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The Joy of MGTOW Cooking: Pancakes and Hot Dogs Edition

This guy isn’t a MGTOW, but he’s got the MGTOW spirit!

By David Futrelle

Men Going Their Own Way want the world to know that they can take care of themselves better than any woman could. Not only do they routinely bathe and dress themselves but they have even mastered some of the most advanced human-care tasks like interior decorating and even cooking.

And, oh are they proud of their cooking. So proud that on the rare occasion when they make something in the kitchen more advanced than a peanut butter sandwich they take pictures of their culinary masterpieces to share with the rest of their MGTOW comrades.

I’ve written about this before, but lo and behold the MGTOWs keep cooking, and they keep taking pictures, so let’s take another look at some of their most impressive recent dishes, courtesy of the MGTOW subreddit.

Here’s a healthy breakfast that covers all the major food groups: pancakes, apples, cheap syrup, and of course hog dogs. (I’m not quite sure what that other thing is; I think it’s an egg or two.)

You may wonder why this culinary wizard decided to substitute hot dogs for the more traditional sausage or bacon. “Didn’t have time or the will to run down to the store and grab sausages…” explained the cook, a fellow called bosslife242, “didn’t make a difference to be honest.”

Not noticing a difference between sausage and hot dogs is one of the signs of a truly refined palate.

This fellow, by contrast, didn’t skimp on the sausage. In fact, sausage is the only ingredient in his delicious sausage breakfast recipe. “Summer sausage is delicious but if you cook it or grill it…..OMFG!!!!!!” he explains. “By the way….this took place at 9am. Why? Because I’m free!”

This hearty dinner below couldn’t have taken very long to cook — if “cook” is even the right word for what happened to this ever-so-lightly braised chunk of manly meat, guaranteed to satisfy the carnivore inside all of us, especially if this carnivore also enjoys cramps, watery diarrhea. and the occasional tapeworm.

This next amazing meal — a wonderful combination of alleged omelet, past-its-prime broccoli and burnt bananas — took the cook only 28 minutes to make, though it’s possible he spent some of that time passed out on the floor of his kitchen, overwhelmed by the beauty of his creation.

Part of the joy of fine MGTOW cooking is the presentation. Here are some delicious-looking chicken wings arranged in a totally rad pattern that just screams sophistication.

Bon appetit!

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Viscaria
Viscaria
7 months ago

@Allandrel

I signed up for one of those meal kit subscriptions.

We had one of those for a while! I really liked it, actually. I’m not much of a cook, and it really helped me to get into the kitchen more. Obviously the circumstances that forced you to sign up are terrible, but I hope it brings you at least a little bit of happiness and some tasty meals.

bekabot
bekabot
7 months ago

a gallery of regrettable food

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
7 months ago

#4 is like a really bizarre riff on a banana split. At least it contains vegetables.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 months ago

Just noticed what looks like a half-consumed bottle of beer in the photo of the big-boy sausage breakast. 9 am seems a little early to be celebrating Oktoberfest.

In the last one, the chicken wings look like they’re staging an intervention. Not sure why they’re arranged on an overturned plate, though. Was the other side dirty, and he couldn’t be bothered to wash it?

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 months ago

9 am seems a little early to be celebrating Oktoberfest.

Not if you’re FREE.

Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
7 months ago

@Alan

I taught a 6th grade class for 1 week, and the pupils, because I allowed them to choose their songs by vote during indoor recess where their regular teacher did not, consistently voted for that song on repeat. It’s stuck in my head again now.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 months ago

@ big titty demon

Ah, the joys of putting things to the vote 🙂

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-42026485

Moggie
Moggie
7 months ago

@Buttercup:

Not sure why they’re arranged on an overturned plate, though. Was the other side dirty, and he couldn’t be bothered to wash it?

Life hack!

Wait till you hear what he does with his underpants!

Naglfar
Naglfar
7 months ago

@Alan Robertshaw
Reminds me of the Boaty McBoatface incident from a few years ago.
When I first read the article headline I misread “gritters” as “grifters” and spent a few seconds wondering why a city would want more grifters.

Random but somewhat pertinent is that one of the names was suggested by a trans* woman.

Amnesia
Amnesia
7 months ago

I tried wrapping Vienna sausages, snack cheeses, and cucumbers in crescent rolls recently, and I still think I’m a better cook than these guys.
… I just like to try weird combinations sometimes. Sometimes it’s a hit, like the coleslaw omelette or yogurt&peanut butter, and sometimes it’s a miss, like the blueberry crab cakes.

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent, Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent, Bard of the New Movement
7 months ago

Eh…These past few weeks have been a lot of my old staple of “instant mashed potatoes with cheese and some kind of meat in, put in the microwave long enough that somehow the Maillard Reaction substantially occurs”. Haven’t had much energy for seriously cooking.

