By David Futrelle
Probably none of you have been wondering just what Aimee Terese has been up to lately but I’m going to tell you anyway.
Therese — the skidmarxist Twitter troll with strangely reactionary views on everything but Bernie Sanders — recently took a few moments from one of her interminable squabbles with leftists who think she’s a reactionary idiot to offer some thoughts on vibrators. Naturally, she’s against them.
She began by taking issue with a jokey photo that replaced the hammer in the famous communist hammer-and-sickle with a Hitachi Magic Wand.
When others responded to her humorless anti-vibrator jab with mockery, she puled out her Marxism Buzzword Cheat Sheet and doubled down.
THE WORKING CLASS HAS NO TIME FOR YOUR PETTY BOURGEOIS ORGASMS!
I’m not sure that, say, Emma Goldman would have agreed on this one. Didn’t she once famously declare “if I can’t dance with myself I don’t want to be part of your revolution.”
Well, it was something like that.
Changing the subject somewhat, Terese decided to weigh in on environmental activist Greta Thunberg and … 12-year-olds having sex?
After reading this through several times, I’m going to give Terese the benefit of the doubt and assume that she’s not seriously calling for the age of consent to be lowered to twelve.
No, she seems rather to be suggesting that we shouldn’t listen to Greta Thunberg because she’s twelve.
Which is a weird argument to make given that Thunberg is actually sixteen. It’s also a little disingenuous, given that Terese doesn’t want anyone listening to environmentalists of any age.
In a tweet today Terese came so close (yet so far away) to a moment of real self-awareness.
Why might that be, Aimee? Why?
Principal Skinner once found himself in a similar predicament.
H/T — Thanks to Twitter’s @WreckerCaucus for keeping tabs on Terese and other reactionary skidmarxists.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
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There’ll be no need for vibrators in Aimee’s Marxist Utopia, as every woman will be in (enforced?) monogamy with a rugged True Working Class Coal Miner, her happiness and safety guaranteed because she can control him with her feminine wiles.
At least that’s how much I gathered from Aimee’s other excerpts here so far. /s
Good thing she has this Marxist cheat sheet, or she’d be indistinguishable from a MRA.
Why do incels hate her? She was more apologetic to them than any other self identified leftist I’ve heard of.
To me it seems it’s in big part about men being angry at being told “no”. That they can’t have that steak. That they can’t drive their SUVs. That economy can’t grow forever.
Better to die than let go of ingrained entitlement.
@footprints in wet clay
I’m the other way around. Bible’s pretty damned clear we’re the stewards. Not the owners.
I mean, Revelations – their favorite book – is bloody clear what happens to the destroyers of the Earth, and it ain’t a kiss on the cheek.
I’ve met plenty of those. Even on the left, no less. I mean, the ones who identified as on the left do believe we need to lower carbon emisions and all that stuff but they still claim everything will probably work out fine.
Also, ‘seize the means of production’ is a great euphemism for masturbation. Thanks Naglfar!
Twitter, on the other hand, is pretty communist, as we all must agree. (sarcasm, if not clear)
No vibrator can keep up with Comrade Stahanov!
@Lumipuna:
Nicely played.
On the other hand, the straight cis guys might worry about competing against modern machinery if they remember their John Henry.
On the other, other hand, a steam-powered shaft driver? Could be painful.
Absolutely. If Greta Thunberg isn’t mature in every way, then she can’t possibly advocate on behalf of planet Earth.
Being European, I had to look up John Henry. I think white cishet guys might also worry about competing against him.
I’d only heard of Stakhanov because he was briefly introduced in school, and his name sometimes comes up here. Now, Wikipedia mentions he also operated a jackhammer (electric, I presume).
@Footprints in Wet Clay
The nonreligious right opposes environmentalism because they don’t like the idea of their beloved corporations having to follow regulations, or the wealthy losing even a penny to wealth taxes or environmental protection laws. Nonreligious conservatives are almost as bad as the fundamentalist ones, the only difference is that they don’t have a pretense about having a God to serve. Though in reality both religious and nonreligious conservatives have only one God: money.
God money, they’ll do anything for you
God money, just tell them what you want them to do
@Battering Lamb
You’re welcome, but I can’t take credit. Someone on Twitter came up with it.
@LindsayIrene
You’d think the incels would like her. She sounds rather sympathetic to them.
I’d like to point out that the Magic Wand needs to be plugged into a power outlet, unlike most vibrators. This means that it absolutely depends on a working civilization.
