By David Futrelle
Men Going Their Own Way want the world to know that they can take care of themselves better than any woman could. Not only do they routinely bathe and dress themselves but they have even mastered some of the most advanced human-care tasks like interior decorating and even cooking.
And, oh are they proud of their cooking. So proud that on the rare occasion when they make something in the kitchen more advanced than a peanut butter sandwich they take pictures of their culinary masterpieces to share with the rest of their MGTOW comrades.
I’ve written about this before, but lo and behold the MGTOWs keep cooking, and they keep taking pictures, so let’s take another look at some of their most impressive recent dishes, courtesy of the MGTOW subreddit.
Here’s a healthy breakfast that covers all the major food groups: pancakes, apples, cheap syrup, and of course hog dogs. (I’m not quite sure what that other thing is; I think it’s an egg or two.)
You may wonder why this culinary wizard decided to substitute hot dogs for the more traditional sausage or bacon. “Didn’t have time or the will to run down to the store and grab sausages…” explained the cook, a fellow called bosslife242, “didn’t make a difference to be honest.”
Not noticing a difference between sausage and hot dogs is one of the signs of a truly refined palate.
This fellow, by contrast, didn’t skimp on the sausage. In fact, sausage is the only ingredient in his delicious sausage breakfast recipe. “Summer sausage is delicious but if you cook it or grill it…..OMFG!!!!!!” he explains. “By the way….this took place at 9am. Why? Because I’m free!”
This hearty dinner below couldn’t have taken very long to cook — if “cook” is even the right word for what happened to this ever-so-lightly braised chunk of manly meat, guaranteed to satisfy the carnivore inside all of us, especially if this carnivore also enjoys cramps, watery diarrhea. and the occasional tapeworm.
This next amazing meal — a wonderful combination of alleged omelet, past-its-prime broccoli and burnt bananas — took the cook only 28 minutes to make, though it’s possible he spent some of that time passed out on the floor of his kitchen, overwhelmed by the beauty of his creation.
Part of the joy of fine MGTOW cooking is the presentation. Here are some delicious-looking chicken wings arranged in a totally rad pattern that just screams sophistication.
Bon appetit!
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@Moggie
We do. And I enjoyed these MGTOWs’ offhand narratives about their culinary creations. It was a nice departure from their usual conversation: threats against women. Recipes, please!
@Masse_Mysteria
I was wondering about the 9 AM brag, too! ‘Cos … have breakfast whenever you want to. That has nothing to do with being a man and everything to do with being an adult who can make decisions about food. Sometimes when I just need a quick dinner, I’ve had WAFFLES. Because being an adult means I can make my own choices about what to eat. Besides, my grocery’s store-brand multigrain waffles are a delicious way to get my regulated intake of carbs.
@galanx
I doubt you’ll find much, seeing as they could quite easily be just like those guys who don’t wipe their butts because they think it’s gay.
@Masse_mysteria
What makes me laugh about this is that when I was growing up, my father did all the cooking, so I know that men can cook. It just seems weird to me that MGTOWs see this is sticking it to the women, seeing as most women (myself included) would probably like a partner that can cook (though certainly not an MGTOW).
I read the 9 AM brag as saying he’s independent and implying that he can do breakfast whenever. Evidently he doesn’t know that 9 AM isn’t a very unusual time to eat breakfast. In fact, many people who host brunch host it later than that. Though I guess brunch wouldn’t be manly enough.
So, that is what they call sausage parties…
Anyway, in the first picture, rather than egg/omelet, could not it be a foiled crêpe ?
Pfft, real men cook pig’s blood pancakes. And they don’t half-arsedly warm a steak, they go full steak tartare.
@Simon
I recall a while ago someone making blood pancakes with their own blood.
I’d happily eat that steak, not just during a full moon. I like raw meat, or mostly raw meat.
Can’t say I’m fond of cooked summer sausage, but hey, to each their own.
Hot dogs=\=breakfast sausage.
The omelette might work better with the broccoli chopped fine and cooked in, but fried bananas are exquisite.
And now I’m hungry. I think I’ll fry a banana.
Later.
I think the brag might be about the breakfast beer on the counter there. Which I’m not particularly impressed by, I’ve been known to make a great beermosa with my breakfast on the weekends, or if I’m making scotch eggs a nice porter or oatmeal stout will go along with that straight up.
Of course, I’m the exact thing these guys hate, so maybe my opinion isn’t valid here. I’m a lady who loves to cook and have a particular set of tried-and-true recipes I’ll bust out if I’m really trying to win a guy over. I’m living in a community setting right now (military barracks) with a common kitchen and after a handful of times letting people sample what I’ve cooked, if I walk into that kitchen the guys start to hover around like moths to a flame. Turns out if I feed enough of them, I don’t have to do the dishes, so it’s a great trade off in my opinion. And I’ve been teaching some of them to cook. It’s astounding what some guys will settle for to feed themselves (grilled spam and a bagel? For dinner, dude?) and still bitch about the food at the chow hall.
Grilled bananas are nice. With cinnamon and vanilla ice cream.
I cook as much as my spoon supply allows.
Sometimes I experiment. That works out about 90% of the time. When it doesn’t, the results are dire.
