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By David Futrelle
So-called Men Going Their Own Way are some of the most ignorant motherfuckers on the entire planet. But they do have a certain expertise in a small number of areas — whining, cooking inedible food in great quantities, and of course the fine art of fucking inanimate objects.
Yep, MGTOWs sure do love the Fleshlight — the silicone vagina-simulator that comes inside a plastic shell that looks a bit like the world’s largest flashlight — and aren’t shy about proclaiming this love to the world, at least in the virtual safe spaces MGTOWs have carved out for themselves online.
“[I] fully believe my fleshlight saved my life. by creating an experience in masturbation that was as good as real sex,” wrote TheTruthSetYouFree in the MGTOW subreddit.
“Who knew $60 could replace a woman completely,” he added in another r/MGTOW thread.
Thank you modern silky smooth stretchable plastics. I was released from my hormonal illusions. For a while I still wanted women. I still dated. But sex had 0% power over me. What I saw shocked me. Women literally have nothing else to offer.
“When men en mass value sex dolls, VR, and fleshlights over a woman, it’s game over for the female species,” gloated Gutsybukel, another MGTOW Redditor, arguing (in a separate comment) that
Women are always thinking about themselves and what is there to be gained on their behalf. By men having fleshlights and sex dolls, [women] lose their power and become null and void.
A woman, argued MGTOW Redditor DangZagnut, is essentially
a fleshlight that complains a lot. I can buy a fleshlight for the cost of one date. Except the fleshlight is superior in the sense that it doesn’t have the inherent liabilities as a relationship does.
Over on the MGTOW.com forums, the sentiments are similar.
A Fleshlight, snorts a MGTOW called Boar, is
[a] one-time investment that I don’t have to keep ‘hhaaappppyyyyyy’ or worry about its collision with the Wall and subsequent lunacy.
Oh, and it can’t f~~~in’ tweet!
“We’re getting married next month,” another commenter joked about his Fleshlight. “You’re all invited.”
“[F]leshlights are better than women in every way.” enthused a MGTOW by the name of Anthony.
Now only if they made a version where it would make me a sandwhich afterwards and they’ll be perfect.
That said, not all MGTOWs are quite so fervent in their Fleshlight fanhood. Some prefer vagina-simulators from other brands. Some, as one MGTOW.com commenter put it, “[p]refer to use a human female body to masturbate with.” Then there’s the MGTOW Redditor who insists that his own particular dick is just too big for a Fleshlight to handle.
There’s also a small contingent of men who prefer to craft their own Fleshlight-equivalents. Some keep it all-natural, and simply carve out the inside of a cucumber. Others are willing to devote more time to fashion something a little more sophisticated.
“A vagina is essentially a blind pouch,” explained hmskl’d on MGTOW.com.
It is a muscular walled canal with a soft flexible lining that provides lubrication and sensation. …
It is so simple in design that it can be reproduced by any beginning anatomy student over a weekend in a homeschool science project using nothing more than some kitchen wrap, aloe containing lotion and some cotton and foam pillow stuffing. I mean the engineering of this is so basic that it only takes simple pressure tweaks and twirly twists in design to actually improve on the sensation. If done fairly correctly .. it will likely produce a “holy-moly” result.
Holy Moly indeed. I think we have at last found a MGTOW who is really and truly Going His Own Way.
Wow. Well, if nothing else, this article proves that not all of the red pill brigade is completely on the same wavelength– not when you compare it to the previous one.
One can only imagine the debates between these experts in technological advances in the fine art of masturbation (And I’m actually happy for them, as they apparently finally have something that’s caught up technologically with the dildo– sexual parity in one arena, at least!) and the gurus of bodily fluid retention.
No, wait. I can’t imagine them. My mind isn’t quite that flexible. But I’d certainly love to see them, the battle between those who seek to deny wanking, and those who seek to perfect it.
Well, I’m sure the women of the world are just devastated that men who find them inferior to cheap sex toys (is it one word or is there a space?) are no longer in the dating pool. MGTOW ideology is contingent on the idea that women will care that these men are supposedly “going their own way” when I imagine most women will not care or will be glad these creeps are no longer after them.
