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“Menstruation is a malfunction” and other exciting vagina facts from a guy who quite honestly doesn’t seem to know what he’s talking about

By David Futrelle

Today’s nuggets of vagina wisdom come courtesy of some dude who just tried to post this thing below on my blog. Apparently the vagina (and the female reproductive system in general) is some sort of sperm-powered locomotive.

Unlike a man, a woman is not fully functional without a man, a supplier of sperm-laden seminal fluid. His reproductive organs operate continually from puberty until death. Hers cannot function without sperm. Menstruation is a malfunction. The uterus and vagina aren’t there to spew bloody mucus out.
A girl-woman who is not consciously aware of or intending to avoid procreation becomes most desirous of receiving semen during five of the six days preceding ovulation. She is most easily aroused during those days, peaking at about three days before ovulation.

I must have missed this day in Sex Ed.

And all the girlfriends I’ve had must have been malfunctioning too, as they generally seemed to prefer it when no sperm reached their reproductive organs at all, due to their desire not to be pregnant all the time or even ever.

I’m trying to imagine HareyS here on a date. When exactly does he bring all this stuff up? Does he launch into a speech about sperm the minute he and his date sit down for a few cocktails? Or does he try to subtly work it into converstation?

Her: Sorry I’m late! My car wouldn’t start so I had to take the bus.

Him: Interesting. You know what else can’t really function [leans in] … without sperm?

Actually, I’m guessing this guy doesn’t go on many dates.

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Miri
Miri
4 months ago

Hers cannot function without sperm

God I wish that was true

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 months ago

Ahah hah hah a nugget of truth (the horniness during ovulation thing is true for some cis women) and a big dollop of misogynist misinformation = mansplanation at its … finest? Or something.

Naglfar
Naglfar
4 months ago

a supplier of sperm-laden seminal fluid

Who wants to bet he’s a semen retainer too?

His reproductive organs operate continuously from puberty until death

I could be wrong, but doesn’t sperm count and sexual function decrease with age even if it doesn’t stop outright?

The uterus and vagina aren’t there to spew bloody mucus out

They seem to do this a lot for organs that aren’t there to do it. This is like saying the lungs aren’t there to breathe.

A girl-woman

A bit creepy he says this, seeing as most uterus-havers start menstruating around age 10-14 and he seems to be implying that 10-year-olds are desiring sperm.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 months ago

Gosh. Since I’m no longer menstruating, does that mean my uterus is no longer malfunctioning?

I’m guessing this fella also thinks the clitoris is a myth.

NautaliaC
NautaliaC
4 months ago

It’s hard enough convincing some dudes I know that the bulk of semen doesn’t actually come from the balls. Isn’t/wasn’t that a meme for a while? The internet is so fast and I am as slow as…
Molasses.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Sex drive does tend to ebb and flow with the hormones, so points for having some basic knowledge I guess. But it’s a pretty big leap from people with ovaries having an increased libido during ovulation from menstruation is a malfunction. It’s also ridiculous to pretend like people with penises aren’t effected at all by ageing.

Moogue
Moogue
4 months ago

I know these guys think that women’s only purpose is to be barefoot and pregnant, but to actually be so blatant about it that they actually think women are “malfunctioning” by doing something their reproductive organs were designed to do 99% of the time? It’s just wild.

I honestly wonder what this guy’s opinions on a man orgasming outside of a woman’s vagina are. I mean, I would like to think that this guy is consistent and keeps the story of Onan on his bedside table for easy reading, but life has taught me that these kinds of guys are amazingly good at sprouting double standards whenever it’s convenient.

@Naglfar

A bit creepy he says this, seeing as most uterus-havers start menstruating around age 10-14 and he seems to be implying that 10-year-olds are desiring sperm.

But Naglfar, all 10 year old girls want to marry 40 year old men, because something something resources something something prime reproductive years. *vomit*

/deep s, in case it’s not clear

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
4 months ago

Do you Yanks seriously not learn any biology at school?

Though I’ll grant credit where it’s due – it is one of the more literate bits of verbal wankery David’s received and posted about.

