By David Futrelle
If you’ve been reading this blog for long, you probably know how terrified many manospherians are of getting spermjacked — that is, having some woman they’ve just had sex with fishing their used condoms out of the trash and using the sperm to impregnate herself so she can live the high life off of the sweet child support cash.
So you also know that these guys often share tips on how to avoid this dire fate — by flushing the condoms down the toilet, for example, or by squirting a bit of tabasco sauce into them. (Some dedicated anti-spermjackers claim to carry tabasco sauce with them at all times in case sex suddenly breaks out.)
But this isn’t enough for some wary men. In a discussion today in the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, one commenter suggested microwaving used condoms “so she doesnt hit you with the dumpster dive baby.”
But another commenter by the name of fmanly isn’t sure this would be enough.
Honestly, I’m not sure how effective a microwave would be for this purpose. It might just mess the DNA up just enough that you’ll be paying medical bills on top of the regular support.
Now, obviously if you heat it to boiling/etc that will probably kill the sperm, but the effects would be more thermal – putting it in boiling water would have the same effect.
I suspect a few seconds on high probably wouldn’t do much. Microwaves aren’t ionizing – they’re lower energy than visible light.
UV-C is another story if you can penetrate through everything (I’m sure the latex would absorb a lot of it though). Gamma rays are really the only way to be sure when it comes to EM sterilization – well, that or X-rays.
Now, I realize that fmanly here is probably making these last suggestions somewhat tongue-in-cheek. But on the off chance that one of his readers might take him seriously, I would like to strongly warn anyone contemplating this strategy: DO NOT PELT YOUR SPERM WITH GAMMA RAYS.
Because you know where that can lead:
You’ve been warned.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
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Have none of these people heard of vasectomies?
I highly doubt anyone wants MGTOW sperm.
I wonder if they have arguments with each other about which hot sauce to use. When it comes to flavor I much prefer Benito’s Hot Sauce (the Mango Habanero sauce is amazing) but it’s pricier so I doubt they’d use it for this extremely pointless application. Though frankly I’ll peg the chance that any MGTOW has ever done this at roughly 0%.
I googled and it appears sperm are unlikely to live more than a few minutes to maybe a couple hours in a condom at room temperature, so even if spermjacking was an issue, this would be rather pointless compared to just letting it sit. Though I’m sure they’ll take any excuse to fantasize about women getting hurt.
@Anonymous
A few have bragged about getting vasectomies, though one wonders why if they’re supposedly going their own way from women, which should preclude sex.
@Naglfar
I can only assume that they think jacking off somehow makes them gay or something. Nothing else makes sense.
@Anonymous
It appears some men do genuinely believe that, though I’m not sure about MGTOWs.
Where the hell do they expect to find gamma rays?
I understand that carrying tabasco sauce at all times is common in some places, but that’s to add spice to expectedly bland restaurant foods*. This is a new one on me.
*Pretty much everyplace around here supplies customers with green and red Tabasco, and usually Tapatío and/or Cholula as well.
Is tabasco etymologically related to tobacco?
@Alan
No.
>:-(
Probably not, but neither word has a clear etymology. Both entered English via Spanish; tobacco is probably from a Taíno word, and tabasco is probably from Maya, but Taíno is extinct and etymologies differ on what Maya word, or even whether it’s actually from Nahuatl. It beggars belief that there wasn’t contact between the Maya and the Taíno, and the possibility exists of linguistic cross-pollination, but we don’t and can’t ever know the truth of it anymore.
Cheers to both. It was just one of this thoughts that emerges at this hour. Thought maybe it was a spicy plant thing.
Fun Tabasco fact is that the sauce is made on a salt island in the Louisiana bayou and is one of the few US companies to be an official supplier to the Queen of the UK. I still don’t care for it much, though.
So, the MGTOW want to nuke their jizz from orbit because it’s the only way to be sure?
Okay, dudes. If you say so.
@Anonymous:
Presumably because getting a vasectomy is the same thing as getting castrated, dontcha know.
When I did physics at school we actually got to play with alpha, beta, and gamma ray sources. We used a Geiger counter (or ‘Geiger-Muller tube’ as our teacher insisted we called it. Then we had to see what blocked them. Air, cardboard, lead, er, our hands…
I suspect that might no longer be a thing.
Ah cool; radiation was safe.
Talk about poisoning the well, actually.
Just please tell me that some of them get things mixed up and put the tabasco sauce into the condom before sex breaks out, thereby ensuring (unless it’s a kink they’re into) that sex doesn’t actually happen, which would be better all around.
I’d actually like to encourage the MGTOWs to apply gamma radiation to their gonads now – why wait until the sperm is outside your body?
There is a good reason for putting used condoms and their contents beyond third-party use, I won’t go into it here as that would play into Red Pillock etc hands. The police and courts have even been known to be taken in by the odd, admittedly rare, serial offender.
Alternatively, they could drink it, and as they refuse to do cunni, it will be safe. (yeah, there are some sarcasms here)
And for tabasco, i was thinking it was used as a cheaper version of mace (when you could not afford mace). I mean, tabasco in the eye or in the nose ? Quite unpleasant.
Have a nice day.
I’m pretty sure there are condoms with spermicide out there. I remember seeing those. Seems like a lot less trouble than what these dinguses are willing to go to.
Does this mean that there is an official MGTOW? Staffed by paid employees?
Also, is “knowledge” a synonym for “BS”?
So many questions, so little time.
@Alan I got to do a lab like that in high school ten years ago. It’s still done, but the radiation sources are pretty weak on a high school level. Our safety instructions for the lab were “Don’t eat the alpha source, don’t poke yourself in the eye with the beta source, and don’t stand in front of the gamma source.” We did get to block the alpha and beta sources with our hands. If I remember correctly all of them were so weak they were barely discernible from the background radiation (p=0.045). A friend who did physics at uni got to do a similar lab with a gamma source that took 15 cm of pure lead to block. Our sources were embedded in glass rods, so we finished the lab with a fencing match with the alpha and beta rods. Fun times.
Why are MGTOWs having sex with women, anyway? You can’t truly have gone your own way if you’re still in a situation to worry about who has your sperm.
I … um … always have a mini bottle of tabasco on me. Packets of mustard and tartare sauce, too, courtesy of Wetherspoons, and a bit of salt and pepper usually nicked from McDonalds. They live in a small tin in my coat pocket.