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By David Futrelle
Right-wing grifter Jacob Wohl may not be big on honesty, or integrity, or “not breaking the law,” but he apparently feels very strongly about privacy — at least his own, and that of men cheating on their partners and/or going to hockey games.
In a recent Instagram post, Wohl offered a strangely impassioned defense of the locking briefcase, declaring that its current unfashionableness is the result of a dastardly feminist plot against, I guess, men who want to keep their affairs hidden from their wives or girlfriends.
Wohl, who used to portray himself as a finance whiz, is currently facing felony charges in California for alleged “unlawful sale of securities,” so it’s not hard to see why he might want to keep a whole lot of things about his life secret.
H/T — @AsherLangton, who reposted Wohl’s little manifesto on Twitter
@Amtep:
Mammoths? Feminists.
At first I was surprised that Wohl was so young, but then I realized I was confusing him with another grifter, James O’Keefe
@Tovius, Jacob Wohl is the Boss Baby of James O’Keefes.
Thank you once again for the title suggestion!
https://advocates-for-animals.com/blog/211
Ok, I have a briefcase and was considering using it (it’s a very practical way to lug paperwork around), but after this mammoth supported them, I’m gonna stick with my backpack.
All I can say is, the perceptions of someone who, when he fabricated a cover to run a scam on *the director of the FBI*, posted his mother’s number as his fake identity’s contact phone, don’t carry a lot of weight with me.
There’s a lot to unpack here. Mainly because Wohl forgot to lock his briefcase.
When a person’s masculinity is so fragile it can’t withstand contact with suede, even Fort Knox can’t keep it safe.
(Also: we’re supposed to take advice on personal security from a blundering grifter who keeps repeatedly getting caught by law enforcement?)
While we’re on the subject of bags, I just want to mention that I’ve noticed those mid-to-late-‘90s purses that looked like small, fancy knapsacks appear to be coming back, from what I’ve seen around my local mall.
I’m delighted—those things were great for going dancing, because you just kept them on, treated them as part of your outfit, and you could dance hands-free* without worrying about finding a safe place to leave your purse.
*Note – the purses I’m referring to are small enough I don’t think they have the “turn to look at something and a bystander gets swiped” problem you get with the full-sized backpacks.
@Buttercup Q Skullpants
Taking advice from people who don’t know what they’re talking about seems to be par for the course when it comes to Republicans. I mean, these are people who listen to Jordan Peterson.
Whatever Jacob’s doing to avoid capture seems to be working, though, AFAIK he hasn’t actually been arrested, even though there are at least 5 criminal charges he could face. Something tells me that he’ll never actually serve prison time, seeing as he’s a young white man.
@Jerdle
To be fair, he only supported locking ones. Ones that don’t lock are evidently for feminists. You might be safe, as long as it doesn’t have a lock. ^_^
I’m not the only one who finds the hockey tickets example weird, right? Like, why would you hide that?
@Michael P.:
I thought this was weird at first, too, but then I remembered a habit of my ex’s that I found out after we broke up. I would tell him I wanted to go a particular event, and he would say no, he wasn’t interested, he was doing some other thing that night. Then he would go with his friends, specifically because he enjoyed leaving me out. It was a power thing.
@Yutolia
Your ex sounds awful. I’m sorry you had to put up with that. I once dated someone who did something similar, where they would invite me to events, then at the last minute say they couldn’t make it, then go anyway after I thought it was off. Then they’d complain that I had dumped them, rather than the other way around.
About 14-ish years ago I had a really nice locking briefcase. It had belonged to my father, but he hadn’t used it in several years so he passed it on to me. I loved it because it looked super-cool (for a certain definition of “cool”) and was big enough to carry everything I needed to bring to school on any given day. The lock wasn’t ever super-important to me because I wasn’t especially concerned with someone stealing my notebooks when I wasn’t looking, but I always kept it locked because I enjoyed the idea of having to open the lock to get in. I’d probably still use the thing if it hadn’t been smashed open when my apartment got broken into.
Anyway, my main point is that I had been lead to believe that I had been robbed by one of the guys who lived two floors above me in what was essentially a crime of opportunity by a guy looking for quick drug money. Today I learned that it was actually a feminist conspiracy. I wish that had occurred to me at the time.
@Naglfar: Speaking of Jordan…
https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/jordan-peterson-rehab-klonopin-addiction/
You have to hide the hockey tickets because, according to Jacob’s extensive research of primary sources for relationships (the Flintstones, Married With Children) Wifey will never allow you to have Fun With The Guys.
So, good ol’ JordyPete’s problem was drugs all along? And he’s a wreck because he came close to losing his Chaos Dragon? AND he’s planning to write another sucky-ass book about all this, because of fucking course?
I think he should pour himself a nice big bowl of All-Bran and chow down. Between the monotonous meat diet and the pills, he’s bound to need it.
Plus, he’s insufferably full of shit no matter what, so maybe a good literal bowel movement will stem the logorrhea.
@Jerdle: Backpacks FTW. No way could I lug a 4 kilo bag of cat food the 3.5 km home from the store without either a backpack or spending an extra $20 to hire a taxi.
@Bina
And he’ll somehow find a way to connect it back to his BS evo-psych, and it’ll help him stay in the spotlight for a bit longer. When will this idiot’s time of fame be over?
I would hope that upon becoming sober he’d quit his beef diet and maybe change his views, but unfortunately that seems extremely unlikely. I can dream, though.
@Naglfar, I’m not sure what finally melted Snowflake Jacob, I wasn’t a regular visitor to his Instagram but would make a point of mocking him in it whenever he did something particularly stupid. Which was frequently, so it could have been any one of a number of things. I think I was blocked by the time that warrant for his arrest was put out; the last thing I know for sure that I laughed at him about was that whole “Pete Buttigieg is a sex creep” story that came apart faster than cotton candy in a hurricane.