Social Distancing Open Thread

So weird that Surplus flipped out in exactly the way I expected.

Bread is really not that hard to make if you know very basic baking skills and you follow the recipes

Here are some other easy stove top recipes that I like a lot and are quick, easy, don’t take much, I make these when I don’t want to cook much.

1. https://anitalianinmykitchen.com/homemade-stove-top-pizza-calzone/

2. https://pudgefactor.com/easy-stove-top-roasted-potatoes/

3. https://www.biggerbolderbaking.com/stovetop-cookies-recipe/

4. https://www.food.com/recipe/quick-easy-stove-top-tuna-casserole-344025

@Naglfar
Here’s an easy, no-knead recipe. It does take a few days for the dough to develop and you need some yeast, but it’s delicious.

https://artisanbreadinfive.com/2013/10/22/the-new-artisan-bread-in-five-minutes-a-day-is-launched-back-to-basics-updated/

If you don’t mind kneading, this recipe looks good (I haven’t made this specific recipe, but I’ve made lots of breads and it looks like your basic sandwich loaf). Also needs yeast. https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/basic-homemade-bread/

If you want to grow your own yeast instead of using commercial, I can provide some links for that, too.

@kupo
Thank you. Those links could be useful for the future depending on how the situation goes from here. I have plenty of experience cooking but not as much with baking, maybe I can use the quarantine time to get started with baking.

OK, why is it that it’s looking more and more like the 1920s are repeating themselves (and in fast-forward)?

First the rise of the far right.

Now we have the stock market looking more and more like it did in 1929 with each passing hour.

And there’s a pandemic on the loose that, according to Wikipedia at least, is on par with 1918’s for mortality and exceeds it in transmissibility.

All that’s needed to complete the picture is a world war … oh, wait.

https://www.voanews.com/extremism-watch/reports-tensions-grow-between-us-russian-forces-northeast-syria

I read somewhere (but can’t find a solid source to corroborate) that American soldiers have fired on Russian ones. If that’s true, then it’s quite likely that what history will record, if anyone’s left to record it, as the first shots of World War III have already been fired.

The only silver lining seems to be that the virus is doing a lot to discredit every one of those far-right regimes, American exceptionalism, and even capitalism itself … but all the while it’s also stoking xenophobia, so even the silver lining has a dark one of its own.

1. In a large bowl, stir together the whole wheat flour, all-purpose flour and salt. Use a wooden spoon to stir in the olive oil and enough water to make a soft dough that is elastic but not sticky. Knead the dough on a lightly floured surface until it is smooth. Divide into 10 parts, or less if you want bigger breads. Roll each piece into a ball. Let rest for a few minutes.
2. Heat a skillet over medium heat until hot, and grease lightly. On a lightly floured surface, use a floured rolling pin to roll out the balls of dough until very thin like a tortilla. When the pan starts smoking, put a chapati on it. Cook until the underside has brown spots, about 30 seconds, then flip and cook on the other side. Continue with remaining dough.

Oh, dear Discordia, this reads to me the way stereo instructions undoubtedly read to boomers back forty years or so.

Hmm. Let’s see.

In a large bowl, stir together the whole wheat flour,

Where would I find whole wheat flour? I know the ordinary white stuff is in bags somewhere in a store near me, but I don’t know about whole wheat. They’re not very reliable about stocking whole wheat anything-else.

Use a wooden spoon to stir in the olive oil

Olive oil? Is that going to leave a veggie flavor of any kind?

Knead the dough on a lightly floured surface

Where do I get “a lightly floured surface” from? Baking tray? They grunge up over time. They stay suitable for baking discrete, from-frozen items on for quite a while, but I doubt they’d remain useful for bread-making for more than a few weeks, tops. And they cost around ten dollars a pop. And the grunge doesn’t wash off, not even with a lengthy pre-soak in soapy water before scrubbing.

Heat a skillet over medium heat until hot

I don’t see any degrees Fahrenheit in here. Define “medium heat”? And, for that matter, “until hot”? Is hot 125 degrees? 250? 425?

and grease lightly

The original ingredients list didn’t mention grease. I assume that doesn’t mean WD-40, but some food-grade sort that, no doubt, I don’t have and would need to find somewhere.

use a floured rolling pin

Well, there’s a bit of new equipment I’d need to buy. <does mental arithmetic> Adding up to around $30-40 at this point, I’d estimate; that is an improvement on $80+ I’ll admit, but it isn’t zero, and all of this is sounding quite labor intensive (and so is the cleanup after).

