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Young Red Piller thinks he’s found the girl of his dreams … until he discovers that she once used a vibrator

Note: If your vibrator moves like this, it’s probably broken

By David Futrelle

It‘s amazing what the so-called “Red Pill” can do to some guys’ brains. Consider the case of one myrenaissance, an aspiring pickup artist who recently came to the Red Pill subreddit with his tale of woe: he had found what he thought was his ideal woman, his perfect “unicorn” — until he uncovered her secret flaw.

Myrenaissance — an earnest and impressionable young lad of 21 — told the tale of his sad journey. He began with a confession:

I’ve taken a three year haitus on the Pill since I first discovered this subreddit in 2017. I am turning 21 this coming June, and it has taken another unfortunate, but liberating realization that the Red Pill is the only mindset to keep.

Oh dear. In the intervening years, he reported,

I guess I went on monk mode, or I was being a little bitch. I’m going to be a senior in college now and I haven’t been smashing anywhere near the amount of broads as I want to. Probably a couple.

I love that “probably a couple.” The chance he doesn’t know the exact number of “broads” he “smashed” is zero, which coincidentally is probably also the number of the aforementioned smashed “broads.”

Anyway, his luck had recently changed — or so he thought.

Recently I swiped and matched with this chick on Tinder and we hit it off. We Facetimed nearly every day for weeks and I can’t believe I’ve told her that I think I love her and I may want to marry her, even though deep down I don’t want to, but I don’t mind either. Her face is completely my type and her personality is 100/100.

HER FACE IS COMPLETELY MY TYPE.

She started catching feelings too and I couldn’t stop imagining/fantasizing all the great vacations and experiences we were going to make in the future…until five minutes ago when a conversation topic took me at a complete stop.

As David Byrne once (allegedly) said while being dragged into the bushes by muggers, uh oh!

It felt like a semi-truck of liberation and genuine sadness that this girl is not the one. Or any girl for that matter.

Jesus Christ. Is she a mass murderer? Does she light puppies on fire for fun? What could this revelation have been?

We were talking and the conversation led to the use the “Hitachi Wand.” For some of you who don’t know what that is, look it up. Its basically a vibrator on steroids that makes a girl clit explode. I asked her how she was so familiar with it and I literally had to dig up information from her past using semantics and found out that a hook up partner of hers used it on her. The moment she told me that, I literally lost the sight of her “being the one” and saw a complete whore instead. 

She used a Hitachi Magic Wand once during sex and this makes her a “whore?”

I was sad, but I was glad that it hit me.

It comes to show that no matter how innocent or lovely you think a girl is, everyone has a past.

That is “a past?”

To tell yourself that she could be the mother of your kids or even a partner to truly love, is complete bullshit.

Because she once used a back massager to massage something other than her back? This is the worst case of Madonna/Whore syndrome I think I’ve ever seen.

This post is mostly a rant/realization that the one’s you thought you loved, aren’t real. This is a self-reflection post for me to remember this moment. Stick to the Red Pill and focus for the best for yourself.

After inviting his Red Pill colleagues to offer “completely honest roasts and feedback” on his sad tale, he ended with an open letter to his Madonna-turned-whore:

For my girl Jenn: I thought you were the one, but you are another girl riding the CC. I still want to date you for a little bit, but just cause you have big tits and a fun personality.

Yeah, that’s not going to be happening if she sees this, bro.

I can’t believe I almost fell on your unicorn horn. You almost made me forget that the genuine feeling of personal satisfaction is created by myself, my achievements, and my improvements.

Well, bullet dodged, for “Jenn” anyway.

Ironically, for all of myrenaissance’s professed fealty to Red Pill ideology, the Red Piller’s were not kind in their responses to his “field report.” They basically told him he was an idiot and that dismissing a possible girlfriend because she once used a Magic Wand was ridiculous.

[O]h no not a hitachi!” wrote one commenter sarcastically. 

What an absolute whore! How dare she have some other partner before you that was interested in her sexual pleasure! Get you a proper lady who doesn’t know where her own clit is. /s

“[A]re you really expecting to find an experienced virgin innocent hot girl that has a 100/100 personality waiting only for you?” asked another commenter.

