By David Futrelle
Some days I just can’t, when if comes to the misogynists. So instead of one of my regular posts, here are a bunch of fantastic French singer ladies, mostly recording in the 1960s, starting with the amazing Brigitte Fontaine (whose later, less poppy stuff with the Art Ensemble of Chicago is also great).
Oh, and consider this an open thread. Obviously, there’s a lot going on. No trolls.
Fans of Mad Men will recognize this one:
And here’s a ringer: April March is an American who was a tiny baby when most of these songs were released, but who records a lot of songs in French 60s style. She did an English version of this song as well *”Chick Habit”).
If you want more of this kind of music, well, here’s 9 hours of it. Hit “shuffle” for more variety.
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@ Vicky P
That must he such a relief! I’m so happy for you.
@ Lainy
That’s a real bummer; but you will have tons of other opportunities to see your blokey and it’s probably better to be cautious than risk the virus.
@ sunnysombrera
I really feel for you. There’s lots I could say; I’ve been around the block a few times. But I’ll just go with this: you owe nobody a relationship; and if you feel uncomfortable it’s fine to call it a day. You seem to have handled things perfectly properly and as near to amicably as these things can be. But you mustn’t beat yourself up. Obviously it can suck when a relationship breaks down; but you don’t need a project, you’re not a free therapist, and unfortunately it’s for him to deal with any demons he may have. Not your circus; not your monkeys.
@sunnysombrera
Right!? It was in celebration(?) of the lifting of some media restrictions on wildfire photographers (I think), but warn people of that shit so they don’t have to look. Geez.
Re: your ex
When someone tells you they are capable of some bad shit, believe them. Especially if there were non-overt things involved, don’t let it get to the overt stage.
Also I 100% stand with Viscaria. Even if he would have still been “fine,” you don’t need a “better” reason to break up. You don’t owe it to him to date him. Even just “I don’t want to be with you anymore” is a good enough reason, all by itself.
As for contacting him, I personally would recommend against it.
@Lainy
Apparently the SARS vaccine has quite a bit of cross-reactivity with this coronavirus, so it’s possible they may start testing it it to adapt it as a vaccine for Covid-19.
Just to give a bit of hope, cos otherwise I got nothing and that’s pretty sucky. Sorry. :/
@Sunnysombrera
I think you did the right thing and you shouldn’t feel guilty. My mom’s first husband was a piece of shit abuser. But he didn’t start out that way. And he grew up watching his dad belittle and beat his mother. He didn’t want to be like his father. He fought it for a long time actually. Long enough that my mother married him and had long relationship with him. He didn’t start hitting her until after my brother was born, because he figured since she had a child with him now, she wouldn’t leave him. The first time he hit her, she took my brother and ran. She told him that’s what she would do if he ever hit her since she knew how his father was. It still shocked the hell out of him when he did it.
That being said, my brother is not like biological father, despite that man being in his life for 12 years. My grand father was abused heavily by his father, and he did not turn out like his father. My husband is not his father. They do choose if they repeat that cycle of abuse, and if he is doing nothing to try and stop what was forming inside him, it’s better for you to run. Maybe that will even inspire him to go to some therapy and heal from his trauma so he can love someone the right way and destroy the cycle he was born into. But that’s not your respobility to worry about, you took care of yourself and that’s what you always should do.
My husband once told me that it took the first girl he ever fell for leaving him because he was showing behaviors that he learned from his up bringing, for him to finally recognize them and change them. Because he really doesn’t want that cycle to continue. I hope that idea will give you some comfort.
It does, thank you, though I didn’t actually tell him I was afraid he’d turn toxic. I cycled through a lot of, well, what had gone through my mind but ultimately I concluded it with “I love you but not enough to continue the relationship” and “this is a trust thing; I’m afraid you’ll do to me what you did to them; fear has overtaken my positive feelings for you; I get a really bad gut feeling about the relationship and you.” Just…a load of babbling really. Sadly he intepreted it not as a fear of him but an anxiety of relationships in general. Still, like I said, the conversation ended agreeably.
He is a big overthinker. Maybe he will stumble onto something resembling what your husband realised. Maybe he’ll come to a different conclusion. All I can do is hope he chooses a healthy, happy path for himself.
So is my husband, we are very similar in that regard. it’s part of the reason he was able to see his negative traits and over come them. If this guy really doesn’t want to go down the same path as his family, he’ll see those traits as well and work on them. It can be really hard to see those traits because the first thing the person has to do is admit to themselves that they are similar to the person who’s hurt them for years. No one wants to do that but hopefully he’ll find his own way.
Completely OT, but
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/feb/27/female-wrestler-wins-state-title-high-school-heaven-fitch
Check out the still photo of the winners on the podium! The expression on her face and the expressions on the faces of nos. 2, 3 and 4 … I have to admit, it’s fucking hilarious.
Also, watch the video clip of her winning her final bout.
First thing that’s made me really smile all day 🙂
(and sorry, I tried to link to the image but couldn’t get it to work :-\ but I promise it’s worth seeing. Maybe someone else less of a klutz than I am can link the still and/or the clip properly?)
