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Dude insists his love of anime girls is a legit sexual orientation

I doubt his love is reciprocated

By David Futrelle

Unable or unwilling to deal with real-life women, more than a few misogynists have turned to imaginary substitutes — from video game hotties to hypnogogic hallucinations they think are succubi.

But the imaginary ladies they feel the strongest about are of course their anime waifus, whom many misogynists have come to feel are superior to IRL women, and not just because their giant eyes would be better to see with,

Now one dude has apparently decided that his obsessive love of 2-dimensional women isn’t just a slightly sad kink but is his actual sexual orientation. You know, like being gay. According to a quite possibly true posting in the Am I The Asshole subreddit, he recently “came out” as an anime lover to his parents and his extremely annoyed sibling.

Anime dude really needs to learn the difference between a fetish and an orientation.

The post inspired quite a debate on Reddit before it was deleted by the subreddit mods.

H/T — @AITA_reddit on Twitter for the Reddit post and the DisgustedAnimeGirls subreddit (yes, this is a real thing) for the graphic.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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Cat Mara
Cat Mara
1 year ago

Anyone who has seen “Alita: Battle Angel” will know how just flat-out wrong those big anime eyes look on a human being (I know the character is a motion-capture CGI creation but her appearance is human in all other respects)

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

Why is it always anime? I’ve never heard about anyone having a fetish for stop motion animation or CGI, but at times it seems like half the internet is hentai and other anime fetish stuff. I don’t want to shame anyone, and I don’t have a problem with people masturbating to anime porn than any other porn*, but I’m curious as to why anime has such a large amount of fetish stuff relative to other forms of media.

*Though, as with real world porn, I’m aware that some (a lot?) of anime porn is misogynistic (especially ero guro and lolicon), and I do take issue with misogynistic pornography, for the misogyny.

@Cat Mara
So I’m not the only person who finds the giant anime eyes a bit unnerving?

Airis Damon
Airis Damon
1 year ago

Once you go 2D, you are never the same again.

epronovost
epronovost
1 year ago

That would be more a fetish than a sexuality per say I would say.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I agree that it’s not a sexual orientation, but I’m still somewhat torn on this.

It’s not harming anyone if someone wants to just be into anime and doesn’t want to date or have sex with other actual people. The problem with these waifu fetishizing guys is that they do tend to disparage women. The declaration that Gal Gadot is too wide waisted certainly hints at that. No one is obligated to be attracted to Gadot, but there’s no need to rag on her either. Especially since by no means is she wide waisted.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

I’m attracted to 4D people. Fucking on a tesseract is the best. /s

Side note: it always annoys me when places (usually museums) advertise 4D films that are 2D or 3D films with water and smell and stuff as a part of it. That’s not what 4D means, and it’s disappointing that the movie doesn’t let me see 4-polytopes projected into 3D space.

/end math major rant

@WWTH

The problem with these waifu fetishizing guys is that they do tend to disparage women.

Or what he said about how all real world women smell. By fetishizing anime, he’s being misogynistic by holding real world women to a literally impossible standard. It’s like when people watch live action porn, then complain that their girlfriend won’t do some sex act that they saw in porn. Or complain that few women look like porn stars. I’m not opposed to people using porn or anime, but when they become misogynistic because women don’t live up to the impossible standards of those mediums, that’s a problem.

Shadowplay
1 year ago

To answer the poster’s question: Yes. You are an arsehole. Your brother’s sexual business is his own and (to the extent that he trusted you all enough to tell you) your family’s – not some fuel for rando humour on fucking Reddit.

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

Well, my waifu is Yrel from World of Warcraft, but I’m pretty sure that having a thing for blue-skinned space-goat-ladies doesn’t count as a sexual orientation. Nor do I decry real women’s lack of blue skin, horns, hooves, tails, or those weird little tendril things near their ears.

A. Noyd
A. Noyd
1 year ago

Naglfar says:

but I’m curious as to why anime has such a large amount of fetish stuff relative to other forms of media.

Capitalism.

A large percentage of the contemporary anime industry (and adjacent industries, like gaming) has grown up around appeasement of Japanese incels who are the hardcore fans willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money on stuff. Series these days often start out as fan-produced web novels that get picked up by a publisher and, when they do well, get made into various other media. The obvious example is Sword Art Online. Others start off as low-budget visual novels (choose your own adventure games) such as the Fate franchise.