And even if in some magical world that existed, I would never marry a virgin, it’s better that she has taken a few dicks or sex toys in your case, than to go nuts in later years of LTR/marriage.

Myrenaissance replied:

Thanks bro, I needed to hear this. Yes, I do have many insecurities to work on and I’m so excited to overcome them. I died laughing when you said “virgin innocent hot girl that has a 100/100 personality waiting only for you.” One line hits home cause the truth hurts and I love it.

I agree that I have a lot of growing up to do. I see it in myself and I get upset over things that I look back on and realize how stupid I was. She did dodge a bullet, but shes catching feelings for me. I’m gonna fuck her silly when I see her.

Not if she ever sees this Reddit post, my dude.

Reddit’s Red Pillers may mock this young Padawan but the fact is he’s the logical end point of their fetishization of youth and purity — and their not-so-well-hidden fear that any women with non-zero experience will compare them unfavorably with their previous boyfriends and/or hookups. I hope myrenaissance’s next discovery is that the Red Pill philosophy itself is a giant pile of shit.

H/T — r/TheBluePill

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

On the one hand, fuck this guy for slut shaming over a vibrator.

On the other hand, this kind makes me sad. I think this is one of those patriarchy hurts men too (though to a lesser extent) moments. How many potentially good relationships get ruined because male fragility causes a freakout over some completely silly thing like this. I think this guy would be a lot happier if he’d just accepted that his girlfriend has “a past” and let himself still like and value her. There’s no happiness in the red pill ideology.

That said, I hope Jenn finds someone better.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

I’ve never used a Hitachi Magic Wand myself, but I’ve heard good things about it.

They basically told him he was an idiot and that dismissing a possible girlfriend because she once used a Magic Wand was ridiculous.

This is the rare situation that makes the Red Pill subreddit look to be the voice of reason. That’s the real unicorn.

I still want to date you for a little bit, but just cause you have big tits and a fun personality.

This might be the first time I’ve seen a red piller acknowledge that women can have value for their personalities. Generally they seem to want sex and domestic slaves. Granted, it still sucks in context, but it’s something.

I can’t believe I almost fell on your unicorn horn.

That gives me an idea: a vibrator shaped like a unicorn horn. Certainly someone would want it. Maybe someone with a fetish for mythical creatures?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

I guess I went on monk mode

Considering how many incels claim this, there’s been a disappointing dearth of Illuminated manuscripts.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

@Naglfar
A quick google search revealed a few, some of which do not look comfortable at all. Though I’m sure that’s some people’s thing.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Alan Robertshaw
To be fair, I’m not really sure I want to see what an illuminated manuscript by an incel would look like. Though it would give them something to do.

Amtep
Amtep
1 year ago

Note to the reader: making your clit explode is not recommended and possibly quite painful. Do not try this at home.

An Impish Pepper
An Impish Pepper
1 year ago

I can’t believe I almost fell on your unicorn horn.

Reminds me of this:

comment image

Fabe
Fabe
1 year ago

That gives me an idea: a vibrator shaped like a unicorn horn. Certainly someone would want it. Maybe someone with a fetish for mythical creatures?

Well there are the ‘bad dragon’ toys so I would say there is a market for unicorn horns (edit) just did a search the unicorn horns already exist .

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

I haven’t been smashing anywhere near the amount of broads as I want to. Probably a couple.

It comes to show that no matter how innocent or lovely you think a girl is, everyone has a past.

I still want to date you for a little bit, but just cause you have big tits and a fun personality.

He gets to “smash broads” but she doesn’t get to have a hookup. And once he finds out she did have a hookup, he’s going to use her for sex — and entertainment.

In the meantime, he’s already said this, something she no doubt remembers very clearly:

I’ve told her that I think I love her and I may want to marry her.

But not to fear, his Reddit brethren have shown him the light:

Yes, I do have many insecurities to work on and I’m so excited to overcome them.

No, it’s not so much insecurity as it is hatred and fear of women, his immediate default position when it turns out that a woman is actually an autonomous being. What happens when it turns out that Jenn was once in love with another guy? Or has a second or maybe a tenth hookup in her past?