I honestly think I’ve sent about 100 applications this month and still no new job.
I need to get a better one I don’t even get 200 dollars a paycheck anymore. 🙁
@Katamount I have a swell recipe for hot and sour chicken noodle soup. It could probably be easily adapted to be vegetarian/vegan. If you’re interested (or if anyone else is, for that matter) I’ll post it here.
Katamount,
I hope you have the same amount of ire and disappoint for the Sanders supporters who have flooded Elizabeth Warren’s twitter mentions (and those of her supporters) with snake emojis, call her supporters neolib shills who hate poor people and are talking about primarying her for Senate all because she’s dared to run for president at the same time him.
I don’t hate Bernie myself, but I don’t get how you can expect everyone who’ve been abused and harassed by his supporters to all be eager to fall in line behind him.
Also, it’s been explained to you how many the fuck times why there are legit reasons to have reservations about him and you’re still trying to insinuate that those who do aren’t legitimately progressive? I’m really not pleased about this gaslighting white male bullshit you’re pulling and even if nobody takes my side here, I’m really not going to put up with it here.
@WWTH
The naked misogyny of Bernie Bros is on display when they attack a candidate who has extremely similar views just because she’s a woman.
And regarding poor people, while I don’t think Bernie is the worst (he’s definitely not as bad as Trump), I think Warren does much better with issues of privilege and intersectionality in a way that Sanders fails, so since many people in poverty are of oppressed groups Warren would probably be better for the poor.
@Katamount
I understand that you are frustrated, but a lot of what you said seems rather…reductive of the reality. I feel like we’ve had this conversation before, and it’s probably best not to retread the same ground.
I hope it’s okay to do a little life update?
I have been having some rough times emotionally because I really want to have kids, but I don’t feel I can make a good home for them or be a good parent to them, so we’re not trying. It’s kind of taking up a lot of room in my brain. Seeing kids doing kid things is enough to make me all teary. It’s hard. I wish I could get my shit together.
I also have some career stuff that I can’t really explain, but I’m thinking of leaving my current job, and what’s holding me back is yet another case of not knowing if I can handle it because, again, I don’t have my shit together. My shit is very much not together is my overall theme.
In better news, there is a 21-year-old kitty sleeping on my belly right now. He’s pretty spry for a furface his age. He loves cuddles.
Turning things back to music for a bit for whatever reason YouTube recommended this to me early this morning.
Even before I listened I was sure I had seen the video before. Sure enough I had, probably 35 or more years ago, and probably only once. I’ve had a distorted version of the chorus pop up occasionally in my head ever since. Presumably it turned up on whatever Canadian TV video show I saw it on because the producer thought it looked cool, as Spanish language pop tunes didn’t turn up on the Canadian charts in those days.
Although the lyrics are in Spanish Righeira were an Italian duo.
@sunnysombrera –
My instinct would be not to contact him now when feelings are still fraught. I wouldn’t necessarily say never, I wouldn’t know, but your emotional safety is important.
I was surprised by how much sadness I had about my last break-up 5 years ago, which wasn’t super fraught (what is with me and that word today?) – it was more that we didn’t communicate well together – but I was still left wondering, “Did I say that badly? Why did I make him think this?”
@Viscaria –
Sending virtual support as well. “Not having things together” is kind of life for me, but for some things it’s harder than others.
The Bernie-bros-behaving-badly thing might be at least partially down to these two things:
1. Russian bots, and possibly some bandwagon effect started from there. There is credible evidence that Russia is trying to meddle in the Dem primary, with the goal of creating division and acrimony.
2. Warren promised not to take superPAC money, and recently broke that promise. Some backlash is to be expected in response to that, and some I-told-you-soing by the supporters of other candidates.
That being said, it does not excuse any harassing or over-the-top behavior from human Sanders supporters.
@Surplus
Maybe there are some bots involved, but I feel like chalking the whole thing up to bots seems like a convenient way out. The truth is, there definitely are actual bros out there, and it’s okay to like Bernie, but if you like Bernie you should also acknowledge the issues WWTH and I mentioned and understand why some people might not like him as much after what they’ve been through.
Bernie Sanders supporters can’t mock the idea that Russia attacked our election in 2016 and this year and then turn around and blame some the toxic faction of his supporters on bots.
Some of them may very well be, as we know the Kremlin wants chaos and use him to split the Democrats and the progressives. But I thought saying that makes one a Russia obsessed neolib or whatever?
@Viscaria
Internet hugs to you (and thank you for your support re: my breakup). Is the career thing an issue of imposter syndrome or “I can’t handle uprooting myself right now”?
I don’t believe that Russia has nearly as much influence as it is given credit. People tend to behave very tribal and are more harsh on platforms were they don’t face consequences for their behavior.
I also do think that there is more conflict between the supporters of different candidates because they represent different ideologies.
Also it is bizarre that the misbehavior of very few supporters is used so heavily against Sanders right now.
