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Incels agree: If guys don’t have sex in high school they’re ruined for life

“Teenagers” in love: Detail from cover of Teen-Age Romances

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By David Futrelle

It’s not a secret that incels are obsessed with underage girls and the allegedly pure joys of teenage sex. Now they seem to have collectively decided that any guy who doesn’t manage to have sex in high school has lost out on something so magical that he is essentially scarred for life; he might as well rope, as they like to put it.

In a recent post on the Incels.co forums, an incel called Personalityinkwell declares, in all caps, that

SEX IN HIGH SCHOOL IS EVERYTHING

everything else is pure cope. …

The only thing that matters is having good genes/good parents so you can be a JB [jailbait] slayer, everything else is GIGACOPE.

Other incels expand on this theme. Mylifeistrash declares that

it’s the harshest pill

that you only got one shot in life and your genetics determined it all

no amount of self-improvement cope or money maxxing will ever make up for your teenage years

AmIjustDreaming agrees,

No amount of money or any other cope can make up for missed teen love. I’m almost 26 and the teenpill still gets to me. While I rotted playing video games, everyone else was having their first kiss, sex, teen love. It will fuck you up forever.

“Only teen love can make up for missed teen love,” laments LOLI BREEDING.

“Highschools need to offer euthanasia at the last day of school,” adds _wifebeater_.

The anger, naturally, stokes the incels’ feelings of entitlement.

“Its such a crime that we never got to fuck prime girls,” complains Ropemaxx.

And it’s not long before they start talking about the age of consent in the Phillipines.

Even aside from the pedophilia, an undercurrent in almost all incel discussions of sex, this is all just bullshit. There’s nothing magical about having sex as a teenager; it’s exciting, to be sure, but it can also be awkward and even a bit embarrassing, as no one knows what they’re doing at first. Sex can actually be a lot better for everyone once both partners have had a little more (or a lot more) experience.

And sex isn’t everything; it’s certainly a pleasant part of life, for those who are into it, but you can live without it. And lots of people do, living through “dry spells” than can last years. Not having sex in high school doesn’t make you special; it doesn’t even make you all that unusual, given that the average age at which Americans have sex for the first time at is 17, with the percentage of high schoolers having sex dropping below 50% in recent years.

That’s right: MOST PEOPLE in high school aren’t having sex.

Yes, it sucks to go through high school dateless. But there are worse things in life. And you have the rest of your life to make up for lost time. Move the fuck on, dudes; stop fixating on something you cannot change.

There are some guys whose lives basically peaked in high school who spend the rest of their lives trying to recapture what they felt the day they scored the winning touchdown. And they won’t shut up about it. Incels are doing something similar, only backwards, fixating on their sexual failures in high school and never shutting up about them. I can’t decide which group is more pathetic, but I know that neither the aging jock or the aging incel is going to be happy until they clear the resentment and self-hatred out of their heads and start living in the present.

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Naglfar
Naglfar
1 month ago

Totally OT: TERFs have taken their penis obsession to a whole new level. TL;DR is that one has realized that many animals have penises (or, as they refer to them, “slimy willies”) and as a result no longer want to eat meat, but don’t like vegetables either so they’re in a bind.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 month ago

Thanks, Alan!

I suspect the nearest American equivalent would be The Facts of Life.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ Vicky P

Ours had the better theme tune!

I’m just pulling a late nighter drafting a Defence in a case. I could use all the latest Companies Act stuff and EU law; but I’m going with a statute from 1677 because I love the language.

IVX1No Action against Executors, &c. upon a special Promise, or upon any Agreement, or Contract for Sale of Lands, &c. unless Agreement, &c. be in Writing and signed.

Noe Action shall be brought . . .whereby to charge the Defendant upon any speciall promise to answere for the debt default or miscarriages of another person . . . unlesse the Agreement upon which such Action shall be brought or some Memorandum or Note thereof shall be in Writeing and signed by the partie to be charged therewith or some other person thereunto by him lawfully authorized.