Jenn: In the story of your life, this guy is a villain. Don’t waste any of your precious time pitying him, even though he is pitiful. Run.

Viscaria
Viscaria
1 year ago

How depressing that a 21-year-old is reviving misogynistic slang of yore.

I can’t believe I’ve told her that I think I love her and I may want to marry her, even though deep down I don’t want to

“Wow, I can’t believe that I was so into this girl that I told her a complete lie!” ?????

Prith kDar
Prith kDar
1 year ago

It seemed like his complaint was less about the wand and more about “one of her hook-ups” allegedly being the one who introduced her to it (which raises a couple questions in my mind, but I’m not going to examine that further).

I literally had to dig up information from her past using semantics

I admit, I kinda want to know how that conversation went down…

QuantumInc
QuantumInc
1 year ago

Red Pill ideology is based, well primarily after the fear that no one will love you if you aren’t masculine enough, but second taking the virgin-whore dichotomy and applying that to all women everywhere and taking it to the extreme that if they aren’t purely good then they must be purely bad. For the talk of colorful pills, they are extremely guilty of black and white thinking.

EyeHeartSpiders
EyeHeartSpiders
1 year ago

@Naglfar I owned one very briefly. It was just too powerful for me to enjoy it – it was like trying to rub up a rocket engine or something. To me it was painful even with a thick towel over it. I ended up carefully disinfecting it and sending it to a friend with anorgasmia who apparently liked it much more than I did. Admittedly, I’m not that into vibration compared to other stimulation types.

Perry
Perry
1 year ago

This was a journey to read lol. Poor girl.

Crip Dyke
1 year ago

@Alan

I loved the illuminated manuscripts bit.

@everyone

When I was reading this, I could only think:

Wow, if Hitachi’s advertising agency gets hold of this, they’re gonna double their vibrator profits this year.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
1 year ago

@Guy

Dude you need to be careful, the air you are in right now has probably been around people who were masturbating. You should stop breathing just to be safe.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
1 year ago

…until five minutes ago

This gets me thinking about all of those times when I received shocking new information and briefly thought it would mean my life as I knew it had come to an end and there was no salvation. Then, in a completely unexpected turn of events, it turned out that I had been overreacting and life actually went on.

So I guess I’m just glad this wasn’t one of those posters who make a big deal about women being irrational and lacking in composure?

Otherwise “wait you’ve used a sex toy during partnered sex???” sounds kind of like freaking out over finding out that someone might be used to good times and fearing that you won’t measure up — which, clearly, can’t be your fault, so she has to be a [bad word of choice].

Amadaun
Amadaun
1 year ago

I literally had to dig up information from her past using semantics

What does that even mean?

occasional reader
occasional reader
1 year ago

Outside the “She uses a wand, she is a witch ! Burn !” thing, what puzzle me is that, if he says that literally, is first thought is : “Let us post about this intimate revelation on Internet !”.
You will probably tell me “Ok boomer”, but am i the only one who find strange to immediately come and post on the web when experiencing something, especially when it comes to personal relationship ?

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

@Amadaun

“I literally had to dig up information from her past” means that he used some sort of implement, probably a shovel, to extract something from the ground, most likely documents, that revealed details of her past dealings with a vibrator, those details being that another human being was with her when she used that vibrator.

But then there’s that thing about “using semantics.” So I guess he didn’t use a shovel. Instead, he used some sort of tricky wording to extract those documents from the dirt. Maybe Abracadabra?

Oh hell. I’m as mystified as you are.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

@Kat, maybe Semantics is a brand name of a tool company?

Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
1 year ago

That gives me an idea: a vibrator shaped like a unicorn horn. Certainly someone would want it. Maybe someone with a fetish for mythical creatures?

Just based on the symbolic meaning of unicorns as symbols of virginityI approve of this idea.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
1 year ago

My guess over the semantics thing is that he more than likely argued over ‘what the definition of ‘is’ is’ and kept pushing this girl over her past relationships until she finally told him what he wanted to hear. And did it to get him to shut. up. about. the. other. guys. ALREADY! instead of sharing that level of stuff willingly. Because it does sound like that tidbit about who she was using that wand with wasn’t something that she volunteered to tell him, just the bit that she had used one in the past.