Regarding the pillowcase full of aloe, I’m totally overthinking about how it would work, and I’m seeing several design flaws. Wouldn’t it get gross pretty quickly? And wouldn’t the user get cotton stuck to their dick with aloe? It seems rather problematic.
Regarding fleshlights, I haven’t used one but it could never replace a partner for me. Since I’m not a misogynist, I actually value partners for their personalities and companionship, which I doubt this toy is very good at. Though it probably has a better personality than the average MGTOW.
God, so much hilarity! I love the overarching theme of “when robot wives are cheap and plentiful, women will just be alone and miserable and regretting not treating us like the gods we are”, ignoring the fact that robot men will also be available in such a situation,and if you think they wouldn’t cuz “women have no personal desire for sex” consider that men have, for ages, been in competition with the power tools in the night stand, and it’s not like attaching those power tools to an artificial idyllic man from.all our romantic fantasies, thoughtful and beautiful with no fragile male ego to navigate around or appease, who can’t get us pregnant by accident, is going to reduce the marketability–esp with real life men like this in the world. Not much of a gotcha when you think it through.
Also, that last one talking about how easy it is for any beginning anatomy student to replicate female genitalia is especially funny, with its implied “vaginas are soooo easily replaced but not so much the vaunted cock, checkmate feminists!”. Got news fer ya, bud, male genitals are also easily replaced,so much so that they’ve been simulated by many a longer-than-wide object since time immemorial, long before even the existence of power tools, no education necessary whether beginning or advanced. You hollow out the cucumber, but we can use it as-is.
Of course, some folks both male and female prefer the authenticity of real human companionship and love, but the point is that their ideas that artificial lovers will free men and make them victorious over all women are poorly thought out to an incredible level. Like “twelve year old boys clubhouse, no girls allowed cuz they have cooties” level. It’s kind of amazing to witness.
@Demonhype
I’d imagine that probably more people with vaginas have vibrators compared to the number of people with penises who have fleshlights or similar toys. And I’ve heard way more men complaining about women owning toys than I have heard women complaining about men using toys.
Sex robots? I’m thinking something more along the lines of the Striking Vipers episode of Black Mirror. And yes I’m being serious. I think something like that is actually going to be invented. It’s amusing to imagine how it’ll be used. Full immersion VR sex is the future lads!
@Naglfar
Pretty much! I imagine that men using more toys might be more of a relief for women that otherwise. After all, the more time guys like this spend with their fleshlights, the less time they spend harassing women for sex, spreading damaging strategies for “tricking” sex out of women, and of course, sexual assault. Go,enjoy your fleshlight! I truly want you to spend time with your fleshlight! Hell, if you don’t have a fleshlight, I’ll buy you one if you’ll use that and stop trying to foist your cock onto women who have no interest in it! We’ll set up a fund to ensure there is an artificial vagina for every MRA, MGTOW, etc penis, and I think you would be surprised at how many evil feminists would be eagerly donating to it!
A fitting post for International Orgasm day.
Reminded of the execrable James Clavell, who, in Shogun got off one line from Mariko, discussing a smooth ivory dildo used in Japan: “we Japanese ladies say it has all of the good parts of a man and none of the bad”.
Yeah, if having a fleshlight means that these dudes will leave the women of the world alone, then I wish them many happy years together.
I mean, it won’t, even if these dudes no longer prowl around like horny tomcats, they still maintain the same resentment and hostility towards all women, and unfortunately that means that they’re still going to be toxic towards their female family members, their coworkers, the women in the service industry, etc…
If you ever want to be seriously grossed out, look at the cleaning instructions for fleshlights. eurgh
@Leum:
I’d never considered the topic. I’m guessing the cleaning instructions are gross because you can’t just throw it in a dishwasher like a dildo?
I don’t know anything much about flashlights, but it seems like the thing to do for easy cleaning would be to make the silicone bits in halves. I mean, once you insert it into the device, a two-part “sleeve” will be squeezed in such a way that it’s not going to fall apart while you’re using it, but once you take it out of the device, you could then easily drop it in the dishwasher in a way that you couldn’t for a single-piece sleeve.
That seems like something easily fixable if the manufacturers cared to do so.
