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Women only love their children because they cum so hard during childbirth, internet weirdo proclaims

Babies: The ultimate Chads?

By David Futrelle

Today’s insight into (cis) female nature comes from, well, some internet rando with very peculiar notions about childbirth.

women only "love" their children because during childbirth when the babys head crowns the vagina, its the hardest a women will ever cum in her life, womens narassism knows no bounds. the only thing they truly love is satan'

Damn those Chad babies ruining MILFs for everyone else with penises!

H/T — r/BadWomensAnatomy

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Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
5 months ago

My love for Satan is public knowledge, so I’m not surprised that this Internet philosopher is aware of it.

But my narassism! How did he know about that. This individual is a deep thinker.

JennD
JennD
5 months ago

As a mother, I feel I can say with absolute certainty that I have NEVER EVER felt further from orgasm than either time I was pushing out a 9-pound baby.

EpicurusHog
EpicurusHog
5 months ago

And the award for biggest anatomy fail goes to…

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

Someone’s been reading too much pregnancy erotica.

Anyway, apparently childbirth fetishism is a real thing, and according to the linked article some men genuinely do believe that giving birth gives women the biggest possible orgasm. I won’t add further commentary because I have no uterus and as a result have not, and cannot, give birth.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
5 months ago

I’m not sure where the narcissism line comes from.

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

@Ooglyboggles

I’m not sure where the narcissism line comes from

Projection?

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
5 months ago

Sweet gods, I need to remember not to read this site after eating. Just… how the fuck. These men are absolutely sick. 🙁

Monday Middlemarch
Monday Middlemarch
5 months ago

Trigger Warning – if you are grossed out about birth…don’t read this.

As a uterus having woman who has had 1 baby vaginally I can only wonder, how can this guy live in the human world and not know that giving birth hurts? It’s not a sexual experience at all.

Things that happened while I was giving birth: vomit, shit, heartburn, PAINFUL contractions that are worse than any ever experienced during menstruation or other abdominal distress, tearing and stitches in vulva, and all topped off with a full 2 weeks of vaginal bleeding.

Things that did not happen: orgasm.

I love my daughter but not because of the birth experience.

Side note:
Vikings believed women who died in childbirth went to live in Valhalla with warriors slain in battle. (is war orgasmic too?)

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

@Monday Middlemarch

is war orgasmic too?

I think some people fetishize war far too much, but I don’t think it’s orgasmic.
Though that does remind me of this song:

Podkayne Lives
Podkayne Lives
5 months ago

I delivered two children via c-section, and there was neither crowning nor this mythical orgasm. And yet, I adore them. So…hmmm.

Victorious Parasol
5 months ago

So they believe women can orgasm now?

I guess that’s an improvement?

personalpest
personalpest
5 months ago

@Naglfar:

Someone’s been reading too much pregnancy erotica.

And not enough spelling manuals.

Perry
Perry
5 months ago

Holy shit.

I refuse to believe this isn’t bait. The bulk of the post strikes me as some redpill shit, whereas the little bit about satan at the end goes into conservative, probably traditional, Christian territory. If sincere, then that’s a pretty unusual ideological mix in my experience.

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

@Perry
I’m not sure it’s that unusual to see cross pollination of red pill and conservative Christian stuff. Roosh Valizadeh seems to have drifted between the two pretty easily, and the underlying misogyny is pretty similar.

EyeHeartSpiders
EyeHeartSpiders
5 months ago

Well, I’ve had a gyn dilate my cervix slightly to get an IUD in there back before the hysterectomy, and it was one of my most painful experiences. A baby coming out of there would stretch that tiny damn Ring of Pain out a LOT more than that. I can’t imagine anyone enjoying that even slightly unless there are women out there with magical numb cervixes.

Mog
Mog
5 months ago

Being in a maternity ward sounds like being in a horror film, you can hear constant screaming from every other poor woman that’s in there with you, and it sounds nothing like fake screaming. Trying to give birth was excruciating. Despite there never being any crowning after hours and hours of agony ( I had to have an emergency cesearean ) I love my child desperately.

This was bizarre because you can usually trace ridiculous MGTOW stories to some overly literal interpretation of a joke, or a misunderstanding of an urban myth. Not “no smoke without fire” but you know they saw some steam from a kettle. I’ve never come across an adult who didn’t know childbirth was painful.

I guess they might be deliberately misconstruing the hormonal bonding thing where a lot of women experience euphoric connection to their newborn AFTER the birth? After all, if you are so misogynistic and misanthropic you can’t understand love except in terms of selfishness the closest comparison you might have to that is a solo orgasm…

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
5 months ago

I would say two things :

* childbirth is rather painful despite the mother being extremely high on anti-pain hormones (in normal circumstance). That should point out that it’s not a terribly feel good moment

* women are perfectly able to hate someone that give them orgasms. Most, actually, value a lot of thing more than even powerful orgasms.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
5 months ago

All else aside, do they realise that babies tend to come out head-first? I’m no expert, and I know baby heads are proportionately large, but there’s quite a bit of baby to come out. If you had an orgasm in the midst of something very painful, why would you remember the orgasm more than the pain?