Because the fetish-loving incels are going to make their fetish-infested, wish-fulfilling spank-material anyway, corporations can just wait for hints of popularity to percolate through the fan community and buy up the property. Then they clean it up a bit to widen the audience to adolescents, but a lot of the original fetish stuff only gets toned down and not taken out entirely because they don’t want to lose the hardcore fans who are there for the fetish stuff.

Lucrece
Lucrece
1 year ago

This all reminds me of Krieger in “Archer”, who gets legal permission to marry his holographic waifu girlfriend. Wonder if the OP’s brother is a fan?

I’d have to echo other commenters though – the whole sharing-your-brother’s-private-business-online kinda reeks. There are plenty of things this man needs – ridicule isn’t one of them. It sounds a lot like he’s absorbed some really questionable ideas straight out of the incel/MRA/MGTOW stable of rotten concepts. But, just like with anti-vaxxers, entrenched ideologies of this kind are never shifted by scorn and ridicule – in fact, they tend to become more embedded.

Fabe
Fabe
1 year ago

@Lucrece

Yup,then the waifu is killed so Krieger creates a ‘daughter’ of the original one using bits of leftover code and marries that one . Then in one episode they get into a augment and someone asks how doesn’t kill her to which he replies “Oh but I do. every night.”. yeah just a bit creepy

Definitely not Steve
Definitely not Steve
1 year ago

@Lucrece,

Heh, I went straight to the comments to see if someone else made that connection.

It’s odd to think about sexualized cartoon women. Like, for at least a century, cartoon women have been drawn in a way that’s influenced by the sexual preferences of the cartoonists, which were mostly straight men for a significant amount of time. Then each generation grows up watching those cartoons, which in turn probably influence their ideas of sexuality (having a “cartoon crush” when growing up is amazingly common), and the cycle repeats.

I guess sexually confused people like the guy referenced in the OP are a natural consequence of this.

Bina
1 year ago

“Once you go flat, you never go back”? Is that what he’s saying?

In all seriousness, though: This guy creeps me out, but his parents creep me out even more for accepting/enabling this weirdness. Seek help, all three of you.

Kevin
Kevin
1 year ago

If someone’s kink is anime, I’d take a ‘you do you’ attitude so long as no real – world harm is done. FWIW as a horny teen in the 1970’s I crushed for a while on Velma Dinkley, no idea what that says about me as She Who Must be Obeyed looks nothing like her.

Full Metal Ox
1 year ago

Is anyone here familiar with the 80’s anime Saint Seiya AKA Knights of the Zodiac–about a predominantly male team of superheroic holy knights in the service of the goddess Athena, and marked by its glam-rock character design? If my old anime club and correspondence were representative, the (North American English-speaking) fanbase was primarily female, and the fanfiction teeming with female Authorial Proxies romancing the heroes.
So is that a legitimate sexual orientation, or does it make the Saints Toonchads? And what about slash fandom?

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Perhaps this guy is asexual, but lacks the vocabulary to describe himself that way? Nothing wrong with that, but he’ll probably be happier once he figures it out.

As for Gal Gadot, googling suggests her waist is 61cm (24″), so anyone who thinks she’s “too wide” either has unrealistic standards, or is just reaching for excuses.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
1 year ago

@Moggie : perhaps, but there’s also people who love sex, just not the people they had to do it with. Or who are attracted to impossible sexual practice. (also, isn’t there a distinction between aromantic and asexual ? not being able to connect romantically with someone can certainly be a cause for not having sex)

As for that guy, my gut feeling is that the problem is social pressure on him, but really the description is too short to conclude anything. Heck, even if 27 is relatively old, it could still be youngness and inexperience that talk.

Polly MacDavid
1 year ago

There is no brother. & the guy knows he’s a jerk for his so-called “sexual orientation”.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Moggie

Perhaps this guy is asexual, but lacks the vocabulary to describe himself that way? Nothing wrong with that, but he’ll probably be happier once he figures it out.

That sounds possible, but if he was asexual would he be attracted to cartoon women? I think the more likely option is that he’s straight, but has an extreme paraphilia.

The difference between fetish and paraphilia is that a fetish helps someone get off but isn’t necessary, but a paraphilia is necessary. Judging by his story, this is the latter one.

