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Red Pill Redditor: Help! My girlfriend thinks I’m an abusive, manipulative narcissist (which I actually am)

By David Futrelle

A lot of what’s called “Red Pill Dating Strategy” is little more than abuse — mimicking the behavior of real-life skeezebags who employ assorted psychological tricks designed to keep their partners feeling desperate and insecure. It’s as if the Red Pillers read a rundown of toxic behavior in relationships and decided to use it as a to-do list.

But for this strategy to work properly, the subject of this sort of manipulation has to remain unaware of the tactics their abuser is using. So what happens if a woman learns about these tricks and realizes they’re being used on her?

Well, for one thing, it freaks out this dude who never thought he’d get caught. And so he turned to the Ask The Red Pill subreddit for help.

Oopsie daisy!

Naturally, one of the Red Pill regulars suggested that he respond to the accusations of manipulative abuse by … gaslighting her.

“I would honestly look at her crazy … and act stupid, ‘redpill? I don’t understand what you mean by that?’ Or some bullshit,” wrote rprookie.

Another suggested that he try to convince her that the abuse was a good thing.

Be blunt, yes it is selfish and narcissistic in some ways. Here’s the catch there’s nothing wrong with that. Surprise!! Most of therapy or psychology is helping people prioritize themselves in a healing process to develop healthy and more effective habits/behaviors. The red pill provides a way for men to better themselves and simply be honest about what they want and encouraging them to pursue it. For example, how many men want a threesome, but never try to get it?

The red pill has literal posts about how to get it and that’s the point self improve men/ actualization has an element of selfishness because you are the subject of change.

I’m sure his “abuse is good at least when I’m doing it because then I might get a threesome” argument will go over swimmingly.

Another commenter blames the therapist, and psychiatry in general.

So your midwit girlfriend learned some big girl words from her therapist, thus causing the very untheraputic outcome of more conflict on her life.

Your basically experiencing the same thing ever American Dad experiences when their daughter gets back from libtard university.

Google the antipsychiatry movement and if your not a midwit you should be able to hard counter with serious anti therapy critique.

Still another commenter thought that the OP had nothing to worry about.

All of the girls who called me a manipulative, abusive narcissist went on to fuck me even better. Those are just cute nicknames they use for us with their friends and orbiters.

Meanwhile, another commenter suggested that the girl was being the manipulative one:

If a women calls you manipulative/abusive whatever, basically anything remember that it’s for her personal gain. It’s just a tactic to manipulate you into turning into a little beta pussy for her. You should be worried tho if someone you trust and respect calls you this.

I’m pretty sure he neither trusts nor respects her; that’s why he’s treating her like shit.

There were also numerous commenters telling the OP to break up and move on and though their reasoning was often suspect I have to agree with them on this. OP, end this abusive relationship — and move on from the Red Pill altogether. Use this as a wake-up all. Get some therapy yourself. And don’t get into another relationship until you’ve expunged all traces of the “Red Pill philosophy” from your system.

H/T — The Blue Pill subreddit

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Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
2 months ago

If a women calls you manipulative/abusive whatever, basically anything remember that it’s for her personal gain. It’s just a tactic to manipulate you into turning into a little beta pussy for her.

Cinemark needs their projector back.

You should be worried tho if someone you trust and respect calls you this.

Pretty sure no redpiller trusts or respects anyone but other redpillers, who naturally aren’t going to call out one of their own. Nice way to insulate from criticism.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

I will admit, a lot of red pill teachings could be classified as narcissistic

So close…
comment image

self improve men/ actualization has an element of selfishness because you are the subject of change.

If your self improvement is to the detriment of others, that’s not self improvement, that’s abuse.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 months ago

“Advice?”

Take a good long look at yourself and these behaviors you’ve been espousing. Spend some time away from your redpill echo chamber.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
2 months ago

It’d be great if this poster stepped away from the red pill, but he’s drawn to it because it validates what’s already in his mindset and lifestyle. I believe in change, but he doesn’t indicate he’s inclined to do that.

Maybe his victim, er, excuse me, “girlfriend” can do the stepping away. She’s probably more likely to, seeing as she’s in therapy. That’s usually a good move toward health in general, and healthy relationships specifically.

