By David Futrelle
Now the incels are mad at the Buddha.
Seems that several weeks ago one prolific Incels.co commenter called speedtypingincel discovered a post on a Buddhist message board claiming, based on an extremely close reading of ancient Buddhist texts, that the historical Buddha was an astonishing 6 foot 7 inches tall, thus rendering him irresistible to women and allowing him to “heightmog” virtually all other men of his time and ours.
“That’s the reason he had so many followers,” speedtypingincel wrote. “BONES are the most important thing in the world.”
The incels have been raging about this claim ever since.
“A rich chad who had everything in life telling poor incels not to give a fuck,” complained someone called Sparrow’s Song.
Sounds like a conspiracy to keep people docile and prevent violent uprisings. … Now I understand why the TaIiban destroyed that Buddha statue in Afghanistan, it was a reminder of a rich chad hypocrite who told people just to cope while both physical reality itself and society fucked them over and it was a massive stone heightmog as well.
Not sure this is an entirely accurate description of Buddha’s teachings, bro.
Glad they did it, the last thing they needed was cucked symbol of coping and accepting getting bullied while they are in the middle of an uprising against the biggest bullies in the world. … Sand prophets, messianic manlets, and ancient Greek high IQ posters will always be better than bootlicking buddhists.
A commenter called Neggr was a bit more concise, complaining that “Buddha was a slim gigachad.” Yet another griped that the Buddha was “a mogging machine” — that is, a man who out-alphas all the other men in his vicinity — “who had everything.”
More than a few expressed their astonishment that a a prince would give up a life of pleasure and ease to take up a quest for enlightenment. As someone called Hell put it
Buddha had a wife and even children and god knows how many concubines he fucked until he got bored and decided to have his extended vacation beach party.
Then he gets back and tries to convince everyone to be celibate lmao.
jfl at ricecels that fell for this crap
This has been today’s Comparative Religion lesson, incel-style.
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I’m just sitting here, and all I can think is, “I know that I don’t understand Buddhism very well, but apparently I’m doing better than some people.”
David, I really like this post and it is so connected to something that has been on my mind a lot which is that I am so tired of apologizing and feeling guilty for wanting and being attracted to tall, handsome ripped guys. It’s like no matter how much I resist all the poison of incels they say stuff that at the bottom is so much in culture anyway. Even though they say they are outsiders their misogyny is just overall misogyny and I hate that. The whole incel thing creeped me out extra because my name is actually Stacey but now I wear that with a badge of honor and am more inspired to be comfortable saying *yes* I do actually only want “Chad”. It bothers me kind of to use their language but maybe it’s an act of resistance?
Namastacy
Umm…wasn’t the Buddha known for being fat? All the Laughing Buddha statues I’ve seen are fat.
I’m not a Buddhist, so I could be wrong. Apologies to any Buddhists.
@Alan
You are so creative!
Nalanaste!
@ naglfar
The fat laughing ‘buddha’ images are actually of a chap called Budai.
Budai was a monk who, so legend has it, lived in the 10th century. He may have been an incarnation of the future Buddha; and over time has sort of conflated into general Buddhism.
The earliest, Indian images show him slim. The fat-bellied image comes later, artistically, and is more an East Asian thing. Whether either of them more accurately represents the historical man, I have no idea.
I do know that he went through a period of intense fasting to the point of starvation, and then later said it did no good spiritually.
@Alan Robertshaw, Podkayne Lives
I stand corrected, sorry about the error.
@ naglfar
Really you should sit down cross legged corrected; be a bit more in keeping.
The Laughing Buddha is apparently a depiction of a Chinese monk named Budai. Budai was a Buddhist himself, and he has a similar name, so we Westerners think they are the same guy.
Buddha the person is often depicted in art as being thin. But I assume that these aren’t meant to be accurate portraits of the person any more than the paintings of Jesus are. They tell you more about the artist and the culture than they do about the physical characteristics of the original mythic figure.
The Virgin Jesus And the Chad Buddha
Buddhism and Inceldom are kinda polar opposites. A lot of people everywhere feel like they would suffer less if they had more stuff. A major part of Buddhism is the idea that your feeling of dissatisfaction is not connected what you have. Even if you got what you currently want, you would still want more, and thus the negative feelings would continue. Meanwhile Incels insist that their sadness and anger exist precisely because they can’t get laid. So obviously they want to call Buddha a liar somehow. Of course they are also opposites in that Buddhism is actually coherent and is meant to actually help its followers.
@StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
Your standards for partners are more realistic than theirs, in any case 🙂 You’re not looking for tall ripped guys who are also virgins and willing to give up their careers.
who have sex like pornstars, no less!
