By David Futrelle
If you’ve been reading this blog for long, you probably know how terrified many manospherians are of getting spermjacked — that is, having some woman they’ve just had sex with fishing their used condoms out of the trash and using the sperm to impregnate herself so she can live the high life off of the sweet child support cash.
So you also know that these guys often share tips on how to avoid this dire fate — by flushing the condoms down the toilet, for example, or by squirting a bit of tabasco sauce into them. (Some dedicated anti-spermjackers claim to carry tabasco sauce with them at all times in case sex suddenly breaks out.)
But this isn’t enough for some wary men. In a discussion today in the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, one commenter suggested microwaving used condoms “so she doesnt hit you with the dumpster dive baby.”
But another commenter by the name of fmanly isn’t sure this would be enough.
Honestly, I’m not sure how effective a microwave would be for this purpose. It might just mess the DNA up just enough that you’ll be paying medical bills on top of the regular support.
Now, obviously if you heat it to boiling/etc that will probably kill the sperm, but the effects would be more thermal – putting it in boiling water would have the same effect.
I suspect a few seconds on high probably wouldn’t do much. Microwaves aren’t ionizing – they’re lower energy than visible light.
UV-C is another story if you can penetrate through everything (I’m sure the latex would absorb a lot of it though). Gamma rays are really the only way to be sure when it comes to EM sterilization – well, that or X-rays.
Now, I realize that fmanly here is probably making these last suggestions somewhat tongue-in-cheek. But on the off chance that one of his readers might take him seriously, I would like to strongly warn anyone contemplating this strategy: DO NOT PELT YOUR SPERM WITH GAMMA RAYS.
Because you know where that can lead:
You’ve been warned.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
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@Moggie
I’m guessing he didn’t make this suggestion to boost anyone’s self-esteem in a positive way, and the actual point was that all guys everywhere should think of their penises as instruments of destruction and remember that women should always fear all penises.
Why would you want to be desirable if you can be fearsome? /s
Well, I’ve never seen Caligula as a role model.
@ moggie
Well you can’t deny horses are under-represented in key government positions.
@Fabe:
Once just an unassuming incel who worked at a medical isotope plant for minimum wage with no benefits because privatized and deregulated health care baby!, one day he tried to “rope” by inhaling a large amount of an alpha-emitter. Unfortunately for him and everyone else, though, because he was a comic book character rather than in the real world, all that did was give him superpowers and he became …
Alpha Male!
A supervillain whose toxic masculinity is literal, as he can inflict radiation poisoning on his foes. And he has a lot of foes, what with his huge and unresolved grudge against society and particularly the women in it …
@Moggie:
But Trump has. :/
@Surplus
Ah, but an alt right comic book would paint him as a misunderstood antihero rather than a villain because they think they’re the good guys.
These are people who loved Joker, so I’d imagine a bit like that.
They are? Their asses certainly show up everywhere in the current US government.
@Nagfljar : “he is purging the deep state with his masculinity radioactivity, but people don’t understand why he run naked into people to disintegrate them into green goo ! They just are too blinded by our evil governement !”
@Moggie
The problem with equines in the UN is their voices. They always sound a bit hoarse.
@Surplus
If ‘A voice for Pierre’ ever returns I want to see Alpha Male make a appearance,heavily mocked of course
@ naglfar
And their obstructionism. Whatever the issue they always vote “Neigh”
I like brass bands. That one hurt.
If you are looking for isotopes, the Albuquerque minor league baseball team is the Isotopes.
Not sure taking a sperm-filled condom to a baseball game would kill them off, but I know those who would try. YMMV.
(The team supposedly got its name from a Simpsons episode.)
Note Sandia National Labs is in Abq, the Trinity site is about 100 miles south, and Los Alamos National Labs (home to the national nuke development) is in the upper left of the state. NM is a hub for Nuke research. United Nuclear used to be about 5 miles from my house. I had a job where we were designing a nuclear fast burst reactor. My alma mater (NMT) has a weapons research center where they tested depleted uranium rod shells.
So – if you really want to find radiation sources, check out New Mexico. You can goto Trinity twice a year. And Abq has the Nuclear History Museum – really cool stuff inside and out. Kids love it.
Just be aware the Labs have guards with guns and odd senses of humor. YMMV.