@Crip Dyke
That would make sense, and I am a bit surprised they don’t do that. I looked up some instructions (link obviously NSFW and has rather gross description of what happens when you don’t clean it). Just the added work of cleaning it would be another reason I wouldn’t buy one, because I don’t want to do that. Of course, MGTOWs aren’t known for hygiene, so I doubt they clean theirs and are setting themselves up for infections.
Yeah, try not cleaning a fleshlight for awhile and see how hhaaappppyyyyy it is. Even inanimate objects need maintenance.
Yes please God. Take those and leave the rest of us alone. Please. I will start a fund to get these creeps flesh lights if it means they’ll leave women alone.
I think I now understand why they look forward to sex robots: the robots will be self-cleaning!
That reminded me of a game that popped up in my Steam queue the other day, VR Katherine, a girlfriend/sex simulator that if that is the state of the art VR experience MGTOWs are going to be waiting a while for VR to replace real women.
Katherine looks a little like Tom Cruise in drag with breasts only a 16 year old boy could possibly think are realistic.
And two things I’ve notices from the screen shots 1) her clothes look more like body paint, and 2) the target audience better like white women as there appears to be no option to change Katherine’s skin colour.
This commenter in the same thread extolled the beauty of his own hand:
But what he admires about his own hand makes me feel sorry for the hand.
Surrealistic but true. This commenter is, after all, a MGTOW. And MGTOWs eat surrealism for breakfast.
@Kat:
That sounds almost Cronenbergian. Long live the true flesh!
Friction burn on either the hand or the penis look like a real possibility here.
@Moggie
I see there being a possibility of some very bad effects, though, if such a cleaning cycle were initiated while the device was in use.
@Chris Hall
That might be the target audience. There are many desperately horny 16 year olds out there.
I checked the Store Page of that VR Katherine game and she looks more proportionate there. I think the screenshots you saw just had the “breast size” slider maxed out — and that’s clearly larger than her model was designed for, considering how her arms go through her breasts in some shots.
The reviews are hilarious:
“I do wish there were more ‘additional points of interaction’ with other parts than her chest.”
“… she did not react to anything. It became awkward.”
“When we kiss her, please don’t allow us to see inside her head.”
“Sometimes the player is launched into the stratosphere. I’m impressed you made decent clouds”
One review asks for “More emotions from the AI. Happy, Sad, Angry, Love.” Does the current girlfriend experience not include these emotions?
Btw, the game advertises “15 skin textures to customize your girl”, but I don’t know if that genuinely means different skin colors.
As for VR games, there’s also TOGETHER VR, with the obligatory breast physics. I wanted to make fun of this, but then I read this customer review there:
So it seems creepy to me, but there’s clearly a market for this sort of thing.
Right, so at the risk of TMI… I have a rather vast collection of Fleshlights. A tad expensive, sure, but I don’t spend my money on much else beyond the basics (food, rent, transit, phone). They’re actually quite good for varying not only the sensations (sitting in front of a computer gets old after a while), but also aid with the fantasy. (And they have a side benefit of making excellent visual references for external anatomy.)
Cleaning the sleeves isn’t really that much of a chore. Just give it a thorough rinse beneath a running faucet, using your finger just to make sure nothing slick is left in there and let it air dry. Sometimes I give them a couple days in the open air and shake out any water left inside before putting them back in their cases. A little cornstarch for when they go into longer-term storage. Never had an issue.
@Naglfar
So my morbid curiosity had me clicking that link in the article. And I thought moldy bread was disgusting. *shudders* I’m actually rather revolted by the idea that anybody doesn’t clean them immediately after use.
All that said, never in a million years and a dozen sleeves do I think they’re the equivalent (or a replacement!) for a flesh-and-blood person. Really, no sex toy is. They’re playthings. Seriously, most fun I’ve had is playing with them with other people.
@Katamount
I know the image you’re talking about. I would hope most people clean their toys, but according to the original article only 57% of men clean toys after using them. I don’t own any toys at present, but if I buy any I will definitely make sure to clean them properly after each use.
I once ate moldy bread by accident. It tasted bad and my mold allergy had me sneezing constantly for the next hour. I do not want to find out what effect mold has on some more sensitive areas.
Whyyyyy?