When the pan starts smoking, put a chapati on it.

Put a whaaaaa? OK, that’s it, I give up. This will clearly require expertise I simply do not have, regardless of the equipment costs. 🙂

Maybe it’s a skill I’ll have to learn, assuming I survive World War III to become part of some re-localized enclave/commune living off the land in what used to be Algonquin National Park, back when there were Algonquins, and this was a nation, and the land outside the park wasn’t made of glass that glows in the dark. In that event I dearly hope I can learn by apprenticing to a fellow survivor, because this seems very much like the sort of skill that can not be learned just by reading the manual and then connecting all of the components exactly like it shows in the diagrams, and maybe inhaling a textbook or two and doing some of the worked examples …

Here you go! A starter is typically used for sourdough, but can be used for rustic breads, as well. It’s a lot of maintenance. Be forewarned. https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/building-your-starter-381479

If you have access to pineapple juice, I recommend using that in the first step. It will help your yeast grow faster because the yeast likes an acidic environment. You will need to use filtered water of some kind because tap water is going to have microbes.

Warning: once you get a starter going, you’ll need to regularly refresh it and that means needing to find a lot of uses for the discarded portion. Normally I’d say offer it to friends or neighbors but obviously that’s not the best idea right now. You could always bake extra bread and freeze it, if you have a lot of freezer space. And you can just use up the whole thing if you’re not going to make anything for a while.

Here’s a basic sourdough recipe to use it in: https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/san-francisco-sourdough-bread-381432

@surplus

You telling me you can’t figure out what a medium heat is? you can’t figure out to put flour on a counter top so the dough doesn’t stick? you can’t figure out how to use something else other then a rolling pin for dough? like I don’t know a wine bottle? a water bottle? You can’t figure out that greasing something means cooking grease like pam and not a grease you use for a car? you forget I can read your words? really? you don’t see the whole list of things that is very basic common stuff you wanted people to spell out for you? You must think I’m some kind of idiot who wasn’t in a abusive relationship where shit like this was done to me a lot. Surplus when you get like this I can see right through you, don’t treat me like I’m stupid. Also I’m pretty sure your capable of googling?

@Surplus

Where would I find whole wheat flour?

Probably somewhere at the store. I haven’t been to your local store, so I don’t know.

Is that going to leave a veggie flavor of any kind?

Not that I’ve noticed. Canola oil might be another option if you can’t stand olive oil.

Where do I get “a lightly floured surface” from?

I usually put out some wax paper or parchment paper and put flour on it, but a variety of surfaces should work.

Define “medium heat”?

Turn the dial on your stove about halfway up.

The original ingredients list didn’t mention grease.

Use the same oil from before very lightly on the pan. Put a little bit and spread it around.

Well, there’s a bit of new equipment I’d need to buy.

Rhuu had some suggestions earlier for how to improvise one, try those.

Put a whaaaaa?

The thing you make with the dough is called a chapati. Put that on to cook it.

Maybe it’s a skill I’ll have to learn

There are lots of good tutorials online about cooking. Maybe check out some of those if you’re having trouble with directions in text form.

I am sorry if I was unhelpful.

@Alan Robertshaw

our kitchen was so crap we once had to shoo a horse out of it.

How did a horse wind up in your kitchen? Was it an outdoor kitchen?

With the social distance and my social distance. I just want to die.

I have none to talk to and nothing to do at my house. I dont have internet at my house. I only really have a small amount of book and rock painting kit. Plus I have only 4 dollars.

@Buttercup

Lightly floured surfaces are going for 200 bucks apiece on Amazon right now.

Probably less on Wish, but you wouldn’t be sure what you’re getting then. /s

@Lainy

You have way more patient with that bullshit then I do.

It’s mostly that on some level I worry about him. I just hope he is getting on ok.

@anyone interested
I do have a number of bread books, so if there’s anything specific you want to know how to make, I probably have a recipe and could share some photos. I got rid of a lot of them because I can’t have gluten, but kept the best ones as reference for developing gluten free recipes from. And if you want gluten free bread recipes, I have those, too!