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Man with 700 pounds of beef laments that he can’t find a wife

By David Futrelle

The dating world is rough.

What kind of world do we live in when a man with so much beef to offer can’t find himself a decent woman to settle down with?

Maybe someone should put him in touch with this woman.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

@Dvärghundspossen

Yeah exactly, the meat can’t be dried, it’s gotta be fresh and raw or barely cooked. You can, like, survive on just meat, and this isn’t based on massai but some more recent research in the western world. BUT probably still pretty bad for you, at least in the long run.

I’ll say. For starters, “raw or barely cooked” means you’ll have all sorts of fun with worms and E. coli and things like that …

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Dvärghundspossen

You can, like, survive on just meat, and this isn’t based on massai but some more recent research in the western world.

IIRC certain indigenous groups in North America have traditionally survived on diets consisting almost entirely of meat and fish. I’m not sure there is any real reason to restrict yourself to this, however, if other foods are available, as the main reason those groups ate this way was that those were the only food sources available.

@WWTH

I can confirm that in the short run, undernourishment leads to euphoric feelings. Being high isn’t health.

I don’t have a diagnosed eating disorder, but I have fasted in the past for rather ill-advised reasons and after about 2 days of only consuming water, I did start to get strange feelings of well-being. However, it still seems that fasting was not good for my health.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

I can confirm that in the short run, undernourishment leads to euphoric feelings. Being high isn’t health.

When I fast for religious reason I just get really pissed off. Everything sounds good to eat which is why afterwards I normally eat foods I don’t like for my first meal or try something new. Vegetables taste like god damn candy after not eating for 3 days.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
1 year ago

@Cats R Us:

What’s a “puncher by trade”?

Presumably meaning ‘cowpuncher’, which is another term for ‘cowboy’ or ‘wrangler’. Basically, the guy who’s hired by the actual ranch owner to make sure the herd of cows gets where it’s supposed to go and doesn’t wander too far off.

Hambeast
Hambeast
1 year ago

I pretty much quit buying beef when it got to the point I could buy ground turkey for less than or equal to the price of ground beef. It wasn’t that it was unaffordable, just more than I wanted to pay.

Now, if I eat beef more than once a week or so, it makes me feel kind of awful, so I don’t eat it so much anymore. I do find that I need it in my meatloaf (which I’ve been making with half ground turkey for decades now) or it tastes wrong. I don’t miss it much.

I do wish I could go vegetarian, but Husbeast won’t hear of it. Plus, now that his mom lives with us and has all sorts of eating issues* it looks like I’m stuck with being an omnivore.

*It’s really hard to get enough calories into her. She’s in a rehab facility right now for swallowing issues on a pureed diet and speech therapy for her epiglottal weakness which is contributing to her inability to swallow correctly.

tl;dr – 700 lbs. of beef sounds super gross.

Viscaria
Viscaria
1 year ago

Given the choice between a “provider” who provides 350 lbs of beef and a “loser” who does… not that, I would rather choose the loser.

Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
1 year ago

I know this site is by no means a “safe space” etc., but in the future could you please at least provide a warning before the embedded image when you post stuff like that? Aside from just being gross, without context and at first glance my brain jumped to “illustration showing a woman’s butchered corpse” and just fuck no. I’ve gotten enough imagery like that second-hand from hospital waiting room TVs without even trying.

I’m very sorry. I had intended that to be a link and only saw it embedded the image after I posted it.

If someone can help me remove the image I’ll gladly do it (I couldn’t find an edit), even though the damage is already done. It was incredibly thoughtless, and I should have known better.

Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
1 year ago

@Battering Lamb

You can email David to let him know! Unfortunately, the edit button only shows up for 5 minutes after you’ve posted… And doesn’t always show up for that, either.

To get the URL of that comment specifically, you can click the red underlined date+time in the comment, and the page will reload with that one highlighted.

For your reference, in the future, to embed an image it just needs to end with an image file name extension. So like .gif or .jpg or the like. If you want to link to something and have it not embed, link to the page it’s on, which shouldn’t end in an image file name extension.

HTH!

Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
1 year ago

Request mail sent, and thanks for the advice and understanding. I will keep it in mind. 🙂

numerobis
numerobis
1 year ago

Inuit used to essentially live on raw meat for several months of the year, with a bit of seaweed, berries, and eating the contents of caribou stomachs but mostly just in summer.

Vitamin D deficiency is hitting them now that they’ve switched to a mostly western diet (including alcohol).

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@numerobis

Vitamin D deficiency is hitting them now that they’ve switched to a mostly western diet (including alcohol).

Which is why the Yukon Territory made this inadvertently hilarious PSA campaign.

Prith kDar
Prith kDar
1 year ago

Unfortunately, the edit button only shows up for 5 minutes after you’ve posted… And doesn’t always show up for that, either.

I have yet to see an edit button. Bunyips must be eating them, mistaking them for crayfish.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Prith kDar

I have yet to see an edit button.

Is your JavaScript turned off? IIRC they only show up if JS is on. Also, they don’t always show up anyway, so it could just be a glitch.

Shadowplay
1 year ago

@Prith kDar

It shows up maybe one time in six for me – that is of the times my comment posts straight away instead of deciding to take a short vacation in Outer Mongolia before arriving.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

To see your comment immediately and the edit link, remove the ‘/comment-page-1/#comment-1234567’ (actual numbers will be different) from the end of the url and load again.

Shadowplay
1 year ago

Cheers! I’ll give that a try. Normally do the lazy and hit refresh, then wander off for a cup of tea or something.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
1 year ago

Oh, thank you @kupo (scuse me, just trying that out) (ETA yup, seems to work, ta very much!)

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
1 year ago

@Battering Lamb

Thank you. 🙂 And I’m sorry for freaking out so badly about it. Stuff like this just happens sometimes, people have different thresholds of Nope.