If this goes to trial I shall so be putting on the appropriate accent. Verily.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 month ago

@Alan Robertshaw
Is it printed using the long s?
I ſhould hope ſo, for it ſhall be only appropriate for ſuch a ſtatute.

Here in ye Maſſachuſetts Bay Colony we too have many archaic laws from that olde time, but I do believe that moſt have been updated to uſe moderne ſpellings.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ naglfar

It might well be on the original vellum; but I just use the Govt online statute database; and that has modern font.

But…

I’m afraid this is the best copy of this scene I could find.

Premise: Alice on Songs of Praise, doing reading from 17th Century Bible.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
1 month ago

Regarding the appropriate accent – I am given to understand that the actual British accent of the time was closer to what we now recognise as an American accent. Wouldn’t that be confusing? 😉

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
1 month ago

Mmh. Willfull stupidity anyone ?

Given that beefs is from castrated animals and chicken don’t have penis even when male, I sadly think this won’t lead to as many starvation as I would like.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
1 month ago

Also, I love it that you guys can quote law from this far back; over here we do have some remnants of Ottoman law, but I don’t think any of them are this old, probably just as far as the 19th century or so. Also, they kinda suck (it’s one of the reasons that interfaith marriages are such a complicated issue here).

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
1 month ago

As someone who’s castrated hundreds of lambs over the years I can assure you that their dicks are not removed during castration – only the balls.
It’s the same for cattle and horses (and humans).

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
1 month ago

I missed a page. I though I was answering to Nagfljar post about the trans exclusors that don’t want to eat male meat.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 month ago

@Alan:

If you do end up quoting that while using the appropriate accent, any chance you could provide us with a recording?

Or, if you don’t, any chance you could provide us with a recording anyway? Or a recording of you quoting the whole thing using a ridiculous pseudo-correct accent?

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
1 month ago

I remember reading that the appropriate accent for Shakespearian speech ressembles West Country/Somerset, so perhaps that also applies here?

@Alan, I saw the headline for the article you linked – it took me a while to summon up the spoons to read it (and to think it’s far from the first such case to make headlines … illustrates how anti-choicers really really don’t care about children).

But it sounds like there was an inspiring counter-demonstration against the anti-choicers. Hopefully that poor child has had a successful and safe termination by now (I see it says she’s keen to get back to playing football; I hope she can soon!).

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 month ago

@Alan

Well, if we’re going to have a battle of TV theme tunes in the category of shows focusing on schools…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2-b0MidBjU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmm3KTa601s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9geTJUzlbqw

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 month ago

@Ohlmann
They also appear to not know much about birds, as they said they won’t eat chicken anymore, while most birds, including chicken, do not have a penis.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
1 month ago

That lot really haven’t changed since the early 80s. Obnoxiously idiotic then, obnoxiously idiotic now. The targets and words might change slightly, but the music they’re singing to is as fixed as a metronome.

(Clarifying – referring to the TERFs. Not the TV theme shows. And why no love for “Welcome Back Kotter” in school shows? The humour were juvenile enough. 😛 )

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 month ago

@opposablethumbs

I have no idea what West Country/Somerset sounds like, but according to the experts, Shakespeare sounded like this:

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 month ago

@Rabid Rabbit

That video looks neat, I’ll have to check it out.

I remember watching a previous video about Shakespearian pronounciation, and learning that apparently during his time, “hour” was pronounced more like “hore”.

Shakespeare used this to make a whole lot of “whore” puns, because of course he did. Dude would have put a dick joke in every other line if he could have.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

People might find this interesting…

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 month ago

@Catalpa

You said, “put a dick.” Cue the adolescent sniggers.

I still remember the moment in reading Comedy of Errors when my high school English class had a collective “Shakespeare made dirty jokes?” reaction.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

Oh Ninja’d by Rapid Rabbit

But on the subject of oldey timey court stuff. The irony is that, whatever language I might use, at least I’d be dressed appropriately*.

