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By David Futrelle
Hey, vagina-havers! If any of you are in need of some unsolicited advice about your vaginas and their proper upkeep, there;s a dude on the Standardcels subreddit who would be happy to help.
Well, maybe “happy” is the wrong word for it.
In a post with the combative title “Advice to foids on how to take care of their vagina because they’re too dumb to figure it out on their own therefore require men to teach them,” an incel Redditor called Representative-Way39 warns against the nefarious practice of “jamming shit up there,” specifically tampons.
If that’s too small to read:
modern vaginas are just as repulsive as their bearers.. all historically depicted pussies are neat and tucked, they didn’t have massive dildos or have sex with countless men. and no pedo but no young prepubescent girls have roast beef, this shit only happens after they start jamming shit up there.
GIRLS when you put your tampons in do it delicately, too many of you pull the vagina to the side too roughly, OF COURSE doing that is going to cause the flaps to become worn and become loose and dangle. you fucking stupid repulsive cunts, god damn yous are so stupid, you can’t even handle taking care of your vagina without men having to tell you what to do. fucking idiots.
It’s bizarre that guys who have never seen a vagina in real life think they know so much about them. Dude, vaginas (or more specifically vulvas) look all sorts of ways. Some women look “neat and tucked,” while others have external labia that look like manta rays. It has nothing to do with what’s been “jammed” up there, and it certainly isn’t the result of “rough” tampon insertion.
An artist named Jamie McCartney plaster-casted 400 vulvas for a project he called “the great wall of vagina.” The point of the endeavor was to show that perfectly normal vulvas can look radically different from one another, as a quick look at a segment of the wall makes abundantly clear.
McCartney did the same with a smaller selection of penises both flaccid and erect and guess what? They looked different as well.
Incels’ insistence that most women’s vaginas are “repulsive” is truly the worst case of sour grapes I think I’ve ever run across. It’s also completely self-defeating, if their goal is to someday, you know, actually get laid; no women wants to be with a guy who thinks like they do.
H/T — r/BlatantMisogyny
This guy can best be described as what noted political analyst Lucy Van Pelt would call “a blockhead”.
If he told me it was sunny, I’d immediately grab my umbrella.
Is this the ultimate example of mansplaining? A cis man who has never seen a vagina thinks he can instruct vagina-havers on how to take care of their own genitals. This might even surpass that time some guy mansplained to Jen Gunter what a vagina was.
I don’t think that’s true either. And even if most historical paintings of vaginas do look that way, it’s not because vaginas all used to look that way. It’s because cishet male artists painted them that way because that was what they liked.
There have been 8 inch stone phallus objects found dating back 30,000 years. They most certainly did have dildos in the past (in addition to other toys).
How on Earth do they think this works mechanically? Even accepting their weird premise about stretching permanently for big penises, how would a tampon make the labia stretch?
@Chris O
Don’t just grab your umbrella, also run away from this creep. He does not seem like a good person to be around.
If this guy finds vaginas so disgusting, he could always just… Not interact with vaginas? Most people keep their vaginas out of sight, so I can’t imagine it would be very difficult. I’m not terribly fond of genitals of any sort, and I can safely say that no one has even once aggressively tried to get me to observe or interact with their vagina.
And if there somehow are people who want this guy to interact with their vaginas, then he can always show this post to them and that should keep his life perfectly vagina free.
Oh my god is this not how tampon insertion works
What the actual fuck? You do not pull your vagina to the side to insert a tampon. That is not what happens.
Does he think you put tampons in between the labia?
That’s just not what happens.
THIS IS REALLY FUCKING NOT HOW IT WORKS.
Sorry to yell, but I think this actually broke me.
I might have to bookmark this post next time a man tries to claim that mansplaining isn’t a thing. Because to get the anatomy of the vulva and vagina so completely mind blowingly wrong and then call us stupid cunts for not being able to take care of our vaginas is just mansplaining in its purest form.
@Catalpa
I get the feeling this guy makes it clear that any non-incel should stay away from him the minute he opens his mouth. I’ll bet he never shuts up about “foids” and “looksmatches” and other incel bullshit.
