By David Futrelle
Fellas! Have you heard about this thing called a “bra?” The ladies wear them on their boobs and get this, they don’t just wear them to keep their bazoongas from going all floppy when they walk around. No, sometimes ladies use sophisticated bra technology to make their boobs look bigger than they really are! So they can hypnotize you with their big boobs … even if they don’t have big boobs!
A couple of days ago one Man Going His Own Way called end_all_wars posted a 100% medically accurate diagram of the effects of this devious technology in the MGTOW subreddit to let his colleagues know about the insidious danger of this sort of false falsie advertising.
Terrifying, huh? These devious ladies have various boob-enhancing technologies at their disposal — from pushup bras to padded bras to chicken-cutlet-looking silicon bra inserts, which can apparently turn the tiniest of breasts into Dolly-Partonesque uberboobs. Or so say the MGTOWs who have encountered this technology in the wild.
“I got fooled a few times LOL,” wrote someone called CpuDoc67.
Nothing is worse than when you are expecting melons and you end up with two bee stings.
The experience of seeing giant balloon boobs transform into regular-sized boobs with the removal of the bra is apparently quite traumatic.
“I wouldn’t call them bee stings.” wrote TheTruthSetYouFree.
[M]ore like, bread dough before its cooked, lumpy and kind of weirdly shaped. small for sure … but so poorly formed and droopy you just want to puke. been fooled HARDCORE only once but fuck, looked like DD to a post pregnancy flappy shitty ass B cup that somehow was small and also have the gravitational effects of a J cup.
A commenter called Scaralamozzi was also quite discomboobulated the first time he witnessed a small breast reveal.
The first time i noticed how much pushup is there in a bra i was shocked. I still remember the exact moment it happened.
Another commenter was stunned to discover that even b-cup boobs are affected by the forces of gravity.
I legit had 2 young girls in their twenties with saggy b cups that I thought would be firm c-cups. Oh well, I fucked them anyways but it was weird having to hold up their tits when I grabbed them.
So weird to discover that boobs are not in fact bags of sand.
A commenter called Valor_X was rocked to his core by the mere notion of pushup bras.
When I first learned about push up bras it blew my mind
It was all a lie
Indeed. some suggested that all the things that women do to make themselves look more conventionally attractive are cruel deceptions. According to Paul_G1, these tactics
It’s the equivalent of a guy wearing 3 inch insoles and a muscle suit under his shirt with a George Clooney mask.
Says everything
It’s all lies
The plastered on make up,hair extensions, the push up bras, the tights that firm up their flat asses.
Take it off it’s like wtf? What happened? Why the fuck do you look shit? Bait and switch.
It’s been accepted as normal now.
Always look at her as what she is. The raw thing. I know women that wake up 30 mins before their “bf” Just to do their makeup. The man’s never seen her real face.
The horror.
I’m going to go lie down for a while to recover.
But before I go: MGTOWs and other misogynists, as you may have gathered from that last comment, also have very strong feelings about makeup in general (and lipstick in particular), which you can read about to your heart’s content in the Mammoth archives.
H/T — Reddit’s badwomensanatomy subreddit, which reposted the wonderful diagram above.
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Oh, god… the trauma….
I so feel for the poor thing
🙁
@Moggie
OMG, she is hilarious and I love her.
“Boobies. No boobies. Boobies. No boobies!”
@Naglfar
You’d think that pron would actually have helped them recognize some of the variety in breast shape and size. Sure, there are lots of performers with implants, and lots with uncommonly full but naturally pert breasts, there are also plenty of small-busted performers. But it wouldn’t surprise me if these guys ignore their existence just like they ignore any women they see IRL that do not rank high enough on their “HB” scale.
@Allandrel
It says here (link a little bit NSFW) that the average bra size among porn stars is 34B, which is actually smaller than the average bra size of all women in America (34DD). My guess is, however, that the women in porn, even if they don’t have any implants, use lighting and editing to make their breasts look better than they would off camera. Also, it seems like a large amount of porn does feature women with very large breasts, and it’s possible the MGTOWs are viewing just that porn.
These guys have such strange ideas about grooming and presentation.
MUST PEACOCK TO ATTRACT THE FEEEEEMALES!
DAMMIT, WHY DO I GOTTA WIPE MY ASS TO ATTRACT THE FEEEEEEMOIDS?
WHY DO WIMMINZ TAKE SO LONG IN THE BATHROOM?
DID SHE USE A SPATULA TO PUT ON HER MAKEUP? UGH!
Personally, I don’t wear makeup except on very special occasions, but I do take care of my skin.
Huh. That drawing on the right, minus the rounded part, is exactly what a bodice or corset will do.
Husbeast and I used to do a lot of Renaissance festivals. He is an undisputed master of creating cleavage out of nothing* (using a Renaissance style bodice, of course.) I’ve seen him lace up a skinny lad and make him a respectable cleavage. I’ve seen him lace up busty ladies with different results, based on what the lady in question asked for; one wanted comic-book bazongas and ended up fleshy melons just inches under her chin. The other one wanted a more subdued effect and looked like she was maybe a C-cup afterward.
Some folks with breasts like to treat them like hairstyles; different looks for different days, what’s the big deal?
*He’s also a whiz at braiding hair! I always look great at a Ren festival thanks to him.
Naglfar, I had read somewhere (very long ago) that one of the reason, in addition to what you cited, is because we, as a society, have sexualized women’s breasts to the point that we’ve lost sight of their original, nutritive function–feeding a baby–and only see them as sexual objects.
I know I personally get uncomfortable seeing someone breastfeed in public, but I also know that’s on me, not the person breastfeeding.