Crip Dyke
4 months ago

The uterus and vagina aren’t there to spew bloody mucus out.

Is it wrong of me to wish that another red piller would add something so that I can get some more hilarity out of this?

This kind of thing would work:

Hello? Look, you’re using the wrong terms. I have researched this extensively and the actual term is just “vagina”.

:people explain that this is wrong:

Look, yes, I know that there is some medical term “uterus” or something that supposedly applies to some organ or another, but the vast, vast majority of people actually just call the whole thing, “the vagina”. No one uses the term “uterus”.

:people quote from 9000 books on pregnancy and birth:

Okay, sure, I never said that no one uses the term “uterus” it’s just that it’s a bad, technical term that no one finds natural to work into conversation and since it’s just as accurate to say “vagina” as to say “uterus” the OP should have said that.

:single most respected expert on the uterus in the english speaking world says that the uterus and vagina are definitely not the same thing and it is not just as correct to say “vagina” when one means “uterus”:

Here is my 94 page treatise on how I am right and you are all wrong in which I quote the definition of vagina and the definition of uterus but then explain that the definitions given by the OED and medical textbooks the world over are wrong because I have never made that distinction in my own life!

:entire internet lols:

Crip Dyke
4 months ago

@Threp

Do you Yanks seriously not learn any biology at school?

Well,

1. No. We have creationists and anti-sex puritan fundamentalists to ensure that.

but,
2. Wasn’t that guy who declared the word vulva “wrong” a brit?

People in red tents shouldn’t throw stones, or something like that.

Naglfar
Naglfar
4 months ago

@Moogue

I honestly wonder what this guy’s opinions on a man orgasming outside of a woman’s vagina are.

He may actually be against it, a fair amount of what he said (glorification of semen) sounds like semen retention rhetoric, but I’m not sure and could be wrong.

@Shadowplay

Do you Yanks seriously not learn any biology at school?

Not really. That being said, Britain doesn’t seem exempt from biology misunderstandings either, given the number of British “gender critical” accounts on Twitter than insist there are two sexes determined solely by the gametes one produces, or would produce if one did produce gametes.

@Crip Dyke

Wasn’t that guy who declared the word vulva “wrong” a brit?

He claims to live in Chicago. I don’t know if he’s British originally, but I’m not sure how I’d find out.

Crip Dyke
4 months ago

@Naglfar

No problem. I just remembered wrong is all. Was the original art exhibit he was commenting on being shown in the UK or something? Not sure how I got that misimpression.

Moogue
Moogue
4 months ago

@Naglfar

He may actually be against it, a fair amount of what he said (glorification of semen) sounds like semen retention rhetoric, but I’m not sure and could be wrong.

It’s not just semen retention, but the whole old idea that “spilling” of gametes is “wrong” and “unnatural” and “malfunctioning”. (CIS women are, after all spilling gametes when they menstruate, even though the bible doesn’t actually recognize that). I would like to think that you and I are correct, and that he is consistent between genders, but life has taught me to be wary of cis men’s hypocrisy.

Or maybe I’m just reading too much into things. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@Threp

“Do you Yanks seriously not learn any biology at school?

What is /biology/?

Also, fuck you, aren’t you fucking Canadian? ;p

Naglfar
Naglfar
4 months ago

@Crip Dyke

Was the original art exhibit he was commenting on being shown in the UK or something?

It was first reported in The Guardian, which is a British paper.

@Moogue

I would like to think that you and I are correct, and that he is consistent between genders, but life has taught me to be wary of cis men’s hypocrisy.

He is probably also a hypocrite as a whole, as misogynists pretty much always are, but this particular topic I can’t say for sure.

aren’t you fucking Canadian?

IIRC Threp’s British.

Seth S.
Seth S.
4 months ago

Brits aren’t the only ones who frequently refer to Americans as “Yanks”. Irish, Aussies, Kiwis and South Africans do it, and a few Canadians do as well to my knowledge.

