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In the battle betwen John Wayne and Mr. Rogers it’s the gentler soul who’s winning

By David Futrelle

Mr. Rogers, who passed away in 2003, is having a strange but heartwarming posthumous comeback. A kindly father figure for generations of preschoolers, Rogers was recently the subject of a documentary that made grownups weep. Tom Hanks is playing him in a forthcoming feature film. He was even hailed as something of a bisexual icon after old comments of his acknowledging he was attracted to men as well as women resurfaced.

Some people aren’t so happy about Mr. Rogers’ return to the spotlight — among them Daily Wire video host Andrew Klavan, who recently denounced Rogers as the poster boy for the sort of “metrosexual wimpiness” that Klavan thinks is destroying masculinity. It’s John Wayne, not Fred Rogers, who Klavan thinks is the true epitome of manliness.

Now, Mr. Rogers was no metrosexual; his fashion sense was almost defiantly bland, and he wore a variation on the same outfit every single day, as Klavan is certainly aware. Klavan calls him a “metrosexual” only because he knows that he would be pilloried for saying the word I suspect he really wants to use: a three-letter slur starting with “f” and ending with “g.”

Klavan would rather that the boys and men of America look up to a sort of Rambo-ized version of Jesus Christ himself — whom Klavan describes as

a steely man of integrity who was willing to sacrifice everything to say what needed to be said, and do what needed to be done.

Among regular humans, it was John Wayne who apparently came closest to Klavan’s platonic ideal of the “real man.” The world is a dangerous place, Klavam warns, and we’re in desperate need of “tough” men with guns to protect us all from evil. “If you really want to have a beautiful day in the neighborhood,” Klavan declares, “call John Wayne and tell him to bring his guns.”

I don’t know about you, but I’d feel a lot more comfortable in a neighborhood full of Mr. Rogerses than I would in one patrolled continually by John Wayne wannabes with assault rifles. We don’t need protection by these sorts of guys; we need protection from them.

Indeed, the sort of toxic masculinity that Klavan celebrates is one of the greatest dangers the world faces today. Here in the US, our terrible, illegitimate president is the worst sort of toxic male, a perpetual overcompensator whose own masculinity is so fragile and broken than he pardons literal war criminals to make himself look tough to the troops and retweets photoshopped pictures of himself reimagined as Rocky.

It’s no wonder so many people are holding up Mr. Rogers’ gentle masculinity as a sort of antidote to this gross macho bullshit. Mr. Rogers was the father who didn’t get angry, the one who returned home every day at the same time, replacing his jacket with a cardigan and his dress shoes with sneakers in a ritual designed to be reassuring to small children in its everyday sameness.

Mr. Rogers Neighborhood was easy to mock, and I did my share of mocking once I passed out of its core demographic. But when I was a very little kid I was enthralled — reassured by Mr. Rogers, delighted by Henrietta Pussycat and her habit of working “meow meow” into everything she said, entranced by Lady Aberlin. (I think I had a little crush.)

I have no desire to go back and watch the show now; I’d be the fist to admit that, as Klavan sneers, it’s “intolerable” to watch “unless you happen to be a 3-year-old.” It’s too earnest, too wholesome for my cynical middle-aged self.

But when I was a little kid I watched it religiously — and I’d like to think that for all of my cynical crankiness a little of Mr. Rogers’ gentleness rubbed off on me.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

[OT] Seen on Facebook a few days ago:

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Light strings glowing off the roofs of garages. I watched C-trees glitter through windows along Tannhäuser Road. All those things must be lost in time, since it’s still over a week until December!

In my own perambulations I’ve also seen a lot of decorations up in the last two weeks or so of November, and through windows some trees already up, decorated, and lit. Is it just me, or is it getting earlier and earlier with each passing year? Maybe because the stores start stocking Christmas stuff pretty much the instant Halloween is done with, everyone else is starting to follow suit … perhaps just because the stuff they’d need is there, in the stores, already.

