellowship, at organization meetings. I’ve realized over the years that many members PARTICULARLY my brothers… do not consider these to be important. My sister’s in recovery feel unsafe, but that’s no big deal.

Since trump, there has been a meteoric rise in overt bigotry as well. Members, again, particularly men, see no contradiction in sitting in the coffee shop, on social media, or even right outside the meeting hall, railing in the ugliest terms about women, gender queer people, Jews, blacks, people from “Mexican countries”, Muslims…. THEN going inside the rooms where all are welcome “regardless of….”. Apparently they don’t feel THAT spiritual principal applies outside the rooms.

I fought for years. I lost. Earlier this year I left the area.

Memories
Memories
18 days ago

I’m sure you’ve spent all these years respecting women and tracking bigotry just for the fun of it, like a hobby.

You’re a nice guy just as much dude

C1EC87E0-7CD6-422D-91D9-A898460259FC.gif
Lumipuna
Lumipuna
18 days ago

For the record, I’ve been generally a net beneficent in mundane favors with my friends, both of whom are women. When we just hang out together, they take care to share even the cost of peanuts.

TacticalProgressive
TacticalProgressive
18 days ago

Website format and color is looking solid and not overloading eye sensitivity.

Though as a heads up: some of the past comments in other topic commenting threads seem to have been… jumbled, during the site host migration; so that might require some fixing. But David your on the right track with the site so far as far as the face lift goes; do keep up the great work and good luck on smoothing out those rough edges.

North Sea Sparkly Dragon
North Sea Sparkly Dragon
18 days ago

I didn’t realise genitalia was detachable and could be lent out? Does that mean when OP does favours for men friends they can ask to borrow his cock? That’s how it works in ‘Nice Guy’-world, right? Favours exchanged for genitalia, right? Or am I completely misunderstanding him? (joke, much joking, I’m on a bit of a book high – I read three 300+ page books in three days and managed to get the reviews written in time).

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
18 days ago

Mr. Parasol introduced me to this song.

Naglfar
Naglfar
18 days ago

What I’d really like in a world with removable bits is that transitioning would be a lot easier. Presumably one would just have to find someone going the other way and swap genitals.

C.A.Collins
C.A.Collins
18 days ago

@Naglfar: King Missile had words about that, if I remember correctly.

Lainy
Lainy
18 days ago

What in god name did i just read.

North Sea Sparkly Dragon
North Sea Sparkly Dragon
18 days ago

@Naglfer, I’d like a spare set of different genitalia and a set of ‘non’ for different days, depending on where I am on the gender spectrum that day. They can be kept in the kitchen cupboard next to my medication, or in the bathroom with the clothes I’m wearing that day.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
18 days ago

@Memories

I’m sure you’ve spent all these years respecting women and tracking bigotry just for the fun of it, like a hobby.

You’re a nice guy just as much dude

???

Naglfar
Naglfar
17 days ago

@Memories

I’m sure you’ve spent all these years respecting women and tracking bigotry just for the fun of it, like a hobby.

You’re a nice guy just as much dude

What? I think David did it because it’s a public good. Sometimes people do things because they are the right thing to do, even if they aren’t directly benefitting. I know that’s hard for conservatives to understand, but it’s sometimes the case.

Bookworm in hijab
Bookworm in hijab
17 days ago

@ Memories,

There’s a difference between a person, who happens to be a guy, and is nice/decent fella/kind/choose your positive adjective, and a NiceGuyTM.

I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, as I don’t know if you’ve never commented on here before. Maybe you were genuinely scratching your head in puzzlement over the term, but read the article again, and skim the site, and you’ll see the difference.

Other commenters, if Memories is a regular troll whose disingenuous behaviours are annoyingly common…I’m sorry for possibly encouraging them! 😳

Kereea
Kereea
17 days ago

Like, most of my friends were guys as a kid. Tbf, I was a girl generally considered “one of the guys” so they didn’t want to screw me (also most of them had known me in pre school which was kind of a damper as well) and it’s amazing how the casual shit we did together is what some guys think is some kind of transactional system.

Viscaria
Viscaria
17 days ago

@ Memories

I don’t remember David ever asking to “borrow” some pussy from his readers in exchange for his work here. Do you? Could you provide a link to where?

If not, I will have assume you’re basing your conclusion that David is a Nice Guy (TM) on a belief that no man would find vicious hate directed at (largely) women, hate that has metastasized into and is in turn fed by violence, objectionable enough to be worth tracking and commenting on for its own sake. The only reason you can see that a man would take those steps is because he hopes to make women feel indebted to him enough that they feel obligated to have sex with him. That doesn’t tell me anything about David, but it does tell me some things about you.

Catalpa
Catalpa
17 days ago

I’m sure you’ve spent all these years respecting women and tracking bigotry just for the fun of it, like a hobby.

I’m pretty sure that David doesn’t wade through screeds of the most hateful, bigoted, disgusting ideas just for the fun of it. It’s not a fun thing, to be subjected to this kind of hate regularly.

I’m pretty sure that David does this as a job. As a way to track the progression of misogyny, to provide a record that can illuminate us when incels commit acts of terrorism, to warn people about these ideas, to educate about these mindsets, and to entertain. And he does a great job at that.

I’m pretty sure that David is not doing this as some kind of scheme to get sex out of the commentors. That would be a fantastically inefficient gambit, considering that a huge number of us are geographically distant from David, not to mention that a lot of us are age-inappropriate, taken, or uninterested in sex with men. I’m pretty sure that almost any activity would give better odds of finding a sexual partner than curating an internet blog about misogyny (aside from actually engaging in the online misogyny, I suppose).

Naglfar
Naglfar
17 days ago

@Viscaria

I don’t remember David ever asking to “borrow” some pussy from his readers in exchange for his work here.

He doesn’t need to borrow cats from us, he’s got his own kitties.

That doesn’t tell me anything about David, but it does tell me some things about you.

It’s always projection with these types. They accuse the left of “virtue signaling” or “white knighting” because they constantly do those things for their own kind. And because they’re evil and selfish, they assume everyone else is as well, and that nobody has motives beyond themself.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
17 days ago

@Viscaria

That doesn’t tell me anything about David, but it does tell me some things about you.

You know, the way you just put it DOES tell me a lot about David.

None of it bad.

tim gueguen
17 days ago

All the talk of removable genitals reminded me of the following video. Note that it does contain Lego violence.

Gwynfydd
Gwynfydd
16 days ago

Oh my! How horribly skewed and wrong this guy’s vision of friendship is! Sex certainly has never been part of my friendships and I can’t imagine it ever being so. How wrong.

@Naglfar

“What I’d really like in a world with removable bits is that transitioning would be a lot easier. Presumably one would just have to find someone going the other way and swap genitals.”

Wow yeah, that would be a dream for me! A lovely genital barter system there they were interchangeable, so I can easily go with the changes needed in my life from day to day.

Oh, the Block Quote thing went odd when I posted – So reverted to quote marks for this post. But I didn’t get the nice red line the others have. It was a scrollabe box with a very basic font for the text. Looked odd.

Last edited 16 days ago by Gwynfydd
Gwynfydd
Gwynfydd
16 days ago

Just testing to see if Block Quote works for me now.

Edit: EEk! It doesn’t seem to.

Last edited 16 days ago by Gwynfydd