It’s actually more accurate anyway, seeing as how an “American” would technically be anyone from any country in North OR South America since America is the continent group. And while someone from a Southern/Confederate state might think of a “Yankee” as someone from a non-Confederate state – particularly the New England region – at least it’s the right country. We really need to drill home the fact that the Confederates lost the war and therefore can’t declare themselves a separate region anyway.

Moogue
Moogue
4 months ago

@Seth S.

I know a that many Asian countries will call Americans Yanks as well, although usually not in an entirely positive way (seems that the US has a bit of a … reputation). And African. Seems that maybe just about everyone uses Yank as slang for USian.

might think of a “Yankee” as someone from a non-Confederate state – particularly the New England region –

Being from New England (Massachusetts) I can’t think of a single time that being called a Yank was a good thing. It’s not an exactly a bad thing either, although even the original colonial era the meme (lol) was about a moron.

We really need to drill home the fact that the Confederates lost the war

Yes, and…..?

and therefore can’t declare themselves a separate region anyway.

Ooòoooòooh, those be fighting words. :p

@Naglfar

IIRC Threp’s British.

So I guess I’ll update my plans of yelling at them for sending all the fucking conservatives over with plan of yelling at them for, I dunno, having a functioning government? :p

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
4 months ago

aren’t you fucking Canadian?

IIRC Threp’s British.

I were born in Canada, but I’m English. 😛

@Seth

Had a unit seconded to us from the USA – from Georgia, they were. Used to get a wee bit pissed off when we kept calling Americans Yanks. Or Seppos on the fairly frequent occasions when they fucked up. It were pretty funny.

Edit to add:

@Moogue

with plan of yelling at them for, I dunno, having a functioning government? :p

If you see one laying around, could you let me know? Ours is rather useless – they’ve taken ineffectual posturing to new heights of absurdity. 🙂

Crip Dyke
4 months ago

It was first reported in The Guardian, which is a British paper.

Thank you, Naglfar.

It’s nice to know that I still have some connection to reality, however tenuous.

Moogue
Moogue
4 months ago

@Threp

If you see one laying around, could you let me know? Ours is rather useless – they’ve taken ineffectual posturing to new heights of absurdity. 🙂

I can’t find a gif of the grinch looking evil and wringing his hands (read: I’m too lazy and entitled to find it), but know that I am inserting it here. :p

It's just me
It's just me
4 months ago

I believe the fellow (who was tired of women complaining about the tampon tax) who told women to stop being incontinent little children and learn to hold it in till you get to a bathroom, was British. Seems to me he could use a biology lesson.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
4 months ago

I gather that “Yankee” is generally used within the US to mean Northern New England Connecticut somethingsomething, whereas “Yank” is generally used by outsiders to mean USAmerican. If this distinction is somewhat consistent (?), one might argue they’re actually different words.

Then again, if a USAmerican is called a Yank by some random foreigners, it makes perfect sense they’d not notice the distinction, but rather assume that “Yank” is just a funny foreign variant of Yankee.

Plus in languages other than English you might see adopted variants such as Yanqui or jenkki that mean “Yank” but sound perhaps more like “Yankee”. These languages tend to have no use for the intra-US meaning, so there’s no need to distinguish anything.

(In Finland “jenkki” has traditionally neutral-positive connotation. It was given as the name of a once highly popular chewing gum brand.)

Lucrece
Lucrece
4 months ago

The uterus and vagina aren’t there to spew bloody mucus out

Well, based on an average person with a uterus having one menstrual cycle a month for around forty years, out of which time they might have 0, 2, 4, or another random number of pregnancies during which the menstrual cycle halts for approximately ten months, you’d have to say the uterus is more often than not “spew[ing] bloody mucus out”. Which makes me wonder if that is indeed its majority function.

LollyPop
LollyPop
4 months ago

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, these guys like to think their views are from the glorious 1950s, but if they truly believe that anyone with a vagina should be pregnant from the onset of menses, then they are actually somewhat less forward thinking than your average medieval warlord.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 months ago

Unlike a man, a woman is not fully functional without a man, a supplier of sperm-laden seminal fluid. His reproductive organs operate continually from puberty until death. Hers cannot function without sperm.