The other decoration trend I’ve noticed, besides people decorating earlier and earlier, is the use of these projector thingies that produce anything from whirling snowflake graphics to rippling aurorae and pointillistic stuff. Some houses’ front walls look like disco floors. One was even trying to hex their whole neighborhood with projected words of dire imprecation. It said, and I quote, “Let it snow”. Ugh. Some people have to walk in that shit, you know. Some people even have to shovel it …

The displays themselves have ranged from unostentatious to pretty to garish, with the least being a single unlit wreath attached to the front door and the most turning the front yard seemingly into a theme park.

One must wonder about class privilege and status signaling here: the bigger, more complex displays must be quite expensive, and certainly not an option for non-landowners. Conspicuous consumption at work. And then of course we have “let it snow”, a sentiment no doubt heartily endorsed only by homeowners with four-wheel-drive SUVs, a brand new set of snow tyres, and a snowblower tucked in the shed.

The city government here, by the way, is doing its usual excellent job of widening said class divide by keeping the road surfaces mostly clear to bare pavement while letting the sidewalks ice up. Neoliberalism: your tax dollars helping the people who need it the least!

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Surplus

Is it just me, or is it getting earlier and earlier with each passing year? Maybe because the stores start stocking Christmas stuff pretty much the instant Halloween is done with, everyone else is starting to follow suit … perhaps just because the stuff they’d need is there, in the stores, already.

That’s definitely got something to do with it. As someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, I’ve always found it a bit strange that Christmas stuff shows up in stores that early. I mean, you don’t see Easter chocolate rabbits in February, or Halloween stuff in August. At least, not where I live. My guess is that the reason all the Christmas stuff shows up early is because the companies that make money by commercializing it realized they could make even more money this way.

It said, and I quote, “Let it snow”. Ugh. Some people have to walk in that shit, you know.

Where I live, we get way too much snow and people’s attitudes go something like this:
Late November (now): Let it snow! Snow! Yay!
(We’re predicted to get 8+ inches Sunday, I’m not looking forward to it)
January: Snow! Still fun!
March: Please no more.
April: FUCK. THIS. SNOW.

Me? I have seasonal depression, and I hate snow no matter what month. Massachusetts is probably not the best state for me, but here I am. At least my attitude is consistent.

The city government here, by the way, is doing its usual excellent job of widening said class divide by keeping the road surfaces mostly clear to bare pavement while letting the sidewalks ice up.

The same thing happens here. Of course, our city government does one better: the plow trucks shove all the snow into 3 foot high snowbanks of dirty slush on the sides of the road that make it hard to cross the street without getting coated in snow. As well, if you have a driveway you have to clear the end of it, which is a pain.

Nequam
Nequam
1 year ago

Maybe because the stores start stocking Christmas stuff pretty much the instant Halloween is done with, …

Where do you live that they wait that long?

MLBlue
MLBlue
1 year ago

Like Public Enemy said, Fuck Elvis and John Wayne!

Fabe
Fabe
1 year ago

@Shadowplay

Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny matchup:

Mister Rogers vs. Bob Ross.

I’d watch it.

Wait,are you saying you never seen/heard “Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny “?

Hypatia's Daughter
Hypatia's Daughter
1 year ago

…. I don’t believe in giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people.

…Unless their male & white. And I don’t mean that as a cheap shot.
It is the earmark of racists that they think THEY should be judged based on the characteristics of the best members of their group, whilst “OTHER” people should be judged based on the characteristics of the worst members of their group.
One can only wonder at someone who claims that a tool (the gun) which has only been around for about 500 years at most, is vital to define their masculinity. How did men know they were men for the thousands of years BEFORE firearms were invented?

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Fabe
I can’t speak for Shadowplay, but I’d never seen that before, and although the premise was very silly, it was rather entertaining. Rather dark that Mr. Rogers killed himself at the end, though.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

@Naglfar:

I mean, you don’t see Easter chocolate rabbits in February, or Halloween stuff in August.

You mean, you don’t. I do, Easter stuff right after Valentine’s Day and Halloween candy beginning to be stocked in, at the very least, late September if not earlier. 🙂

Where I live, we get way too much snow and people’s attitudes go something like this:
Late November (now): Let it snow! Snow! Yay!
(We’re predicted to get 8+ inches Sunday, I’m not looking forward to it)
January: Snow! Still fun!
March: Please no more.
April: FUCK. THIS. SNOW.

