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Women “just have some random itch or bowel movement” and think they had an orgasm, sex genius explains

Lady dog having an orgasm, possibly

By David Futrelle

Just a quick little post today to bring you this gem from the Bad Women’s Anatomy subreddit, in which some dude who’s either very inexperienced or simply very bad at sex explains that most women don’t really have orgasms, even if they think they do.

I was unable to track this one to its source but, having read numerous similar theories from MGTOWs and other manosphere dickwaffles, I’m pretty sure this fellow believes his own nonsense.

These guys really like telling on themselves, huh?

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Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
8 months ago

This theory may explain why the vast majority of women don’t care about sex and orgasms anywhere remotely as much as men do.

Or … could it be because most men apparently couldn’t find a clitoris with both hands and a map? Combine a likelihood of a mediocre experience with the risks women take (pregnancy, that they’ll be raped, that they’ll be stalked, that they’ll be outright murdered) and it’s a wonder women date very many men at all, or ever have casual sex ever.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Has that dude ever had an orgasm? Because it’s impossible to mistake itching or pooping for one.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
8 months ago

The phrase “peanut butter and jealous” comes to to mind, TBH.

Naglfar
Naglfar
8 months ago

I always find it surprising how quickly these men admit that they’re terrible at sex. I mean, I would expect the inverse, that men would brag about sexual prowess. But, I guess when a man hates women* he wouldn’t care about how they felt.

*side note: When A Man Hates A Woman would be a good title for a documentary about the manosphere.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
8 months ago

OP: Oh, we care about having orgasms. That’s (one of many reasons) why we *won’t* date you.

Knitting Cat Lady
Knitting Cat Lady
8 months ago

I’m autistic. I always was a social outcast and communication beyond the strictly verbal level is beyond me.

I went to an all girls school.

And EVEN I noticed that sex is a very important thing to most female identifying people!

I’m the whole a-spec rolled into one. For me sex is something that happens to other people.

Dude, it’s not that women don’t care about sex. They just don’t care about sex with YOU.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 months ago

I can usually tell when I’ve had a bowel movement. Does he mean a rumble in one’s intestines or something similar? If so, yes, that is the very same sensation as what I believe is an orgasm. “Wow, that’s so hot, or maybe I shouldn’t have had beans with lunch” is something I’m always saying in the throes of passion. /s

Lainy
Lainy
8 months ago

Neither of those things are pleasant feelings and an orgasm is an extremely pleasant feeling.

kupo
kupo
8 months ago

How do I get ahold of whatever drugs this guy is on that makes BMs orgasmic? Would be nice when my IBS flares up.

Naglfar
Naglfar
8 months ago

@kupo
Well, it seems a link between pooping and orgasm can exist, at least if this reader letter to Savage Love is anything to go by.
Disclaimer: This is in no way an endorsement of Dan Savage, merely a demonstration of what you mention.

Snowberry
Snowberry
8 months ago

HahahahaHAHAHAHA …no.

I’m strongly tempted to go TMI here, but let’s just say that 1.) Orgasms are a full-body experience for me, unlike defecating or a “random itch” which are localized and not especially pleasant. 2.) I have multiple erogenous zones, each of which requires juuuust the right kind of stimulation. For example, one of the more unusual ones is the underside of my wrists. Yes, I can orgasm from that alone.

…It took a *lot* of experimentation to find out where they all are and exactly how to stimulate them, mind, and I suspect that most people never find all of theirs. Though nothing really works very well unless I’m fully turned on, and that’s hard to do without a partner present.

(Okay, some people might have noticed by now that I’m kind of in a “Yes, I’m a slut, yes, I like talking about my sex life, no, I don’t care who knows” kick for the past week, probably due to being irritated about someone else I know having been repeatedly slut-shamed recently. I’ll quit if this bothers people.)

gijoel
gijoel
8 months ago

I have never had a woman have a bowel movement whilst having sex with me. I hope to keep this perfect score for the rest of my life.

Bina
8 months ago

OP is confusing his own bodily functions and his interpretations thereof with what he imagines those of women to be, I see.

