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Return of the Son of the Dudes Who Don’t Wipe Their Asses Because They Think it’s Gay

Ewwwww

By David Futrelle

We’ve met them before, these mysterious and stinky straight men, who refuse to wipe or wash their asses because they’re afraid that doing so is somehow gay.

We don’t know how many of these men there are; indeed, the only reason we know about them is that their girlfriends and wives have taken to Reddit and elsewhere to tell the world about their horrific discoveries with regards to their significant others’ nether regions.

Yes, this means that at least some of these guys have girlfriends (!) and wives (!!), which adds a whole new layer to the horror.

One of these unfortunate women turned to Reddit’s Relationship_Advice subreddit today for help with her boyfriend, who not only refuses to wipe (and presumably also wash) his ass but who also thinks that touching, much less cleaning, his junk would also give him a case of teh gays.

Let’s hear her tale of woe.

“My (23F) boyfriend (24M) of almost a year doesn’t wash his genitals,” she began

Almost a YEAR and you’re just now discovering this?

So basically, he explained that he doesn’t touch himself there, ever, because it’s “gay”. Therefore he can’t clean the area specifically and just lets it get wet in the shower, that’s it.

Ewwwwww.

Other than this his hygiene is fine.

I question this judgement.

I only became aware of the issue when we started getting more intimate.

I guess True Love Waits, and then when it stops waiting it discovers an exceedingly gross dick.

Yes. You read it right: He thinks washing his penis would be gay. What the hell. In fact he thinks any touching of anything between his legs is gay. This was completely ridiculous and I started asking him what about masturbating? What about wiping after he poops??

If you have to ask, the answer isn’t going to be good.

Well it turns out, the reason he uses a bidet is so he won’t have to wipe. Using a bidet is not a problem to me, and I’ve never experienced a problem with his hygiene in that regard, but the fact he installs a bidet not out of cleanliness preference but to avoid “being gay” by wiping his OWN ASS is just…. I can’t believe that’s a real thing. I asked what about public toilets? He said he never poops anywhere besides his home so it’s not a problem. That’s bullshit, he’s pooped at mine. And I don’t have a bidet. So put two and two together.

What about before he had a bidet? What about when he travels? And since he presumably never washes between poopings, is his ass just poopy until he can return to his home base?

Then as for masturbating, he apparently doesn’t do that either! That’s also “gay.” What the hell. He admitted he used to masturbate when he was younger but it “he felt weird” doing it so he stopped. Uh… I’m not saying he’s required to jerk off or something, I don’t care, it’s again the insane reasoning behind it.

Hey, stinky dude, FYI, if you sit on your own hand until it goes numb, you could always just pretend it’s someone else’s hand.

Or maybe you could just use tongs?

Just trying to be helpful.

He says “any contact a guy has with the male ass or pubic areas is in a gay realm.” I said that makes absolutely no sense when it’s your own body. It’s not GAY to tend to your OWN self, gay involves OTHER people!

He’s also, presumably, got his own tongue in his mouth. Does that mean he’s French kissing himself all the time? That seems gay too. Cut out your tongue, stinky dick boy!

This even extends into our sex life. I found out the reason he didn’t want to try “doggy style” is because that’s a “gay position.” I’M NOT A DUDE, HOW IT IS GAY LMAO. Like this is so fucking ridiculous.

Hey fellas, is fucking your girlfriend gay?

This became an argument because I couldn’t help showing how I felt about this bullshit. Like, is every girl a lesbian now because we wipe after peeing?? And girls who use tampons? Where does his logic end? Of course, he thinks “that’s different” but can’t explain how.

I’m sure the idea that all women are secret lesbians is very titillating to him.

Well what about all the other men who do jerk off, are they all gay too? He said, “I’m just saying you’re dealing with a dick, it’s kind of a gay act.”

EVERYONE IS GAY EXCEPT ME

He got more mad at me the more I tried to reason with him. I just gave up eventually and we haven’t spoken much since, this was yesterday. I can’t talk to him if he’s going to be belligerent.