Seoirse
Seoirse
2 months ago

Google the antipsychiatry movement and if your not a midwit you should be able to hard counter with serious anti therapy critique.

I guarantee you this man knows nothing about the antipsychiatry movement’s motives and goals.

numerobis
numerobis
2 months ago

A lightbulb just went off.

Abusers hate psychiatry because it gives their victims tools to fight back.

Now that I write that out, I should have understood that a long-ass time ago, it’s so obvious. But until now I always found it curious how right-wingers and scientologists hated psychiatry.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@numerobis

But until now I always found it curious how right-wingers and scientologists hated psychiatry.

I think another reason they hate it is that it exposes their delusional beliefs for what they are, which they don’t want. They’ve built themselves layers of defense mechanisms and lies and don’t want to have to face the truth. This is why conspiracy theories like QAnon are built: to shield believers from the realization that they are the baddies. A good psychiatrist could see through that, and the believers don’t want to. Or like how incels make up elaborate falsehoods and refuse therapy.

An Autistic Giraffe
An Autistic Giraffe
2 months ago

Plus there’s also the contempt for expertise that is a major part of modern conservatism. Truth to them is about what feels true, not something to be found in a long painstaking journey. And if someone who takes that journey comes back and says your feelings were wrong, that makes them enemies trying to force their feelings on you to be resisted at all costs, hence the non-insignificant number of cons now who think the earth is flat.

And there’s the toxic masculinity saying that emotions are a weakness and a REAL MAN must never admit to needing help with depression or insecurity. Which of course is the exact opposite of the truth and a big part of men have high suicide rates.

Therapy and psychiatry are good things that usually make your life better.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 months ago

So your midwit girlfriend learned some big girl words from her therapist, thus causing the very untheraputic outcome of more conflict on her life.

Well, she may be only a midwit — unlike you, Mr. Genius — but even she could see through your bullshit. More conflict can be extremely therapeutic; it can lead to positive change. In this case, she might get this guy — a genius just like you, I’m sure — out of her life. Ah, tranquility.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
2 months ago

No wonder they dislike psychiatry. Psychiatry is here to help people change themselves and act in the world, and their only interest in life is the statu quo.

Also, a lot of their advice can be boiled down to “treat her like an idiot”. There’s probably some stupidity into dating a redpiller, but most people actually aren’t stupid all the time, only the president of the USA succeed in doing that.

Ariblester
2 months ago

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile wrote on
August 19, 2020 at 12:52 am:

So your midwit girlfriend learned some big girl words from her therapist, thus causing the very untheraputic outcome of more conflict on her life.

Well, she may be only a midwit — unlike you, Mr. Genius — but even she could see through your bullshit. More conflict can be extremely therapeutic; it can lead to positive change. In this case, she might get this guy — a genius just like you, I’m sure — out of her life. Ah, tranquility.

I especially love the fact that the person who wrote the comment also threw in a dig at OP,

Google the antipsychiatry movement and if your not a midwit you should be able to hard counter with serious anti therapy critique.

“You must be stupid if you disagree with me.”

Because the manosphere is one biiig crab bucket.

Ariblester
2 months ago

Seoirse wrote on
August 18, 2020 at 9:18 pm:

Google the antipsychiatry movement and if your not a midwit you should be able to hard counter with serious anti therapy critique.

I guarantee you this man knows nothing about the antipsychiatry movement’s motives and goals.

Does the movement concerned with issues present in the current practice of psychiatry, such as imbalance of power, diagnostic criteria, involuntary confinement, over-medication, etc. still identify with the term “antipsychiatry”? I’m asking because I usually hear the term being applied to groups such as cults, mostly in a negative fashion (in a manner broadly similar to the current use of the term “men’s rights”).

Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
2 months ago

What is a midwit? It sounds at a surface level like another word for “average”, and what was ever wrong with being average?

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
2 months ago

@Big Titty Demon : in general, nothing, but part of the red pill is the delusion of grandeur where their adherent think they are above average.