On the plus side, I’ve been making more music than usual, I suppose. Not as much as I once did on here, but these are actually recorded. 8)

I gotta start with my laundry backlog soon, though…Sigh.

Still. At least as a uni student, I’m safe enough at home.

TacticalProgressive
TacticalProgressive
7 months ago

All this talk about food reminds men of the time this encounter I had with a guy insisting that men “don’t eat cheese pizza” and men who eat cheese pizza “aren’t real men” and that “only real men eat Meat Lovers Pizza”.

I mean, if you like Meat Lovers, more power to you; but tying your sense of masculinity to an arbitrary pizza topping seems both stupid and very insecure.

I like Cheese Pizza’s because they are simple, straightforward flavors, I like the simplicity of the cheese flavor and the tomato sauce, and I like dipping Cheese Pizza in Ranch dip for the zest blended with the cheese and the tomato sauce.

Simon
Simon
7 months ago

@Alan

“People who admire sausages and law avoid seeing either being made.”

I’ve always liked the Australian slang term for them – mystery bags. That said, Jonathan Meades description of sausages, “condoms full of abbatoir slurry,” has always stuck in my mind.

Genjones
Genjones
7 months ago

That steak looks like a roast cut, but what the heck is going on with the other shit on the plate? We’ve got what looks like watery gravy and ranch, but for what sides though?

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
7 months ago

@Buttercup:

This sounds like someone describing a crime scene to the police.

Law and Order: Special Kitchens Unit

<deadly serious voice-of-gravitas>

In New York City’s war on crime, the worst culinary offenses are pursued by the detectives of the Horrid Cook Squad. These are their stories.

<bang-bang>

OK, do you want to make the pitch to Dick Wolf, or should I? 🙂

On a more serious note:

1) Under 7% increase in new cases and under 10% in new hospitalizations in Ontario today. Maybe it’s flattening now.

2) https://communemag.com/these-are-conditions-in-which-revolution-becomes-thinkable/

Upshot: the stock market crash in March was only the foreshock. The main quake has yet to arrive.

Naglfar
Naglfar
7 months ago

@Surplus

In New York City’s war on crime, the worst culinary offenses are pursued by the detectives of the Horrid Cook Squad. These are their stories.

This reminds me a bit of the show Worst Cooks in America.
Anyway, the MGTOWs would definitely be possible candidates for the show, but I don’t think they’d like being told what to do very much.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 months ago

@Surplus:

Nice! But I fear even the most hard-boiled cop wouldn’t touch those eggs. We’d need a seasoned detective to take the case.

I’d love to see these manly recipes get the Raymond Chandler treatment.

It was a rare steak. A steak that would cause a no-fapper to kick a hole in a browser window. A steak that would make a MGTOW forget about complaining for five seconds.

I’m a raw meat and burnt banana guy in a Chardonnay and pate world. All I need is some pancake mix, some hot dogs, and some imaginary HB11s begging me to come back. But this steak had black flecks that wouldn’t quit.

kupo
kupo
7 months ago

Tonight’s quarantine meal of soup and salad felt absolutely decadent.

comment image

Naglfar
Naglfar
7 months ago

@Buttercup
Better make sure this is only for well-done cops, can’t trust a green policeman on this.

MGTOWs: If the fuzz shows, throw the food out.
Officer: Ha! Caught you spreading the ketchup red handed!
MGTOWs: Things are about to get heated in here.
Officer *Handcuffs the MGTOWs*
MGTOWs: Lettuce go!
Officer: You are under arrest for culinary crimes. Your trial will be at the food court on Tuesday.

Aron
Aron
7 months ago

Hey now.

Do NOT insult a very rare cut of prime rib. It is indeed manly. And delicious! Especially with the accompanying au jus and horseradish.

Guy actually managed to do ok for himself.

numerobis
numerobis
7 months ago

The egg scramble with broccoli and plantain looks pretty good to me actually. Food photography is really hard: tasty food often looks like shit. I agree that fresher broccoli tastes better, but I’m not going to waste broc just because it’s a bit yellowing.

My usual breakfast is baguette or some such with butter and jam. But that requires going to the bakery often, so lately to avoid going out I’ve been making pancakes. And then I ran out of eggs… and I don’t have a mortar or a grinder to covert my flax seeds into flax flour for substitute eggs. I was doomed!

But no. It turns out 4 parts buckwheat + 1 part whole flax seeds to 4 parts water turns out just fine! Plus the usual 1 tsp baking powder per cup of flour to make it rise, a pinch of salt and cinnamon, maybe a tiny bit of sugar although you’ll just drown it in maple syrup anyway so maybe the sugar doesn’t matter.

Anyway, that has been my “going my no-coronavirus way” breakfast for the past month.

epitome of incomprehensibility

It’s true. The raw stuff is delicious. Kinda, sorta. But if you cook or grill summer sausage and serve it on a paper plate — that’s an amazing breakfast.