Another idea that occurred to me is that he wants a fully submissive waifu. Real world women have needs and desires of their own, while anime women do not. A few people in the Reddit thread talked about how anime women are often submissive, and I think part of his dislike of real world women could be that they aren’t 100% submissive to him. Seems like a MRA/incel type complaint, so it’s possible he’s an incel.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

This also reminded me of this case, sent to Dan Savage’s Savage Love column. This is in no way an endorsement of Dan Savage, who is awful in a thousand different ways (transphobia, biphobia, acephobia, racism, fat-phobia, misogyny, virgin-shaming, etc), but the letter sent to him seems to be a similar case to the OP’s brother. Dan’s response in this case isn’t that awful, but the real focus should be the letter about the person attracted to Pokémon.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

So, what’s the difference between kink and orientation?

My best understanding is that orientation describes your sexual interest as it relates to who you will have sexual relationships with. That’s an aspect of sexuality we can’t or shouldn’t have to keep in private. (That is, assuming it’s even possible to seek consensual relationships with people you’re attracted to.) That’s the only meaningful distinction.

Of course it’s kind of complicated. For example, if someone has a strong preference to a certain body type beyond sexual dimorphism, we tend to call that a kink rather than orientation. Then again, it might not draw that much public attention or have social ramifications, like your partner’s sex/gender would.

Just lacking a public sexuality can get you socially singled out (pun intended). That must be annoying to asexual people, but is it different from being annoying to all the other people who are persistently single for other reasons? What makes asexuality a valid orientation? I’m curious to hear people’s thoughts on this.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Lumipuna

So, what’s the difference between kink and orientation?

I’d say the difference is that orientation relates to what gender someone wants to have sex with. For example, if you’re a man who is attracted to women then you are a heterosexual man. OTOH, a kink is a non-human object, activity, or isolated body part that someone is attracted to. For example, if the heterosexual man is attracted to women with very large breasts for their breasts that would be a kink.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Naglfar:

The difference between fetish and paraphilia is that a fetish helps someone get off but isn’t necessary, but a paraphilia is necessary. Judging by his story, this is the latter one.

Is that some official definition? What if you being dependent on one weird kink doesn’t cause any problems to yourself or others? What if you have a few interchangeable kinks, all weird, but none of them are necessary as such? What if your kink is actually some pretty vanilla thing but very specific and important to you?

I suspect it’s a red herring in this case anyway, since we’re discussing on fetish vs. sexual orientation, not fetish vs. paraphilia.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Lumipuna

Is that some official definition?

No, but it’s the definition commonly used.

What if you being dependent on one weird kink doesn’t cause any problems to yourself or others?

Then there’s no problem. My comment didn’t imply a value judgement, it was merely trying to figure out what’s going on. Neither of these are necessarily problematic, they are only considered such when they cause distress.

What if you have a few interchangeable kinks, all weird, but none of them are necessary as such? What if your kink is actually some pretty vanilla thing but very specific and important to you?

Then there’s no problem. Again, neither of these things are bad in and of themselves. I have kinks, and I’m doing just fine, and I know lots of other people who are. Not trying to imply that there’s anything wrong with any of these, merely trying to apply the correct term here.

we’re discussing on fetish vs. sexual orientation, not fetish vs. paraphilia.

I know that, I was adding another idea to the discussion and trying to see if another term better describes the situation. If anyone else is more knowledgeable about these, please correct me if I’m using the terms wrong.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Naglfar:

I’d say the difference is that orientation relates to what gender someone wants to have sex with. For example, if you’re a man who is attracted to women then you are a heterosexual man. OTOH, a kink is a non-human object, activity, or isolated body part that someone is attracted to. For example, if the heterosexual man is attracted to women with very large breasts for their breasts that would be a kink.

I’ve seen this definition before, and the underlying theme, if there’s any, seems to be the public vs. private aspect of your sexuality I noted above. However, this whole distinction smells vaguely arbitrary to me.

Maybe I’m just in the mood for nitpicking definitions. For example, a woman having huge tits seems to me like a personal body trait rather than an isolated body part, and as such not fundamentally different from being physically female. I guess it depends on the specific manner of the other person’s interest. Like, if their interest is very much focused on just the huge tits (a specific body part), then it’s a fetish, otherwise it’s not either a fetish or orientation but a relatively insignificant “sexual type interest/preference”. Conversely, one could also have a fetish for female-type breasts generally, or human breasts generally.

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

Just lacking a public sexuality can get you socially singled out (pun intended). That must be annoying to asexual people, but is it different from being annoying to all the other people who are persistently single for other reasons?

