By David Futrelle
Fellas! Have you heard about this thing called a “bra?” The ladies wear them on their boobs and get this, they don’t just wear them to keep their bazoongas from going all floppy when they walk around. No, sometimes ladies use sophisticated bra technology to make their boobs look bigger than they really are! So they can hypnotize you with their big boobs … even if they don’t have big boobs!
A couple of days ago one Man Going His Own Way called end_all_wars posted a 100% medically accurate diagram of the effects of this devious technology in the MGTOW subreddit to let his colleagues know about the insidious danger of this sort of false falsie advertising.
Terrifying, huh? These devious ladies have various boob-enhancing technologies at their disposal — from pushup bras to padded bras to chicken-cutlet-looking silicon bra inserts, which can apparently turn the tiniest of breasts into Dolly-Partonesque uberboobs. Or so say the MGTOWs who have encountered this technology in the wild.
“I got fooled a few times LOL,” wrote someone called CpuDoc67.
Nothing is worse than when you are expecting melons and you end up with two bee stings.
The experience of seeing giant balloon boobs transform into regular-sized boobs with the removal of the bra is apparently quite traumatic.
“I wouldn’t call them bee stings.” wrote TheTruthSetYouFree.
[M]ore like, bread dough before its cooked, lumpy and kind of weirdly shaped. small for sure … but so poorly formed and droopy you just want to puke. been fooled HARDCORE only once but fuck, looked like DD to a post pregnancy flappy shitty ass B cup that somehow was small and also have the gravitational effects of a J cup.
A commenter called Scaralamozzi was also quite discomboobulated the first time he witnessed a small breast reveal.
The first time i noticed how much pushup is there in a bra i was shocked. I still remember the exact moment it happened.
Another commenter was stunned to discover that even b-cup boobs are affected by the forces of gravity.
I legit had 2 young girls in their twenties with saggy b cups that I thought would be firm c-cups. Oh well, I fucked them anyways but it was weird having to hold up their tits when I grabbed them.
So weird to discover that boobs are not in fact bags of sand.
A commenter called Valor_X was rocked to his core by the mere notion of pushup bras.
When I first learned about push up bras it blew my mind
It was all a lie
Indeed. some suggested that all the things that women do to make themselves look more conventionally attractive are cruel deceptions. According to Paul_G1, these tactics
It’s the equivalent of a guy wearing 3 inch insoles and a muscle suit under his shirt with a George Clooney mask.
Says everything
It’s all lies
The plastered on make up,hair extensions, the push up bras, the tights that firm up their flat asses.
Take it off it’s like wtf? What happened? Why the fuck do you look shit? Bait and switch.
It’s been accepted as normal now.
Always look at her as what she is. The raw thing. I know women that wake up 30 mins before their “bf” Just to do their makeup. The man’s never seen her real face.
The horror.
I’m going to go lie down for a while to recover.
But before I go: MGTOWs and other misogynists, as you may have gathered from that last comment, also have very strong feelings about makeup in general (and lipstick in particular), which you can read about to your heart’s content in the Mammoth archives.
H/T — Reddit’s badwomensanatomy subreddit, which reposted the wonderful diagram above.
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So much gross in a mere nine words.
No my young padawan, so much lies in a mere nine words.
So much gross lies in eight words. I’m reasonably certain that “2” doesn’t count as a word even if it substitutes for one.
These fuckwads always forget that sometimes sophisticated boob presentation technology makes big boobs look smaller. I have H cups and they definitely look a slight bit less huge when they’re all harnessed.
I have a very strong suspicion that these lads’ expectations are a bit colored by the women they’ve seen in porn. Either they’re used to seeing fake boobs, or they’ve just seen them in the most flattering camera angles and lighting possible, combined with substantial airbrushing and post-processing.
@Viscaria, Snowberry
Just the phrase “MGTOW” packs so much gross in one acronym.
@Definitely Not Steve
I suspect the very same thing. These stories sound a bit fishy.
It seems that while many men fetishize large breasts (e.g. a lot of porn for the male gaze has actresses with big breasts), I’d imagine that actually having large breasts could be inconvenient sometimes.
My god they are stupid
I’m just gonna go with Lainy’s response here.
…although I will selfishly note that I was just writing about the consequences of NOT covering your breasts with fabric if you’re “female”* and living in Utah.
*That’s a quote quote, not a scare quote. Included because it’s entirely unlikely that the Utah courts have figured out what “female” means for the purpose of that law.
@Crip Dyke
WTF? So showing breasts in your own home is a crime if someone is offended? Talk about snowflakes.
More seriously, though, that’s awful. My guess is that another major group to be hurt by this law will be breastfeeding parents. This will become just another way to prevent people from feeding their children.
