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I read this incel “field report” and now you have to, too

By David Futrelle

On the Incels.co forums, a fellow called jerrycan dan reports on a recent date with, er, his own hand.

Brace yourself. It’s NSFW, and probably not safe for your stomach either.

cum wax

jerrycan dan
autistic retard

Messages8,492
Nov 14, 2019
#1
I have reasonably hairy legs
wagecucking has also been too intense for me to masturbate so I came thick white ropes of baby gravy when I finally got around to releasing my juices tonight
I cum on the floor but occasionally some lands on my ankles, it did this time and because of the quality of the cum formed a thick crusty skin stuck to my hairy leg. When I peeled it off it hurt so fucking much and was full of hair, jesus christ

So that happened.

I have a lot of questions, but honestly I’m not sure I want to know the answers.

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Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

Umm…why did he feel it necessary to document this? I mean, even fellow incels probably don’t care about one guy’s cum getting stuck to his leg. Although I’m sure they’ll find a way to blame this on women. Probably something about how since Stacy wouldn’t have sex with him, he had to masturbate and this happened.

Also, is it just me or does anything that compare semen to food (e.g. gravy, yogurt) turn other people’s stomachs as well? I have no problem with semen itself or other words for it, but anything comparing it to food is eurggh.

Tyko
Tyko
9 months ago

I have questions. Mainly one question. Why. Why did he write it and why did you share it? XD

Marbles471
Marbles471
9 months ago

Why…..did he LEAVE it there long enough to dry?

Especially since from the sound of it he seems to have been standing up while pounding.

Which…also opens the question of whether he cleaned the floor right away, either.

Pagan Reader - Misandrist Spinster
Pagan Reader - Misandrist Spinster
9 months ago

Brain bleach:
comment image

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Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
9 months ago

When I think men couldn’t break my brain anymore than it does they prove me wrong.

Btw David Futrelle everybody please read this
PEWDIEPIE HAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED AND HARASSED WOMEN AND HIS FANS ARE HARASSING THEM TO SILENCE THEM! PLEASE EVERYONE SUPPORT THESE POOR WOMEN!
https://twitter.com/kalina_chung/status/1156135426509303808

kupo
kupo
9 months ago

Y U DO???

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@Fruitloopsie
That’s awful. PewDiePie has been Nazi rapist scum since the beginning yet millions still love him.

I wish for healing and good luck to the women he harmed. They’re up against a powerful enemy.

Allandrel
Allandrel
9 months ago

@Naglfar

Agreed on the food thing. You can make any food disgusting just by adding the word “man” as a prefix.

Nequam
Nequam
9 months ago

So to you a Manwich is *not* a meal?

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@Allandrel
I’m also grossed out by semen references that include the word “baby.” Yes, I understand that sperm is needed for conception, but mentioning it in the same sentence seems too close to sexualizing babies.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
9 months ago

Why cum on the floor? I just don’t get it. I no longer get my period, but when I did, I didn’t let the blood drain onto the floor, or whatever.

I remember reading about a study done of hotel bedspreads. (I know how weird this sounds.) The researchers were shocked by the amount of semen on them, and the DNA findings indicated it was from many different men. Use a towel, at least.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
9 months ago

It’s not liquid gold, but they could keep a little more of it to themselves . . .

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 months ago

I once went on a blind date with a guy who used the term “baby batter”, as if my uterus were a griddle. There was no second date.

when I peeled it off

So he left it on his leg long enough for it to dry? That’s….disturbing.

Why cum on the floor?

I don’t know, but whatever he paid for a security deposit, it’s not nearly enough.

K.
K.
9 months ago

@Pagan Reader

ITTY BITTY KITTY COMMITTEE~! <3<3<3

*hedsplort*

*ahem*

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@Dormousing_It

Why cum on the floor? I just don’t get it.

Bad aim? That’s the most likely explanation I can think of. Many men have bad aim and do not seem to care.

I remember reading about a study done of hotel bedspreads. (I know how weird this sounds.) The researchers were shocked by the amount of semen on them, and the DNA findings indicated it was from many different men. Use a towel, at least.

I knew hotel bedspreads were gross, but this is a whole new level. Now I will be unable to get that image out of my head next time I go to a hotel.

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

So he left it on his leg long enough for it to dry? That’s….disturbing.

Maybe he wanted to try waxing but didn’t understand how it worked?

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
9 months ago

Naglfar
Ditto.