You are talking about reproduction. It takes both a man and a woman to make a baby.

Menstruation is a malfunction. The uterus and vagina aren’t there to spew bloody fluid out.

No, menstruation is perfectly normal. It’s a shedding of the lining of the uterus when an egg has not been fertilized.

Also, the word “spew,” which, according to Webster, means “to flow out in great quantities or with force,” is wrong. The discharge is much slower and takes several days.

And finally, here’s an interesting theory about another possible reason for menstruation:

Menstruation as a defense against pathogens transported by sperm
M Profet 1
Affiliations

PMID: 8210311 DOI: 10.1086/418170

Abstract

Sperm are vectors of disease. During mammalian insemination bacteria from the male and female genitalia regularly cling to sperm tails and are transported to the uterus. I propose that menstruation functions to protect the uterus and oviducts from colonization by pathogens.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8210311/

A girl-woman who is not consciously aware of or intending to avoid procreation becomes most desirous of receiving semen during five of the six days preceding ovulation. She is most easily aroused during those days, peaking at about three days before ovulation.

A girl-woman? Stop. Don’t be a creep.

A woman might or might not be interested in sex at any time of her menstrual cycle.

Would a woman, any woman, be interested in sex with you at any time during her menstrual cycle? Doubtful. That’s because you worship the male body and denigrate the female body. You lie. And you’re a creep.

A Distracted Medievalist
A Distracted Medievalist
4 months ago

‘Menstruation is a malfunction’: this person may be thinking in the terms of ancient biology, in which menstruation is functionally no different from a nosebleed. Bleeding purges and rebalances the body, but women (on the whole) need to do it more often since their bodies are bodged versions of the male norm and thus generally messier and leakier. So he has learnt biology, just not any biology that has been current in the last few centuries.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
4 months ago

technically, neither sex have a fully functional sexual organ, since you need one of each for babies. Women are closer to be fully functional tho, since mutations that allow females to reproduce without male exist, but not the converse.

Such a mutation on a women would be particulary annoying, since it mean she would get pregnant randomly without input. Being on the pill or having abortions every years don’t look *too* fun to me.

Does someone know if there are conditions that prevent menstruations and how problematic they are ?

The closer actual body mechanism to his idea seem to be barfing. Preventing barfing is a generally very bad idea, and while the digestive track isn’t optimized for barfing, it’s still largely something it’s evolved to do somewhat safely (operative word somewhat, since it’s still reasonably destructive).

Menstruations is probably less important for species like mices and even cats that A – aren’t permanently in heat and B – can fully raises to adulthood their children before the next heat season. But since humans raises their kids for 10 to 15 years while they could have children every years, they really, deeply need a mechanism to make sure nothing go awry if they aren’t pregnant for a long time.

Naglfar
Naglfar
4 months ago

@Seth S

We really need to drill home the fact that the Confederates lost the war and therefore can’t declare themselves a separate region anyway.

That’ll be a hard one, they get a bit upset if you tell them to take down that flag.

@Ohlmann

Does someone know if there are conditions that prevent menstruations and how problematic they are ?

There are intersex conditions that result in lack of uterus (like MRKH syndrome) or non-functioning uterus, which means no menstruation. And one possible symptom of PCOS is irregular periods or lack of menstruation for an extended time. IIRC endometriosis can also cause some differences in cycle, I don’t know much about it so I can say much more about it.
There are also conditions that cause the vagina to be sealed, which cause major problems when menarche occurs because menstrual matter can’t exit.

Edit: I forgot to mention earlier that malnutrition and starvation can also cause lack of menstruation.

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
4 months ago

Who was that guy who claimed that menstruation was a result of meat-eating and going vegetarian would “cure it”?

Naglfar
Naglfar
4 months ago

@Lukas Xavier
That one turned out to be a satire. This guy here probably isn’t.