Just my guess; could be miles off on this more than likely.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
1 year ago

Wow, if Hitachi’s advertising agency gets hold of this, they’re gonna double their vibrator profits this year.

I heard some years ago that Hitachi actually sold the Magic Wand brand to another company (now sold as Magic Wand Original), apparently because it was making their company brand too much sex toy associated. It seems Hitachi prefers to be known for, er, industrial grade power tools.

impudentinfidel
impudentinfidel
1 year ago

I’m honestly wondering if he got his Red Pill “philosophies” confused. He probably would have gotten the affirmation he was looking for on an Incel or MGTOW board.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
1 year ago

maybe Semantics is a brand name of a tool company?

“Semantics tools for all household, industrial and social construction purposes”

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
1 year ago

I literally had to dig up information from her past using semantics

What does that even mean?

I think it means that she didn’t really want to engage in a dissection of her past love life, but he kept pushing, so she gave minimal answers, leaving him to have to fill in the blanks with his imagination.

Chances are this conversation already put her on alert that there’s something very wrong. Go with your gut feeling, Jenn. It’s right.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Prith Kdar

I admit, I kinda want to know how that conversation went down…

Especially given that manospherians are possibly the least subtle people in the world, I too would love to have overheard that.

@Moggie
Or a hypnosis technique?

@Lumipuna

It seems Hitachi prefers to be known for, er, industrial grade power tools.

Also best not to mix the two, as illustrated by this XKCD comic:
comment image

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

I wonder if the Semantics Shovel Company uses the Feelings Big Rig to distribute their product:

a semi-truck of liberation and genuine sadness

Love how at the end, he pretends that he’s grown into an adult and learned from the experience, but then he concludes “I’m going to fuck her silly”, rather than “I’m going to have an honest conversation with her because I care about her feelings and want to work this out”. He’s decided to use the semantic shovel to bury all those disturbing thoughts of decency towards women and continue his lifestyle of probably smashing broads.

Run, Jenn. Run.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Buttercup

He’s decided to use the semantic shovel to bury all those disturbing thoughts of decency towards women and continue his lifestyle of probably smashing broads.

Or, more likely, his lifestyle of not “smashing broads,” because I highly doubt he was doing any of that.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

I’m a bit disturbed by that expression “catching feelings”. He writes about love and affection as if they’re some kind of viral disease. If he feels that way, he should definitely practise social distancing.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
1 year ago

@Moggie
It’s especially disturbing considering that he admits to having lied about how affectionate his feelings for her were, so the person she conceivably could be “catching” these feelings from doesn’t even have them.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Masse_mysteria

It’s especially disturbing considering that he admits to having lied about how affectionate his feelings for her were, so the person she conceivably could be “catching” these feelings from doesn’t even have them.

If you’re too macho to wear a mask, don’t be surprised when you catch feelings and COVID.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

@Naglfar: The word “probably” is certainly doing a lot of work in that sentence.

@Moggie: Wishing Jenn a speedy, and full, recovery. And lifelong immunity against RedPill men.

You almost made me forget that the genuine feeling of personal satisfaction is created by myself, my achievements, and my improvements.

Well, thank goodness he came to his senses and realized that happiness comes from being self-absorbed and closed off to others.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

@Buttercup, is there a vaccine?

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Buttercup

Well, thank goodness he came to his senses and realized that happiness comes from being self-absorbed and closed off to others.

Mysteriously, he still seems rather unhappy. Must be the fault of all those smashed broads.

An Impish Pepper
An Impish Pepper
1 year ago

The expression “catching feelings” is hardly common to the manosphere. I mostly see it in the context of someone having no-stings-attached sex unexpectedly having a desire for something more. From a quick search, there seem to be several songs titled “Catching Feelings”, including one by Justin Bieber from 2012, so maybe he had something to do with originating the phrase. It’s also the title of a South African film from 2017.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

@Moggie – I don’t know, but we desperately need one. Critical thinking skills? Feminism?