Similar to how “normie” can be an insult. In both case it say more on the utterer than on the target.

Amtep
Amtep
2 months ago

“You’re not allowed to complain about my behavior unless I agree it’s a problem” is on the emotional manipulation list too, and they nailed that one.

Seoirse
Seoirse
2 months ago

@Ariblester

Yeah, we do. There’s a difference between being anti the social institution of psychiatry and all its messed up shit and being anti science. I’m antipsych and take meds because my meds help me, but psych as a whole fucked me up because of its nature, especially with how it treats mentally ill kids.

Ariblester
2 months ago

Seoirse wrote on
August 19, 2020 at 4:05 am:

@Ariblester

Yeah, we do. There’s a difference between being anti the social institution of psychiatry and all its messed up shit and being anti science. I’m antipsych and take meds because my meds help me, but psych as a whole fucked me up because of its nature, especially with how it treats mentally ill kids.

Fair enough. I learned something new today, thank you.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Ohlmann

Also, a lot of their advice can be boiled down to “treat her like an idiot”.

This is a big part of the manosphere, as it’s a subtle form of gaslighting. However, it’s also clear that manospherians think each other are idiots, as they all have a very low opinion of each other and men in general.

@Big Titty Demon

What is a midwit?

I read it as similar to “half wit,” which is a regular insult, but I could be wrong.

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

@ big titty demon

What is a midwit?

It’s someone who’s 40% one of these kids.

comment image

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

This just popped up on my LinkedIn. I don’t know enough about the subject to have an opinion as to the validity of the argument; but it seems it may be relevant to the psychiatry discussion people are having.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/alisonescalante/2020/08/11/researchers-doubt-that-certain-mental-disorders-are-disorders-at-all/#566ebf5c15a6

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Alan Robertshaw
I agree very much that there should not be stigma around things like anxiety or depression, and I support changing society to facilitate better life for people who have these. As someone who is autistic, I can’t speak for people with ADHD or other situations, but I would very much support no longer considering autism as a disorder, as that adds to the stigma and alienation. This is why I generally say “autism” instead of the medical term “ASD,” as the latter stands for “autism spectrum disorder” and as a result seems overly pathologizing.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 months ago

@Alan

That photo is cuckoo. 😉

Going back to the more serious topic, redpillers seem to pride themselves on being abusive and manipulative because that equals “strength” to them. They see it as power, as possession of control.

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

@ Vicky P

That photo is cuckoo. 😉

Damn(ed) right!

Karalora
Karalora
2 months ago

@An Autistic Giraffe:

Truth to them is about what feels true, not something to be found in a long painstaking journey. And if someone who takes that journey comes back and says your feelings were wrong, that makes them enemies trying to force their feelings on you to be resisted at all costs

This analogy made me think of the Hero’s Journey mythic archetype, where the hero ventures far afield and brings back what they find–treasure, wisdom, etc.–for the good of their homeland. And I realized: Conservatives like to paint themselves as heroes, but in reality they are the deniers of heroes. The real heroes are the ones working to improve the world; all conservatives do is try to hold them back, and then try to undo the good works that succeed.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Karalora

Conservatives like to paint themselves as heroes

This is also why they love to ramble about “Western Civilization.” It allows them to frame themselves as heroes trying to save something rather than assholes standing in the way of progress. They’ve created their own mythology, like QAnon which I mentioned earlier, so they can see themselves as heroes rather than having to acknowledge that they’re villains. See also: Lost Cause of the Confederacy, Evangelism, etc.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
2 months ago

Also of note : the Hero’s journey is inherently conservative and want to return the world to the older state. Likewise, a lot of old mythology either deny the possibility of change or show it as the problem.

