By David Futrelle
Priorities, we’ve all got them. For example, my top priorities for the next year and a half are to 1) not die and/or 2) go completely broke. By contrast, the top priority of a Reddit “pickup artist” known as RedPill_Swinger is to procure himself as many potential future “lays” as possible, worldwide pandemic or no.
But alas, he’s not doing so well, and so he has turned to the Ask The Red Pill subreddit for advice on how to handle the “huge drop in the ROI of online dating apps.”
“I used to average one new girl/week before the outbreak of coronavirus and had (maybe have?) 6 plates,” he writes. “Plates,” for the uninitiated, is the oh-so-respectful Red Piller way of referring to women they date casually (“spinning plates”).
I told the plates I’m not gonna meet them until the quarantine is over cause I don’t wanna risk but I don’t mind fishing for new ones. So since the outbreak of coronavirus I only had a new entry who came over and we had sex. I was an idiot, I shouldn’t have risked.
Mr. Swinger, who says he’s an Italian living in Eastern Europe, puts part of the blame on “racism,” by which he seems to mean that women in his area are wary of people connected to one of the countries hardest hit by the virus.
This being said I’m not trying to shift the blame outside of me but I notice a huge change in the ROI. When they ask I don’t DEER [NOTE: Deny Everything? Even I don’t know what this acronym means –DF] but know that the “where are you from shit test” is hard to pass because my name is easy to link to Italy.m, and I also know that coming out is a deal breaker even though I have the same odds of being infected as them and I’ve got a OCD about following the quarantine rules (the new entry came over before the “curfew”), washing everything, sterilising and all.
He wonders if he should just lie and say he’s from Colchester instead.
Should I change my name and let them assume otherwise? I’ve got the plausible deniability that I’ve lived in Colchester and, no, people can’t tell the difference when I speak.
Yeah, I’m sure no one can tell the difference between an Italian and a British accent.
Even the Red Pillers think Mr Swinger’s post is a bit much.
“Jesus Christ, get over yourself,” writes one. “There is a pandemic going on.”
“You can’t possibly be that dense,” adds another.
And then there’s this fellow, who ignores the OP and offers his risk-reward assessment of casual sex in the age of coronavirus. In his mind, the virus
Doesn’t mean you can’t have sex. Let’s look at it this way:
Door #1: You have sex with a girl, get COVID and die. No big deal.
Door #2: You go around like a fucking sperg with a face mask and try to stay isolated, then die because a random guy sneezed in your face. Congrats.
I would rather take door #1.
I would suggest that he indeed take door #1 if doing so wouldn’t put others at risk.
Math is hard.
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Further along in this fascinating discussion:
Ooh, the biggest beta. That’s got to be a compliment.
Uh-oh, not so much of a compliment. And it seems like this guy is always thirsty but never desperate. He sees no need to hurry things — but he has to be his own man. What a guy.
I assume the idea with PUA is that there would be more than one girl, but even if there was only one, don’t they realise you don’t just die when you get infected? That there would be an interval where they might infect other people, steepening the curve and so on? No big deal, I guess.
Also, I might just be stupid, but if someone spoke in a vaguely British accent and told me they were from Colchester, I’d be like “That sure sounds like a place in Britain!”
I don’t know where in Eastern Europe this person is, but I’m just saying that to us non-native English speakers, parsing accents can be difficult.
@Kat
Beta fish usually only grow to 7 cm, so I’m not sure how big one has to be to be the biggest beta. But definitely a compliment to be the largest.
@ masse mysteria
If he’s Italian he could pretend to be Roman and call Colchester Camulodunum instead.
Or Colonia Victricensis if we’re being formal.
(Colchester is actually pretty cool if you like history and archaeology)
They’re really struggling with the fact that the virus can’t be gaslighted, aren’t they? Even when their lives literally depend on listening to people in authority and changing their behavior, they’re having a hard time letting go of this alpha/beta nonsense.
Re: the Monty Hall problem, you can also think about it in terms of asymmetric information.
1) I have no idea which door the car is behind, and there’s a high probability I will guess wrong.
2) The host knows exactly which door the car is behind.
3) Assume I picked wrong on my first guess. When I pick one of the two Goat Doors, the host is forced to reveal information to me by opening (and eliminating) the remaining Goat Door. He has no choice. The door he doesn’t open must contain the car.
4) If I pick a Goat Door the first time, switching guarantees a win. The probability of picking the wrong door at the outset is 2/3, so switching doors will win you a car 2/3 of the time.
Lay ratio:
Surely this is what they’re talking about, right? 😀
And…do I really want to know what the definition of sperg is? O.o
I just love this guy’s review of PUA’s book
@Redsikkphoenix
If you do want to know, it’s an ableist insult (not sure if it’s considered a slur) that is short for “Aspergers.” That’s what Allandrel was talking about when he pointed out the ableism.