Inexplicable. Icy sidewalks are just as nasty and hazardous in November as in any later month. 😛

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Surplus

Inexplicable. Icy sidewalks are just as nasty and hazardous in November as in any later month.

In fact, I usually slip on ice more at the beginning of winter because I’m not as used to it and I don’t expect it. I’d argue it’s more dangerous in November.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
1 year ago

And November tends to have more snow-melt-freeze cycles. 😛

Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
1 year ago

@Naglfar

Coming from the Midwest, our attitude on snow (or at least mine) can be summed up with “Three weeks of beautiful Christmas snow, three months of disgusting white shit.”

HumMis1349
HumMis1349
1 year ago

John Wayne was a Nazi, but not anymore; death evened the score.

Rhuu - apparently am illiterati
Rhuu - apparently am illiterati
1 year ago

Omg omg omg i thought this video was already linked but it hasn’t been yet!!!

Watch to the end, because it’s worth it!!!!!

https://youtu.be/Qz6Ukci0EUg

I wasn’t a big mr rogers fan, mr. Dressup/Fred Penner/Sesame Street/Today’s special (i loved that show)/ NINJA TURTLES was me, haha.

But i can certainly see why he was so influential! I think there is a place for the adventure shows, but there is a huge need for shows that help with emotional intelligence.

And Mr Rogers pretty much singlehandedly saved PBS, so that’s amazing!!

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

@Bananananana dakry:

three months of disgusting white shit.

Three months? I think you mean five …

GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
1 year ago

Back before my feet went bad on me, I used to do a lot of hiking in the White Mountains in winter, mostly on snowshoes, and it is surprising how short winter seems and how beautiful snow is when you’re really into snowshoeing. I still remember one hike in 20 inches of fresh, fluffy powder snow, the closest I ever experienced to total silence. The muffling effect of that much powder was such that you couldn’t hear people chatting 25 yards away.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

Is it my imagination, or does this SciAm article prove that a UBI or a welfare state should be preferred over trickle-down tax cuts for the rich, while completely failing to actually state it outright and then endorse Yang, Warren, or Sanders?

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/the-role-of-luck-in-life-success-is-far-greater-than-we-realized/

Tovius
1 year ago

When I went up to my Aunt and Uncle’s for Thanksgiving in Lancaster, it was actually snowing, which is very unusual for them this time of year. It was the first time I’ve ever seen fresh snow (I’ve been up in the mountains before, but never when the snow was fresh) so it was a nice novelty for me, but I can see how it can get annoying for those who have to live with it for the entire season.

Kevin
Kevin
1 year ago

Severe snow seems to be on a 25 year cycle where I live. Winters are usually just wet. Then the freeze years come to remind us that even southern England is further north than Canada’s southern border with the USA.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
1 year ago

Around this time last year, I was walking down the street when a young man came out of a building, looked at the white flakes coming down, and sang, to nobody in particular: “It’s beginning to look a lot like Fuck This…”

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
1 year ago

Okay, so OT, but I have an odd cat question for the crew here:

Our girl cat – we got both cats about 7 years ago – has a habit of occasionally coming up behind me when I’m sitting down and licking the back of my head. And not like a little lick-and-done; she goes full grooming on my hair for a good 10-15 minutes if I let her. Also, sometimes she’ll sit next to me, shove her nose in my armpit, and start huffing – loud huffing. She’s been doing this intermittently since about 6 months after we got her, and she only does it to me.

Does anyone have a clue why she does this?

Citerior Motive
Citerior Motive
1 year ago

The xkcd comic ‘Temper’ sums up pretty well the kind of person Fred Rogers was.

Hambeast
Hambeast
1 year ago

Warning! Long rant ahead.

re: Christmas appearing in retail stores earlier every year – I worked for a nationwide US craft chain for ten years. Halloween and Thanksgiving/Fall stuff arrived at the beginning of September. Not all of it at once, it dwelt behind back-to-school for a couple of weeks until b-t-s went to the clearance aisle to die.

Christmas (in the seasonal section, we got Christmas fabric in May) arrived the first week of October and went behind Halloween/Fall. It was a never-ending rotation of cheap seasonal crap from (mostly) China. People buy it with unchanging enthusiasm every single season.

