By David Futrelle
If you’ve been reading this blog for long, you probably know how terrified many manospherians are of getting spermjacked — that is, having some woman they’ve just had sex with fishing their used condoms out of the trash and using the sperm to impregnate herself so she can live the high life off of the sweet child support cash.
So you also know that these guys often share tips on how to avoid this dire fate — by flushing the condoms down the toilet, for example, or by squirting a bit of tabasco sauce into them. (Some dedicated anti-spermjackers claim to carry tabasco sauce with them at all times in case sex suddenly breaks out.)
But this isn’t enough for some wary men. In a discussion today in the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, one commenter suggested microwaving used condoms “so she doesnt hit you with the dumpster dive baby.”
But another commenter by the name of fmanly isn’t sure this would be enough.
Honestly, I’m not sure how effective a microwave would be for this purpose. It might just mess the DNA up just enough that you’ll be paying medical bills on top of the regular support.
Now, obviously if you heat it to boiling/etc that will probably kill the sperm, but the effects would be more thermal – putting it in boiling water would have the same effect.
I suspect a few seconds on high probably wouldn’t do much. Microwaves aren’t ionizing – they’re lower energy than visible light.
UV-C is another story if you can penetrate through everything (I’m sure the latex would absorb a lot of it though). Gamma rays are really the only way to be sure when it comes to EM sterilization – well, that or X-rays.
Now, I realize that fmanly here is probably making these last suggestions somewhat tongue-in-cheek. But on the off chance that one of his readers might take him seriously, I would like to strongly warn anyone contemplating this strategy: DO NOT PELT YOUR SPERM WITH GAMMA RAYS.
Because you know where that can lead:
You’ve been warned.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
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@Masse_Mysteria Your teacher might have been mistaken, or she knew that the amounts of radioactivity were too small to be harmful. However, rapidly-dividing cells, such as those in an embryo, fetus, infant, or child, are adversely affected much more easily than other cells, so having the students maintain a distance makes sense. Plus it dramatically emphasizes the hazards of radioactivity.
@Alan @Ohlmann Everything on Earth is constantly exposed to naturally-occurring radioactivity. Our bodies naturally contain radioactive carbon-14, a tiny proportion of water is tritiated (hydrogen-3), and we ingest other radioisotopes, such a potassium-40 in bananas because these and other isotopes naturally occur on Earth. Under normal conditions this is not problematic because we evolved under this exposure. Generally, in a Geiger counter anything below 50 cpm is considered normal background radiation. Regarding your classroom isotopes, the lead shielding was probably used for emphasizing the potential dangers of radioisotopes in case anyone was tempted to play with them.
Uranium has a half-life of about 4.5 billion years, so geologists use it to determine the age of Earth and Moon. Uranium decays by weak alpha emission to a variety of other radioisotopes until it forms lead-206, which is stable. One of those isotopes in the uranium decay chain is radon-220, aka radon. Radon is a radioactive gas that decays by alpha emission and has a half-life of about 3.8 days. Since it is a gas, radon escapes the soil and ends up in the basements of buildings; it doesn’t rise further because it is heavy. In centuries past, this wasn’t a problem because insulation was nonexistent so the gas could escape through cracks, disperse outside, and decay. However, in the past decades our homes and buildings have good insulation so that radon cannot escape. Any humans or pets inhaling radon for any length of time are at risk of developing lung cancer from radiation exposure. That’s why we should all use radon detectors; they are very effective. If they indicate a problem, call a professional radon remediator. Radon production is continuous, not usually a single incident. Uranium is actually a fairly common element in Earth’s crust. In fact, heat from uranium decay actually warms our planet from the inside. The US EPA has good guidance on radon ( https://www.epa.gov/radon .)