“How to get a beautiful woman into bed”
1. Pick your time zone.
2. Wait until a couple hours after dark.
3. Mission accomplished.
Alan:
That’s a brilliant idea.
See, if you’re just Italian, it’s always difficult to convince the ordinary North European racists that you didn’t arrive from Italy within the last couple weeks (relevant interval for the disease risk), even if travel restrictions have been in Place for longer than that. Most likely, people will suspect you arrived in February or early March, and will remain an Infectious Foreigner for the foreseeable future.
However, if you pass for a time-traveling ancient Italian, people will likely accept you haven’t been in Italy for the last couple millennia. There’s no restrictions on time travel, and spatial travel restrictions shouldn’t apply retrotemporally. You also don’t have to pretend being from some other northern barbarian backwater, like Britannia. A thankless bunch those are, always trying to refuse the Empire after all we did for them…
Out of curiosity, does the “Col” part in Colchester come from Colonia? I’ve understood “Chester” or similar in city names comes from Castra, a Roman term for certain type of fortified settlement.
@Lumipuna
If you really want to pass for a time traveling ancient Italian, learn the symptoms of lead poisoning and act like you have some of them (Romans used lead for all kinds of food vessels, it is theorized that lead poisoning may have been part of the cause of the fall of the Roman Empire). Also, put garum on everything. That will help you nail it.
@ lumipuna
Apparently not. That was its official Roman military name; but the British name is from something like “Cole’s Castle”; as in the King who was a merry old soul.
There is indeed a castle there. Built atop the old Temple of Claudius.
@Anna
OMFG. Mystery’s PUA talk about “value” is almost verbatim the kind of stuff my dad used to tell me. And insist I was wrong when I disagreed, because I was young/naive/idealistic/not a woman at the time. I knew he was creepy but I never realized he held almost exact PUA beliefs.
*shudder*
Over and over I have read this, willing it to make sense.
I feel like dying… is a big deal? And also all the stuff Masse_Mysteria said.
Alan,
Now, apparently Wikipedia leans toward the theory that “Col” comes from an unknown Celtic etymology, via River Colne.
Also, even before the Norman castle was built in 11th century, local (English) folklore attributed the ruins of the temple to the mythical King Cole (apparently adopted from Celtic Coel or Coil).
@Viscaria
Maybe he’s been playing too many video games and doesn’t realize that when you die IRL you don’t respawn?
These guys suck at metaphor. Who fishes for plates?
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
My understanding of “fishing for new ones” was that he would be chatting with new people (strangers as you called them) he would have lined up for when the quarantine ends. I think his thinking is that he would hook up with the acquaintances and strangers once the quarantine ends.
Seems to me that Door #2 would be to go around with a facemask on to have sex another day (when the quarantine ends). Doesn’t 2 seem preferable? You get sex and to live. Door 1 you get sex but die. Seems like an issue of delayed gratification.
@Naglfar
Eh. What mostly caused the fall of the Western Roman Empire was being an empire; they always come to pieces sooner or later.
Online dating while in quarantine is also something I’ve been dealing with personally.
I’ve had a number of video dates. They were ok.
But there are also people willing to risk infection for sex. I had agreed to meet up with someone before the stay-at-home order got stricter, but he had to cancel because of something else that got in the way. After that he kept asking to meet up, but I’ve said no until the restrictions are lifted. I suggested a video meet up, and he kind of left me hanging. I’ve since decided his constant pestering to meet in person and lack of effort to know me as a person just left me with a dissatisfied impression of him. I’ve told him we should just go our separate ways. I’ve had to tell him no several times. He asked for a second chance (and I wish I could take back the first chance I gave), but I just stopped responding. I hate to ghost people and prefer being direct, but I foresee him trying to continually convince me and argue if I respond.
Seems like people like straightforwardness unless it’s other people saying things they don’t like.
@jaygee
Could be. It’s confusing because in the very next sentence, he says he had a new “entry” come over and have sex.
These guys aren’t noted for their patience. With the quarantine likely to last several more months (at least), that’s a long time to be negging someone on okcupid. Do they even have the attention span for that?
@jaygee
Even then, sounds a bit risky because that would imply being in close proximity to strangers in public, risking infection.
Conservatives don’t really seem to get delayed gratification. Or the idea of planning ahead at all.
@Buttercup
Or, by that point would the women realize what’s going on and block them?
@Lumipuna
If there’s one place that Rome: Total War has taught me to hate as barbaric backwater, it’s not Britannia, it’s Gaul. Filthy, rebellious, mustachioed, pants-wearing Gauls.
You rang?
Funnily enough, there was Transalpine Gaul and Cisalpine Gaul.
I wonder if Julie Bindel objected?