I really don’t think I can just get over this. Both how he refuses to properly clean himself and also that the way he thinks about it is so irrational. I know it sounds horrible to say this but I almost feel like I’ve lost some respect for him.

Almost!? Some!!??

Before now I always saw him as a very mature intelligent person. Now I’m questioning that but am not sure if it’s fair of me.

Oh it’s fair of you.

Has anyone else had a boyfriend with this issue before? Are there a lot of dudes who think like this? How do I get him to stop doubling down and understand why calling it gay makes no sense?

Somehow I doubt that someone who is happy to walk around with a poopy ass and stinky junk because it means he’s not gay is going to listen to reason.

TL;DR: My boyfriend won’t wash his genitals, among other things, because he believes touching his body there is “gay”. All he did when I pointed out how that doesn’t make any sense is get defensive. I had no clue he was this neurotic about intentionally neglecting his personal hygiene. Which is a problem for obvious reasons. What do you do when your partner persists in believing something crazy?

If it’s something like this, you RUN.

RUN, GIRL, RUN!

H/T — thanks to @Jennifer_deG, who tweeted about this

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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jsrtheta
jsrtheta
9 months ago

Hmm. Given his current hygiene “practices”, he should be developing hemorrhoids any day now.

Let’s see how long he can keep resisting the urge to scratch that itch.

Crip Dyke
9 months ago

“I’m sorry, love, but I have to break up with you. I wiped my ass and realized that made me a lesbian anal fetishist, so I can’t fuck guys anymore. My only choice is to seek far and wide for another woman who engages in the perverted behavior of wiping after she poops.

Please don’t feel abandoned. I do care about you and I hope you can find a woman who doesn’t wipe herself so you two can be very, very happy together.”

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

Whenever I see these types of thing, I’m most surprised by the fact that it took months or years for wives and girlfriends to notice this. Don’t the men who don’t wipe smell terrible? And wouldn’t they get infections and give infections to their partners? I recommend this woman stop having sex with him for her own safety.

Anyway, I checked the Reddit thread. The redditors seemed to believe that he was closeted and gay or that he had been molested as a child. I’m not buying the closeted gay idea because that seems too close to some homophobic stereotypes. I’m not sure about the molested child theory because I don’t know much about the long term psychological effects, so I can’t say if that one seems plausible.

@jsrtheta
And if he does get hemorrhoids, my guess is he will refuse to see a doctor because it would be “gay” to have a doctor touch his butt.

Snowberry
Snowberry
9 months ago

We know that Roosh V didn’t wipe back when he was talked about, and I’d hardly be surprised if he still doesn’t. This site also covered this as a specific topic at least once before.

“Touching yourself is gay” is a form of “messing with the breeders” which goes back to at least the late ’80s (when I first encountered it), and I’d hardly be surprised if it went back much further. Even so, that’s kind of surprising for someone to internalize.

Amy E
Amy E
9 months ago

It sounds as if he’s been really poorly educated and possibly brought up by extremist Christian fundies. He seems pretty badly brainwashed.

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@Amy E

It sounds as if he’s been really poorly educated and possibly brought up by extremist Christian fundies.

Do fundamentalists not wipe their butts? I mean, on some level I’m not surprised, but I had assumed most if not all people did this as basic hygiene. It seems I was incorrect in that assumption, which frankly is unfortunate.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
9 months ago

I’ve never been into smelly dudes, so I can’t understand how this woman’s relationship has lasted so long. I would imagine undressing with him would be gag-inducing. Yuck.

Vespertine
Vespertine
9 months ago

I want to know why on earth this poor woman stuck around! There are millions upon millions of “mature intelligent” guys who aren’t, you know, festering shit-soaked homophobic nightmares…

I respect that it’s currently impossible to move off this planet, though it would be the right call here, but why didn’t she lose his number immediately???

Tyko
Tyko
9 months ago

How can he stand it?!?! It must itch all the time!