Definitely not Steve
Definitely not Steve
8 months ago

@Snowberry

For example, one of the more unusual ones is the underside of my wrists.

That’s interesting, I have a particularly strong aversion to being touched there! Makes me squirm in a whole different way.

I like the way you make your body sound like a puzzle. Bodies are weird!

heidi o'nuanain
8 months ago

I am absolutely able to distinguish a BM, itch, sneeze, cough or hiccup from an orgasm. Orgasms are long, undulating and amazing. I shit you not.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
8 months ago

And I would like to add that among the manospherians who claim they do think, none of them actually do. They just have some random itch or bowel movement and react: “Oh, that must have been a thought or whatever.” This theory may explain why manospherians don’t care about reasoning, being reasonable, or the life of the mind at all.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
8 months ago

@Kat, yup the manospherians definitely confuse bowel movements with thinking – perhaps something to do with their having shit for brains? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Naglfar
Naglfar
8 months ago

@Kat

They just have some random itch or bowel movement and react: “Oh, that must have been a thought or whatever.”

That would explain much about them. Though it doesn’t explain Jordan Peterson. With the diet he’s on, he probably never shits and he also never thinks, but seems to believe he is thinking.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
8 months ago

They of the Mind is lost on these folks….

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
8 months ago

most men apparently couldn’t find a clitoris with both hands and a map

BTW, since this meme about men not finding the clitoris comes up fairly often – Is it meant literally, or more like metaphorically?

I mean, I haven’t seen anyone’s vulva up close with my own eyes, but based on medical diagrams, you couldn’t avoid finding the clitoris – that is, if you know what it is in the first place. And that’s without even asking directions from the owner of said clitoris.

On the other hand, I’d think just finding the clitoris doesn’t help much in actually pleasuring one’s partner. That’s where I’d probably need guidance from my partner, considering all the localized sensitivity and individual preferences I hear about.

So, is it really about men trying to randomly apply pressure on the clitoris, as sexual communication with their partner fails?

Or rather men who aren’t even aware that they’re expected to provide some kind of clitoral stimulation?

Or perhaps men who do attempt cunnilingus, or fingering the vulva, but aren’t aware they need to focus on the clitoris?

(Sorry if this sounds like pedantic nitpicking – it’s something I’ve been long curious about.)

numerous
numerous
8 months ago

For many men, the prostate is erogenous. And a bowel movement goes close enough to the prostate to tickle it. I’ve never heard of outright orgasm from taking a dump but it certainly can feel *very* good.

Yutolia the Laissez-Fairy Pronoun Boner
Yutolia the Laissez-Fairy Pronoun Boner
8 months ago

@Lumipuna:

I always thought the idea was more that some men don’t know which parts are which, and don’t know what the clitoris looks like in order to find it.

Naglfar
Naglfar
8 months ago

@Lumipuna
I think it’s mostly supposed to be the idea that most men don’t care about their partner’s pleasure and those that do don’t know how to give it.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
8 months ago

Yutolia,

It’s certainly possible a man has heard of the clitoris as some “magic button”, but has no idea what it looks like, and no vocabulary or courage to ask his partner. (Or, as I hear, some men are just principally against asking advice in any situation.)

I suppose in that case the man would either decline from trying anything, or try to just fumble generally all around the vulva. I think these would be practically indistinguishable (from the woman’s POV) from the last two scenarios I suggested.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
8 months ago

Naglfar – I was also thinking it’s probably that.

I someone were honestly trying to massage their partner’s clitoris, it’d take an epic failure of communication to not even locate it.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
8 months ago

(Or, as I hear, some men are just principally against asking advice in any situation.)

I’ve heard that, too….

TheKND
TheKND
8 months ago

I don’t like to come of bragging or will go into too much detail, but my Ex once had such a strong itch/bowel movement, her hip-thrust almost gave me a bloody nose.
Maybe it really isn’t the women, maybe it’s them… just suggesting…

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
8 months ago

@TheKND Sadly it’s not a suggestion anyone in the Manosphere is willing to take….

numerobis
numerobis
8 months ago

FYI: “numerous” above is my browser autocorrecting my name.