Everybody:
This thread is so nasty lol.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
9 months ago

There’s been quite a few men being outed as predators and creeps recently like tyga, TI, onision, projared and more and hope their victims get justice.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 months ago

@Naglfar – Could be. I thought he might be doing a variation on that thing kids do where they spread Elmer’s glue on their hand, let it dry, and peel it off to reveal a perfect impression of their palm.

How’s he going to explain the rope-patterned bald spots on his legs to his wagecuck co-workers?

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

How’s he going to explain the rope-patterned bald spots on his legs to his wagecuck co-workers?

Well, in all the jobs that I’ve worked I haven’t spent much time studying the hair on my coworkers’ legs, so I’d imagine nobody will notice unless he’s a model or athlete (and he probably isn’t). Plus, if his legs are that hairy, some of the other hair will cover it.
I can’t believe I’m devoting this much thought to some random incel who came on his leg.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
9 months ago

@Naglfar:

When I stay at a hotel, I always remove the decorative bedspread from the bed before I go to sleep. I have no idea how often they are washed.

@Pagan Reader – Misandrist Spinster:

I think my favorite pic is the 2nd one down. I love it when cats snuggle together.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
9 months ago

Incel, I don’t know you but I do know a lie when I read one. Your semen isn’t Super Glue. Or Elmer’s glue. Or even flour mixed with water. What next: your semen is so powerful it started a fire? Or maybe your house exploded when you ejaculated? Or possibly the pizza delivery person looked in your window, caught your finale, and applauded you? I don’t think so.

Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
9 months ago

Well, it’s a good thing I ate before I read that. I certainly don’t have an appetite now.

Mimc
Mimc
9 months ago

Dude shower! This is just gross.

coilybepraised
coilybepraised
9 months ago

Yes, this story, as disgusting as it may be, is also as fake as it is gross.

There is no way you could ever “peel” dry semen off of yourself like glue. It would just dry up and flake off. I don’t know why incels also have to make their own self pitying stories as horrible as possible.

Katamount
9 months ago

Nope, nothing I can add to this, so here’s Jeremy the Bear making breakfast:

Paireon
Paireon
9 months ago

@Pagan Reader – Misandrist Spinster:

Thanks, I needed those after reading that. Hope you don’t mind too much given that you don’t like me. /s

But seriously, why would anyone want to share this? I can only imagine that it’s a particularly gross attempt at pulling a “notice me, sempai!” aimed at other incels. Who knows, maybe after all that time he’s developed a fetish for attracting the attention of his fellow losers with disgusting sexual anecdotes. I’ve seen weirder.

Nanny Oggs Bosom
Nanny Oggs Bosom
9 months ago

Is he confusing super glu for seman? Because that sounds more like he’s had an accident with a tube of super glu than masterbating.

Naglfar
Naglfar
9 months ago

@Paireon

But seriously, why would anyone want to share this?

To blame the women of the world for not having sex with him? That’s my best guess.

Who knows, maybe after all that time he’s developed a fetish for attracting the attention of his fellow losers with disgusting sexual anecdotes. I’ve seen weirder.

*puts on armchair sexologist hat*

It could be a form of exhibitionism combined with a humiliation or masochism fetish.

ABars
ABars
9 months ago

I’m not buying this. My money is on him having made this up for attention.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 months ago

@Naglfar:

Plus, if his legs are that hairy, some of the other hair will cover it.

Ah, a leg combover…(or cumover, as the case may be)

Tovius
9 months ago

Why? Oh god, why?

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
9 months ago

Back when I was attempting to date — and occasionally even dating! — I tried personal ads, including personals on the phone. (This was, of course, back in the day when telephones were the hand crank model.) You would call a phone number and leave a message. There would be a bunch of people also on the line with you, and they had left their messages too. If you liked a person’s message you would leave a message and they could speak with you right away.

Most of the people on the line were men. Naturally, some were gross. I still recall one guy who had left a message about how incredibly horny he was. He seemed to be super impressed with his own horniness. He said nothing about the kind of woman he was looking for or even how he and she could enjoy sexytime fun. Nope. It was all about him and his penis.

Just like the incel under discussion.

Alexis Filth
9 months ago

Incels always gotta be one upping each other in everything including grossness

Paireon
Paireon
9 months ago

@Naglfar: Yeah, sounds about right now that I think about it (no matter how much I don’t want to; my brain has terrible self-control).

Hambeast
Hambeast
9 months ago

Worst Penthouse Forum letter ever.

StarStorm
StarStorm
9 months ago

WELL OKAY THEN THAT IS VERY INTERESTING I WISH YOU FURTHER LUCK ON YOUR MASTURBATORY ENDEAVOURS