Monday Middlemarch
Monday Middlemarch
9 months ago

Keeping one’s body (including one’s genitals) clean is NOT GAY! W in actual T F are they even thinking? This woman should absolutely RUN for the Hills or else he may pass on his very unhealthy views onto their children, particularly their sons. He’s poison, quite literally.

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@Tyko
I’d wonder that as well. And the smell, and infections, and skid marks…eurggh!

I thought this was the kind of thing one learns when being toilet trained. Now wondering if this is possibly passed down through the family (i.e. father was this way as well and taught son not to wipe his butt).

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

It makes me sad that women are socialized to have such low self esteem and low expectations that they’ll stick around for this shit.

Crip Dyke
9 months ago

they’ll stick around for this shit

I do not deign to make jokes playing off this statement.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Aw, but I made it so easy!

EverythingIsRidiculous
EverythingIsRidiculous
9 months ago

Has it not occurred to any of these stinky dudes to just use a sponge or a loofah glove or a tulle shower pouf or even a long-handled brush if they’re particularly squeamish? Obvious solution is so obvious that I suspect that making some poor woman experience their filthy nethers is just a really unpleasant and abusive power-play.

An Autistic Giraffe
An Autistic Giraffe
9 months ago

Question about this: What is the heterosexual way to pee? Like if I use my hand to aim so the urine goes in the toilet that logically also makes you gay. But if I sit down to pee, well that’s how women pee so I assume that would make me trans by the same principle. Is there a cis straight way to pee that would get urine all over the floor?

Talonknife
Talonknife
9 months ago

This guy’s whole logical basis of this idea reminds me of a fun thought experiment I ran across in an old Cracked article: if you had a temporary clone of yourself that lasted one hour, would it be gay to engage in sexual activity with the clone, or a form of masturbation?

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
9 months ago

Question about this: What is the heterosexual way to pee? Like if I use my hand to aim so the urine goes in the toilet that logically also makes you gay. But if I sit down to pee, well that’s how women pee so I assume that would make me trans by the same principle. Is there a cis straight way to pee that would get urine all over the floor?

Seconded. This whole thing is a heap of mystery upon enigma.

I thought the previous shitstain guy was likely just someone with a poor hygiene habit, and when questioned, he grasped at whatever “plausible” sounding excuse he could think.

Now, I wonder if this guy is trying (without proper vocabulary) to express that he has some sort of extreme sexual shame/body disgust complex. I can’t imagine him or his partner enjoying sex much.

(In any case, he’s likely hugely homophobic, which is often driven by disgust sensitivity.)

Catalpa
Catalpa
9 months ago

When my brother and I were younger (like, early teens), he asked me if inserting tampons felt good. And my response was basically just “???? No?”

A little while later I realized a better response would have been to ask “does it feel good to hold your penis when you pee?”

Though apparently there are some fully-grown men who can’t tell the difference between hygenic/maintenance touching of one’s own body and sexually gratifying touching, so maybe that analogy wouldn’t have been a universally better answer.

Vespertine
Vespertine
9 months ago

I’m going with masturbation, because there’s absolutely zero mystery about what my clone likes? Which is, to be clear, chocolate gelato, a bubble bath, and a firm but thoughtful foot massage. Hair brushing is on the list too.

Sex is way down there on the list with just about anyone anymore, I’m old and tired and on a lot of Zoloft.

Temascos
Temascos
9 months ago

If I was to not clean myself properly after a day or two, I start to feel rotten. I never heard the argument that washing your privates is Gay before but even if I was told that in school I’d say “Fine then, I’ll be gay, just let me clean myself you chodes.”

Maybe she kind of got used to the smell without realising it, but I have no doubt that other people did notice it. There’s no way that you wouldn’t notice that.

Pie
Pie
9 months ago

I remember visiting a friend’s house back in the day, where she lived with her partner of a few years. There was a packet of wet wipes on top of the toilet, with a hand written note on it that said “Use these after you poop or NO SEX”. I’m fairly certain it wasn’t for me.