I feel really strongly about the whole incorrect anatomy terms thing. This post reminds me of that. I think it’s a power thing for these creeps. Words have power. I was slut-shamed when younger and as an adult woman and powerful one now I feel like insisting that people call my body and every part of it what it is and what I say it is should be an act of anti-patriarchial resistance. I love every part of my body and am proud of it.
WHY does this guy “know” what prepubescent girls’ vaginas look like? I can think of no non-disturbing way he could claim to have obtained this information.
Also, a man’s foreskin (if he’s not circumcised) gets stretched WAY more than any part of a woman’s anatomy during conventional sex or masturbation. Do foreskins keep getting bigger and flappier with sex? Do circumcised men think that they do?
Finally, given that full-innie vulvae are pretty rare based on pretty much every consensus I’ve heard, how/why did these guys get so attached to the idea of them? Could it be that they just hate women so much they’d find a “problem” absolutely regardless of what the anatomy looked like?
@theluckyfrog
Possible TMI: I am not a man, but I do have a penis and I am circumcised. I don’t know much about foreskins, but I don’t think they grow floppier with sex. Another difference is, while I don’t know much about foreskins, I don’t pretend that I do and I don’t go around telling people with foreskins how to maintain theirs.
OTOH, the Ancient Greeks thought that penises should be small and that large penises with giant foreskins were very funny, so comic actors would wear fake giant dicks with big foreskins.
I would guess it’s a feedback loop: they tell each other all the myths about “roasties” and the like, and they spread the idea among each other, reinforcing it. Porn might also play a role, as many women in pornography have had labia surgeries to look a certain way.
Also, I just realized this game from a subreddit called Standardcels. It would be nice if Reddit could just ban any subreddit that ends in “cel” or “cels.”
I mean, obviously you can tell when a person with a penis has had a lot of sex when their foreskin looks more like a cowl than a turtleneck. For the mightiest of chads, their dicks start to look like inside-out umbrellas./sarcasm
Yeah, no pedo at all. How do you even know what young prepubescent vulvas look like?? Why are you even thinking about it at all? You disgusting piece of shit.
Pull the vagina to the side.
Pull. The. Vagina. To. The. Side.
…
I can’t even.
and no pedo but no young prepubescent girls have roast beef
The wicked flee though none pursueth.
Why do they call themselves “Standardcels”?
… are they trying to convince themselves they’re incels only because they think they have “standards” (that are probably ridiculous and unreasonable in reality because they got them all from porn videos) or something? Because if so, oh my lordt.
Personally, I’ve always had trouble getting tampons in properly because of how I’m built. I’ve always preferred pads. But even I know that I have to insert a tampon delicately, so as not to hurt myself. Also, no, no, no, pulling the vagina to the side — were such a thing possible — would be absurd. A tampon goes up the vagina, at an angle, toward the spine. Up. At an angle. Toward the spine.
In summation, you are an idiot.
Some vagina tips from a dude who knows less than zero about vaginas
As always, knowing less than zero about a subject will not stop an incel from pontificating about it. For incels, knowing nothing about the subject they are discussing is a feature. In no way should their ignorance be construed as a bug.
It feels kinda gross to even attempt to make sense of this text, but my guess about “pulling the vagina to the side” is that he actually means spreading the labia with one hand as you insert the tampon with the other (since these guys tend to call the whole genitals “vagina” and since that’s the only thing I can think of that could connect – in a very stupid way, mind you, but still – to the idea of somehow enlarging the flaps). He must imagine that, when done “roughly” (whatever that means) it would stretch them out.
And now I’m going to have some coffee and try not to think about what goes on in incel minds. Shudder.
I just, what? Look, I know that some of this may be down to porn giving people the wrong idea about what “normal” genitals look like, but surely not every single porn video that they have watched involves an actress who has had labiaplasty, right? Or does this just feed back into their nonsense again (“Look, this actress just had a train run on her, no wonder her vagina [sic] looks like that!”). Do their own buttholes work the same way in their mind, I have to wonder.
Why did I still fall for this? With the “jamming shit up there” I was like, “well, literally, no?” and then found out that said “shit” was just tampons. Sigh.