Yes, it is. People who are consistently single for other reasons do not tend to be subjected to corrective rape to try to “fix” them, for example. (And being asexual doesn’t preclude someone being in a relationship, anyway.)

What makes asexuality a valid orientation? I’m curious to hear people’s thoughts on this.

Even if society didn’t discriminate against asexuals (and it does frequently), it would still be a valid orientation. Orientation is defined as the genders who you experience sexual attraction to (often in relation to your own gender, which is a distinction I find a bit baffling and something I imagine would make it difficult for NB people to have words to express their orientation, but I digress). “None” is a valid answer to that, same as any other gender.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

For example, a woman having huge tits seems to me like a personal body trait rather than an isolated body part, and as such not fundamentally different from being physically female

Well, you’re wrong. It’s focusing on a body part, not a human. It’s objectifying. It’s not an orientation. Big titty is not an orientation. (I actually had to type that out in the year two thousand and nineteen. Hoo boy.)

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
1 year ago

@Lumipuna

My best understanding is that orientation describes your sexual interest as it relates to who you will have sexual relationships with. That’s an aspect of sexuality we can’t or shouldn’t have to keep in private. (That is, assuming it’s even possible to seek consensual relationships with people you’re attracted to.) That’s the only meaningful distinction.

What makes asexuality a valid orientation? I’m curious to hear people’s thoughts on this.

I have no expertise in this area, but I’ve always been under the impression that sexual orientation is relatively permanent (if that’s the word I want). If you’re bisexual, you’re still bisexual even if you are in a monogamous relationship with a man, for example. Likewise, you can be asexual and still be in a relationship, and even have sex (since asexuals can have a libido and enjoy sex).

Kara.
Kara.
1 year ago

It’s a natural trait to personify and see human behavior in non-human things, so I generally think an attraction to a fictional character of any kind is like that, but made even easier through the virtue of them having the aesthetic trappings of a human. Artists express their sexuality through art written, drawn, sculpted, or otherwise; but that, and others responding similarly, doesn’t make them some kind of unapproachable obtuse fetishist. We all like the things we like and fill in the blanks otherwise.

I’m fine with people having rich fictional lives that make them happy. I don’t think this guy’s family really needed to hear about how he physically doesn’t want to have sex with women, but I get the feeling they seemed to need some kind of big ‘reveal’ to get them to stop bothering him about why he’s not dating. At least, I hope that was the line of logic, and not “everyone in my family needs to hear about what I crank it to.”

It’s a different issue if he wants to date, or have a sexual relationship with ‘a woman’ or ‘women,’ but is too repressed, insecure, and uncomfortable with the human body to attempt one… which that whole “knobby elbows wouldn’t bang” shtick reeks of. Speaking of, I wonder if he actually has any experience with the “smells” he finds unappealing, or if this is just cultural osmosis from the extreme misogyny of chan boards (or similar), where the only good woman is the kind invented by a man.

Onager
Onager
1 year ago

If what the OP says is true then it sounds like his brother is deep into black pill ideology and, if so, then this is probably the least harmful byproduct of that worldview, one which minimises the harm to actual women. Assuming he keeps himself to himself and doesn’t feel the need to track down women online or IRL and tell them about all their perceived shortcomings. The fact that he had to “come out” to his family might suggest he isn’t banging on about it constantly to them but the odds aren’t great that he isn’t an online jerk.

If he has been radicalised by some of the worst corners of the Internet, and I can’t imagine an anime-fetishising misogynist hasn’t ended up on 4chan, then he is going to need a lot of help but, if the family are overly focused on his fetish, it is doubtful that he is going to get the help he needs.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Catalpa

I imagine would make it difficult for NB people to have words to express their orientation

It is difficult. I now know that I am a woman, but for a long time I was unsure of my gender and identified as non-binary. During that time, I was almost entirely closeted (there were maybe 3 people who knew) and I dated mostly women, so most people thought I was a heterosexual man, but on my own I had no terms to describe my attraction (heterosexual and homosexual don’t mean very much when you don’t fit into a binary). And terms like gynephilic and androphilic, while not defined in relation to one’s own gender, are not well-known and have problematic connotations.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

If what the OP says is true then it sounds like his brother is deep into black pill ideology and, if so, then this is probably the least harmful byproduct of that worldview, one which minimises the harm to actual women. Assuming he keeps himself to himself and doesn’t feel the need to track down women online or IRL and tell them about all their perceived shortcomings.

