By David Futrelle
Over on Incels.co, the regulars seem pretty stoked about what appears to be an impending US war with Iran. When one commenter asked his fellow “involuntary” celibates whether they thought there would be a war, a commenter called FinnCel answered with a hearty “I sure hope so.”
A commenter calling himself RemoveNormalf*gs quintupled his comrade’s enthusiasm, posting
I hope
I hope
I hope
I hope
I hope
Someone called Emergency Manual explained just what it was it was about this as-of-this-moment-still-hypothetical war that appeals to incels so much:
The more dead normies the better.
And there will certainly be quite a few “dead normies,” especially in Iran itself.
“I just eat popcorn and look at others killing each other,” FInnCel added.
Not all of the assembled incels were quite so enthusiastic. Some doubted a war would happen. Others railed against “k*kes” and worried about being “drafted to die for Israel.” And one suggested that
Iran would treat every American on this forum better than America would… Think about that if they try to draft you.
Apparently quite a few incels are under the delusion that every man in Iran is automatically gifted a hottie virgin wife.
At least you can’t say that the incels aren’t interested in foreign policy.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!
Incels: Never missing an opportunity to make things worse.
Wait…I thought incels said all wars were fought over women’s butts. Doesn’t this disprove them? I’m not seeing any butts in the news related to the upcoming war.
@ crip dyke
You like law stuff. There was a documentary series a few years back about the Iranian court system. They had amazing access. Iranian family law isn’t exactly feminist; but women are allowed to divorce on grounds of impotence or mental deficiency. So the courts were full of women saying “He can’t get it up and he’s loopy!”. There are women at court who lend the Petitioners conservative dress just for the hearings. Iran has the highest per capita spend on lingerie* of any country!
(*Or as the late great Victoria Wood called it “complicated underwear”)
This would be kind of funny if I didn’t have a talk with my husband last night that if he ends up in the middle of the way to not be a hero and to let everyone else die first if that means he gets to come home, I said this like half jokingly.
@ lainy
Ugh; I really feel for you; and all service families right now.
If it’s any consolation, the experts are saying that any Iranian reprisals are like to take the form of asymmetrical warfare rather than engaging US forces directly.
Whenever there’s a prospect of war, creepy losers and wannabe abusers (nearly always same thing) are salivating over the prospect of fewer men = better chance at getting women. Or failing that, better chance of getting away with rape.
But if the war doesn’t hit home, then the loss of men will be trivial compared to the total population. Also, in most countries, women serve in the military as well, even if to a lesser extent in most cases. And if the war does hit home, there’s a major reduction in all genders. It doesn’t work out nearly as well as they’d hope, either way.
Also, if it did work like that, I’d tell my boyfriend to take a temporary harem of straight women and I’d take the bi ones. You still ain’t getting nobody, losers. (Yes, tasteless, I know, but I’m in a weird mood.)
Why don’t they enlist so they can get free Chadovers from the military? They’ll build muscle, get a free haircut and receive a uniform. Plus, they can attract Stacies with the prospect of spousal benefits.
@WWTH, the military probably has a wrist circumference entrance requirement or something.
@Alan:
That is interesting. I’ll have to go searching for that doc.
@alan thank you but that doesn’t really help. I don’t want anyone to get hurt or killed obviously. I’m just really scared and anxious for everyone
@wwth
You have to pay for the hair cuts. At least in the Marines
@ crip dyke
Here you go…
https://www.theguardian.com/culture/tvandradioblog/2007/aug/29/lastnightstvdivorceiranian
I bet they measure canthal tilt too!
@Lainy
I wish for the best for you and your husband. Here’s hoping this doesn’t force him into battle.
@WWTH
The haircut thing reminds me of this Terminal Lance comic.
@WWTH
Because then they might die to save normies and feeeemoids.
@Jesalin
Is canthal tilt the angle of your eyes? I’ll admit I’ve never actually paid any attention to that.
Yep. I’m not sure if they’re still on about it, but it was all the rage in incel circles for a while.
Idiots who sit around eating popcorn and hoping for war so they can watch other people die…aren’t these the same idiots who whine nonstop about men being sent off to die as cannon fodder?
@Naglfar – Yes, it’s the angle of the eyes relative to a horizontal line. Tsurime vs. tarime, in anime terms. Supposedly negative canthal tilt is bad, but many men considered attractive have negative tilt (Paul McCartney, Ryan Gosling). Puppy dog eyes are hard to resist.
(Edit: ninja’d by Jesalin!)
Upon looking in a mirror, I appear to have a slight negative canthal tilt. This has had absolutely zero effect on me ever and I didn’t notice it until I looked in a mirror specifically to see it.
Can’t wait for our dipshit PM to start sending Australian military personnel to fight Trump’s asinine war.
@Snowberry
Incels and mgtows salivating over the prospect of a WW3 because it’ll mean they can act as the survivalist and deny women in need too. They love the idea of women suffering and Chads and normies dying while they rot alone in their bedrooms with only text on a computer screen as their source of socialization. I remember a while back when there was flooding in Houston TX, mgtows would openly admit in hoping that they would be near women struggling to survive only to ignore them and just drink their beer. Any semblance of basic human kindness was frowned upon. It was disturbing.
@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
Oh no please no. My immediate family wasn’t a military one but almost all of my extended family are/were military in almost every branch besides coast guard. Sexism is still alive in it. DV gets swept under the rug alot, specially if done by higher ranked officers. It’s depressing having heard the stories….The last thing the military needs is a bunch of incels to be deployed to another country where they could hurt the locals too. Heck, the air force even recognized them as a dangerous group.
…Fucking sigh.
A lot of the news illustrations seem to feature a literal trash fire at Baghdad airport.
(It was in three out of five image thumbnails on the Guardian’s “most read” list on Friday.)
What the actual fuck? I go without internet for three days and I come back to possibly actually the start of World War Three?
This is… sincerely depressing. I am very scared for Iranians all over the world.
@Tokha
I also recall MGTOWs and MRAs during various natural disasters suggesting that they try to force women to trade sexual favors for food and shelter. These are people who will use any opportunity to hurt others and make gains.
…Welp. This happened.
Of course they have zero empathy. Of course they have chubbies at the thought of their “competition” dying horribly. Of course those who have doubts are more worried about covering their pathetic asses. Of course they’re being antisemites about it because why the fuck not? Of course they claim that a country with a pretty abysmal human rights record would treat them better because in a freer more democratic country they can’t get girls to give them the time of day by being misogynistic creeps. Of course they complain about “men having to die for Stacy in wars for the whole of history” but when the actual possibility comes along they’re going “Lul Chads n normie NPCs gunna die yay”.
Anyone else hearing “Land of Confusion” in their heads right now? Because as much as that song and its accompanying video clip was a send-up/wake-up call for the eighties/Reagan/Thatcher era, I can’t help but think it’s actually even more relevant now.
@Lainy – Here’s hoping your husband stays safe and PTSD-free.
Given the typical violent fantasies that the incels tend to indulge in, I feel like having them serve in the military is a recipe for war crimes.
Also, the army isn’t a trash can, and the skills they search include “being patient, adaptative, and don’t ask for too much comfort”. They most pointedly don’t include “be a whiny fuckboy, a murderous asshole, and never do any effort to help with a problem”.
In addition to the war crimes, please don’t let them touch weapons if at all possible. Imagine if Stanislav Petrov have been an incel.