The manipulative and often just straight-up abusive dating “philosophy” promulgated on the Red Pill subreddit is bad news for any woman it’s inflicted upon. But it’s also bad news for the Red Pillers themselves, promoting a vision of the world as a cold, cruel place where no one gives a shit about anyone else.
“In the end, what’s the point of relationships,” a Red Piller called Jakos_8569 wonders aloud in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit. The answer he gives to his own question is somehow both plaintive and nihilistic; the fellow seems to have broken his own heart, or at least what remains of his heart after prolonged exposure to the Red Pill philosophy.
So we know that women love us conditionnally, just like everybody else, except our parents. We also know that we can’t talk to a plate/gf/ltr/wife about our anxieties, fears and expect them to provide emotional comfort and reassurance, like a friend would (we also hear many stories here about guys opening up or even crying in front of their girl only to see them gradually taking their distances or brekaing up with them).
This is someone who’s never had a real relationship with anyone.
We should keep our issues to ourselves and/or share them with intimate friends or a qualified therapist.
I’ll second the notion of going to a trained therapist, but seriously, if you can’t bring up your issues with your girlfriend because you’re afraid if you’re vulnerable in her presence she’ll flee, there’s something wrong with you (or her). You may have a relationship, of sorts, but it’s not a good one.
So we know we can’t rely on our woman during hard times. We’re on our own there.
This is ass-backwards; if you can’t rely on your partner during rough times, you’re either in a relationship so shallow it doesn’t really count as a relationship. Or you and her are both selfish shitheads.
Since that love is conditional, and also prone to hypergamy, it is also very unpredictable. All relationships end and if someone made “sacrifices” to keep the relationship going llike refusing a great job opportunity in another state to stay with the gf for whatever reason would be an investment gone in the wind.
Some relationships end only when one of the partners dies. People in relationships make compromises and, yes, sometimes sacrifice things they want to help their partner — even though they know there’s no guarantee that the relationships in question will last forever. Assuming the sacrifices aren’t too one-sided, they’re not investments gone wrong, they’re the sorts of favors that people who care about each other do for each other.
Well, what can we get from dating a woman then ? Sex ? Sure. The physical act itself is enjoyable, but far from meaningful: a brain fart of a dopamine rush for a few seconds.
If sex is no more meaningful to you than a brain fart, might I suggest that you’re perhaps not very good at it?
Just like the meaningless pleasure you could get from eating a high fat, high sugar food.
It would take one seriously awesome piece of cake to rival good sex.
This type of pleasure pales in comparison with, for example., the feeling of pride, and fullfilment from going to the gym consistently and lifting more and more weight through effort and discipline, building a business from scratch and making it profitable, learning to make music, hiking up a 4 mile high mountain etc..
If sex “pales” before a gym workout, you’re definitely not having good sex.
Then there’s the post sex oxytocin bath, where you start to feel a bond. But you know, deep down, that you can never be loved unconditionnally but only for what you can offer her.
Either you’re suffering from clinical depression or the Red Pill philosophy is seriously fucking up your brain.
To recap : we can’t have both sexual attraction and emotional support from a gf : her love is conditional. If you lose your job, are down on your luck, her “love” could go just as fast. Investing time with friends (male or female) who we could actually rely on seem to be much more beneficial. Then, that leaves the actual sexual gratification, which ultimately, isn’t of substance and even leaves us lethargic after the fact.
We got it already: you’re bad at sex.
My question is : Outside of the actual sex itself, is there any reason to even bother getting a relationship, doing the cuddling, getting attached etc ?
You talk about “doing the cuddling” like you’re doing time in prison. No wonder you can’t find your way into a healthy relationship.
It seems to me that the best way to go about this would be to simply enjoy the time spent for what it is (doing activites you truly enjoy , without ever INVESTING ANYTHING (not paying for anything, taking out of your time to help her out, undermining your opportunities in order to benefit her etc), and without any expectation of it lasting at all, without attachment just like you enjoy a sunset without trying to cling to it and when it’s gone well then it’s been fun while it lasted, and you move on. And the woman you’re doing things with, could be anyone, just like the sunset job could be fulfilled by any star.
Damn, you’re making me depressed not only about relationships but about sunsets.
At the end, is this just it ? If so, why the hell do so many people invest so much time and resources in finding a partner (even in this sub) in finding a partner and getting profoundly depressed when unable to ?