That’s not true. Sure, he’s not actively abusing a partner, but holding these beliefs about women absolutely harms the women around him. If he has a job, it affects his coworkers. If he goes to a restaurant, it affects to women he interacts with there, especially if his server is a woman. If he posts online, and let’s face it, he 1000% does, it affects the way he interacts with women who post (or even just femme-sounding nyms he interacts with).

This idea that if misogyny is held by someone without a sexual partner it’s fine and not harmful to women is wrong. We need to stop acting like an ideology that literally gets women killed is just fine to hold.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

Somewhat O/T; but pertaining to the recent thread about cacti. I was in London this weekend and I found this cactus shop…

comment image

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@kupo

This idea that if misogyny is held by someone without a sexual partner it’s fine and not harmful to women is wrong. We need to stop acting like an ideology that literally gets women killed is just fine to hold.

It’s like how if someone is a Nazi, even if they aren’t actively assaulting Jews and POC, it’s not ok to be a Nazi. Not to mention that most Nazis are misogynists.

Onager
Onager
1 year ago

@kupo

That’s why I added the caveat that it is assuming he keeps his ideas to himself. Which I’m sceptical about, but we aren’t given enough information to reach a conclusion.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

kupo:

Well, you’re wrong. It’s focusing on a body part, not a human. It’s objectifying. It’s not an orientation. Big titty is not an orientation.

Well, this supports my earlier hunch that personal trait interests are considered fetishes when they are blatant and objectifying.

I still think there are more subtle personal trait interests that we call “my type” or something like that. I guess in both cases, social insignificance is what makes them a not-orientation.

Masse_Mysteria:

I’ve always been under the impression that sexual orientation is relatively permanent (if that’s the word I want). If you’re bisexual, you’re still bisexual even if you are in a monogamous relationship with a man, for example. Likewise, you can be asexual and still be in a relationship, and even have sex (since asexuals can have a libido and enjoy sex).

I know. Then again, kinks tend to be permanent too. Or at least mine are.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

That’s why I added the caveat that it is assuming he keeps his ideas to himself.

This is literally impossible to do. We live in a society. He has communication with his family, so he’s not off solo in the woods fending for himself. He comes into contact with women, at the very least with his mother (and possibly OP? Did OP ever state their gender?) so we already know it’s not harmless. There is no misogynist who lives in a vacuum. Misogyny is always harmful.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

Edit: I was unclear. His ideas affect his behavior. That’s true for everyone. Even if he never tells another person his ideas about women, he’s still going to interact with them differently because of his profound misogyny.

Shadow
Shadow
1 year ago

Am I missing something or are people extrapolating behaviors based on this dude’s self-identified “orientation”?

The actual words reported by the sibling seem to be very much couched in his personal feelings rather than stated as some absolute truth about women. He’s stated that he does not get physically aroused by women and that he finds women’s smell as unappealing to him. Smell plays a large role in attraction for me, and I don’t think that this is just a personal thing.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Regarding OP (and assuming it’s a true story), I also smell a creepy online misogynist who’s likely deep in the chan culture.

As for why he “came out” to his family, he was probably seeking social validation in a not very appropriate manner. Lots of people yearn validation, especially for their non-mainstream tastes. I’ve heard sexual oversharing is a thing some people in kinky culture do, as well as trying to frame your kinkiness as a sexual orientation. I’ve been tempted to do this myself. When I was 27, I was even more unclear than I’m now on the orientation vs. kink distinction.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
1 year ago

@Lumipuna

I know. Then again, kinks tend to be permanent too. Or at least mine are.

I didn’t mean that kinks wouldn’t be permanent. I guess what I really meant was to say that the public/private thing seems kind of complicated, since in a lot of situations the only way to be public about your orientation is to just keep coming out, or something.

I remember reading somewhere that the word “kink” in itself can be a handful, since it can be used to mean something that’s supposedly abnormal, you need to rely on someone’s definitions of normal and abnormal for that. So maybe that would mean that anything outside of the “I would like to have sex with women/men/people of any gender/no one at all” would be a kink and not an orientation.

Kara.
Kara.
1 year ago

@Shadow

I mean, the smell thing is interesting to me, because I’m very sensitive to smells, myself. I could get that hampering your sexual drive/encounters.
But what gives me the perception that there’s something more insidious there is the fact that a huge trope against women’s genitals being perceived as especially smelly or disgusting gets played up a lot in misogynistic hatefest circles. The way they think straw-feminist TERF-y types talk about penises is how they legitimately talk about vaginas.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Masse_Mysteria:

I guess what I really meant was to say that the public/private thing seems kind of complicated, since in a lot of situations the only way to be public about your orientation is to just keep coming out, or something.