@Alan Wow, someone actually gargled with LN2? That’s… not good. Yes, the thermal barrier *temporarily* prevents burns from brief exposure, but LN2 is so cold (-196C) that it is insufficient protection. I’ve met people who have been seriously burned using LN2 unsafely. That many chefs use LN2 in their kitchens without any PPE amuses me because prior to using it in a research lab we had to be specifically trained to handle it safely.
@Full Metal Ox The Dewars used to store LN2 must be vented so that the expanding gas does not increase the pressure in the vessels because they could explode. A small amount of LN2 expands into a large volume of gaseous N2, so confining it in a closed space, including the human body, is extremely hazardous. Your Darwin Contestant was very lucky… and stupid.
End of science nerd rant.
What bets that the MRAs/MGTOW didn’t actually consider this possibility? It’s not like tabasco sauce is first and foremost known as an antimcrobial product.
If you actually just wanted to destroy the sperm, an easy and effective way would be to rinse the condom with water before trashing it. If there’s no immediate access to a sink, you could keep the condom in your pocket, or even on your penis for a while. You could pay attention to science and accept the fact that your sperm is actually very fragile and basically dies on its own by the time she ushers you out of her apartment.
@Lumipuna
Yes, but they’d melt down thinking about their sperm as fragile.
@Mabret the Virile Maiden
Although the internet is mostly for porn, nazis and advertising companies, it can be used for other things too. For example,
http://www.unitednuclear.com/images/mainpics/nerd.gif
United Nuclear (no affiliation) will happily sell US residents all sorts of things, including various kinds of radiation source
Well, that ended up being pretty mangled. For some reason when I submit a comment, everything just times out and I never get to see or edit the comment until it is too late. I blame akismet.
Anyway.
/nerd.gif
@ pie
That tickles me for some reason. I imagine them rushing round yelling “We only have 28 years to get this Strontium sent out!”.
Maybe it works like pizza delivery? “If we don’t get your Plutonium to you within 24,000 years you get a 50% discount!”
Speaking of science; just got this which may be of interest to people.
An online conference about women and tech. There’s some space related stuff that sounds pretty cool.
I’m assuming it’s free otherwise my friend would have known not to bother sending it to me.
https://womenintech.virtualconference.com/#/agenda
@Alan Robertshaw
I expect that I get 50% off my Francium order after 22 minutes, that’s only fair.
@Ginger
I really feel like this was a missed opportunity, since I don’t remember her explaining it. I might misremember, or she might have expected us to understand it through our reading and I wasn’t paying close enough attention, but nuclear physics was my absolute favourite part of physics back then, so I kind of want to trust my memory on this.
@Naglfar
I once read a thing where a guy instructed all other guys to mentally play some sort of trumpets of doom in their heads every time they unbutton their flies. “That’s how powerful you are!” If anyone was that powerful, they wouldn’t need to make-believe about it. The universe would supply the trumpet music and nothing would kill their sperm.
@Masse_mysteria
Well, there are the reports of sky trumpets…maybe someone’s just unbuttoning their fly.
I believe their sperm to be sturdier than their masculinity.
Note that I am a big fan of the “human are actually orc” sci-fi thinking, in which other intelligent lifeform are super afraid of mankind because of our uncanny resilience and ability to repopulate fast.
Bit O/T, but this seems to be a general thread now. Anyway, our “Recreate Art At Home” group is now doing cats. Which I know a lot of people here like (cats that is)
I like this one as I’m a big Hockney fan. Not so much for his art; but him as a person.
@Ohlmann
…Me too. Mostly because I delight in the strange optimism that most of the posts have.
I also enjoy “Earth is Space Australia” and “Every crew needs a human”.
If only all humans were as awesome as we are in those posts. Alas, we are not.
@ ohlmann & contrapangloss
Either of you read Turtledove’s The Road Not Taken?
If not, I think you might enjoy it.