Valentine’s and St. Patrick’s Day merch came in the beginning of December but wasn’t put out until a couple of weeks before Christmas. Easter after that. Then we had the doldrums of Memorial Day to Independence Day with Summer Vacation (stuff to keep kids busy while out of school) close behind. Then, it was back-to-school again.

I used to refer to the seasons as “glitter season” (Christmas) “hearts and shamrocks season” (Valentine’s/St. Patrick’s) “pastel season” (Easter) “stars and stripes season” (Memorial Day thru July 4*) “oh, no! the kids are bored season” (Summer vacation) “phew, the kids are back in school season” (Back-to-School, natch) “the dreaded costume season” (Halloween/Fall*)

Four years after quitting, I still dislike Christmas. I absolutely hate Black Friday and refuse to leave my house the whole weekend.

*Because these ‘seasons’ are smashed together, they go on clearance together and disappear together. People looking for Thanksgiving and Independence Day stuff were often mad when there was nothing left but damaged clearance close to those holidays. Retail can be just so unnecessarily stupid.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Surplus:

Icy sidewalks are just as nasty and hazardous in November as in any later month.

Naglfar:

In fact, I usually slip on ice more at the beginning of winter because I’m not as used to it and I don’t expect it. I’d argue it’s more dangerous in November.

Fishy Goat:

And November tends to have more snow-melt-freeze cycles.

Indeed. It’s almost exactly one year since I broke my arm, on one of the very first icy days of last winter. Nowadays, I always feel very shaky on ice and trampled snow, unless it’s very cold which reduces the slip factor.

Shadowplay
1 year ago

@Fabe

I’d not seen it. Brain crosslinked the name with Celebrity Deathmatch, for some reason.

Michael Suttkus, II
Michael Suttkus, II
1 year ago

Snow? Icy sidewalks? Urban legends, I think. Never seen anything of the sort.

*Relaxes in Florida surrounded by green trees in 80° temperatures.*

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

OT:

I have many things that I want to say about Frozen II, but this is the most important:

Kristoff finally gets a full song, and not just the song, but the entire sequence, is an eighties power ballad.

With a backing chorus of reindeer.

It. Is. GLORIOUS.

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

On Topic:

Kristoff in Frozen II will no doubt drive members of the manosphere up the wall with his non-toxic, non-fragile masculinity.

He spends the entire movie supporting Anna, including recognizing when he needs to put his own wants on the back burner.

At one point, he even responds to Anna have done something that hurt his feelings with “My love is not fragile.”

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Allandrel

Kristoff in Frozen II will no doubt drive members of the manosphere up the wall with his non-toxic, non-fragile masculinity.

I look forward to seeing their meltdown (pun intended) over this.

I hate going to movie theaters so I probably won’t see this one in theaters, but if it appears on streaming I might check it out.

Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
1 year ago

@Surplus

All depends on latitude and location, but three or five months, it’s all disgusting white shit. *wry grin*

Fabe
Fabe
1 year ago

Kristoff in Frozen II will no doubt drive members of the manosphere up the wall with his non-toxic, non-fragile masculinity.

He spends the entire movie supporting Anna, including recognizing when he needs to put his own wants on the back burner.

At one point, he even responds to Anna have done something that hurt his feelings with “My love is not fragile.”

didn’t Fox news declare the 1st one harmful to boys because Kristoff wasn’t some knight in armor who saved the princesses?

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Speaking of Frozen II, is Kristen Bell as likeable as she appears to be, or has she done some problematic shit that I’m unaware of?

Mabret the Virile Maiden
Mabret the Virile Maiden
1 year ago

@Moggie: As far as I can tell, from Wikipedia at least, she hasn’t done anything problematic. She supported Obama, appears to be pro-union, is vocally pro-vaccine, and is something of an animal rights activist.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
1 year ago

@Gaebolga:

She loves you. Our cat does the armpit thing to my husband.

@Hambeast:

I totally understand your hatred for Black Friday. I don’t think it’s as bad as it once was, now that so many people shop online.

I remember, as a child, going to a mall in New Jersey on Black Friday. Probably 1980. It was so packed, I believe this mall must have exceeded its maximum occupancy. It was impossible to stretch out your arm without touching another shopper.

