By David Futrelle
Hey ladies! Do you like men? Were you born with a vagina? Is your love life utter shit? Are you sick of Tinder and Bumble and OkCupid and all the rest? Are you so lonely and so desperate for a man that you’d consider hooking up with a member of a violent, far-right street gang named after a song from Aladdin?
If you answered “yes” to all those questions, you will be amazed at how much in luck you are. Because the fine gentlemen of the Proud Boys have just started up a miniature dating site JUST FOR YOU.
You don’t even have to bother with picking out a Proud Boy of your own. All you need to do is to fill out a short profile on the Proud Boys web site, attach a couple of pics (nudes appreciated) and the Boys will search your area for eligible fellas to send your way.
“We’ve been asked by many women to start a Proud Boys dating site,” the Proud Boys explain.
If you are one of these women and would like to meet Proud Boys in your area, fill out the form below and your information will be sent to a chapter close to you. Send nudes, boring pics or any other information to [email protected] and it will be forwarded with your info.
Antifa women, you are welcome to request a date as long as you have a vagina and have had it your entire life. Please shave and shower before coming to see us.
Based on the photos and videos of Proud Boys I’ve seen over the years, it appears the shaving and showering requirement doesn’t apply to them.
So what sort of info do the Proud Boys need in order to match you up with one of their own? Don’t bother describing yourself or listing your favorite films. The Proud Boys want just the facts, ma’am: Your age, your height, your weight, your bra size and how you would rate yourself on a scale from one to ten. Oh, and “HOW MUCH ALCOHOL AND DRUGS CAN YOU CONSUME?”
And don’t worry, these guys aren’t just looking for cheap sex; they hope to impregnate their proud lady dates so they can, as the site helpfully explains, “repopulate the west.”
It all sounds so easy, I can hear you saying. What’s the catch? Well, the catch is that you’ll have to date and possibly be impregnated by a Proud Boy.
I guess that’s kind of a big catch, huh?
H/T — The Daily Dot
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
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This reminds me of nothing so much as Homer Simpson sitting in front of the TV, beer in hand, wearing a “NO FAT CHICKS” t-shirt.
I bet at least a few horny Proud Boys will fill out the form to describe their ideal woman and totally screw up the system and inadvertently catfish each other. Pretty much a given with men like that.
You want boring pics, I got you covered:
TBH I’m surprised they didn’t put it more bluntly. And I assume they only want white women as well.
I ask for every drag queen in the nation to sign up for this..please
‘We’ve been asked by many women’.
Translates to;
‘My mom thought out loud one time that starting one of those Ok Tender apps , might be a way to make some actual money so I could move out instead of spending all my time in the bedroom talking to angry violent lowlifes on the computer machine’
I need this to be trolled. Please, pranksters, please seize upon this!
You wouldn’t know any of these women because they live in Canada, but promise, they’re real.
@WWTH
I’d bet the definitely real women live in Russia, not Canada. Proud Boys probably aren’t fans of Canada.
Not a great fan of The Simpsons, but come on. Homer’d have nowt to do with these fools.
Sorry, what’s all this about an Aladdin song?
@Rabid Rabbit
The Proud Boys are named after the song “Proud of Your Boy,” which was a running gag on Gavin McInnes’s podcast.
It would be cool if this got flooded with (bogus) applications from black, Hispanic, native, Chinese, etc. girls. I wonder how they’d react?
@Surplus
Well, there’s a way we can find out…
@Naglfar, Surplus:
Please leave the stock photo minorities alone, kthx.
@Snowberry
To be clear, I was joking. I did not, and did not plan to, submit any phony applications for their service. My apologies if the joke was insensitive, my intention was not to offend and I apologize for any harm caused.
I suppose this is one (unpleasant) way to get a sperm donor if all other doors are closed to you. Then as I imagine they aren’t all too interested in the parenting part, you could raise the most empathetic and unbigoted little beings imaginable, and foil their truly excellent plan.
*throws up in mouth*
This is unfortunately untrue. Not only is Gavin McInness, the founder of the group, Canadian himself (FFS, why do so many creeps crawl out of the woodwork here? Molyneaux, Peterson, McInness, ugh), but Canada has its own rich and storied history of absolutely horrific racism. Like the USA, we were also founded on the genocide of the indigenous people here.
In a less violent but infuriating recent example, this week Jagmeet Singh, the leader of the NDP (the leftist party), put forward a motion to address racism within the police force in response to the calls for reform. The motion almost passed unanimously, but was halted by one Bloc Quebecois MP, Alain Therrien, voting against it. Singh accused Therrien of being racist to oppose an anti-racism measure, and was subsequently ejected from the House. The Bloc is pushing for Singh to be suspended from parliament until he apologizes for having the gall to call Therrien a racist, which is definitely the part of this story that everyone should be focusing on, the person of colour being too uppity and refusing to apologize for calling a racist action racist.
So, yeah, non-racist utopia this place ain’t.
I feel like this list is missing an attribute that I think that the Proud Boys would place great importance on; race. Though perhaps they figure that the entire rest of their odious presentation will be sufficient to scare away any WoC looking for dates. To be fair, that probably is a safe bet.
I’m choosing to interpret that “repopulate the west” graphic as “fuck white power”.
Whelp, the only pictures these dinguses deserve to see are things like goatse (if you are not familiar, do not google image search that).
I mean, they did request nudes.
Hi, I’m a 19 year old cheerlead with daddy issues. Yes I want to be impregnated by a guy who spends his days yelling at his computer, and refusing to shower. You can find my hot pics at Lemonparty…com. /s
Lemonparty is very NSFW, so you’ve been warned.
If it is like almost all dating sites, it will be full of russian scams soon enough…
And really ? A gmail adress for something supposed to be an official site ? Is it not just a way to collect nude pictures of desperate persons ?
The line forms to the alt-right, ladies…
Don’t knock it, ladies! Romance may blossom, and he’ll go down on one knee and say those fourteen words you’re longing to hear!
So Proud Boys want to be sure that the mothers of their children can and do consume lots of alcohol and drugs. That’s certainly reasonable.
@Moggie: *snorts tea* OK, you win 88 internets for that one. :p
I know in the grand scheme of things there are bigger things to criticise about all this; but there’s just something about:
that’s making me twitchy.
Is it grammatically correct? It just doesn’t seem to scan right.