OT: I live between two churches, both of which just started offering Sunday morning drive thru services over a loudspeaker. Right now they’re going full blast with dueling liturgies. On one side of me: 90 decibel Mass from the balcony. On the other, a soundstage with a 2-chord rock band backing up the minister. It’s going to be a loooong summer.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Buttercup

I live between two churches, both of which just started offering Sunday morning drive thru services over a loudspeaker. Right now they’re going full blast with dueling liturgies. On one side of me: 90 decibel Mass from the balcony. On the other, a soundstage with a 2-chord rock band backing up the minister. It’s going to be a loooong summer.

Is there some local noise ordinance you can use against them? I don’t know the laws where you live, but it’s worth checking.

Or, alternatively start the Church of Skullpants which requires blasting white noise for 6 hours twice a day.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

It’d be a shame if someone hacked those loudspeaker feeds, and blasted out alternative audio.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Moggie
Indeed, would be awful if someone started playing some black metal…

Note: I did not record this, my ‘nym is after the band, which I am not affiliated with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZTSejcgc6E

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

That really would be a shame if their feed got interrupted. Didn’t Jesus tell everyone to pray in a closet?

Now might be a good time to take up nude sunbathing.

I’m really curious to see how the Catholic church is going to handle drive-thru communion. And confession. That could get awkward for the teenagers in the car with their parents.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
1 year ago

@An Impish Pepper
That’s interesting.

I’m still wondering why Myrenaissance said Jenn was catching feelings “too”, when he makes it pretty obvious he’s played up his feelings for her. So did he catch feelings and then only lie about wanting to marry her. And why would he do that if he had caught feelings?

Weasel-Rah
Weasel-Rah
1 year ago

I suspect he actually does have feelings for this girl, and the “frame” he was trying to hold was for his fellow bro’s. Can’t let the bro’s know he actually cares about a girl, gotta make a big deal about how you only want her for sex (sex apparently so unmemorable he won’t even be sure he had it afterward, no wonder he’s so threatened by some other guy actually making an effort to see she had a good time) He’s lying to everyone here, and himself.

Shadowplay
1 year ago

I’m really curious to see how the Catholic church is going to handle drive-thru communion. And confession. That could get awkward for the teenagers in the car with their parents.

Many diocese are doing both Mass and communion on-line, and confession by phone. Which is kinda odd, and means you’ve got to scout around for a bit of privacy at home, but it’s nice that it’s there.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Does transubstantiation work over Zoom?

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
1 year ago

@ Buttercup Q. Skullpants,

I’d suggest going to both of those churches first, and telling them how their respective outdoor services are disturbing your peace while at your house. It’s possible they might not be aware that they’re being THAT loud in their outdoor services. And definitely look into your local noise ordinances to see if there’s anything there that might be applicable to this situation. Like, a weekly outdoor rock concert in a space not built for that purpose has to be violating some rules right there.

And hopefully you aren’t caught between two churches who think that the current ‘Freedom or Death’ movement is a requirement for being good in God’s sight. >.<

As for how the Catholic Church is handling certain of its sacraments and obligations for their members, I looked up how my church is doing things (all I have time to research at the moment). From what I can tell from their website, they are going to enforce social distancing/masking in the main sanctuary and overflow space, so a limited number of people will be allowed inside the building for Mass.

Those who want to attend Mass in their cars may watch it on their personal devices, and if they want communion too, form a line by the main doors to receive it.

And as funny as the carbound public confessional sounds, it seems like (at least at my church) those will still be done privately in person. Just with the masks and gloves and things included. Or if the church building in question is old enough, a revival of using the old pre-Vatican II partitioned confession booths.

Just what I could find in my area; ymmv in your own area(s) on these points.

ETA: and Shadowplay kinda-sorta beat me to the (Hawaiian 😀 ) punch there.

Shadowplay
1 year ago

Does transubstantiation work over Zoom?

Eh, it works when the priest is on the ground and the communicant is in orbit, so why not? 🙂

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Shadowplay
I thought sacraments in orbit required the Space Pope.comment image

Sort of relevant to the OP: This happened earlier:comment image

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
1 year ago

Statistically, all men are assholes. The current crisis has brought out the inner 5-year-old-brat in so many of us that the math now rounds off to 100%

🙁