By David Futrelle
Today’s nuggets of vagina wisdom come courtesy of some dude who just tried to post this thing below on my blog. Apparently the vagina (and the female reproductive system in general) is some sort of sperm-powered locomotive.
I must have missed this day in Sex Ed.
And all the girlfriends I’ve had must have been malfunctioning too, as they generally seemed to prefer it when no sperm reached their reproductive organs at all, due to their desire not to be pregnant all the time or even ever.
I’m trying to imagine HareyS here on a date. When exactly does he bring all this stuff up? Does he launch into a speech about sperm the minute he and his date sit down for a few cocktails? Or does he try to subtly work it into converstation?
Her: Sorry I’m late! My car wouldn’t start so I had to take the bus.
Him: Interesting. You know what else can’t really function [leans in] … without sperm?
Actually, I’m guessing this guy doesn’t go on many dates.
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God I wish that was true
Ahah hah hah a nugget of truth (the horniness during ovulation thing is true for some cis women) and a big dollop of misogynist misinformation = mansplanation at its … finest? Or something.
Who wants to bet he’s a semen retainer too?
I could be wrong, but doesn’t sperm count and sexual function decrease with age even if it doesn’t stop outright?
They seem to do this a lot for organs that aren’t there to do it. This is like saying the lungs aren’t there to breathe.
A bit creepy he says this, seeing as most uterus-havers start menstruating around age 10-14 and he seems to be implying that 10-year-olds are desiring sperm.
Gosh. Since I’m no longer menstruating, does that mean my uterus is no longer malfunctioning?
I’m guessing this fella also thinks the clitoris is a myth.
It’s hard enough convincing some dudes I know that the bulk of semen doesn’t actually come from the balls. Isn’t/wasn’t that a meme for a while? The internet is so fast and I am as slow as…
Molasses.
Sex drive does tend to ebb and flow with the hormones, so points for having some basic knowledge I guess. But it’s a pretty big leap from people with ovaries having an increased libido during ovulation from menstruation is a malfunction. It’s also ridiculous to pretend like people with penises aren’t effected at all by ageing.
I know these guys think that women’s only purpose is to be barefoot and pregnant, but to actually be so blatant about it that they actually think women are “malfunctioning” by doing something their reproductive organs were designed to do 99% of the time? It’s just wild.
I honestly wonder what this guy’s opinions on a man orgasming outside of a woman’s vagina are. I mean, I would like to think that this guy is consistent and keeps the story of Onan on his bedside table for easy reading, but life has taught me that these kinds of guys are amazingly good at sprouting double standards whenever it’s convenient.
@Naglfar
But Naglfar, all 10 year old girls want to marry 40 year old men, because something something resources something something prime reproductive years. *vomit*
/deep s, in case it’s not clear
Do you Yanks seriously not learn any biology at school?
Though I’ll grant credit where it’s due – it is one of the more literate bits of verbal wankery David’s received and posted about.
Is it wrong of me to wish that another red piller would add something so that I can get some more hilarity out of this?
This kind of thing would work:
@Threp
Well,
1. No. We have creationists and anti-sex puritan fundamentalists to ensure that.
but,
2. Wasn’t that guy who declared the word vulva “wrong” a brit?
People in red tents shouldn’t throw stones, or something like that.
@Moogue
He may actually be against it, a fair amount of what he said (glorification of semen) sounds like semen retention rhetoric, but I’m not sure and could be wrong.
@Shadowplay
Not really. That being said, Britain doesn’t seem exempt from biology misunderstandings either, given the number of British “gender critical” accounts on Twitter than insist there are two sexes determined solely by the gametes one produces, or would produce if one did produce gametes.
@Crip Dyke
He claims to live in Chicago. I don’t know if he’s British originally, but I’m not sure how I’d find out.
@Naglfar
No problem. I just remembered wrong is all. Was the original art exhibit he was commenting on being shown in the UK or something? Not sure how I got that misimpression.
@Naglfar
It’s not just semen retention, but the whole old idea that “spilling” of gametes is “wrong” and “unnatural” and “malfunctioning”. (CIS women are, after all spilling gametes when they menstruate, even though the bible doesn’t actually recognize that). I would like to think that you and I are correct, and that he is consistent between genders, but life has taught me to be wary of cis men’s hypocrisy.
Or maybe I’m just reading too much into things. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@Threp
What is /biology/?
Also, fuck you, aren’t you fucking Canadian? ;p
@Crip Dyke
It was first reported in The Guardian, which is a British paper.