It’s pretty easy for conservative to see themselves as heroes when they actually do the same things most mythological heroes do. Just, they forgot that the change isn’t the city next door enslaving them or the giants destroying the worlds, but actual progress.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Ohlmann
Interestingly, a lot of mythology from regions of the world other than Europe does emphasize change. For instance, Buddhism and Hinduism both see change as part of a natural cycle of the world, or how the Ancient Mayans saw destruction as a part of a cycle of creations. This may explain some modern day cultural differences between Europe and the rest of the world.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
2 months ago

@Naglfar : I know of thoses mythology and have a different conclusions

They are all cyclical. It’s like the viking ragnarok, in that there are cycles but the end result is alway the same. Inherently, they cannot be any progress in thoses mythology, everything will alway be the same.*

Christianism and its numerous forerunners (not judaism, rather the various apocalyptic sects that probably inspired christianism) is actually the one who is really different, at least originally. Instead of an infinite present like the greek mythology or a cycle where nothing can change on the long run, history have a beginning and an end. They are still as scripted as ever, but at least things *can* change, and it was the big selling point of thoses sects compared to other religions who were local to thoses regions at that time.

Of course, conservatives twisted that part senseless, like they do with everything christianism-related.

* note : of course, that’s a big simplification. In particular, buddhism end goal is to escape the cycle. In that sense, it’s sort of a precursor to christianity, even if it’s very hard to make sure if the common ground are coincidental or not

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
2 months ago

Also, and notably, if there is a point where European culture and other part of the world culture isn’t different, it’s in how conservative it can get. There’s probably an inherent bias toward not changing in human brain, since from the POV of a prehistoric man, things not changing as soon as you have enough ressources to survive is probably a decent approximation of what you want.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 months ago

Speaking of Western civilization, a lot of redpillers seem to have bought into the myths surrounding the Old West here in the States. The rugged loner that tamed the savages with nothing more than true grit and a six-shooter. They don’t like hearing any actual history, which is usually about how the settlers had to work together and save themselves, and how a lot of Old West towns had gun control laws so strict they could never be enforced today.

It goes back to what others have pointed out here: what’s true for them is what feels true, and what feels true is what makes them feel good about themselves.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Ohlmann

if there is a point where European culture and other part of the world culture isn’t different, it’s in how conservative it can get.

This is true, though I think a lot of conservatism worldwide is a result of European colonialism. Most of the world accepted LGBT people, for instance, until colonialism, and some of the most vehemently anti-LGBT places today are recently decolonized countries. Sometimes it’s even more direct influence, like how the US religious right sent a delegation to Uganda to help draft their laws that mandate death for gay men.

@Victorious Parasol

They don’t like hearing any actual history, which is usually about how the settlers had to work together and save themselves, and how a lot of Old West towns had gun control laws so strict they could never be enforced today.

They also don’t know about how female sex workers in the West had a lot of power relative to the status of women in other parts of the country, and this is why Wyoming was the first place in the US to let women vote (and only became a state on the condition that women could keep that right) as well as the first state to have a woman governor.

In other words, they want the John Wayne movie version of the west, not the real version, because it’s yet another chance to fetishize good old days that never were, which is key to conservative ideology.

John Strycharz
John Strycharz
2 months ago

Your headline of the week. 😆

Gun Enthusiasts Celebrate Man Who Shot Himself in the Balls as Their King

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/y3zeew/gun-enthusiasts-celebrate-man-who-shot-himself-in-the-balls-as-their-king

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@John Strycharz
Sounds like a Darwin Award winner. I remember when the “guns pointed at crotch” trend was in full swing, being a bit confused by it all. Most of what the right does is intended to “trigger” people or “own the libs,” but some random conservative guy pointing a gun at his bits doesn’t really make me feel anything.

Lollypop
Lollypop
2 months ago

“I would honestly look at her crazy … and act stupid, ‘redpill? I don’t understand what you mean by that?’

Hahahaa, great work from these manipulative masterminds! “Eeer, I’ve been reading “redpill” on “the Internet”?? What even ARE the internets? I’m just too stooopid to know.” It’s like watching Hannibal Lecter in his prime!

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 months ago

@Naglfar

Most of what the right does is intended to “trigger” people or “own the libs,” but some random conservative guy pointing a gun at his bits doesn’t really make me feel anything.