Regarding the definition of “female” for the law, I don’t expect that it will be a very good definition. Utah is, as shown now, not a very progressive state. I’m guessing they’ll probably limit it to AFAB people.
I’ve tried to argue with people about issues like this, and they often respond by saying that breasts are a secondary sex characteristic. I point out that beards are also a secondary sex characteristic, and ask if men with beards should be required to cover up in public. Nobody has ever made a law about that.
I was in Utah a few months ago on vacation. Beautiful rocks and mountains, but clearly an idiotic government.
Nothing is worse than when you are expecting melons and you end up with two bee stings.
I had that happen at a farmers’ market once.
Both Henry II and Peter the Great want a quick word with you. You want them together or seperate?
Only Peter, the British beard tax appears entirely mythological.
How does obsessing over women’s lingerie and makeup fit in to the “going their own way” picture? What kind of men’s issue is women’s fashion, anyway?
Aww. I always liked that tale. 🙁
Crip Dyke- if I’m reading this legal definition correctly, that technically also makes natural breastfeeding illegal.
Jeeeeeez, if seeing a woman bare breasted bothers you in any way, just politely look away! For Pete’s sake, it ain’t rocket science.
Heck, I find it awkward, but it’s so easy to just shrug and look away and it doesn’t hurt ANYONE.
Oh my god you are so old.
@genjones:
It certainly can, though it’s not guaranteed. It depends on whether anyone would be “likely to be affronted or alarmed”.
So, if anyone in Utah is some repressed religious bigot that breastfeeding in public is pretty much the same as fucking in public, then yeah. Fortunately, I’m sure those people are so rare that no one would say that a breastfeeding parent is “likely to affront or alarm” anyone…
…oh no, wait. Utah.
FSM these people chap my hide.
Yeah, yeah, I hear you, MGTOW. That’s a really sad story. Go your own effin’ way already and leave women’s breasts alone.
I hope that nothing is worse in my life than the times I was expecting a human being (because a guy acted like a human being at the outset) but instead ended up with a guy who was inadequate in many, many ways and decided that controlling me would be the way to gain the power he craved so very badly. I hope.
@Naglfar:
Oh, no, it will be worse than that.
In Texas they had a history of ruling that trans people couldn’t marry anyone. The lower courts would just rule against whatever the trans person said that they wanted, and the final court of civil appeal (they have a separate supreme court for criminal appeals) would just never take any of their appeals so no binding precedent could be created and what another court of equal standing rules is only supposed to be “persuasive”, not a final word. Courts are free to rule differently from their peers, just not their superiors.
So until Obergefell, trans people always got a raw deal, no matter sexual orientation, no matter gender assigned at birth, no matter stage of transition. Nothing mattered except that the courts got to rule against trans people. It was fucking awful.
i expect no less from the Utah courts in relation to this statute.
@Naglfar:
Not just inconvenient but downright painful.
TMI for what follows:
I used to not be able to see my feet due to being overly endowed. Also used to have killer headaches, back aches, etc., and I still have the grooves in my shoulders from where my bra straps cut into me. When I ran, I had to cross an arm over my chest to keep them from hurting me.
And I don’t even want to talk about the “attention” I used to get because of them–ugh.
I had reduction surgery in my mid 20’s. MD took a 1lb & 1.5lbs out of them respectively–so, yeah, literal pain.
Haven’t read all the comments so have probably been ninja’s somewhere.
Here’s a more entertaining presentation on this subject:
Re: Inconvenient breast size
Just my guess, but insofar as women generally feel it necessary to wear a bra for support at all, I’d take that as an indicator of inconvenience.
Once again, unrealistic standards collide with reality. They get mad when women are too fake, and they get mad when women are too real.
My favorite part is when they expect unsupported DD+ breasts to be gravity-defyingly pert.
Anyone have more info about Peter’s beard ban?
@Crip Dyke
There are a shocking number of people who seem to be opposed to public breastfeeding, including some women. I’m not sure if it is sexual repression, a manifestation of ingrained misogyny, or a mix of both.
So it will affect all trans folks? This law sucks even more than I thought. Now it’s both misogynistic and transphobic.
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
My guess on the expecting huge breasts to defy gravity is that they’ve only ever seen them in the context of a) porn, where the women have surgery to make their breasts bigger and it’s edited to make them look more pert or b) comics where all the women have DD+ cups that act like B cups.
Regarding George Clooney masks and 3 inch insoles, there’s nothing stopping people from wearing those things. I mean, it’s a bit unusual, but if all the MGTOWs did that, it would make it much easier to find and avoid them.