I’m neither but spent 20 years using >microcurie amts of Iodine-125 (gamma emitter) on a near daily basis, and 1-5 millicurie amounts every 4-8 weeks, iodinating proteins for assays. These levels did not require dosimetry (they did for a brief period, but no one was picking up enough radiation with these quantities and isotopes to make it meaningful). I did not clad myself in lead to do the work, though there was lead shielding of containers and hood filters that accumulated the free isotope. I feel I was adequately protected for the isotopes I was working with.
The rods people are talking about were most likely Iodine-129 (which is a long-lived (1.5 million years) low energy beta and gamma emitter used as a substitute for Iodine-125 (half-life 60 days) in calibrating equipment), tritium (beta) and Americium-241 (alpha). These are sealed sources and very safe. They would be chosen to be long-lived and low energy for safety and so the sources don’t need replacing every couple years or so, because it’s a hassle.
Alpha emitters aren’t dangerous at all outside the body (skin will stop it), but both alpha and beta sources can wreak havoc if enough is taken internally.
Fun with isotopes: gamma emitters should be stored behind lead. Plexiglass if enough for alpha and beta emitters. However, if the source is especially energetic like Phosphorus-32, it should not be stored directly behind lead, as they will emit a secondary radiation called “bremsstrahlung radiation” that is created due to the beta particles being slowed down by the lead and this radiation is emitted from the lead. That’s a lousy explanation, but just beta] Plexiglass] lead (if the isotope also emits gamma radiation) or nothing.
Heh, I know what they’re trying to say, but when it’s fabricated doesn’t affect the half-life. It only affects how much of the isotope is still there when you get it. If you buy a mCi of Iodine-131, you want it calibrated to have that amount on a date as far future from the date you’ll receive it as you can, i.e., you’ll be receiving more than a mCi, because the half-life is only 8 days, and you want more time to use it before half of it’s gone.
@Prith LOL, I forgot about iodination and I’ve done it a couple times.
We stored all our isotopes in the freezer in leaded Plexiglas. They were all shipped in leaded plastic containers. Bremsstrahlung be damned — that’s what we did back in the day. Our bench shield was 1-cm plain Plexiglas. Wearing dosimeters was mandatory.
@Prith kDar
I wonder if manospherians found out about radiation whether they would try to expose themselves to alpha particles.
@ prith k’dar
I understand that has been identified as a problem with the US M1A1 Abrams main battle tank.
The armour incorporates depleted uranium (there’s just so much of it they have to use it somewhere). Tanks are meant to be hardened against nuclear attack. But supposedly the problem with the Abrams is the armour turns every nuclear weapon into a neutron bomb as far as being inside the tank is concerned.
I was told that though by someone with an interest in Chobham armour so maybe take with a pinch of salt.
Spermicide is a thing… If Migtoes are really that worried.
@Naglfar
That sounds like the origin story of a really bad alt-right comic book character .
@Alan, very artistic. Especially the cat.
I learnt about Cornwall being radioactive in year 7, I think. It does explain soooo very much about my maternal family… (joke, they’re mostly marvellous, even if I did lose many hours of my life being driven around Dartmoor and Bodmin by great grandad).
@ nanny oggs bosom
I am a bit disappointed by the lack of Ninja Turtles here.
It’s a wonderfully lethal place though. Went for my walk on Friday. Due to a slight navigation mishap ended up having a beer on top of a load of arsenic spoil (got my mines mixed up). Noticed as I was leaving.
I like how they put the warning that you’ll die on the plaque telling you how interesting the site is. Slightly mixed message there I think.
@Fabe
Maybe called Going His Own Way Man.
@Alan Robertshaw : if I was in a tank that got a nuclear weapon dropped on, I feel like I would actually prefer to die immediatly from a cool physic interaction between the bomb and the tank than die from thirst / despair / radiation / whatever.
(also, I think uranium have useful mechanical properties all over, only sullied by being flamable, toxic, and, you know, not all that cheap to get)
@Masse_Mysteria:
But… don’t trumpets of doom traditionally presage something undesirable? I think I’d prefer to imagine something stirring and positive, like Also sprach Zarathustra.