It makes me feel exasperated. “Oh. THERE’S someone who’s going to be a bad patient.” Then I feel sorry for the nursing team who’ll have to deal with whatever “hold my beer” stupidity will land him in trouble.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@VP
Fair enough. I can feel sympathy for the people who will have to deal with him, but I don’t feel all that sorry for the man who did this to himself.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 months ago

@Naglfar

Yeah, it’s a weird side effect of being in healthcare. Once a person becomes a patient, we’re supposed to think, “I will take care of you. I will respect your rights, and perform my job according to professional standards.” You can have a personal opinion about them (and I certainly have), but you can’t let that get in the way of you doing your job.

Sometimes that’s easy. Sometimes I’ve had to grit my teeth and remind me that it’s not my job to fix stupidity. (Except for when it is.)

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

O/T: Remember a few months ago when David wrote about the toys that make sparkly vomit and poop?
Well, it appears TERFs have found a similar toy, and now are convinced it is part of a trans* conspiracy to groom children into fetishism. They also seem unable to distinguish babies from strippers. The toy doesn’t seem like a good toy at all, but it seems they used it as an opportunity to project hard.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 months ago

Man, I’d forgotten about those toys.

What’s wrong with Legos or Lincoln Logs, grumbles this old cootessa.

Moogue
Moogue
2 months ago

“Now she thinks I’m an abusive, manipulative, narcissist.”

To be fair, if she has a pattern of calling him, as a person, an abusive, manipulative narcissist to his face, rather than criticizing his behavior as being abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic, then she’s a toxic person herself. But since we only have Happyver’s account, and I have doubts as to weather he makes this distinction himself, I guess we’ll never know if this is the case.

“Google the antipsychiatry movement and if your not a midwit you should be able to hard counter with serious anti therapy critique.”

*sigh* CUE ANGRY RANT

PSYCHIATRY=/=THERAPY. It’s like googling the anti-orange movement and using those arguments to criticize apples, since they’re both fruit that provide you vitamin C.

I think it’s important to distinguish between being anti-therapy and being anti-psychiatry. IMO therapy is a wonderful thing that yes, can help you spot and overcome abuse, difficulties, etc. IMO psychiatry, as it stands today, is a medical shit-hole that, at least in the US, insurance companies and regulations have destroyed. It’s cheaper to pay a non-doctor to do therapy, so instead of doing therapy too many psychiatrists “diagnose” you in a couple of minutes then push you out the door with your “good enough” diagnosis and a pile of drugs.

Now keep in mind that I’m not saying that drugs, as a general thing, are bad, or that psychiatry, as a general thing, is bad, or that it hasn’t helped people. What I am saying is that psychiatry has also done harm and deserves the flak that it gets, and shouldn’t be confused with performing actual useful therapy.

And now, probably cue the anecdotes. :p

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 months ago

OT, but Ontario is backsliding on virus containment again. The active case count started creeping back up again a few days ago, after a couple of weeks of steady decline.

Why do these backsliding events keep happening and how can they be prevented? Ford’s back-to-school plans are a freaking joke, so we really need this thing eradicated from the province by Labor Day or I fear it’s going to explode again. Worse, not long after that winter will be arriving, cooping everyone up indoors with one another’s sneezes …

Before this latest backsliding, the numbers were on track to hit zero in early September, but now it’s not looking good.

How do I fix this???

Dalillama
Dalillama
2 months ago

@Surplus
Drink heavily, that’s what I’m doing.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
2 months ago

You can’t fix it.

Though if you do work out how, tell me how! I’d really like to get the hospitals clear enough of fools with corona (all because they needed a pint or a picnic), so I can go in and get this lumpy mutant hitchhiker out of my guts before I starve to death.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Moogue

the anti-orange movement

Is this a real thing? They must have been sworn enemies with Linus Pauling.

Lollypop
Lollypop
2 months ago

@Moogue Hmm, I dunno about that. I can see where you are coming from and it’s important when you are looking to create a healthier relationship to consider these things. But I think in this situation the victim of abuse is absolutely allowed to call the person who is calculatedly trying to abuse them (to the extent of asking advice to FURTHER their control of the situation) an abusive narcissistic prick. I know I would!

Re/ Psychiartrists, in the UK getting referred to one feels like gold dust, but misdiagnoses from GPs is a massive problem. Someone I’m close to has Panic Disorder (and has done for 14 years). Will the docs acknowledge this despite ample evidence? No. Do they insist they have GAD? Yes.