@Kat – you made me spit out water laughing – good thing not on my laptop keys 😛

#1 and #4 look OK (I don’t mind broccoli a little yellow. Wouldn’t serve it for company that way, though.) The others seem to be mostly meat and not appetizing, IMO. I’d have one piece of the chicken, maybe.

@kupo’s meal looks yummy. 🙂

Moggie
Moggie
7 months ago

@Aron, what is manly about meat?

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
7 months ago

For a long time, it was manly because it was expensive and hard to get, and being manly was the same as being rich.

Now, it’s manly because of social norms.

Mrs. Obed Marsh
Mrs. Obed Marsh
7 months ago

I’ve been going to http://www.budgetbytes.com for recipes a lot these days. The coconut milk ramen recipe is my current obsession – try adding minced garlic with the mushrooms, then garnish the whole thing with a boiled egg sliced in half – but there’s a lot of good weeknight dinners that make good leftovers and don’t break the bank. Good luck!

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
7 months ago

@epitome of incomprehensibility

It’s true. The raw stuff is delicious. Kinda, sorta. But if you cook or grill summer sausage and serve it on a paper plate — that’s an amazing breakfast.

@Kat – you made me spit out water laughing – good thing not on my laptop keys

There is no higher praise.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 months ago

@Naglfar – Food court’s gonna be busy today. Three counts of a salt and pancake battery, and one count of 350 degree murder.

Naglfar
Naglfar
7 months ago

@Buttercup
Well, the cops had better get cooking to collect all the evidence before the trail gets cold.

Another Laura
Another Laura
7 months ago

The first cookbook.I ever read was Peg Bracken’s “I Hate to Cook Book.” It was funny and informative, and it gave me a love of cookbooks that did not, alas turn me into a cook. But you read enough cookbooks and you can’t help but learn something. I am a passable cook who is interested in food, and every so often I’ll rouse myself to try something new. (Peg Bracken called cooks like me “random cooks” – we cook because we have to, and we usually aren’t too picky, but occasionally we’re willing to go whole hog.) I’m fine as long as the pressure’s off, but the minute someone expects me to produce something for public consumption, I go deer-in-the-headlights and truly cannot think of any food beyond hot dogs or boiled eggs.

That’s when I turn to my ultra-capable son who learned to cook from my brother who learned to cook from his father-in-law. Those guys LOVE to cook, do it every day, and find cooking to be relaxing and fun – a concept as foreign to me as sleeping while hanging upside down by my toes.

I always get tickled when MGTOW cooking articles get featured here. It’s one more example of guys who have no concept about the breadth and width of human interests and capabilities.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
7 months ago

Isn’t part of the manliness of red meat that it’s not very good for you? It’s not manly to eat healthy.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
7 months ago

@Naglfar:

Well, the cops had better get cooking to collect all the evidence before the trail mix gets cold.

FTFY. 🙂

Prith kDar
Prith kDar
7 months ago

@ Buttercup:

Not sure why they’re arranged on an overturned plate, though.

I’m pretty sure that’s just an optical illusion. If you look closely, you can see a golden wheat pattern peeking through at the center right of the plate. The underside of plates aren’t normally decorated, since no one would see it and that’s where they print the potter’s mark and other info. I guess it could be part of the hallmark, but they’re not usually so colorful.

sarah_kay_gee
sarah_kay_gee
7 months ago

Wow, really puts the fun Easter supper I made for my family to shame! Ha ha, no it doesn’t, I made portobello patty melts with smoked gouda on ciabatta rolls, BLT deviled eggs, and dark chocolate poundcake with (real) whipped cream and chocolate-covered locally grown strawberries. I don’t have photos I can put here, but trust me when I say it all looked 1,000% more appetizing than this sludge. I even garnished the patty melts with a little tiny pickle on top. Fun!

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
7 months ago

Re: sausage
And now I’ve got going through my head one bit from ‘The Muppets’ that I first saw on DVD because it was one of the British segments with Rowlf and Baskerville that were cut from the American showings. (American show run times being slightly shorter due to longer commercial breaks.)

Hambeast
Hambeast
7 months ago

Dr. Potatoes said

It’s astounding what some guys will settle for to feed themselves (grilled spam and a bagel? For dinner, dude?) and still bitch about the food at the chow hall.

I guess some things really never do change! I got out of the USAF in 1987 and heard the same bitching. The chow halls weren’t even that bad; there was one at a base in TX that had pretty good guac in the salad bar. That was in 1979!

Re: bread machines – As a person with carpal tunnel in both hands, it’s no small deal not to have to do all that kneading and still get nice, freshly baked bread. Other things I appreciate are “baby” carrots and those packages of little potatoes that are already prepped and ready to go. Not having to peel stuff is huge in my kitchen world. Husbeast and I recently found an old Veg-O-Matic slicer in his storage nightmare and I just love it SO much, I’m gonna use it till it breaks into pieces!