I was wondering exactly this about asexuality and single people above. Same would apply to ace, bi, gay and pan people who choose to be in a heterosexual relationship.

In response to me, Catalpa hinted that there’s significant special prejudice against (mainly AFAB) ace people. Could be, my own impression as 36 yo never dated cis man is that hardly anyone knows or cares why exactly you’re single. Frankly I don’t even know myself if I’m ace or possibly demi or aro or just not very much into other people socially.

I remember reading somewhere that the word “kink” in itself can be a handful, since it can be used to mean something that’s supposedly abnormal, you need to rely on someone’s definitions of normal and abnormal for that. So maybe that would mean that anything outside of the “I would like to have sex with women/men/people of any gender/no one at all” would be a kink and not an orientation.

This, plus the fact that the whole concept of sexual orientation was originally established to describe the distinction between same-sex vs. opposite-sex attraction.

Dave
Dave
1 year ago

Was he seriously calling Gal Gadot fat? I thought the “waist too wide” was a joke, since Gal is 3D. Any amount of width is too much.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Kara.

But what gives me the perception that there’s something more insidious there is the fact that a huge trope against women’s genitals being perceived as especially smelly or disgusting gets played up a lot in misogynistic hatefest circles.

It’s a means of shaming women for having bodies and natural bodily functions, so they latch onto it. That was another thing that tipped me off in the post.

My message to the men complaining about vaginal odor is “it’s not like any women are going to be letting you near their vagina anyway!”

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Lumipuna
Another thing ace people face is erasure. A lot of people think they don’t exist or that they “just haven’t met the right person.” And even a lot of LGBTQ people refuse to acknowledge the existence or oppression of ace people, or try to remove them from the acronym. A lot of ace people are gender non conforming as well, so TERFs and other assorted transphobes are also often acephobic. TERFs have been trying to remove the A from LGBTQIPA for some time.

Disclaimer: I am not ace. I am sure some of our ace commenters could provide a better response, I’m just giving a general overview of what I know about ace erasure.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
1 year ago

@Lumipuna

Ace people absolutely face prejudice. Especially AFAB and trans ace folks. From my own experience almost every ace or proximate person I know has dealt with pressure to be sexual, often in ways that were traumatizing, if not outright forms of corrective rape.

Don’t believe acephobes, they are full of shit.

@Kara

Yeah that part read as misogynistic to me too. And like I get that smells can be a huge thing. But the context, and with the stuff about Gal Gadot, and all? Just… no. This guy is soaking up red pill stuff.

@All

I get the misgivings about someone putting this on Reddit without their brother’s permission, but my sympathies are with the person who posted; their brother put it out there openly in what’s in context a really creepy way, and if nothing else I understand why they’d want to vent about it online. IDK the whole thing seems super off and creepy.

Also, hi, yes it is possible to engage with many kinks/fetishes/paraphilias without harming others. But most men don’t bother because patriarchy.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

Hi All. It’s that time again when I ask for help with article titles. This month its an article about Injunctions. Those are the court orders telling people to do, or more often, not to do, something.

All suggestions once again gratefully received.

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

“Injuction Junction”, with a tagline like “What courts can and cannot tell you to do”, or whatever the aim of the article is.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Tangentially related: A while ago I was discussing depression meds with a friend of mine who has experience on those. She’s somewhat older than me, long divorced, a literal cat lady.

It was noted that the meds might ruin your sexual function as a side effect. Her comment was, “Eh, I guess it doesn’t matter for a bachelor like you”. I didn’t say anything, but thought, “Seriously, masturbation doesn’t matter now?” Besides, I still think it’d be cool to try partnered sex someday, even if it doesn’t look like I’ll ever get around to it.

Most of all, I feel a bit sore because depression and early aging have been eating away my sex drive/sexual energy at an alarming pace. I used to enjoy not just masturbation and self-cuddling, but also elaborate kinky fantasies and elaborate solo fetish play. It was important to me, and reading stuff from other kinky people online helped me understand it. I felt entitled to unlimited play with myself, and now I’m losing interest.

I still feel like being kinky “should” be my primary orientation, rather than waffling somewhere between hetero and asexual.

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