It’s infuriating. And probably because GAD (even when treatment resistant) has a treatment pathway they are happy to go down, whereas PD is expensive cognitive reframing and potentially addictive benzos.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
2 months ago

I think it’s important to distinguish between being anti-therapy and being anti-psychiatry. IMO therapy is a wonderful thing that yes, can help you spot and overcome abuse, difficulties, etc. IMO psychiatry, as it stands today, is a medical shit-hole that, at least in the US, insurance companies and regulations have destroyed. It’s cheaper to pay a non-doctor to do therapy, so instead of doing therapy too many psychiatrists “diagnose” you in a couple of minutes then push you out the door with your “good enough” diagnosis and a pile of drugs.

My psychiatrist literally saved my life, so I think it’s important to recognize the good psychiatry can do, too. Therapy is fine but not every disorder responds to it. Some disorders just need meds, and no amount of therapy will replace meds.

Psychiatry is a brand of medicine, and medical services are just as susceptible to classism and racism and sexism as other types of services. Psychiatrists absolutely can do harm, both actively and by more passive gatekeeping. But they can also help people. It’s not an unrelenting shithole with no redeeming features.

Dalillama
Dalillama
2 months ago

@Naglfar

Is this a real thing? They must have been sworn enemies with Linus Pauling.

Nah, they’re sworn enemies of the ruling dynasty of the Netherlands, the British Empire, and Protestantism generally.

Moogue
Moogue
2 months ago

@Lollypop

“But I think in this situation the victim of abuse is absolutely allowed to call the person who is calculatedly trying to abuse them (to the extent of asking advice to FURTHER their control of the situation) an abusive narcissistic prick.”

Ok, I think the point we miss each other is the idea of going ahead and actually repeatedly name calling the other person to their face. I can agree that labeling someone is an abusive narcissistic prick in your mind is a REALLY important step for abuse survivors, but to go ahead and actually say all that to the other person’s face crosses a line into toxic behavior*. It’s like hitting someone because they hit you when you just as easily could have chosen a healthier response. I’m an abuse survior that unfortunately shares custody with my ex-abuser, and one if the most important things I learned from my abuse counseling is how to be firm AND respectful.

Oh and one last thing, in his head *I* was the abuser and he was the blameless victim. It’s not true, but the point is that most abusers see themselves as the victims, and their behavior as a response to the victim, so giving all “victims” a carte blanche to engage in toxic behavior* is not a good thing.

*remember toxic behavior is not the same thing as saying abusive. Toxic behavior may or may not necessarily be abusive, depending on the power dynamics going on

“whereas PD is expensive cognitive reframing”

Sounds like therapy.

Yes, I made a point about getting the correct diagnosis AND getting therapy instead of throwing drugs at a half diagnosed problem.

@Naglfar

“Is this a real thing? They must have been sworn enemies with Linus Pauling”

True story, I once brought my guinea pig into the vet for a URI and he suggested I give her Vitamin C to help clear her up, since guinea pigs share whatever weird mutation with primates that makes us unable to manufacture Vitamin C directly inside our bodies. I asked if giving her oranges would be ok, and he said that it was actually a myth that oranges have the most Vitamin C, and that I should give her bell peppers instead.

/checkmate oranges

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 months ago

@Moogue

I asked if giving her oranges would be ok, and he said that it was actually a myth that oranges have the most Vitamin C, and that I should give her bell peppers instead.

I mostly get mine from peppers. Jalapeños also have a lot, as do poblano peppers.

Kereea
Kereea
2 months ago

Ironically, one of them DID get something right: “Most of therapy or psychology is helping people prioritize themselves in a healing process to develop healthy and more effective habits/behaviors.”

This is in fact why standard therapy doesn’t work well for abusive men or can even worsen their issues. A lot of therapy is about self actualization and prioritizing yourself, which abusers are already great at, and can even make it worse by giving them rationalizations for their behavior. There’s a book that addresses it in places, “Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” but there’s a reason therapy works a lot better for the victims than the abuser.

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