By David Futrelle
So the regulars over on Incels.co are having a little discussion about porn — whether it’s a useful “cope” for inceks or some sort of mind-contro; plot by Teh Jews. (“Porn causes men to be coomers that end up being simps that support whores,” writes one fellow. “If you watch it you’re already brainwashed by the jew.”)
Then a commenter called Wizard32 pops into the discussion with assorted suggestions for artificial vaginas that he thinks will make masturbation much more fulfilling — so fulfilling, in fact, that incels will want to pass them along to their sons. (Gee, thanks dad, a used sex toy that forces me to imagine you masturbating.)
But incels by definition don’t have sons, you might object. Well, Wizard32 has a plan for that and even I have to admit that it’s rather ingenious, if a tad impractical and more than a little rapey.
note: the way to have sons is to sell your sperm to chad, ask him to squirt it inside foids before he fucks them to guarantee that while they will get pregnant, it won’t be with his sperm, so chad won’t have to pay child support.
Uh, how exactly are you going to secretly squirt some day-old incel sperm into your lady while having sex with her? Won’t she notice the squirt bottle and feel the weird cold ooze going into her?
But never mind, because Wizard32 has some thoughts on the long-term effects of his plan.
in exchange, foid never finds who you are, but your chad bro will tell you who your sons are, and you secretly pass your onaholes [Japanese sex toys] onto them as soon as the roasty mom dies of a drug overdose
How exactly do you “secretly” pass along used sex toys to your sons? Leave them in a little bag by the front door with a note? Do you include the squirt bottle you and Chad used to get her pregnant?
And thus ends today’s episode of Incel Life Hacks.
H/T — @EXPELincels on Twitter
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!