And bonus question : how could we even form families stable enough to raise children with this reality ?
Please. dude, don’t even think about starting a family when you’re in this state of mind. Or even dating anyone. Stick with gym workouts and the occasional piece of cake. Try not to fuck the cake.
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@ Threp
I have no idea. It might have been but I really just don’t know.
* checks thread *
* peers around *
* backs away slowly *
OT
There was a possible attempted mass shooting at a gay bar in Missouri recently. Some asshole showed up with an Ar-15 and chased after a black guy there yelling slurs and that he was going to “kill these F*****s”. Fortunately the police stopped him before anyone was killed.
His lawyer said that he acting in self defense, somehow. Also he did it because he had depression, anxiety and ADHD (I checked and chasing people with guns yelling that you are going to kill LGBTIs is not a symptom of any of those)and was just mad that he lost his job/family causing him to turn to meth.
He got 46 months. Be out in less then four years.
https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2020/09/man-brought-ar-15-gay-bar-shouted-killed-fats/
Anyway why do liberals want to take away our guns?
Couple things:
1) Wrong thread, but the new site is excellent for mobile (at least for me).
Great job, David!
And thanks for the suggestions that helped guide David’s prettifying efforts in the other thread, all you folks in the commentariat! I admittedly haven’t looked at the site on a computer yet, but wow. Much like.
2) Surplus, I’m just gonna second Mog on this one. I’m sorry you are hurting, but there’s nothing in my skillset that equips me to give you the help you need.
*Sighs*
I have ADHD (with sides of depression and anxiety). The only person I am actively contemplating killing atm is this fucknut. I’m just. Very angry at him.
This is actually an easy one. If you think that machines have a grudge against you personally, then you’re suffering from what’s called “the blackpill” or “confirmation bias”. Basically you’ve trained yourself to focus on all the bad things that happen to you, and to ignore the good things. (And also to focus on good things that happen to other people while ignoring their problems.)
The solution is just to train yourself to focus on the good things that happen to you. (If nothing good ever happens, then focus on the times when things are the least-bad.)
So: You mentioned the specific case of COVID on Ontario. What you can do is say, “At least I’m in Canada and not stuck in the US.” I comfort myself by saying, “At least I’m in NYC where we take this seriously, and not trapped in the Deep South.” And probably the people in the Deep South are saying, “At least I’m free to go outside without a mask and I’m not under the Iron Bootheel of Canadian Socialism.”
If that doesn’t work then I just don’t know.
Oh I forgot to leave feedback on the new site too! I like it, especially the light purple background and large text. I too have only used mobile so far but I’m happy with what it looks like.
@Surplus
I’m sorry you’re hurting but please don’t take your pain out on us.
“… causing him to turn to meth …”
Only for a white guy could this be a defense, rather than an additional reason to lock him up.
I have anxiety and depression. Somehow I’ve never tried to shoot up a gay bar. Indeed, women, LGBTQIPA+ people, and minorities are far more likely to have anxiety and depression, yet the vast majority of shootings are by cishet white men. Gee, I wonder why that is.
I bet the “losing his family” bit was probably that he was abusive and his wife got out and had custody of the kids.
I’m ace and I find most Kinds of Sex I’ve tried and Most kinds of cake I’ve eaten both equally nice-but-boring, and I think “Don’t have Sex If you don’t want to” is more important in Most cases including this one than “If you dislike Sex this much you must be really Bad at it”
Oh, bullshit he did it because of that. I have depression, anxiety, and ADHD traits and not once has it caused me to want to shoot up people who like it in the bedroom differently from me. The pretzel logic used to justify white male temper tantrums is practically Klein bottle by now.
Re the attempted shooting…oh my God. I can’t really process this and don’t really know what to say. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked anymore at the “lone wolf/mental illness/sad life” crap defences for these guys. But I am still shocked. No matter how often this happens. No matter how often the perpetrator’s guilt is determined not by their actions but by their skin colour or religion. I’m still shocked.
All the Lgbtq+ folks on here, and especially those who are also PoC, virtual hugs if you need/want them. I know you must be reeling right now.
Just for clarification if my comment needs it: “experiences mental illness” is NOT THE SAME THING as “is a violent bigot”. I really wish the media and law enforcement would stop conflating these things. ?
Who has seen the Spongebob gif with the text “asshole is not a mental illness”?