A. Noyd
A. Noyd
1 year ago

@Gaebolga
Apparently some cats really like the smell of certain armpits. Different people have different odors, so yours must be particularly interesting to her. The huffing is probably just her sniffing with her mouth open to use the scent organs in there.

As for the hair licking, that’s a completely normal social behavior. Cats are especially prone to grooming the areas that a fellow cat can’t reach with its own tongue. I caught my own cats giving one another simultaneous tongue facials yesterday afternoon, for example. So your cat is just treating you like another cat.

Rahu
Rahu
1 year ago

Awhile ago, I read an article written by a man who’d grown up on a reservation, with a white town nearby. He said that he’d been told that, when filming Hollywood westerns, the Native Americans who’d been cast as extras were routinely told “just talk in your Indian jabber” for background noise. He explained that this resulted in a stark contrast between the two movie theatres – John Wayne’s westerns were serious, heroic dramas in the white town’s movie house, while on the reservation, just a couple of miles away and where everyone could speak the Lakota that was often used by the movie extras, John Wayne’s movies were laugh riots, as they could understand the extras, who were routinely saying things like:

“Look at John Wayne. He couldn’t ride a horse if his life depended on it – he’s barely able to stay in the saddle for five minutes!!”

and

“I wonder what craft services are going to give us for lunch today – I hope it’s not those horrible sandwiches we had yesterday!”

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@Rahu

My dad and I have always watched old westerns together. We watch the ones he watched as a young boy like gunsmoke and some one where the guy where’s a mask. I forget the name. Something bandit or the mask ranger or something. Anyways. Like a couple months ago I was home for a visit and we were sitting there watching it and it had a scene where the good guy was pretending to be a bad guy and the bad guys wanted him to shoot his body. So he tells his body he’s going to shoot past him and for him to act like he got hit.

The line was “I told him in the Indian language to pretend like he was hit by the bullet”

and I was like “really, all those languages, at once huh” and my dad laughed and went
” the ranger is very diverse” and I just laughed with him at how it has not aged well.

Lizzie
Lizzie
1 year ago

Hi Gaebolga, my cat would rub her head all over my mother’s hair IF my mother had recently had her hair dyed. So it is possible that your cat finds something you put on your hair sometimes to be extra appealing.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

I wonder whether there’s a market for shampoo containing essence of catnip?

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Rahu
That’s interesting. It reminds me of how the film Borat is much more funny if you understand Hebrew, because all of the parts where he appears to be speaking Kazakh he is actually saying (mostly humorous) things in Hebrew.-

Cats In Shiny Hats
Cats In Shiny Hats
1 year ago

Re: Black Friday vs. Online orders, I hate online shopping. I deliver the mail and all of those online orders are just… The worst. My route is so huge and over burdened that even with help doing packages I’m out until after six some days. (With a 7am start.). Consumerism as a whole is out of control, be it Black Friday madness or Cyber Monday insanity.

epitome of incomprehensibility

@Rahu – I heard something like that in Reel Injun. I don’t know if it was about John Wayne specifically, though. I need to watch it again.

Black Friday has been a thing in Canada for the past few years. It’s weird because we have Thanksgiving weeks earlier.

Also, hello! I haven’t commented here for a while because of work being busy, but it’s starting to wind down (good thing for me it’s a tutoring centre and not a store – it must be a headache to work in a store this time of year).

Katamount
1 year ago

Re: Black Friday

I’ll cop to doing a little online shopping this Black Friday, but only on myself. As technically adept as I am, I’ve actually resisted getting a smartphone for years due to a combination of price and not wanting to talk to people. But now the benefits outweigh the costs, so I pulled the trigger on an iPhone XR. Now I can finally determine if the buses are on time so I’m not sitting in the cold for 30 minutes.

I also bought a hand exerciser from Amazon. Getting back into learning how to play guitar and this time I’m going to get barre chords. I’m actually pretty proud of myself: this weekend I finally played an F chord successfully. Granted, I had to really angle my hand to find the strength in the index finger to barre the first fret, but it’ll get easier with practice.

(For those interested, I’m playing electric rather than acoustic. Got two entry-level electric guitars: a Squier SE Special Strat and an Epiphone Les Paul Special-II. The former came with the Stop Dreaming, Start Playing starter kit, which I recommend for those interested in getting into guitar. It comes with everything you need and was quite affordable at about $250-$300 Canadian. Epiphone has something similar for their own Les Pauls.)