My phone knows me, but I went without internet at home for a few months though and apparently my laptop forgot me in that short while.

Fetch
Fetch
8 months ago

I have had attention from multiple men who could not get their fingers reliably onto the clitoris, and would enthusiastically rub some nearby patch of skin. Things come in different shapes and sizes and perhaps mine was particularly elusive, but – no, it’s not just metaphorical. men literally cannot find the clit.

Genjones
Genjones
8 months ago

I’m relieved my libido has gradually tapered off in recent years to a manageable level. I’m one of the outliers when it comes to ability to achieve orgasms easily, and they’re not small ones either. I actually had to train myself to hold back a bit, because apparently my pelvic floor is strong enough to cause injury.

@ snowberry : Doesn’t bother me, personally I think it’s quite fitting for a forum like this. The taboo that female pleasure, desire and anatomy is shameful even in secrecy is enforced by patriarchy. It’s offensive to misogynists, and giving a middle finger to them is all part of the fun.

Interestingly, my random erogenous zones are only on my dominant left side, so I think there’s some asymmetry in nervous wiring at play. My lower back being grazed is a major one. I’d say it’s even more intense than clitoral stimulation, except there’s no build up, the needle just immediately jumps off the charts.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
8 months ago

Fetch:

I have had attention from multiple men who could not get their fingers reliably onto the clitoris, and would enthusiastically rub some nearby patch of skin. Things come in different shapes and sizes and perhaps mine was particularly elusive, but – no, it’s not just metaphorical. men literally cannot find the clit.

OK, thanks. I guess there’s a widespread culture of not asking advice, pretending to know your way.

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
8 months ago

Being able to find the clitoris doesn’t mean the man will be able to do anything productive with it. I remember a guy on Twitter claiming that what you do with a clit is rub it as hard and fast as you can. When a woman pointed out how that technique would cause chafing, the guy just said so what, he chafes his penis masturbating all the time.

Naglfar
Naglfar
8 months ago

@LindsayIrene

the guy just said so what, he chafes his penis masturbating all the time.

That sounds quite painful. Hasn’t he heard of lube? Desensitization wouldn’t be fun in the long run…

Paireon
Paireon
8 months ago

…Well, speaking as a dude, I do tend to have a feeling of relief both after orgasming and after passing a log, but given how different they feel I seriously doubt anyone could mistake either for the other (then again the guy can always claim I can’t know due to not possessing any female genitalia myself… to which I’d simply reply that his position is equally invalidated by his own lack of said body parts).

What worries me about such attitude (besides the obvious implication that “LOL wymins R dum hurr durr” is that, in some insidious, twisted way, it could possibly be used to condone rape. Because since women can’t actually really orgasm, they don’t really feel pleasure from sex, so there’s actually not much difference between consensual and non-consensual sex, amirite?

Ugh. I think I managed to make myself feel really, really dirty with that last one. Anyone looking for me I’ll be in the shower listening to some Linkin Park. Hopefully there aren’t any razor blades or steel wool pads nearby because I just might use them.

Naglfar
Naglfar
8 months ago

@Paireon

What worries me about such attitude (besides the obvious implication that “LOL wymins R dum hurr durr” is that, in some insidious, twisted way, it could possibly be used to condone rape.

That does seem to be one of the implications. I’ve seen a lot of manospherians use orgasm denial that way, arguing that male orgasm is necessary for reproduction but female orgasm isn’t so rape is ok. In addition to the obvious awfulness with that statement, it’s also not scientifically accurate at all. (TMI warning) From experience, it is definitely possible to experience ejaculation without orgasm, and female orgasm actually does seem to play a role in drawing sperm in with contractions. Plus orgasms feel good.

General question: should we use terms like female and male orgasm, or should we use anatomical terms like clitoral or penile orgasm? I’m fine with using either but I’m not sure what is the better phrasing to use.

Paireon
Paireon
8 months ago

@Naglfar –

should we use terms like female and male orgasm, or should we use anatomical terms like clitoral or penile orgasm? I’m fine with using either but I’m not sure what is the better phrasing to use.