This seems like the kind of thinking you get if you think that movie births are realistic. I get that people do not usually go out of their way to just hear stuff about childbirth, but how do you avoid it completely? I once had a classmate who liked to tell the story of his birth (because he’d got stuck and the midwife had to break a bone to get him out). I’m pretty sure I had to tell him on two separate occasions that I had in fact already heard the story and did not need a repeat. I’m sure there are other people who will tell you stuff like that even if you don’t ask them to.

TB Tabby
TB Tabby
5 months ago

Allow me to propose a hypothesis: the only reason you find this even remotely plausible, let alone likely, is because you’re so wrapped up in toxic masculinity as to be incapable of thinking of women in non-sexual terms, so you attribute everything a woman says or does to sex.

rugbyyogi
rugbyyogi
5 months ago

Apparently it can happen. According to Ina May Gaskin, midwife extraordinaire. It didn’t happen for me. But then I had an emergency c-section after days of labour.

Her natural childbirth book is fabulous. Though came as a shocker for me to see a mid-birth photograph of a woman I knew socially as a clothed person. Otherwise, the most comforting and informative book I read pre-partum.

Without a doubt the birth and post-birth experience was one of the worst of my life, but I still love my son.

Ann K
Ann K
5 months ago

A good orgasm leads me to a desire for more. As I recall, childbirth definitely did NOT.

Nanny Oggs Bosom
Nanny Oggs Bosom
5 months ago

My auntie had all three of her sons via c-section
As far as I can tell, she’s loved them for all 26 years of their lives.

They’re triplets and early, so c-section was the only option

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

Hypothetical anesthesiology question that’s semi-related:
Could someone hypothetically still feel an orgasm if they had an epidural?

Sheila Crosby
5 months ago

I had some pretty intense physical sensations as my son squeezed out, but an orgasm most definitely wasn’t one of them.

Allandrel
Allandrel
5 months ago

@Perry

In my experience, such ideological mixes are quite common, because the ideology is only there to act as a post-hoc rationalization for what they person wanted to do anyway.

Consider former US Speaker of the House Paul Ryan’s claim that his two biggest influences were Jesus and Ayn Rand. He has to be lying about at least one of them (spoiler: it’s the first) but he can use whichever one suits his needs of the moment.

The “deeply held beliefs” of conservatives are remarkably fluid, but the one thing that is consistent is “Us Good, Them Bad.” Everything else is window dressing.

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

@Allandrel

He has to be lying about at least one of them (spoiler: it’s the first) but he can use whichever one suits his needs of the moment.

I doubt he’s read the second, either; most people who cite Ayn Rand haven’t actually read her books and just heard about them elsewhere as a justification for their bullshit. The books are awful, but still I doubt most conservatives have read them. They don’t seem like the types to do much reading.

the one thing that is consistent is “Us Good, Them Bad.” Everything else is window dressing.

And by “us,” they mean “white men who agree with me.”

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
5 months ago

Consider former US Speaker of the House Paul Ryan’s claim that his two biggest influences were Jesus and Ayn Rand. He has to be lying about at least one of them (spoiler: it’s the first) but he can use whichever one suits his needs of the moment.

If he’s ever signed off on a big government intervention in the marketplace (say, a coronavirus relief bill, or even a big subsidy to Dirty Filthy Coal or whatever industry) then he’s also lying about the second.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
5 months ago

If it was supposed to bring me an orgasm, I was cheated, big time! I hope morons like the rando above stay way the hell away from all women. If he’s ever close to a woman in labor, I hope she punches his lights out.

TiredFeet
TiredFeet
5 months ago

I’ve quite often seen claims from the really hard-core natural childbirth people that (i) childbirth routinely gives women orgasms* and (ii) you won’t love your child if you don’t have the experience of feeling the head crowning. I’m not sure where incels would have come across that kind of stuff though, apart from the fact that misogynists flock together.

* I’m happy to accept that it occasionally happens, but the “vaginal birth is blissful and orgasmic because it’s what you as a woman were designed for, and if you think that your birth experience hurt then it’s your fault for not believing hard enough” people? They can piss off.

Chris O
Chris O
5 months ago

Somebody needs to confiscate this guy’s computer now. I give it six months before he’s churning Unabomber-style manifestos advocating violence against women.

Naglfar
Naglfar
5 months ago

@Katherine the Adequate

If he’s ever close to a woman in labor, I hope she punches his lights out.

Well, IIRC a few MRAs have complained about being scratched by women giving birth, so maybe we’re not that far away from this.

Kelly L.
Kelly L.
5 months ago

I believe I’ve read that people have occasionally tried to orgasm during labor, to either ease the contractions or move them along. But, like, with a vibrator or their partner! It wasn’t the labor itself giving them an orgasm.

ColeYote
ColeYote
5 months ago

I’m not sure where the narcissism line comes from.

Please, please, he said “narassism”

Charsi
Charsi
4 months ago

Must be the same people who think being raped is a fun experience.