Although prior to 1685 we could wear gowns in any ‘sad’ colour. Black only became the standard to mourn the death of Charles II. To be honest, you’d think we’d be over that by now. Let it go people!

(*It’s actually getting rarer and rarer to robe up in civil cases. A lot of judges prefer us not to because then they have to robe up too.)

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 month ago

@Alan:

What, you mean judges don’t go “I can’t hear you” anymore if you’re not dressed properly??? (Or is it “I can’t see you,” I forget…)

Also, surely the sadness was less to do with Charles dying than his evil, evil Catholic brother taking the throne. (And then everyone kept wearing it because William III was a depressive bastard and it wouldn’t serve you to look like you were trying to cheer him up.)

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 month ago

@Threp

Hey, I cited “Welcome Back Kotter” 😛 😉 Great theme song.

Lainy
Lainy
1 month ago

My neighbor got a new cat and the cat thinks our balcony and it’s balcony is a obstacle course to jump to. With a nice like 30 foot drop if it misses.

Dalillama
Dalillama
1 month ago

@Lainy
It probably won’t, and if it does the only problem would be getting back inside. Not even that if there’s a tree or pile nearby.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
1 month ago

@VP

Ha! Might have known you’d not disappoint 🙂 Of course, it had to be the one that wouldn’t load for me …

I’ll admit to being a bit of a Fame addict back when it were first on. Didn’t miss a single episode.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ threp

I’ll admit to being a bit of a Fame addict

I sometimes broach the delicate subject of fees with clients by banging on my desk and yelling “You want a claim? Well a claim costs; and right here is where you start paying!

I should get a stick really.

(They have to be clients I think will get it)

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

We have some really smart people here, so maybe someone can help me?

I’m trying to remember the name of someone. They were around in the 17th or 18th Century. They were a writer or philosopher or economist or something. Really laissez-faire. They said that they were glad England had no concept of administrative law.

They also said that the only things the government should run were the military and the post office.

That’s the bit I want to quote them about.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
1 month ago

@Alan –

Try A. V. Dicey. Sounds like him from your sketch.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ threp

Try A. V. Dicey.

Yes! Thank you.

Although it was apparently the police and the post office; not the military. Still allows me to make my point though.

Kevin
Kevin
1 month ago

@ Alan Robertshaw

1677? Would that be the Statute of Frauds?

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ Kevin

Indeed it would. Bang on for what I need.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
1 month ago

@Naglfar, @Ohlmann:

Never show them Isabella Rossellini’s “Green Porno” series — short films on reproduction in different species, in which Rossellini dresses up as, say, a limpet and explains their life cycle. She does a whole episode on penises and why they’re shaped differently in different species (short answer: “So I don’t get screwed by a bear.”)

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 month ago

@Moon Custafer

So I don’t get screwed by a bear.”

Does she know the other meaning of “bear”?

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

One of my favourite visual puns; from Shirtless Bear Fighter. Thanks to Malitia for bringing this one to my attention.

(Also has a scene that gave me a happy sniffle)
comment image
comment image

Malitia
Malitia
1 month ago

Alan Robertshaw wrote on
August 19, 2020 at 9:46 am:

Thanks to Malitia for bringing this one to my attention.

Don’t mention it… if I already read the comic book solicitations I might as well share the pain or occasionally just weirdness I uncover.

You can also ask Varalys about my “That time of the month…” running gag(? feature? making people suffer with me?) on the Discord… or the occasional boob watch (ie. a selection of that month’s fanservice/boob covers, because obviously there are non /s).

varalys the dark
1 month ago

Yes, “That time of the month” makes the long days fly by! 😀

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

This is the bit that made me sniffle:

comment image

Dalillama
Dalillama
30 days ago

Although you really, really shouldn’t go climbing after a cat in a tree. The cat will come down when it wants to, and is infinitely better than you are at getting both in and out of trees safely.

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