The term Bro was already used against Obama supporters in 2008 by Clinton. And to me it always seemed to be a very weak argument. Because instead of actually criticising the candidate, their supporters are getting smeared and also a large part of them misgendered.
I don’t know if this is relevant to the discussion, but it seems to cover some of the themes raised.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/feb/28/elizabeth-warren-campaign-not-dead
Also, Hillary Clinton was mocked (and still is) by Bernie Bros for trying to warn us about Russian interference in 2016.
Elizabeth Warren actually understands that this not just a simple issue of Putin being bad, but of a larger global corruption problem. After all, the attack was only successful because the Kremlin and the mafia were able to exploit lax regulations and politicians who can lap up blood money without experiencing any consequences. Part of her anti-corruption plan is combating disinformation. Who mocked this? In a way that mimicked right wing freeze peach arguments no less? Bernie stans.
Who then turned and whined when Bloomberg used disinformation against Bernie? I think we know.
I’m legit concerned that when the Kremlin ops turn against Bernie, and if they damn sure will if he wins the nomination because Putin wants Trump to win, the Sanders camp is going to have no idea how to combat it. Between foreign interference and domestic voter suppression, this is not going to be a free and fair election and gaslighting, mocking or ignoring the people who are warning about is not going to fucking help.
I do realize it’s a minority of Sanders supporters who are like this. However, it stems partially from the naivety of Sanders when it comes to this threat. He still has a bad taste in his mouth from cold war red baiting I guess, but the Russian government is a far right oligarchy and pretending not to get that is seriously dangerous.
Psiana,
The reason people talk about Bernie bros is because so many people who made even a mild criticism of him have been getting swarmed with hate. And it’s very often women and POC who bear the brunt of it. Are they all liars?
I mostly already covered the Russia thing, but the assumption that you and people like you can’t be influenced by disinformation is dangerous and false. Anyone can be influenced. In fact, I know there’s studies showing that people who believe they can be influenced by media are actually more susceptible than those who know they can be.
Anyway. Like I said, Bernie is my 2nd choice and I like his policies mostly. But I don’t get how denying there’s a problem with the stanbase and denying there’s an issue with disinformation coming from both the Kremlin and corrupt wealthy westerners is going to help the progressive movement. Nor do I get the idea that candidates shouldn’t be critiqued or held accountable. They all should be. I haven’t been defending Warren on the Native American thing.
Since this is off-topic and I can’t think of a place I would get better support, on-line or off besides my boyfriend (and it’s unfair for him to do all this!): I got myself to a doctor for a nasty cold I’ve been fighting for months. Five straight weeks of work finally broke me down and I missed two days sick. The third day I would either need to be at work or have a note. And that was when I realized that my depression had kicked into overdrive, I wasn’t taking care of myself, eating or showering or doing any of that.
So, I sucked up my courage and brought up my depression to the doctor. He was wonderful! Is helping me find a therapist, I’ve got antibiotics, a doctor’s note forbidding me from working until Saturday. And antidepressants! The doctor and nurse were so understanding and that was probably one of the biggest helps so far! They didn’t mock me or make me sound ‘insane’.
I’m feeling hopeful, as long as I keep up on self-care. The thing that scares me most right now is that come November, it will all have been for nothing.
@WWTH
This is my biggest issue with the culture of “stanning.” Stans refuse to actually critique their idols, and they get a polarized view in which their beloved is perfect, and anyone criticizing them is just an evil hater or something like that. We saw it exemplified with the ContraPoints thing over the last few months when all her stans saw any criticism of her as a personal attack, and Bernie Bros are doing the same thing, but in a way that has much greater potential consequences. People are people, no one’s perfect, and people need to be able to critique people they like and to see flaws in their heroes.
@Random Q
It’s good to hear that you are feeling a bit better and are taking care of yourself. Hopefully you can continue to recover. We are here for you.
@WWTH
Ok but i never called women or PoC liars, i would never deny anyone that they have experienced bigotry.
And i never said that there is not a problem with disinformation.
Also this was not an attack against Warren or her supporters.
@sunnysombrera
I can give you the world’s most vague run-down of the situation, if you’ll indulge me. I apologize for the length.
In essence, my job involves receiving and completing assignments within deadlines. While rush jobs are accepted across the industry, most work is completed on a regular turnaround. My firm’s regular turnaround is longer than the one for the firm I am thinking about offering my services to. My concern is I have missed some deadlines occasionally where I work now. One time it happened when I wasn’t even very busy because my ADHD brain was like, “How about instead of working you just stare blankly at the computer until you’re running up against the deadline lololololol.”
My firm has been bought out by a huge US beastie. This is the second time in my working life that I have been part of a similar acquisition, and I’m not into it. Given the choice between having to deal with that or working for a small local firm, all else being equal, I would pick the small local firm. If the choice is big you’re-just-a-number-to-me corporation vs small firm but feeling overworked all the time, that’s a bit trickier. And if the choice is actually stay where I am now and be annoyed or move to another firm and be fired for regularly failing to meet deadlines, then I should definitely stay where I am.