@Moogue
He is probably also a hypocrite as a whole, as misogynists pretty much always are, but this particular topic I can’t say for sure.
IIRC Threp’s British.
Brits aren’t the only ones who frequently refer to Americans as “Yanks”. Irish, Aussies, Kiwis and South Africans do it, and a few Canadians do as well to my knowledge.
It’s actually more accurate anyway, seeing as how an “American” would technically be anyone from any country in North OR South America since America is the continent group. And while someone from a Southern/Confederate state might think of a “Yankee” as someone from a non-Confederate state – particularly the New England region – at least it’s the right country. We really need to drill home the fact that the Confederates lost the war and therefore can’t declare themselves a separate region anyway.
@Seth S.
I know a that many Asian countries will call Americans Yanks as well, although usually not in an entirely positive way (seems that the US has a bit of a … reputation). And African. Seems that maybe just about everyone uses Yank as slang for USian.
Being from New England (Massachusetts) I can’t think of a single time that being called a Yank was a good thing. It’s not an exactly a bad thing either, although even the original colonial era the meme (lol) was about a moron.
Yes, and…..?
Ooòoooòooh, those be fighting words. :p
@Naglfar
So I guess I’ll update my plans of yelling at them for sending all the fucking conservatives over with plan of yelling at them for, I dunno, having a functioning government? :p
I were born in Canada, but I’m English. 😛
@Seth
Had a unit seconded to us from the USA – from Georgia, they were. Used to get a wee bit pissed off when we kept calling Americans Yanks. Or Seppos on the fairly frequent occasions when they fucked up. It were pretty funny.
Edit to add:
@Moogue
If you see one laying around, could you let me know? Ours is rather useless – they’ve taken ineffectual posturing to new heights of absurdity. 🙂
Thank you, Naglfar.
It’s nice to know that I still have some connection to reality, however tenuous.
@Threp
I can’t find a gif of the grinch looking evil and wringing his hands (read: I’m too lazy and entitled to find it), but know that I am inserting it here. :p
I believe the fellow (who was tired of women complaining about the tampon tax) who told women to stop being incontinent little children and learn to hold it in till you get to a bathroom, was British. Seems to me he could use a biology lesson.
I gather that “Yankee” is generally used within the US to mean Northern New England Connecticut somethingsomething, whereas “Yank” is generally used by outsiders to mean USAmerican. If this distinction is somewhat consistent (?), one might argue they’re actually different words.
Then again, if a USAmerican is called a Yank by some random foreigners, it makes perfect sense they’d not notice the distinction, but rather assume that “Yank” is just a funny foreign variant of Yankee.
Plus in languages other than English you might see adopted variants such as Yanqui or jenkki that mean “Yank” but sound perhaps more like “Yankee”. These languages tend to have no use for the intra-US meaning, so there’s no need to distinguish anything.
(In Finland “jenkki” has traditionally neutral-positive connotation. It was given as the name of a once highly popular chewing gum brand.)
Well, based on an average person with a uterus having one menstrual cycle a month for around forty years, out of which time they might have 0, 2, 4, or another random number of pregnancies during which the menstrual cycle halts for approximately ten months, you’d have to say the uterus is more often than not “spew[ing] bloody mucus out”. Which makes me wonder if that is indeed its majority function.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, these guys like to think their views are from the glorious 1950s, but if they truly believe that anyone with a vagina should be pregnant from the onset of menses, then they are actually somewhat less forward thinking than your average medieval warlord.
You are talking about reproduction. It takes both a man and a woman to make a baby.
No, menstruation is perfectly normal. It’s a shedding of the lining of the uterus when an egg has not been fertilized.
Also, the word “spew,” which, according to Webster, means “to flow out in great quantities or with force,” is wrong. The discharge is much slower and takes several days.
And finally, here’s an interesting theory about another possible reason for menstruation:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8210311/
A girl-woman? Stop. Don’t be a creep.
A woman might or might not be interested in sex at any time of her menstrual cycle.
Would a woman, any woman, be interested in sex with you at any time during her menstrual cycle? Doubtful. That’s because you worship the male body and denigrate the female body. You lie. And you’re a creep.
‘Menstruation is a malfunction’: this person may be thinking in the terms of ancient biology, in which menstruation is functionally no different from a nosebleed. Bleeding purges and rebalances the body, but women (on the whole) need to do it more often since their bodies are bodged versions of the male norm and thus generally messier and leakier. So he has learnt biology, just not any biology that has been current in the last few centuries.