@WWTH
I might also do that. Sometimes when people complain about the term mansplaining, they say things like “Well maybe he thought he knew more about the subject than others”, but here there’s not even the hint of “it’s common knowledge that” or “all my friends agree” or even “from what I’ve seen” or anything to make it seem like any sort of thought beyond “vaginas gross” went into this.
@theluckyfrog
Yeah, but he did add “no pedo”, so that makes it all right. Everyone knows that if you add “I’m not horrible and gross” to a statement, people always take you at your word.
I’ll note that this incel is not giving advice on how to keep your vagina healthy, or even clean – advice that he is not qualified to give either – but rather how to make your vulva visually pleasing for him in particular.
It’s just another application of lookism, pointed at vulvas this time, which is not the common application but not an unheard-of one either. It’s a boner update of the most literal variety; if your vulva does not please his boner in particular, then something is direly off and it needs to be fixed (or, in this case, prevented).
It’s obvious that this particular dude is laughably off base, but I think we need to address the underlying lookism problem, which is a common and accepted part of our culture. Of course this incel feels entitled to vulvas that please his boner; he is taught that it’s okay to feel entitled to women that please his boner in every way, and most women have vulvas.
@PoM : I would extend lookism about how people think that looking good is the same as being healthy. Apply to vegetables, meat, or humans.
It’s less directly threatening than what you point out, but I have the feeling it contribute quite a bit about their self-loathing – they don’t just consider themselves (and any women not being up to their standard) as ugly, but also as diseased-disabled-dysfunctional just because of their appearence.
Psenny Psmith wrote:
For what it’s worth, this was also my interpretation. But then, how does it tie in with “massive dildos” and “sex with countless men” and the common idea of “loose vagina”?
I suspect this guy just invented the whole tampon thing because he was obsessively thinking about the “roastie phenomenon” and then realized that sexual penetration shouldn’t actually cause labial stretching – or rather, he couldn’t imagine how it would do so. (I wrote in a recent thread on how the “roastie” meme has apparently evolved from being a visual metaphor for “loose vagina” to something misogynist nitwits actually take literally.)
With this level of rationalizing, he probably thinks vaginal loosening is a separate phenomenon caused by the aforementioned dildos and sex partners, that simply correlates with labial abuse in the depraved behavior of “modern women”. Heck, he might even have a theory on why monogamous (as opposed to promiscuous) sex isn’t supposedly contributing to the “roastie problem”.
I hope that guy will never approach a pregnant person. If he does, he’ll probably say something stupid like “when you give birth, do it delicately so you won’t pull the vagina to the side.”
This is the perfect post to share the news that Ireland has banned an ad depicting proper tampon usage.
https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/tv-radio-web/tampax-s-tv-ad-has-been-banned-get-a-grip-ireland-1.4317651
Gotta get ’em up there, Girls.
I wonder if any of these men who are disgusted with vaginas are gay, and in the closet even to themselves? I don’t understand the disgust otherwise. I mean, vulvas and penises are kind of funny looking, but most of us have very happy memories associated with them that they make us smile. It’s hard to imagine anyone sexually attracted to women with their attitude.
Or maybe the hatred for the person overrides the sexual interest. Yeah, maybe that.
@Sheila Crosby : I would more put that toward frigidity and/or bad sexual experience than homosexuality. They seem to know very well what kind of sex they want, they just lament that they can’t get it. Look a lot like people who believed porno too much.
@Ariblester
I would guess that’s what they think. If an actress has short labia, they assume it’s because she’s taken care of her vulva. If she has long labia, it’s because of her sex life.
I’m pretty sure no incels have ever put anything up their butts, the probably think it would be “gay” and refuse to do it.
@Masse_mysteria
I know the people who said that were using it as an excuse, but I feel like it’s part of the problem. Mansplainers assume that just because they are (generally cishet white) men that they know more about the subject at hand, and that’s something that they need to learn not to do. So I don’t think it’s the clever excuse they think it is.
@Lumipuna
As I mentioned in another thread, one explanation I’ve seen from incels is that vaginas somehow recognize penises and this means labias don’t stretch for the same penis. How or why this works is unexplained.
@Sheila Crosby
I think it’s the latter. They very much want a woman but they hate women, so the hate causes them to feel disgust.