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@Katamount

Did some black Friday online shopping of my own. Got a few things from some clothing sites I like for myself. And a gift for my husband. We share many things in common, one of them being unfortunately is a metal allergy to nickel and other unpure metals. If I ware belts for a couple days, the buckle will leave an uncomfortable buckle shape rash where it lays. My husband unfortunately has to wear a belt everyday, all day, for 16 hour days, in nice wet heat. Needless to say the rash that he gets from it is really gruesome looking. Even after being home for a month and not wearing the belt, the rash was still there. So I got him a belt that matches uniform regulation and but is made out of far more expensive, far better quality metal. That’s the only Christmas gift I could really think of because the man ask for almost nothing. He’s minimalistic and really hard to shop for.

He on the other hand splurged this black Friday. As a Christmas gift to me, he got me a PlayStation so we can play a game he really likes together. (have a slight feeling that this gift was more for him then for me, I’m more of a pc gamer myself. And I don’t game that often anymore). A nice gift anyways.

All my other Holliday shopping was done way before black Friday and I try to shop locally for it. I do a lot of baking for gift to a lot of people. But I do have some nonfood gifts I wanted to give to certain people. my two good friends, parents, brother and his wife, my sister and brother in laws, toy for my nephew. The season of my wallet taking a hit.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
1 year ago

@Lainy:

Something bandit or the mask ranger or something.

The Lone Ranger? Starring Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels?

Shown here parodying their roles, and the series’ use of the William Tell Overture as a theme tune, in this commercial:
https://youtu.be/-TnPfO8ut-Q

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

Re: Black Friday
The only thing I bought on Black Friday was the SpiderCapo XXL, which was $10 cheaper than usual. It’s a guitar capo that has 2 features of interest: a) it allows you to selectively capo certain strings and not others and b) it works on 7 and 8 string guitars. I wanted to buy some guitars while they were on sale online, but the good quality ones all still cost too much for my budget.

I hope everyone else enjoys their Black Friday things.

@Katamount

Congrats on getting back into guitar! The strength to make barre chords will come with practice, so keep working at it. Depending on what style of music you plan to play, you may need them to varying degrees. In styles like extreme metal (what I mostly play) it’s not needed often (with the possible exception of deathcore, where drop tunings are common so barring the 3 lowest strings is used a lot) while in styles like folk and pop music it’s more common.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@Moon

Yes that’s it! The Lone Ranger

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

Can I ask you guys for some marriage advice. Something happened the other day and I’m a little worried. I’m always slightly worried that I’ve made a mistake and ended up with someone who is just really good at hiding their abusive tendencies and that they will come out. I haven’t even been married a month yet and something kind of happened. I would love some advice from people that I trust and I know have more life experience then me. The other day he said something that sounded straight out of the mra and it worries me. He didn’t saying it jokingly either, he meant it. I’ve never seen this side of him before tbh and it worries me.

Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

@Lainy

Are you safe?

Wandering Jewterus
Wandering Jewterus
1 year ago

@Lainy

I recommend speaking to your spouse about what they said and how it made you feel. I firmly believe that communication is the single most important aspect of any marriage. Human interaction is, at best, a poorly designed engine that we’re constantly throwing sand into. Honest and compassionate communication is the oil that keeps that engine running (somewhat) smoothly.

I hope this advice doesn’t come across as simplistic or banal; I’ve just learned that so many points of conflict in marriage could be readily solved if partners just talked openly with each other.

Hambeast
Hambeast
1 year ago

Cats in Shiny Hats – Yeah, I wish(ed) that were the case but Black Friday was still hell. I really try hard not to order anything this time of year, either because I know the USPS and delivery carriers are buried with work, too, and it lasts a fair few weeks vs. one weekend.

I’d love to do the “small business Saturday” thing, but the local roads and freeways are a nightmare the whole weekend. I had to pop out for groceries on Friday and was nearly sideswiped on the road by someone who was determined to change lanes into my car. The grocery store was pretty deserted, though. They get their rush the week before holidays, though, so no holiday retail respite there!