Hmm. As a cis male, not sure if I’m equipped (har, har) to answer that one. Maybe the rest of the site’s trans users could chime in with their opinions.

Allandrel
Allandrel
8 months ago

So the idea is that there were actual witches at Salem?

Genjones
Genjones
8 months ago

Even from a purely evolutionary standpoint with the goal of reproduction in mind, giving orgasms to one’s partner has obvious benefits. They are more likely to initiate sex if it’s enjoyable, and a word of mouth reputation as a fantastic lay will likely increase your odds of leaving offspring. Also, if someone associates feelings of loathing with you, that might transfer to your child and they may suffer detrimental effects, not a win for anyone.

nightingale
nightingale
7 months ago

Lumipuna, any of your suggestions do occur though from most I`ve heard from other women not experienced that myself.

Interesting fact: many men happen to be haptically less sensitive than women (many parts of their skin are less sensitive, generally) so this might at least partly explain the troubles of a good portion of them to find the clit.

If you suspect he doesn`t know and won`t accept guidance, rather tell him how you loved so much when he did this and that the other day (now slip in an easy how-to-find description) or, when he happens to find it by sheer luck, immediately show him VERY clearly how much you “enjoy” what he`s doing. This is about making him memorize the spot. To teach him what to do with it is the next level after he firmly remembers the whereabouts (and the great art is to guide him while keeping him believing he explored it all by himself).

Unless he doesn`t even know what a clit is (yes, there are such men out there still, I never met one personally but some women I know did – hell, there are women who still don`t know it! And I don`t mean Shirley Valentine!), so unless he isn`t the guy who has no idea it even exists when you react not too subtle it will dawn on him when he found yours.

Most men don`t notice subtle signs and changes in behavior like the normal reaction of a woman when you`ve only just begun to massage her clit vs a woman close to orgasm. So when they stumble over your clit by means of luck they often simply don`t notice.
Don`t be shy. If he has trouble to find it or keep his fingers at the spot guide him with some well visible shift of body (but of course not so that you`ll throw his fingers off the spot now he finally got it right! xD) or some hearty “aaaah ooooh” so even he will realise he found it and stay the hell there with his fingers.

I know how annoying and frustrating this find/lose thing is (particularly when you`re sooo close to come AND THEN THIS IDIOT LOSES TOUCH, FUMBLES AROUND AIMLESSLY AND STARTS TO RUB SOMEWHERE NEARBY!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!!) because I`ve met a couple of such men although they anatomically knew where it is and what to do with it. Gotta say in their defense it`s not just clumsiness but a peculiarity of my anatomy.

The problem is quite common since most grown-up women in real life don`t look like little girls down there as usually seen in porn: completely shaved of course, small, pink minor labia, neatly hidden inside plump, light, soft major labia, all neat and symmetrical, nothing hanging, opening up like a clam shell).

This is often presented as the norm or beauty ideal. Which is a gross misrepresentation of reality pointlessly making countless women feel bad about their bodies.
Actually there are as many variations of the labia as there are women out there. Dicks don`t look the same either, after all!
Some feminist artists tried to make that clear to women being ashamed of their allegedly ugly vulva by making paintings, sculptures and other stuff looking like real women`s genitalia.
Mine happen to cover the clit which is basically good because my clit is very very sensitive and in 95/100 cases I don`t want it to be directly touched, at least not with fingers. Tongues are a completely different thing… 😉
So I normally prefer indirect stimulation through the thin layer of a labium above the clit. Unfortunately, esp when I get increasingly wet and everything becomes slippery it`s easy to miss and not necessarily directly visible. I suppose many women have that problem, too. I`ve encountered it too with two girls who have labia like mine, but I have the advantage to be a woman. For a man it`s often more difficult with this anatomical type.
But you can seize the opportunity to tell him that since yours is different from what he had before you have slightly different needs and directly tell him what you like.
It will make perfect sense for him if you ask him (but please w/o planting the picture of your sucking some other guy`s dick etc. in his head, this will clearly not change your love life for the better unless he`s into cuckolding) so just “ask his opinion” as a man if all men like the same things performed the same way or if they, too, have individual preferences how they want e.g. a bj to be performed on them.