That banana and egg mess; is it just me or has the plate it’s served on got the most un-MGTOW pattern on it?
@Simon
Pig’s blood pancakes are called black pudding here in the UK and are an essential part of a full English breakfast, and are quite frankly delicious.
I once accidentally ordered andouillette in a Parisienne cafe. It was my own fault, the descriptions were complete and in English. It did say that it was sausage made with intestines, and I thought that I know full well what goes into sausages so it shouldn’t be a problem. I was mistaken.
But, I certainly wasn’t going to show myself up as an idiot Englishman in front of the locals so I did eat it. To be honest it didn’t taste too bad, but the texture…
@ Chris
“People who admire sausages and law avoid seeing either being made.”
This sounds like someone describing a crime scene to the police.
Speaking of blokes and cooking…
The summer sausage guy looked like he had a bottle of beer as his beverage.
Which might explain his excessive pride in being “free” enough to pan-fry meat at 9 a.m. That’s the one the really puzzles me. I’ve never felt enslaved by the time of day I cook breakfast food? It’s 10:57 a.m. and I’m going to start making shrimp broth…why? Because I’M FREE! (And because that stock has *got* to reduce if I’m going to have it for dinner).
The plantains look good, they’re actually better if they’re a little burnt, at least to me. I love plantains for breakfast but they’re always a gamble in that you have to cook them after the skins turn black but before they’re actually spoiled. They’d be better if they weren’t encircling the rest of that crap, though.
Imagine if these guys were like “I was raised to believe that my wife would do all the cooking for me, and then I found out that’s not actually how the world works. Now I’m really trying to develop these skills that I didn’t learn as a kid. This is an early attempt. What do you think?” Or “I’m a pretty poor cook, but I’m still learning. Does anyone have any advice?” Or “I hate cooking, but I know enough to keep myself alive and so can you!” I feel like my reactions might include some sympathy or happiness as they continue to grow.
But instead they’re like “Hey, look at this terrible meal I made. FUCK YOU, WOMEN.” Mocking is the only available response.
@Viscaria
I’d feel very differently then, but I think that that’s pretty unlikely. MGTOWs will never change unless they leave the toxic movement and the conservative death cult.
At the moment, I’m baking, for the first time in years (a simple wholemeal loaf, nothing fancy). I’m not going to crow about it, because I’m using a bread machine: no skill involved. But the smell alone is making me think I should do this more often!
@Moggie
Didn’t Roosh do a whole bit about how he was a manly bread scientist or something when he started using a bread machine?
That took me for a spin because when I was a kid, my family had a bread machine and I think the selling point with it was that it had a timer or something and we could have freshly baked bread first thing in the morning, which was sweet.
@Masse_mysteria
Yeah, he did. And the bread wasn’t even very good-looking in his pictures. His masculinity is so fragile he had to make up the whole justification about how it is manly man science to put ingredients in a machine and let it do all the work.
I have a bread machine, and the majority of the bread I’ve made with it looks much better than Roosh’s. Now that he’s a fundamentalist Christian, I wonder if he’ll try putting fish in the machine to attempt to turn them into loaves
This morning I had a cheddar and green Chile scramble. Wonderfully tasty, yes, but photo-worthy? Absolutely not.
green Chile… thanks autocorrect!!
ehh that prime rib looks pretty okay to me. Prime rib is most tender and juicy when it’s on the rare side and you’re definitely not meant to go past medium or it gets dry and tough. Have you never had prime rib??? I mean, if you just don’t eat red meat for whatever reason, please disregard, you do you, but if you do eat red meat on occasion and you haven’t had a really good prime rib, you ARE missing out.
It is, however, the only thing here that looks plausibly palatable to me. That lonely little sliced dry potato with the prime rib is just sad. I can’t fathom frying a summer sausage. Hot dogs the same as sausages?!
Can we please get Burnt “Fried” Banana Broccoli Guy to team up with Questionable-Omelet Cheap Syrup Pancake Guy for an attempt at some Bananas Foster pancakes and chop the broccoli to put INTO the omelet? And everything else… what were they thinking? These are crimes against food, someone call Gordon Ramsey.
On second thought at least these guys are taking up a more constructive hobby than bitching about women, so I’m all for them attempting to make food and showing it off. And if they actually learn enough to turn it into a skill, so much the better for everybody because then they’re that much closer to ACTUALLY going their own way or else, God forbid, learning to appreciate the people who are expected to automatically have the food-making skill.
Gordon Ramsay could still help with that. Apparently he’s got a whole youtube series meant for teaching newbs to cook. And he’s a guy so they might actually take him seriously and learn.
Funny thing is, I’m a forty-year-old single man who, for the last two weeks, has started cooking due to, y’know, THE PESTILENCE.
I signed up for one of those meal kit subscriptions. Along with not having to go to the grocery store as much, it’s been a way of expanding my limited and incurious palate.
And while the service that I went with touts how easy it is, it’s still WAY beyond anything these guys are trying. We’re talking combining multiple ingredients into a single dish and use of seasonings. Really advanced stuff.
And yet at no point have I stood back and thought “Take THAT, femoids!”
@Seth S
Eh, I wouldn’t get my hopes up too high. It seems more likely that they’d just declare themselves to be better at it because they’re men.