By David Futrelle
Today’s Screencap of Wonderment comes to us from Reddit, I think, via the Bad Women’s Anatomy subreddit. In it, an inventive fellow tries to explain why, according to his calculations, virtually no “females” are actually virgins any more — even if they’ve never had sex.
Put on your thinking caps for this one, because his theory is a little convoluted.
I think this might have been written by Quentin Tarantino.
Here’s the dialogue in full in case you want to study it:
MR. BROWN
What the fuck was I talking about ?MR. ORANGE
You said “True Blue” was about a guy, you said it’s a girl who meets a nice guy.
But “Like a Virgin” was a metaphor for big dicks.MR. BROWN
Ok, let me tell ya what “Like a Virgin”‘s about.
It’s all about this cooze who’s a regular fuck machine.
I’m talking, morning, day, night, afternoon,
Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.MR. BLUE
How many dicks is that?MR. WHITE
A lot.MR. BROWN
Then one day she meets a John Holmes motherfucker, and it’s like, whoa baby.
I mean, this cat is like Charles Bronson in “The Great Escape.” He’s diggin tunnels.
Now she’s gettin this serious dick action,
She’s feelin something she ain’t felt since forever. Pain. PainJOE
Chew? Toby Chew? No.MR. BROWN
It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn’t hurt.
You know, her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now.
But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts like it did the first time.
You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what is once like to be a virgin.
Hence, “Like a Virgin.”
In Tumblr dude’s mind, this is pretty much the story of every mom on earth. My mom. Your mom. Every mom.
He’s probably been watching way too much MILF porn.
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That’s a screencap from the official Reddit app, actually, so it’s a Reddit comment.
Also, OP, you’re thinking of puberty. You’re literally equating puberty with loss of virginity. Are you advocating having sex with prepubescent girls?!
I think he thinks estrogen, because it’s called a sex hormone, is exclusively released when having sex. There is just so much wrong with that comment I don’t know where to begin.
I’m kind of disturbed that he has to drag my mother into this. My mother wants nothing to do with this.
It’s possibly worth noting that Madonna gave Tarantino a copy of her Erotica album with the inscription:
“Quentin: It’s about love, not dick”
Oh, what in the living, f*cking Christ?
I’ve been hearing the olds saying how stupid the youngs are, and I’m finally beginning to see their point.
I am voraciously angry at this Redditor’s stupidity/ignorance.
I don’t think I could even right now, even if I wanted to.
@CarrieV
Sadly, a lot of older folks believe crap like this as well. Stupidity is not exclusive to any one group.
Yes cis women have naturally rounder hips then cis men, that has nothing to do with sex though. Pregnancy and birth can change hips as it changes everything else about the body from size and nipples colors. But that’s the closes thing to it.
Well, he will only have sex with real virgins, so . . .
The grapes really are sour.
@Hippodameia
So sour, they’ve fermented into a whine.
So uh…one tumblr dude has a creeping realisation that his young nubile feeemales are actually not biologically optimized happyfunvirgins but girls/women in the throes or aftershocks of puberty and out of his league anyway. Also that instead of pestering them or following the biologistic argument to it’s natural and cruel conclusion…he should balk and decide to be asexual for a while in the face of a pandemic? Smart move.
What did I win?
I wouldn’t even be surprised if there was “old B&W photos of women don’t look like present day supermodels” bit of stupidity mixed in here somewhere, even if only subconscious.
If their bodies are tricked into releasing more of the ‘hip widening, breast enlarging’ hormones every time women have sex with Chad Thundercock, why don’t we see more women looking like the Venus of Willendorf?
Not to belabor the point, but it’s a dude on Reddit, not Tumblr:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/fe7g2y/comment/fjmhyf0
@Ariblester
That thread…he seems quite a bit like any other incel. This being Reddit, I’m genuinely surprised that the most upvoted comments are pointing out that he’s a misogynistic asshole rather than some incel friends.
Since it was posted in r/AMA (not sure how that one is different from r/IamA), one wonders who actually wanted to ask an incel anything at all.
@Alan Robertshaw
Hahaha that’s fantastic! I never watched Reservoir Dogs because I find Quentin Tarantino vastly overrated for so many reasons, but the dialogue there certainly inspired me to not go seek it out, ever.
Ha ha, nice one. As for the post, it’s incoherent even in its internal logic. (“Logic.”)
Oh yeah, Quentin Tarantino, the same guy who called Uma Thurman a “goddess” and also forced her while filming Kill Bill to drive a car (he wouldn’t allow a stunt driver to do that task) that was completely unsuitable to the winding road and rough terrain. Thurman (predictably) crashed, sustaining permanent injury to her neck and knees.
With a worshiper like Tarantino, who the eff wants to be a goddess.
Thurman has said she forgives this POS. But I don’t.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uma_Thurman
OT
Am I the last person in the universe to have heard about Sarah Palin in a neon bear suit? If not, take a look:
And take a listen to Sarah Palin:
https://themuse.jezebel.com/we-are-in-actual-hell-1842290454
So, Sarah Palin is a furry now?
@Moggie, @Anonymous Coward
Apparently, Sarah Palin will do almost anything for attention — and, I’m assuming, a chunk of change. Or a potential chunk of change should she win.
She looks like the hippy carebear I had as a child that I used to lock in the laundry basket “jail” along with that b…. Teresa Barbie doll I had. The jail was where all the toys that made me uncomfortable went. along with the preclean clown my grandfather gave me.
Omg so basically wimmins be such whoring whores who whore that their daughters (but not their sons?) be natural born whores? Someone has more issues than National Geographic.
Also since he was just freestyling, why doesn’t this overload of whore hormones affect boy babies? Maybe making them into betacucks?
I feel he’s missing an opportunity to score more points on the ol’ incel / MRA bingo card there.