And, oh, yeah, btw, men have breast tissue as well; hence why they can–and do–get breast cancer. Don’t hear much of a shit fit thrown when they go shirtless (unless it’s those male presenting people who have more on top than *other* people think they should–ugh, that’s an unwieldy sentence, just from a purely grammatical standpoin–sorry).
@ObSidJag
Humans are the only animals with permanently enlarged breasts, so we are likely the only species to eroticism them like this. It’s a bit frustrating that we’ve forgotten their original biological purpose in favor of the male gaze.
Indeed. I have a friend whose father (a cis man in his 50s) got breast cancer.
Gdangit Migtoes, go your own way already. Preferably off a cliff.
Regarding boobs, I believe my partner when they say they just wish they could leave them at home. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend had a funny song on the subject.
https://youtu.be/aZx5zfkG6oU
I have the perfect solution for this dude. If he finds a woman he’s interested in, all he needs to do is tell her about how deceitful and treacherous he thinks women are for wearing bras, and he’ll never have to worry about seeing small or imperfect or saggy breasts ever again.
@Naglfar
Peter the Great wanted to modernise Russia, and went round to France to see how to do it. One of the things he noticed was that nobody wore a beard, so when he got back home.he made a law that everyone had to shave. This was deeply unpopular, as the Orthodox church held that shaving beards was a grave sin. So eventually Peter compromised and allowed anyone who paid a tax (varying by their social status) to carry around a beard token, entitling them to wear a beard. Anyone bearded caught inside a city without such a token was forcibly shaved on the spot.
@Dalillama
Interesting. I was unaware that such a law had existed. I stand corrected regarding beard legality.
@Battering Ram:
There was a female comedian, whose name escapes me, who had an entire routine based on how it would be more convenient it would be if we had different sizes for different occasions including removing them completely so our partners could enjoy them while we napped.
@Naglfar: I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s father.
Naglfar:
If you were willing to risk some money, I’d take that bet. It will only take one woman who can pass as cis going topless somewhere to get arrested and in front of a judge for the reasoning to suddenly be, “Well, you wanted to be treated like a woman, so that’s how this court is going to treat you.”
Until she gets to jail.
https://thinkprogress.org/transgender-woman-arrested-for-exposing-breasts-jailed-with-men-8011009ab201/
Grace
@ObSidJag
I don’t have female presenting breasts yet (but hopefully soon I can afford to medically transition), but I see how that would be useful. Though I must admit, disembodied breasts would kind of creep me out a bit, so I’ll pass on the enjoying them while their owner naps.
What has always annoyed me about big breast is the stereotypes that get placed onto me because of them. Like somehow having big breast means I’m over sexed and a bimbo.
@Grace
You’re probably right. Judges will want to give trans* women the worst treatment they can, and that will include arresting them for this kind of law.
This shouldn’t be a law at all. Anyone have any thoughts on how we could challenge it in the courts or get rid of it other ways?
This is almost cute, like watching a bunch of teenagers fumble around the realities of sex after growing up with porn. Except they’re grown ass adults who should have figured out this shit already.
@ Naglfar
Particularly as it means nursing women tend to be legally prevented from feeding their infants!
@Grace: Sadly, that’s not the only such incident, just the most widely publicized one. There have been at least a few others, and the most recent incident happened in 2016. Supposedly, the reason why this happens is because in some states, the courts determine gender mainly in terms of outward presentation, while the prison system determines gender in terms of either birth certificate or genitalia. And reminder, while it’s gotten better, there still exist states where birth certificates can’t be changed.
Of course we’re just talking about publicly or semi-publicly exposed breasts here. If you include transwomen who were jailed just for being suspected of being a prostitute, and then transferred to a men’s prison upon finding out they weren’t cis-women, the list would be much longer.
@Snowberry
And even in many states where they can, it is difficult, such as requiring surgery as a prerequisite (which many can’t afford and/or don’t want) or requiring a bunch of bureaucratic hurdles. Or if you live in a different state than you were born in, like I do, it’s often difficult to do remotely, requiring travel to state courts in other states.
Not to even mention that most states don’t recognize non-binary folks at all or allow birth certificates with non-binary markers.
It’s been a whole day but I want to talk about the second half of the quote I mentioned earlier.
Many congratulations, oh great sex-haver
What does this even mean? They weren’t going to fall off if he let go. He was not required to hoist them up to clavicle height in order to touch them. Also, are we to assume that he did all of his boob-touching (see note above re: many congratulations) while everyone was standing, because boob physics are going to do totally different things if you’re lying on your back/front/etc.
But also don’t call people in their 20s “young girls,” definitely don’t call people you’re having sex with “young girls,” and please never put any words together in any combination ever again.
A few days ago an add popped up- while I was reading the Washington Post site that .. well, if i”d just taken a sip of something, I’d be buying a new keyboard. It was for butt-enhancing male undershorts. It sounds like female dishonesty is spreading to men. I mean height-enhancing shoes are one thing, but … I’ve known very few men who were not big enough asses naturally.
This kind of reminded me of a funny story from when I was in high school. I got in a disagreement with another student in my anatomy class about how to say the word clitoris. I pronounced it clit-tor-is because that’s how I was taught, but this other girl pronounced it cliter-ris- basically. It got into a lot of back of fourth and I remember being 17 and thinking, thank god I’m not having this argument with a guy or I’d be shutting him down pretty quickly. I’m 21 now and I still don’t know how to pronounce it because I’ve heard it been said both damn ways now.
@Lainy
I’ve heard it both ways as well. It might just be a regional dialect thing. I say it the same way as you.
Lainy – I’m never quite sure if “flouride” is an alternative “correct” spelling for fluoride, or a common misspelling nobody bothers to point out. Maybe it’s even a distinction without difference.
Though now I notice my browser spellcheck does in fact flag “flouride”.