Alan Robertshaw
4 months ago

To foreigners, a Yankee is an American.
To Americans, a Yankee is a Northerner.
To Northerners, a Yankee is an Easterner.
To Easterners, a Yankee is a New Englander.
To New Englanders, a Yankee is a Vermonter.
And in Vermont, a Yankee is somebody who eats pie for breakfast.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 months ago

Hey, maybe this guy once heard something about the alchemical creation of a homunculus and thought it was … y’know, a recipe that worked.

Oops, “recipe” sounds like something only filthy feeeeeeemales do, right? I need to come up with a more science-y word. Or I could just rewatch some Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 months ago

Please tell me we’re not going to get into the “are people from the United States of America allowed to call themselves Americans” debate again. Because of course they are.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
4 months ago

comment image

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
4 months ago

A Distracted Medievalist:

‘Menstruation is a malfunction’: this person may be thinking in the terms of ancient biology, in which menstruation is functionally no different from a nosebleed. Bleeding purges and rebalances the body, but women (on the whole) need to do it more often since their bodies are bodged versions of the male norm and thus generally messier and leakier. So he has learnt biology, just not any biology that has been current in the last few centuries.

I think he’s thinking in terms of just barely understanding that menstruation is what happens when the body “misses” its opportunity for establishing a pregnancy.

He also has the common misconception that human bodies are literally meant to fulfill some purpose, such as reproduction. This leads him to feel that a non-fertile menstrual cycle is somehow profoundly inferior, no matter how unavoidable*. Maybe he also feels that menstrual bleeding is so gross it can’t be any kind of intended purpose for the female reproductive system (It isn’t, because there’s no purpose).

Then he concludes that since conception and pregnancy is a part of the human reproductive process that occurs inside the female body, presence of sperm is necessary for the “full” functioning of the female body. This somehow (conveniently) makes women dependent on men on more than just reproduction itself. Meanwhile, men only need to eject sperm, because that’s all they can do in terms of reproductive body function.

*AFAIK in pre-modern times women might have commonly spent most of their fertile years not menstruating due to several pregnancies and extensive lactation (arguably also a part of the female reproductive process), but there’s no reason we should emulate this. There’s also no reason why non-pregnant women should routinely suffer menstrual cycles, if those can be safely suppressed with medication.

Moogue
Moogue
4 months ago

“I gather that “Yankee” is generally used within the US to mean Northern New England Connecticut somethingsomething”

I’m not a linguist, but here’s my understanding.

Within the US, Yankee is fine for naming objects and general use, but is usually not used to describe specific people, and when it’s used to describe specific people it is generally used as a threat or insult. Of course, generally speaking, context, world of possibilities, blah blah blah.

“Yankee” started out in the Northern American colonies to mean “those dumb English assholes over there”, and then the English started using it to make fun of any colonists rebelling against them, and then the Northern colonists started using it to describe themselves in the US’s original “I’ll show you by self-owning” move. I imagine that the English were the ones who exported the nickname for the American colonies throughout the world long before it took on it’s more angrier/threatening connotations from the civil war.

And yes “yank” is the same thing as “yankee”, and I have heard “yank” used for “yankee” in the US. I imagine that it isn’t used as an insult very much because yank runs the risk of sounding goofy due to it’s more common use as a verb. Or “yankee” is being used as an adjective and using any word that’s normally a verb would probably be disastrous. Imagine if the American candle brand “Yankee Candle” was named “Yank Candle”, I would honestly first read that as [imperative verb to yank] Candle, and I would be so confused as to why I’m being ordered to yank candles. It’s just easier to say “yankee”. ;p

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
4 months ago

Moogue – Thanks for clarification.

Alan Robertshaw
4 months ago

Steve Bannon indicted for fraud.

‘Victims’ are people who provided funds to build border wall.

Who do you root for in this one!

https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdny/pr/leaders-we-build-wall-online-fundraising-campaign-charged-defrauding-hundreds-thousands

Naglfar
Naglfar
4 months ago

@Alan Robertshaw
For both to be publicly humiliated.

