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By David Futrelle
Right-wing grifter Jacob Wohl may not be big on honesty, or integrity, or “not breaking the law,” but he apparently feels very strongly about privacy — at least his own, and that of men cheating on their partners and/or going to hockey games.
In a recent Instagram post, Wohl offered a strangely impassioned defense of the locking briefcase, declaring that its current unfashionableness is the result of a dastardly feminist plot against, I guess, men who want to keep their affairs hidden from their wives or girlfriends.
Wohl, who used to portray himself as a finance whiz, is currently facing felony charges in California for alleged “unlawful sale of securities,” so it’s not hard to see why he might want to keep a whole lot of things about his life secret.
H/T — @AsherLangton, who reposted Wohl’s little manifesto on Twitter
I feel bad for the girlfriend in the powerpoint story. She was just trying to show him naked pics and he laughed!
@Naglfar
That’s kind of interesting. The only bag with a lock on it I’ve ever had is the counterfeit bag my fiancé got me in East Asia. And let me tell you I love my Guddi bag, it makes me laugh every time I see it.
OT, but here is some more fascinating linguistic nerdery, this time with a nexus to things closer to topical here, to wit, segregation:
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-enduring-mystery-of-jawn-philadelphias-allpurpose-noun
Oh, absolutely. I worked on that campaign (codename: cottoncandypink4bizmen). It’s been incredibly successful. Sometimes, as Moggie pointed out, force was involved:
(@Moggie: The feminists are not made of money.)
By and large, however, most men were willing to relinquish their locking briefcases in exchange for soft handbags. I’m guessing that our Active Bitch Faces frightened them.
Pretty sure no one’s ever left a love note in his briefcase, if he even has one.
Not in any way, shape, or form.
PS: I have a locking briefcase. With a combination lock I can set and reset as I please. In a tasteful color combo, even!
On a more disturbing note, I came across this today:
https://www.salon.com/2019/06/21/psychiatrist-john-gartner-two-years-ago-i-compared-trump-to-hitler-people-didnt-believe-me/
Seriously wondering if Putin has kompromat on Pelosi these days …
Proof, if any were needed, that PowerPoint Ruins Everything™.
Coincidentally, I just saw this Reddit relationships post; this one is altogether more sinister:
https://mobile.twitter.com/redditships/status/1174739333607297030
Anyone else getting a big PUA vibe off that?
For someone that young, early cellphone era is ancient history, just like the fabled golden age of men carrying briefcases. No wonder he (perhaps anachronistically) blends then together.
It’s the perfect encapsulation of rightwing social media grifter: a man in his 20s who talks like he’s an expert on “good old days”.
I always lug my stuff around in a canvas shopping bag, but I do own a locking briefcase. I built it in my teens in a school craft class. It’s made from cheap wood materials and metal/plastic components. It’s ugly as hell, and seems highly impractical for transporting purposes.
In short order, I started keeping my early fetish toy collection in the briefcase, which I kept somewhat discreetly placed in my room. Unfortunately, I didn’t bother to keep the briefcase locked all the time. So naturally, at one point, my baby sister and her friend went snooping on it.
Long story short, I blame this breach of privacy on modern feminism.
My dad’s briefcases always lock. He doesn’t use them most of the time because he prefers leather satchels for work (hands free!) but if he’s dealing with sensitive stuff, the briefcase with locks comes out.
Parents bought me a rather nice briefcase with combi locks when I turned 21. It were just one of those “traditional” gifts, and, being in the army, it were one of the more useless presents I’ve received.
It kicked around the house, gathering dust, until the second eldest decided it were a suitable for her makeup and refitted the internals to suit. She still has it.
A public service announcement to those using locking briefcases to hide stuff from their SO:
If your SO is not one to snoop, you don’t need the lock. If they are, they already know your combination. 100%
Lumipuna,
I saw someone on Twitter say that the key to being a successful right wing grifter is to be a millenial who talks just like a baby boomer. I think that’s pretty accurate. It must give conservative boomers hope that they’re not out of touch and their ideology not demographically doomed after all.
Side note, it always weirds me out how teen conservatives always dress like they’re middle aged business people. It disturbs me to see teenagers desperately emulating authority instead of challenging it like teens are supposed to.
…m’kay, so I might not be the most professional of mountain lions. I don’t wear pressed shirts or suits or ties to the office, just a nice collared polo shirt and slacks. As such, I don’t carry a briefcase, just a backpack where I can carry my lunchpail and my windbreaker if it gets cold or rainy.
I say all this because I do not know what current protocols govern briefcases, but since when have they not had a lock on them???
re Lawyers and Briefcases,
At least where I practice, most counsel have some sort of locking document carrier.
Usually, they are only used when going to court b/c one can assume that their office is secure. Some lawyers use satchels, some use briefcases etc, the important thing is that you can lock it to ensure that a client’s confidentiality is maintained at all times.
I will use a locking bag when I take work home; not because my S/O is going to pry, but because I have small (and inquisitive) children who could easily get into client documents if I’m not careful.
@WWTH
Right wing grifters also need to act like they are from some sort of nonexistent silent majority of young conservatives.
It also seems to help if they are some sort of minority (Jewish, black, gay) so that conservatives can use them as a shield against accusations of antisemitism/racism/homophobia/etc. For example, Ben Shapiro, Candace Owens, Milo Yiannopoulos.
I also find that kind of weird. Not as weird as the fact that the same people support policies that will ruin their lives, but weird.
I think most teen conservative are simply brainwashed. They don’t know that they are choosing the policies that are worst for them.
Apparently I mocked lil’ Jacob one too many times on Instagram, because he appears to have blocked me. *sniff* I’m so proud!
@sarah_kay_gee
Congratulations! What did you say to him that made him do that?
@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
It annoys me, because I like vintage menswear, but I’ve become wary of any masculine-of-centre person I see wearing it in public, unless they’re over sixty.
I’m also puzzled by this guy’s description of contemporary men’s satchels as being made of suede. At least in my experience, they tend to be either leather or tightly-woven nylon.
OT: do you want to see a perfect tweet? Here’s a perfect tweet. It helps if you know who Cary Elwes is, but of course you do.
I used a locking briefcase for work all the time-I had to frequently transport sensitive documents in hard-copy. Bought it at Office Depot, pretty sure they still sell them. I’ll admit it was unwieldy at times, even if it looked badass. I still have it, too.
@Moggie
A remake of Princess Bride? Oh god no! No no no. That is the worst idea ever. All I can imagine is that somehow Prince Humperdinck has someone come to life and taken over Sony in a play to recast himself as the hero.
Aha, this was the final piece of the puzzle. I’ve this bit to everything else I’ve learned from the incel and MRA forums, and I can now conclude that the entirety of human civilization turns out to be a feminist plot.
Cities, agriculture, medicine? Feminists. Exploration, metalworking, technology? Feminists. Ethics, philosophy, literature? Definitely feminists. It’s all a plot. If it were up to men, they’d still be hunting mammoths.
Of course, this also means that men can’t take credit for any of it. Feminist plot, remember.
Re: Lawyers and briefcases
I use messenger bags. And I mean bags in plural because the metal hinges on the strap keep on breaking and I keep on needing to replace them.
I thought myself clever when I bought an expensive one with thick metal hinges, but then the motion and weight of documents and my laptop eventually wore it down.
It is now held by zip ties, because the rest of the bag is in excellent condition and I absolutely refuse to throw it away just because the hinges broke.
https://imgur.com/hgHkDch
Is Jacob Wohl even old enough to old to jail?