They’re still together. Presumably she house trained him eventually.

At least this guy uses a bidet, though I can’t see the likes of Roosh approving of using french bathroom equipment.

@An Autistic Giraffe

Question about this: What is the heterosexual way to pee? Like if I use my hand to aim so the urine goes in the toilet that logically also makes you gay. But if I sit down to pee, well that’s how women pee so I assume that would make me trans by the same principle. Is there a cis straight way to pee that would get urine all over the floor?

Having had to clean up areas where men (of unknown sexuality) would gather to pee, I can say that a technique that involves sort of blasting urine across a 180 degree arc in front of the urinator is a relatively common technique. There are designs of urinal which can cope with this sort of aggressively unaimed assault without undue mess, but the smell still remained 🙁

Moggie
Moggie
9 months ago

Why stop there, stinky junk guy? Shaving is pretty gay, because you’re running your hands tenderly over a man’s face. Showering: running your hands all over a man’s soapy body? Extremely gay! Hair washing: why are you lovingly massaging a man’s scalp? Basically, any non-violent touching of your own body is extremely suspect.

Samantha Ravensdaughter
Samantha Ravensdaughter
9 months ago

Oh, YUCK!!!! Not only is this unbelievably gross and disgusting as far as creating a vast “Zone of Stink” around him – making everyone who gets near him gag and turn green – but it is a health hazard for him and anyone who climbs into bed with him.

Gah! It took her that long to notice the toxic cloud of foul and noxious odors emanating from him? Did she not see the line of bodies on the trail behind him?

I fear that I shall never sleep again, what with this floating through my mind. Thanks, David, for pointing out one more neurosis that can arise out of severe misogyny and fear of the DREADED GAY FOLK! 😫 😱 😵

Charlotte
Charlotte
9 months ago

This… seems to be bordering on making fun of a harmless and possibly mentally ill person.

Nowhere does it say that this guy treats his girlfriend badly, that he acts homophobic towards others or that he’s in any way linked with manosphere shenanigans. Sure, it can reasonably be assumed that this person would treat gay men badly, but we can’t know that. His own girlfriend was with him for a year and never mentions noticing homophobic behavior towards others. She mentions being shocked and bewildered to find out his reasoning, not “well that figures since he hates teh gheys just so goddamn much”

There’s every possibility that for whatever reason he’s a good dude who picked up some… unfortunate beliefs. For comparison, I once had a child in my care who would store his waste, nail clippings and hair in jars because he was afraid of losing parts of himself until he disappeared. Not saying the dude in question has a psychiatric/psychological problem at all, none of us can know that, but to illustrate that my natural instinct is to look for the person behind the behavior. And if this dude was in my care, I would gently… probe further (okay I get ONE dumb joke).

As far as we know, this dude’s only crime against his fellow man is being very stinky and getting defensive when called on it, which I think is understandable. And I can’t help but feel compassion for anyone who’s had their early sexual experiences hijacked by toxic masculinity and heteronormative purity culture.

All this to say, I am uncomfortable with and politely object to the choice to feature this dude in the context of this blog.

Batgirl
Batgirl
9 months ago

These types of dudes make me grateful for the men I’ve dated, including my fiancé. When you shower with your partner, you get a good idea of their hygiene. Thankfully none of the guys I was with long term subscribed to the “Touching or cleaning your ass makes you gay” bizarreness. I don’t think I could handle that for any length of time, both in terms of cleanliness and terrible mindsets.

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@An Autistic Giraffe
I didn’t even think of that. This man must also have terrible aim. Yet another reason not to date him.

@Moggie

Basically, any non-violent touching of your own body is extremely suspect.

Even looking in a mirror would be gay by his definition, because he would be admiring the face and body of a man.

Amtep
Amtep
9 months ago

The cis straight man pisseth against the wall. It’s in the Bible.