After the cities starve and the forests burn you might be able to get your lesser orgasms with lesser vibrators by scrounging for batteries, but the Magic Wand will be silent. It won’t even be as good as a pointy stick, being dull and pointless.
One might view this fact in different ways.
The disapproving view: to get your satisfaction with a Magic Wand you have to be literally “plugged in”, you cannot be off the grid, you have to participate in capitalism’s relentless energy-hunger. Even your private moments have been surrendered to the owners of coal mines and the owners of the big, dirty machines that burn that coal.
The approving view: the Magic Wand embodies the social contract. For one to have orgasms, all must have orgasms. Investing in a Magic Wand is a commitment to keep our life-sustaining infrastructure chugging along. It connects the most personal of pleasures to the wider web of humanity.
Thank you for listening to my TED talk.
@footprints in wet clay
The politics of spite in action. Lefty tree huggers want to save the planet, I hate lefty tree huggers, so I’ll shit on my own bed and wake up surrounded by excrement to own the libs.
@Amtep
Technology has marched on since Stalin’s time. Tiny inverters, portable battery packs and solar chargers are all things nowadays. Sure, it won’t be as ergonomic, portable, cheap or convenient as an internal-battery one, but you don’t get a magic wand for any of those reasons…
@ Shadowplay
If they can ignore that eye of the needle that’s reputedly standing between them and heaven, they can ignore anything in the bible they deem to be inconvenient.
@ various
Of course incels hate her, they hate everyone.
@moregeekthan
From the Gospel of Supply Side Jesus:
Wow, I have no idea where to start with this. The idea that there’s no other commodity that symbolizes capitalist alienation (*coughsmartphonescough*), the odd humourlessness, connecting vibrators to the petit bourgeoisie… I mean, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say Aimee Therese was some kind of construct of a right-wing think tank to turn people away from socialism.
@Lumipuna:
Snurk…very punny.
I became familiar with him after a word-a-day mailing list I used to subscribe to had “stakhanovite” as their word one day. It was so interesting and little-used that I printed it out and memorized the meaning (a model worker, tireless to the point of fanaticism).
Come to think of it, a Magic Wand could well be the stakhanovite of vibrators, because it never quits until it burns out.
My husband and I went to a sex shop while he was home on leave a little while ago. And I saw a vibrator like the one she’s holding in the picture. It had a silhouette of Rosie the Riveter on the box with the caption “strong pulse strength” and I laughed to myself and thought “yeah if anything gonna scream strong feminine energy I guess, slap it on a clit vibrator.
Is Rosie the Riveter Public Domain? can you just slap that image on anything you want?
So, reading through these comments, I see that this woman is also anti-autistic?
Well, not that I liked her before (seriously, what kind of a killjoy must you be if you’re anti-sex toy? That’s the type of dumb I usually expect from fundies), but now… it’s personal. Dun dun-DUUUUNN!
@Lainy
Yes, she is public domain.
@Paireon
It seems likely she is. I’m not surprised in the least. It seems to be partially because she seems to have cribbed a substantial amount of her playbook from alt right trolls, and we all know how anti-autistic they are.
@Naglfar
Kinda counter-intuitive for someone who identifies as “Marxist” (which to the alt-right, and most right-wingers in general, can only be synonymous with “dirty commie”) if you ask me.
Also, I personally tend to be amused by autism- and Asperger’s-related humor myself, even the more mean-spirited bits, for some reason (might be my natural inclination towards self-deprecation and sardonic nihilism, though).
(For clarity/honesty’s sake: I was diagnosed with Asperger’s some 20 years back)
(Also, as a mythology buff, love your callsign)
@Paireon
Well, as we discussed earlier, it makes more sense when you consider that nobody actually thinks AT is a Marxist, other than herself (and even then, I wonder if deep down inside she realizes she isn’t).
I am also diagnosed with Asperger’s, and I know at least a few other commenters here are as well.
Yeah, I gathered; which was why I put it in quotation marks. Sad, really. Makes you think she does this mainly so she can lie to herself and others (“But… but… I’m a good person! I’m a lefty and everything! Why are you mean to me!? You must be bad then!” or something to that effect) about where she stands.
And yay! I’m not alone! /jk
@Naglfar
Do you have a bigger resolution picture of supply side Jesus?
I can barely see anything in the one you posted.
@Makroth
Here’s another go:
If that doesn’t work in higher resolution, you can see the whole comic here.
If anyone is worried about needing to plug in a vibrator, might I introduce Mr Fusspot’s wonderful toy? Clockwork doesn’t need plugging in…
I’ll let myself out.