Surplus! Pay attention to me. People on this site are not trying to harm you, or to withhold information that would help you. You have your intelligence focused in the wrong direction. Use your intelligence to research better directions which may be more fruitful. You already know that the suggestions offered here, in good faith, are not what you are seeking.
This is not a medical site, a mental health site, a legal site etc. You will have seen that when commenters express concerns about such issues, other commenters will offer support, may say how such issues have affected them, and invariably recommend seeing a doctor, seeking therapy, accessing a law site, etc.
You are arguing with people who cannot help you with your specific concerns. Focus your attention on researching who can help you. You have mentioned being on a disability payment, think about why you were eligible, and think about what information and support groups exist in relation to that. Contact them.
And, it is never ok to threaten people that you will kill yourself if they don’t do what you want. Do not do that.
You have asked and demanded help from commenters here, and have said the help offered was no use. So stop seeking help from a satire site and use your intelligence to find a more appropriate source of information and assistance.
Personally, I’d consider essentially any cake to be better than sex, and I don’t even particularly like cake. I’d rather have pie or cobbler.
Though I suppose my particular kind of sex-neutral asexuality precludes me being able to have “good” sex.
In that case though, “good” sex is rather tautological. I think that most things could be compared as better than others, if you only consider the “good” examples of whatever you’re talking about.
Why? Desire is certainly important, but it’s not totally necessary for “good” sex. Paying attention to your partner and not being clumsy is pretty much all that’s needed.
Not that I’m saying you should have sex, or anything like that – it’s just not being interested at all (I’m making an assumption that sex-neutral means you’re not repulsed by the thought. If I’m wrong, I apologise!) doesn’t necessarily mean bad sex.
Though having said that, some nights you just want cake 🙂 (crumble, in my case. Or rhubarb pie with cream)
Don’t have ADHD, have a history of depression and anxiety. Since the mental illness weighs heavier to these douche-canoos than access to guns, my lack of access is not a factor. I have never chased people with guns. It’s just really frustrating that what for others counts as an admission of guilt, for a white man it’s a mitigating factor. Sigh
Thanks for the cake insights. As for cake vs sex, an effort vs reward analysis favors cake, IMO. Sex is fun, but I can do without (same goes for cake, except ‘tasty’ as opposed to ‘fun’).
Regarding site design, I like the simplicity but personally prefer bright letters with a dark background. This is not as bad as bright white background with black letters (which I find really straining), but bright letters just jump out at me more.
In my experience, having sex is essentially emotionally equivalent to washing the dishes. It’s not a horrible experience, but it’s boring and a little bit gross.
Maybe sometimes I can experience a really nice time washing the dishes, with fun, nice-smelling bubbles in the sink and joking around with the person who’s helping me dry the dishes, but in the end it’s still a chore that I would prefer to not do. I’d rather spend the time joking around while not doing the dishes.
There’s never going to be a time where I wash the dishes and go “wow that was fantastic I’m really glad I got to do that rather than eat dessert”.
@Battering Lamb
That’s what really annoys me here. Guarantee that if he was a black man, the meth thing would have been used to justify worse punishment, assuming the cops didn’t just shoot him on site.
I think that having a better discussion about mental health is important, but this ain’t it. Murderous homophobic asshole is not a mental illness, and trying to paint it as one is harmful to people who do have mental illnesses.
Also, O/T but I just realized that on my computer, formatting in the comments appears in realtime.
Depression can make you less bothered about self-preservation. It doesn’t make you cruel or violent.
Hi Iike the new site it’s cool. I’m just testing to see if my comment works.
I saw discussion of ace, i recenly realised i am ace and also dont like sex at all and that is okay and it doesnt mean I’m broken. So I consider that I’m asexual but bi-romantic.
@ Valentin
Welcome to the club! What cake would you like? (lol)
ChaosEngineer, thank you, because
is a fantastic phrase, and I will now use it whenever and wherever possible. ?
Presumably the boot in question is a snowboot?
As an life-long borderline asexual, can we just bury this “Good sex is better than <i>anything</i> and if you don’t think so there’s something seriously wrong with you!” trope once and for all? Seriously.
@CanuckAmuck
I’m not ace, but I wholeheartedly agree that we should get rid of that trope. It’s the same kind of logic that causes incels and MRAs to think sex is the be-all, end-all of human existence and obsess over it in extreme misogyny.