Some evangelical preachers have interpreted this to mean a man should always stand in front of the toilet to pee, no sitting down. But they’re wrong. It says against the wall. Not into toilets. It’s in the Bible.

(I’m kidding in this post, but the part about the preachers is real.)

happy cat
happy cat
9 months ago

Nice post!

Did you hear of the “22 Convention”, by the way?

Ann K
Ann K
9 months ago

Leave.
Now.

Imagine having a child with this moron. The fact that he would never change his son’s diaper would be the LEAST harmful thing he did to the child. Propagating that attitude would be far worse.

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@happy cat

Did you hear of the “22 Convention”, by the way?

David RTed some links about it a few weeks ago but didn’t make a post yet. Maybe he will in the future? Or maybe he’s waiting to see what happens there and will address it after the fact.

@Ann K

Imagine having a child with this moron. The fact that he would never change his son’s diaper would be the LEAST harmful thing he did to the child. Propagating that attitude would be far worse.

Plus, the fact that he views changing baby diapers as sexual has some pedophilic overtones.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
9 months ago

The cis straight man pisseth against the wall. It’s in the Bible.

A wall? Real men piss against the wind. The stronger wind, the stronger man.

Though apparently there are some fully-grown men who can’t tell the difference between hygenic/maintenance touching of one’s own body and sexually gratifying touching

There’s a Finnish joke relating to the military, and specifically instances where several men might take a piss in sight of each other, like on a march break:

“According to regulation, the penis will be shaken no more than four times. Going further than that constitutes wanking.”

(For the record, I don’t shake but rather empty my urethra by squeezing, because that feels much more practical.)

Hester
Hester
9 months ago

My dad works with a guy who won’t drink with a straw, because it’s too much like sucking a dick. Granted, my dad is a homophobe in his own right, but even he thinks that’s weird.

Moggie
Moggie
9 months ago

I hope that this guy is circumcised. If he’s not, what’s going on under his foreskin doesn’t bear thinking about.

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@Moggie
And even if he is, I fear what could be in his pubic hair. Since he definitely doesn’t shave and probably doesn’t wash it, there’s likely something that isn’t supposed to be there.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 months ago

@Charlotte

This… seems to be bordering on making fun of a harmless and possibly mentally ill person.

Nowhere does it say that this guy treats his girlfriend badly, that he acts homophobic towards others or that he’s in any way linked with manosphere shenanigans.

If we’re forbidden to speak ill of possibly mentally ill people, then we can’t call out any behaviour ever. Anyone could be mentally ill. I am mentally ill and neuroatypical in other ways, and I hope some people would nevertheless object to my behaviour if I was being a poopbucket.

As far as harmless, his hygiene choices absolutely do affect his partner, which is why she brought it up with him in the first place. At that point he evidently became belligerent, which doesn’t seem like a great way to treat your girlfriend.

His belief that being gay is the absolute worst thing that could happen to him is deeply homophobic. I don’t believe he could harbour that level of disgust and fear of gay men in specific and very likely the LGBT+ community in general without it coming out in his behaviour and attitudes towards other people, as you apparently do. But even if he somehow manages to treat LGBT+ folks with the illusion of respect despite recoiling in horror internally, his ideas themselves are part of a culture that makes LGBT+ people unsafe.

Sharing those ideas (which he has done with his girlfriend and presumably others) is a way of perpetuating that culture. Monday Middlemarch and Ann K. both bring up how he could pass both his unsafe hygiene practices to his kids as well as his toxic attitudes.

Anyways, seems like a reasonable target to me. Wash your junk, human beings, for your own sake if no one else’s.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
9 months ago

I’m ready to admit that my hygiene down there wasn’t very good when I was in my teens. I’m guessing this was because all the instruction I ever remember getting was “clean thoroughly” without actually specifying what that meant. So I was like, “Thoroughly? Got it.”

I guess just settled into a routine and didn’t think about it, and I’m [i]not[/i] ready to admit how old I was when I realised that I had not got it and things were… sub-optimal?

