Categories
Uncategorized

Roses are red, ducks are ducky. Poems by incels are really quite sucky

By David Futrelle

Incels are bad at a lot of things, from”hiding their raging misogyny” to “being decent human beings.” But there are few things that they’re worse at than poetry.

Not that I’ve read a lot of incel poetry. I’m basically basing my judgement on the poem below, which has been floating about the internet ever since it was posted on the long-banned incels subreddit. By I think my judgement is fair. Even if every other incel poem was a masterpiece that would make Walt Whitman jealous, this poem is so bad that even by itself it would drag the average down to terrible.

In any case, enjoy this perfectly awful poem about a boy who lifts and a girl who eats.

Incel poetry - Nineteen Eighty Whore submitted 2 burs ago by RippedRichAndincel Its all a cope except the rope I hit the gym and lift all day; A woman stuffs her face. For hours in the gym I stay, A woman eats with haste. 
While I grow big -my flesh grows hard -This woman soon grows soft I gain the strength of bull or Tard; She eats (and does so oft). One Friday night. I lift new weight-This woman sleeps with Chad. I've added yet another plate-With cum, she's soaked quite bad. On Sunday mom I shop for clothes-While Chad her clothing, tears. On Gucci shirts I spend who knows? While cum drenched clothes she wears 
Some later day my hair is styled-She sucks Chad's dick with care. Now with a trim I'm still exiled While Chad cums in her hair. 
I've style, size and strength to boot. She's fat and stretched a bore. But still Myself I wish to shoot-She's loved (and still a whore) To life I no more wish to cling-She weds (and cheats) and breeds. And now from rope I limply swing-A loving life she leads.

Boy it sure is sad that this young woman eats with such haste (and oft!) yet still enjoys having sex with dudes who aren’t the author, despite his repeated purchases of expensive shirts. It’s a veritable crime against humanity that she doesn’t want to have sex with him just because he’s a malevolent turd and an execrable poet who clearly spent hours carefully crafting this interminable poem about how much he hates her for enjoying life.

H/T — r/GenderCynical

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

We Hunted the Mammoth relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

59 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 months ago

@ rabid rabbit

That’s more than it was worth!

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
5 months ago

(Peter Jones voice)

“The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of incel poetry:

“Incel poetry is, of course, the worst in the Universe. The very, very worst. You might think the atonal ululations of the Suffering Verse-Lords of Peristalsis V, or the jingles produced by the Marketing Team of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, to be the absolute nadir, but that’s just peanuts to incel poetry. Indeed, many believe that it is not merely the worst poetry, but the very worst thing ever, a position sadly undermined by the existence of incels themselves…”

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
5 months ago

Re: the “semen soaking” meme in porn: I’ve heard some people explain it away as something that began in porn films to “prove” the sex being portrayed wasn’t simulated. I’m not sure about that because it’s mentioned in the Marquis de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom which I read when I Was A Teenage Edgelord™. But it’s become really embedded in culture with porn– Laurie Penny in one of her books mentions having to explain to a partner that, no, yanking it out and spraying madly everywhere like an athlete on the podium with a champagne bottle is not the expected conclusion to most Sexy Times and most women don’t like it.

Also, for something that supposedly arose as evidence of the realism of what was happening on screen, I’ve heard that a lot of these so-called “money shots” are faked, particularly the more, erm, voluminous ones. This arose out of fears about HIV, not to mention how difficult it is to produce the prodigious amounts expected, especially when, you know, this is your job and you’re ejaculating frequently. Hence, a recourse to some clever camera angles and a handy bottle of piña colada mix 😂

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

@Cat Mara
It could also be because that is more dramatic than ejaculating in someone’s mouth, anus, or vagina and adds degradation of women, which many men seem to like. I can see how someone could be into getting a faceful of semen if they have certain fetishes or are into degradation, but unless all participants are on board I don’t recommend it.

As for other analyses, the majority of feminist analyses seem to posit that it either allows the man* to mark the woman* as his. Or there’s the Hugo Schwyzer interpretation (this is not an endorsement of Schwyzer BTW) that it is a way of a man seeking approval of his body.

*I am using some cisnormative assumptions because the majority of mainstream heterosexual porn features cis men in a dominant role over cis women. I don’t know if this act is as prevalent in gay male porn or trans* female porn.

Allandrel
Allandrel
5 months ago

The fake ejaculations tend to be hilariously fake, as in measured in cups rather than teaspoons.

As for internal ejaculations, that’s a big fetish often used as a selling point, usually in combination with others.

That’s one thing I find really odd, is the combination fetishes that show up. Like there are people going “I specifically want scenes combining these Three Specific Fetishes, but don’t include this Other Fetish, that’s gross” and the studios go “Okay, we’re getting enough demand for this to make a new channel.”

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

@Allandrel

As for internal ejaculations, that’s a big fetish

It’s a bit odd that that ends up being a specialty fetish seeing as IRL that seems pretty common or the default.

That’s one thing I find really odd, is the combination fetishes that show up.

I don’t really think that’s all that odd. People can have lots of specific fetishes and be squicked out by others. And if others have their favorite fetishes and least favorites in common, I can see why a studio might make a movie that has some but not others because that broadens the base of possible consumers. Like how some people might want a car that has a screen in the dashboard and a CVT but no moonroof, so manufacturers make cars that have those features, and make some cars with moon roofs and some without.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
5 months ago

@Allandrel, @Naglfar: Yes, the whole “internal ejaculation” thing as a particular fetish is absolutely bizarre. I mean, that’s what’s supposed¹ to happen!

There is definitely a degradation element to it. There’s a lot of guys out there who must have been those guys in primary school– you know, the ones who’d chase girls around with boogers they’d scooped from their noses threatening to wipe it on them…

The “combination fetish” thing reminds me of an old joke I saw in the early days of the Internet: “The Internet is truly an awesome invention! You type, ‘I like having sex with goats that are on fire’ into a search engine and it comes back with, ‘please specify breed of goat'”.

¹ From a strictly biological “sex is for procreation” point of view

Lizard People Operative
Lizard People Operative
5 months ago

Nineteen Eighty Whore

Hear that distant screaming? That’s George Orwell’s ghost losing it.

Amy E
Amy E
5 months ago

That’s one thing I find really odd, is the combination fetishes that show up. Like there are people going “I specifically want scenes combining these Three Specific Fetishes, but don’t include this Other Fetish, that’s gross” and the studios go “Okay, we’re getting enough demand for this to make a new channel.”

It’s like online shopping.