By David Futrelle
I‘m going to take a brief break from the usual to play internet matchmaker.
So I was looking through r/relationships.txt’s old tweetings to see if any of the horrible stories of Redditor relationships gone wrong that are the mainstay of the account might be worth writing about. Instead I found two strangely complementary stories of love and selfishness; they were almost mirror images of one another.
In the first, we have a fellow asking if he was an asshole (answer: yes!) for deserting his very sick girlfriend at the emergency room to go to the gym. (Click on the screenshots for the whole story.)
The other tweet told the story of a girlfriend threatening to kick her injured boyfriend out of his own apartment because she was sick of taking care of him.
Now, it seems unlikely that either one of these relationships is going to last. But I think we can pull a happy ending (or four) out from the wreckage here. We just have to shuffle the couples a little.
Clearly Smushed-Foot Boy needs to drop his ungrateful girlfriend and get with Bacterial Pneumonia Girl instead.
Meanwhile, Mean Girlfriend and Narcissist Boyfriend need to start dating each other so they can be giant jerks together.
Ta da! Problems solved. You’re welcome!
OBLIGATORY NOTE: These stories are from Reddit, so there’s always a chance that one or both are completely made up. But I’m a romantic, so I choose to believe.
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