So I can kind of understand how one could end up being gross in this regard. I don’t think it would have made me feel better about myself to know that some do it intentionally.

Capitalism_Really_Sucks
Capitalism_Really_Sucks
9 months ago

If true, these are highly deviant behaviors that reflect severe mental illness, not a social/sexual movement.

Besides, it seems sensationalistic. These types of mentally ill men would have been “sniffed” out by those close to them quite early in the process.

This OP is good for hits, but the writer may be getting played by a satirist.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
9 months ago

@Charlottes : of course his behavior is homophobic given his excuse to not do basic hygiene. While I can give a pass to people saying “it’s so gay” pejoratively, I can’t give it to people that feat “being gay”.

Also, maybe he is mentally ill, but mentally ill or not, he is also an asshole, which isn’t exclusive with illnesses and isn’t connected either.

Not Edward
Not Edward
9 months ago

One never knows, but I’m with Charlotte on this one: this sounds to me like someone with a seriously major phobia or obsession or similar. He’s lining himself up for some potentially really serious health problems because he’s not functioning rationally, and he needs professional medical help more than anything else. By the looks of it this is a serious psychological problem to sympathise with rather than a weird manosphere thing to poke fun at.
Everybody’s probably right that the girlfriend can’t continue with the relationship with him like this, because he’s a health hazard to her as well as him, but this seems to be a “Get help or I’m leaving you” sort of situation rather than “You need to get out now”, as it sounds to be like he is toxic in only the strictly literal, physical sense.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 months ago

as it sounds to be like he is toxic in only the strictly literal, physical sense.

That anyone is failing to see the extreme homophobia on display here is incredible. Like, being deathly afraid of catching The Gay… is bad. I don’t feel that’s particularly controversial in this community.

Absolutely it is possible to have a mental illness or other disability which interferes with one’s ability to keep clean. Absolutely people in that position deserve compassion. Absolutely it is possible that in addition to the brain-meltingly homophobic reasoning that the OP’s boyfriend has provided for his actions he also, consciously or unconsiously, has something else going on. There’s no reason to believe that that I can see, but the possibility does exist.

But also, he’s a homophobe. We know that because of the homophobic things he said. His lack of hygiene is at least partially a result of his homophobia.

This is bad. Being a homophobe is bad for the world. Homophobia, despite the suffix, is not a mental illness.

Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
9 months ago

OP’s BF: “I won’t do anything woth my junk or wipe my butt becausenthat is what GAY PEOPLE DO, play with men’s junk and butts. I’d rather not wipe my own ass, if i poop somewhere without a bidet, than be at all gay.”

Some WHTM commenters: “holy shit, why is he so afraid of catching ‘teh gay’ that he will sacrifice his own basic hygiene??? That’s some straight up homophobia!”

Other WHTM commenters: “allow me to armchair diagnose, something explicitly against the commenting policy. Clearly homophobia has NOTHING TO DO with this.”

Asshole isn’t a mental illness. No matter what is going on, he’s being homophobic.

@Charlotte, @Not Edward, @Capitalism_Really_Sucks, no arm chair diagnosing. Please see the comments policy.

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

Umm…are people forgetting the section of the comments policy that says this:

Try to avoid internet diagnoses of mental illness

Trying to blame toxic masculinity and homophobia on a mental illness without any evidence of such an illness is not only unhelpful, it’s ableist and hurtful to those with mental illnesses. As Viscaria said, it’s possible the man is mentally ill, but we shouldn’t t try to diagnose mental illness without evidence.

Edit: Ninja’ed by Rhuu.

Not Edward
Not Edward
9 months ago

@Rhuu, @Viscaria, @Nagflar
I’m not diagnosing any mental illness. I have no idea what’s going on in this guy’s head. What I am saying, however, is that whatever is going on in this guy’s head has gone way beyond rationality and is interfering with his ability to take care of his own basic health and hygiene. Once you’ve hit that point, this, whatever it is, is qualitatively different from your standard manosphere political and social arseholery. He may or may not be an arsehole as well, but it is quite plain that this is not all there is to it.
To say to someone whose irrational behaviour is harming themselves or others “you need to get help to sort yourself out” is common humanity, not ableism.