But mostly for Steve Bannon to go down. He as an individual is worse than the people who chimed in for the wall.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 months ago

@Alan

Who do you root for in this one!

Not even ironically, the lawyers.

Alan Robertshaw
4 months ago

@ POM

I had to read that very carefully for comma placement! 🙂

Schnookums Von Fancypants, Assailed by Gynocratic Powers
Schnookums Von Fancypants, Assailed by Gynocratic Powers
4 months ago

@Alan

Wait, a Yankee gets to eat pie for breakfast? Sign me up! I can Yank with the best of them!

Wait, ignore that….

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 months ago

@Alan

I’m cheering on the US Postal Inspectors who worked on the investigation. As I saw elsewhere on Twitter:

Client: I think I’m being investigated by the feds.

Attorney: Ok, well which feds? DEA, FBI?

Client: Postal inspectors I think?

Attorney: …

Client: What?

Attorney: All right, let’s just figure exactly out how f**ked you are.

Kimstu
Kimstu
4 months ago

@Kat,aotfgie:

No, menstruation is perfectly normal. It’s a shedding of the lining of the uterus when an egg has not been fertilized.

If this guy is really that confused about the concept of the human body shedding through its orifices organic matter that no longer serves a useful purpose within the body, I advise him not to think too hard about the process of urination or defecation.

I mean, if he’s really committed to the idea that expelling unused biomatter from the body is “abnormal”, that’s going to get pretty uncomfortable for him pretty fast.

Oskana
Oskana
4 months ago

@Alan

To foreigners, a Yankee is an American.
To Americans, a Yankee is a Northerner.
To Northerners, a Yankee is an Easterner.
To Easterners, a Yankee is a New Englander.
To New Englanders, a Yankee is a Vermonter.
And in Vermont, a Yankee is somebody who eats pie for breakfast.

I have never heard this before but I love it! Even if I contend the second to the last line. I’m happy to don the term Yankee as a native non-VT New Englander.
Rather be a Billy Yank than a Johnny Reb.

Naglfar
Naglfar
4 months ago

@Kimstu
How much worse can it get? He’s already full of shit.

epitome of incomprehensibility

It’s annoying, but not a malfunction. Also, how can any human be “fully functional” when we don’t have wings or decent night vision? There’s a lot of things we don’t have. 😛

@Schnookums Von Fancypants, @Alan – A few days ago I wrote about my great-grandfather who reportedly ate a whole pie for breakfast. But he lived in Maine, as far as I know. (That’s where my dad comes from – I was born in Montreal.)

Lainy
Lainy
4 months ago

This kind of reminds me about when I had to explain to my husband that an unaroused vagina is only like 3 or 4 inches deep and that arousal is what makes it open along with lubrications for PIV sex. It amazed me that I had to explain to a 20 year old man the actually physicals changes arousal does to a vagina, not just “getting wet”

(had this conversation with him to help him understand a bit better about my sexual assault, cause he had PIV intercourse with a young lady when he was a teenager when they were both virgins and she didn’t bleed after it, he took foreplay pretty seriously so as not to hurt her. and when I told him about the amount of blood i was dealing with after my assaults, he thought it was because i was a virgin and that confused him. Had to explain that it was from actually lacerations of my vagina. not the supossive ” hymen” breaking.)

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
4 months ago

You *could* make a point that the human body could have designed a more comfortable way to deal with menstruations. That wouldn’t make it a malfunction as much as a suboptimal design, similar to how some nerves make strange path through the body.

Moogue
Moogue
4 months ago

That wouldn’t make it a malfunction as much as a suboptimal design, similar to how some nerves make strange path through the body.

Humans are pretty unusual in animal kingdom that we silently ovulate every month, hence the monthly menustration. I guess going into heat and not ovulating until sex makes the baby making process too obvious or something.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
4 months ago

@Alan Robertshaw

Steve Bannon indicted for fraud.

‘Victims’ are people who provided funds to build border wall.

Who do you root for in this one!

Can I root for the Post Office in this case? 😀

PARTY!PARTY!PARTY! etc.