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By David Futrelle
It’s not a secret that incels are obsessed with underage girls and the allegedly pure joys of teenage sex. Now they seem to have collectively decided that any guy who doesn’t manage to have sex in high school has lost out on something so magical that he is essentially scarred for life; he might as well rope, as they like to put it.
In a recent post on the Incels.co forums, an incel called Personalityinkwell declares, in all caps, that
SEX IN HIGH SCHOOL IS EVERYTHING
everything else is pure cope. …
The only thing that matters is having good genes/good parents so you can be a JB [jailbait] slayer, everything else is GIGACOPE.
Other incels expand on this theme. Mylifeistrash declares that
it’s the harshest pill
that you only got one shot in life and your genetics determined it all
no amount of self-improvement cope or money maxxing will ever make up for your teenage years
AmIjustDreaming agrees,
No amount of money or any other cope can make up for missed teen love. I’m almost 26 and the teenpill still gets to me. While I rotted playing video games, everyone else was having their first kiss, sex, teen love. It will fuck you up forever.
“Only teen love can make up for missed teen love,” laments LOLI BREEDING.
“Highschools need to offer euthanasia at the last day of school,” adds _wifebeater_.
The anger, naturally, stokes the incels’ feelings of entitlement.
“Its such a crime that we never got to fuck prime girls,” complains Ropemaxx.
And it’s not long before they start talking about the age of consent in the Phillipines.
Even aside from the pedophilia, an undercurrent in almost all incel discussions of sex, this is all just bullshit. There’s nothing magical about having sex as a teenager; it’s exciting, to be sure, but it can also be awkward and even a bit embarrassing, as no one knows what they’re doing at first. Sex can actually be a lot better for everyone once both partners have had a little more (or a lot more) experience.
And sex isn’t everything; it’s certainly a pleasant part of life, for those who are into it, but you can live without it. And lots of people do, living through “dry spells” than can last years. Not having sex in high school doesn’t make you special; it doesn’t even make you all that unusual, given that the average age at which Americans have sex for the first time at is 17, with the percentage of high schoolers having sex dropping below 50% in recent years.
That’s right: MOST PEOPLE in high school aren’t having sex.
Yes, it sucks to go through high school dateless. But there are worse things in life. And you have the rest of your life to make up for lost time. Move the fuck on, dudes; stop fixating on something you cannot change.
There are some guys whose lives basically peaked in high school who spend the rest of their lives trying to recapture what they felt the day they scored the winning touchdown. And they won’t shut up about it. Incels are doing something similar, only backwards, fixating on their sexual failures in high school and never shutting up about them. I can’t decide which group is more pathetic, but I know that neither the aging jock or the aging incel is going to be happy until they clear the resentment and self-hatred out of their heads and start living in the present.
@ threp
I sometimes broach the delicate subject of fees with clients by banging on my desk and yelling “You want a claim? Well a claim costs; and right here is where you start paying!”
I should get a stick really.
(They have to be clients I think will get it)
We have some really smart people here, so maybe someone can help me?
I’m trying to remember the name of someone. They were around in the 17th or 18th Century. They were a writer or philosopher or economist or something. Really laissez-faire. They said that they were glad England had no concept of administrative law.
They also said that the only things the government should run were the military and the post office.
That’s the bit I want to quote them about.
@Alan –
Try A. V. Dicey. Sounds like him from your sketch.
@ threp
Yes! Thank you.
Although it was apparently the police and the post office; not the military. Still allows me to make my point though.
@ Alan Robertshaw
1677? Would that be the Statute of Frauds?
@ Kevin
Indeed it would. Bang on for what I need.
@Naglfar, @Ohlmann:
Never show them Isabella Rossellini’s “Green Porno” series — short films on reproduction in different species, in which Rossellini dresses up as, say, a limpet and explains their life cycle. She does a whole episode on penises and why they’re shaped differently in different species (short answer: “So I don’t get screwed by a bear.”)
@Moon Custafer
Does she know the other meaning of “bear”?
One of my favourite visual puns; from Shirtless Bear Fighter. Thanks to Malitia for bringing this one to my attention.
(Also has a scene that gave me a happy sniffle)
Don’t mention it… if I already read the comic book solicitations I might as well share the pain or occasionally just weirdness I uncover.
You can also ask Varalys about my “That time of the month…” running gag(? feature? making people suffer with me?) on the Discord… or the occasional boob watch (ie. a selection of that month’s fanservice/boob covers, because obviously there are non /s).
Yes, “That time of the month” makes the long days fly by! 😀
This is the bit that made me sniffle:
Although you really, really shouldn’t go climbing after a cat in a tree. The cat will come down when it wants to, and is infinitely better than you are at getting both in and out of trees safely.