MarysLittleLamb
MarysLittleLamb
9 months ago

I may be giving this guy too much of the benefit of the doubt, but a lot of the comments mentioned possible molestation/abuse in his background. My knee jerk reaction is to laugh and scream LEAVE, but those comments actually make a lot of sense to me. Hope everyone gets the help they need.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

A conversation about whether or not homophobic beliefs really harm someone. Haven’t we done this before?

comment image

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 months ago

Not Edward, I think you’ve got this entirely backwards. He is necessarily an arsehole because of the homophobia he freely expressed to his girlfriend. He is not necessarily insert a bunch of weasel words here that mean mentally ill without straight-out saying the words “mentally ill” even though people can scroll up to your previous comment where you mention specific mental illnesses/mental illness symptoms. Your belief that he must be is based on assumptions and stereotypes.

To say to someone whose irrational behaviour is harming themselves or others “you need to get help to sort yourself out” is common humanity, not ableism.

You didn’t say anything to the man that was the subject of this post. Your comments were directed to David and to the other commenters here, and what you said to all of us was that it’s not okay to make fun of this man because you assume he has see above. That’s not common humanity. That’s just being incorrect.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
9 months ago

Umm even if the guy does have OCD he still has to be homophobic for the fear to make sense, and moreover is an utter entitled fuck for acting like he has a right to any sex at all when refusing to do the basics to take care of his own body. And for creating an increased infection risk for his partner, and not giving a fuck about that either. So yeah fuck that guy.

Also like… Uh, possible TMI follows re personal experiences:

.

.

.

.

.

.

Just from my own experience with partners who don’t pay enough attention to cleanliness/BO/etc., just no, this is really not okay. When you have to deal with a partner legit stinking, and don’t always feel comfortable refusing them sex until they wash or whatever, it can get traumatizing pretty fast IME even if they’re a very gentle and understanding person. Smells associate very strongly with memory for most people; after breaking up with a partner with this issue at one point, I wound up basically avoiding sex for like 6 months because the associations were that strong and upsetting. Sex that otherwise would have been fun wound up being exhausting, boring work, and that actually did take a toll on my emotional health.

It’s not necessarily, like, direct sexual abuse trauma, but it still really sucks and is more harmful than a lot of people (especially dudes) seem to think.

So, yeah. Please keep your dicks and asses clean. It really is that big a deal for the people you have sex with. Really.

David Rose
David Rose
9 months ago

I think those of us who run in leftist circles and go through life with some hetero privilege tend to forget how deeply homophobia is engrained in some people’s way of thinking. So it’s all too easy for us to say “I can’t fathom hating gayness so much that it would interfere with my basic life processes; therefore that hate must be a mental illness.” I know I default to that sometimes, and I need reminders to the contrary. It’s not mental illness, as others have said. It’s just a very extreme manifestation of homophobia.

And if we’re speaking in hypotheticals, I care more about the hypothetical gay teenager who stumbles on this post and is reminded, once again, that there are people in this world who would go to such extremes to avoid being anything like him. Imagine how much that would hurt. He’d need to see pushback from us saying no, homophobia isn’t normal and isn’t excusable even if it might be occurring along with mental illness.

Definitely not Steve
Definitely not Steve
9 months ago

@Charlotte,

This… seems to be bordering on making fun of a harmless and possibly mentally ill person.

No. No, nope, not this please. Mental illness DOES NOT cause homophobia.

This sort of comment somehow strikes me as both offensive to those with mental illnesses as well as a defense of homophobia, and it really doesn’t sit well with me. On top of it being an attempt at armchair diagnosis, which as others point out, is also a big problem.

Please endeavor to change your viewpoint on mental illness, please.