@Amtep
Thanks, that is a good point! In addition to tall, handsome and ripped they only have to be kind to me and a loving person in general. I think that’s how it should be. All that is important and it should be.
And on that note just today two wonderful things happened that might lead me to a guy just like that. He’s in my BDSM social group so how I’m going to get to know him is a little sensitive and I don’t want to go all TMI but I’m kind of being fixed up with him. I don’t know him but have seen him and he’s gorgeous and my friends in the group who are wonderful amazing women who I admire and are like mentors told me how sweet he is and that’s he’s a great guy and said he is up for some really cool sounding stuff as a way of connecting that really has me not able to stop thinking about it. I already got some really cool looking gear that is designed for a guy’s body and I already am thinking of him and if this works out I can’t wait to get together with him. So this is kind of new for me but it’s been building up for me thanks to the wonderful supportive women in my group and all the stuff about incels complaining just because women get to actually choose made me think about it.
@Mrs. Obed Marsh
Lol, you are awesome! It’s so cool because we this guy we aren’t going to have sex at all but we are going to look like porn stars together but what incels don’t get is that when we do that it’s not all one person just being a porn star for the other…it’s us *together* and it reminds me of dancing with a guy. And like how reality differs from creep’s minds it’s always collaborative and caring. I have loved discovering how my wanting to be caring fits in perfectly with becoming dominant in BDSM. And so that’s why this whole thing that’s going on is not just exciting but really romantic.
@Naglfar
When people refer to ‘the’ Buddha, they usually mean Siddhartha Gautama, the Gautama Buddha, claimed to be the founder of Buddhism. He’s the one who was a prince but gave it up to go seek enlightenment, and is usually portrayed as slender and athletic. However, there were either six or 23 Buddhas before him and will be (/have been) at least one after him, depending on which sect of Buddhism you prefer, who look all kinds of ways, but mostly like humans. After that, it starts to get complex and I stop caring enough to follow the details.
@Dalillama
Thank you for the clarification. I have family members who are into Buddhism, so I was familiar with Siddhartha Gautama but not with the other Buddhas, so I assumed that the fat laughing Buddha figure was supposed to be him. As Alan said, I sit cross legged corrected.
Buddhist here, and this post gave me a desperately needed laugh. (I didn’t say I was a good Buddhist.)
And yet, even the longest and handsomest bones that ever temporarily propped up a humanoid eventually end up in the dirt. Or a charnelhouse. Or scattered on a mountaintop by vultures. Or at the bottom of the sea with octopi crawling in and out the eyesockets. Or mashed into a powder following cremation.
Literally nobody is drooling over any Buddha’s bones. They’re all too busy trying to live by his teachings, which of course this self-absorbed bozocel can’t be arsed to even give a cursory glance to.
Uh, pretty sure it was actually due to the Arabian mujahideen’s strict Wahhabi prohibition of idolatry. Which is actually alien to the region, even among its Muslims. (They had no problem tolerating the presence of those giant stone Buddha-Chads for centuries, after all.)
Uhhhhh, pretty sure that any and all of the above would, if they saw this sulky screed, be sorely tempted to slap the shit out of this whiny wimp and tell him to get his head out of his ass.
Good thing they’re all dead, and thus spared the trouble.
@Bina
whiny whimps is so exactly what they are and one more reason I find them repulsive, the main one still being their ugly attitudes
“Hello, random woman. Would you like to either be my wife and lifelong companion or have sex with me one time, the two possible interactions between a man and a woman?”
“Sorry. In different circumstances I might have wanted those things, but you see, that statue is taller than you, and so I am afraid I only want to have sex with it and no one else.”
@Bina
I just find it funny how he said “Greek high IQ poster.” Like the Ancient Greek philosophers were posting on some Ancient Greek equivalent of Reddit. And yeah, I doubt they would have much sympathy for incels.
@Viscaria
That reminds me of that time they got jealous of a statue.
@Naglfar
They’re not just gross but ignorant like you say.
And yes there were Chads if they are going to insist on calling them that in the ancient world but as if incels need any excuse to complain?
I’ve decided to start using Chad myself when I talk about handsom tall guys just to piss incels off.
This kind of hilariously overblown rhetoric is the reason I instantly thought of Incels the other day when I was randomly studying Wikipedia (as one does) on Lake Chad (after which the country of Chad is apparently named). I learned that:
1) Chad means “lake” in a local language.
2) During more humid prehistoric climate periods, there has been an extremely large (around million sq km) freshwater lake filling the Chad Depression, draining into the Niger river. Geologists refer to this as the Lake Megachad.