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MRA answers the question “what do feminists want” while sitting on the toilet

Man doing some deep thinking

By David Futrelle

Hold onto your hats! A Redditor has finally come up with an answer to the centuries-old question “what do feminists want?” Weirdly, he arrived at this answer while sitting on the toilet and (apparently) thinking about boots.

Gentlemen, I had an epiphany on the crapper about feminism,” a Redditor called bangramanga wrote in the Men’s Rights subreddit today.

He began by repeating one of the favorite MRA fairy tales about feminism — that once upon a time it was good and pure and then mean ladies came along and ruined it.

Where did feminism start? Pursuing equal rights, equal job opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote. This was a very fair campaign that even men supported. They came out victorious. They have equal rights, equal job opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote, etc etc etc. 

Wow. I mean, I had heard about the vote thing, but I was unaware that feminists had won all of their other legitimate demands and that they really had no more reason to even exist!

Today there is nothing a man can do in society that a woman can’t. In fact, most everything is in women’s favor today. They got the last say. But they’re clearly not satisfied with having the last say.

Those gals, always complaining, even when there’s nothing to complain about.

So what do you do when you need to fight a cause, but there’s no enemy to fight? You start inventing new enemies.

Enter #metoo, #menaretrash and all the other childish crap we see today.

How dare these childish women speak out against … rapists?

When you have attained all the rights you were fighting for, but still want to fight, all that’s left fighting for then is to take rights away from others. This is what feminism became today. 

Damn these women, taking away the rights of … rapists? Like the right not to be in prison even though you raped someone. I think that’s in the Bill of Rights somewhere.

Oh, but wait, there are men pushing feminism too?

And there’s men fighting along side them – their male supporters is a huge problem. White knighting beta-male orbiters licking those boots just in case they get to smash that poon as a reward.

Licking boots, you say?

[Y]ou can see that while they’re all up in arms screeching autistic noises about wanting equal rights, which they already have, it’s clear that their definition of equal rights is something else. I’ve started paying attention to what they’ve been bitching and moaning about, and … I believe I’ve figured out what they actually want.

You might want to copy this down.

Picture a woman walking three dogs on a leash.

Wait, what?

Now replace the three dogs with three crawling men.

Feminists want … three crawling men on leashes? Does each feminist get their own three men, or do they have to share?

What I’m trying to say here is they want 100% submission and 100% obedience from 100% of men. That’s it. Feminists will not stop their shit until they have every male on earth licking women’s boots on demand  …

Boots again. It’s almost like someone has a bit of a fixation.

… and they will not stop until they have it where a man can’t even draw a breath without a woman’s permission and approval.

Pardon me from questioning this BONA FIDE FEMMMMENIST LOGIC but that doesn’t seem very practical. Imagine the paperwork! And it seems like it would be a giant time-suck for the women too.

[T]he less feminists have to complain about, the angrier they get.

Naturally. none of bangraanga’s colleagues in the Men’s Rights subreddit thought his toilet thoughts were a huge load of crap.

“These days, feminism is the expression of mental ill-health because of resentment, anger and jealousy.,” wrote one.

At the same time many women, including feminists, really want men to show some backbone and stop putting up with all this crap.

Apparently women secretly love it when you go on about how Bill Cosby’s accusers probably wanted the drugs he put in their drinks.

They try to walk on men, but despise the men who allow it to happen.

Nah. That’s not feminists. That’s my cat Sweetie Pie Jonas, photographed here while she was sitting on my chest.

We Hunted the Mammoth Legal Advisor Sweetie P. Jonus, Esq.

Another commenter thought the real problem wasn’t so much feminism but women and their irrational minds.

I believe women’s capacity to continue arguing long past the “rational” conclusion has more to do with the way they think rather than from feminism.

As long as they are experiencing the emotion that drove them to the argument, they are going to argue. No amount of logic is going to make that emotion go away.

If you intend to try to resolve the “argument” do something to make the emotion change.

I’m not altogether clear what this last guy is saying, but I think he agrees with the OP.

Those beta men who demanded equal right for unequal animal, viz woman are so stupid that they forget all these woman-talk are addresses to two years kids. After all, till a half century’s ago their evolutionary traits were so. Do beta men believe that evolution can speeded up in 50 years so there motherly controling tactics can be considered facts?

I’m not even going to try to parse that. Life is short and I have boots to lick.

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cornychips
cornychips
1 year ago

I, for one, welcome our new Feminist overlords.

Where do i get my leashes, boots, and 3 men??

Meowkki
Meowkki
1 year ago

Hey there, don’t mind me, just a Viz Woman looking for a leashed up bootlicking man to give me the address to two years kids.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

It appears that yet again MRAs have confused feminism with femdom, as I don’t think Gloria Steinem ever wanted men on leashes.
Also, WTF is #menaretrash? I know what #metoo is, but is #menaretrash a real hashtag?
The idea of men on leashes reminds me of the (Slightly NSFW) video for “Mein Teil” by Rammstein.

Mimc
Mimc
1 year ago

Yes clearly we are the stupid ones. Only a true intellect could come up with so elegant a closing statement. /Sarcasm

Personally I’ll stick with just the one man thank you. Might be willing to take in a third cat though.

Grace of Spades
Grace of Spades
1 year ago

Now I’m going to have the Stooges “I wanna be your dog” in my head for days.

Tabby Lavalamp
1 year ago

That last paragraph is clearly the result of a superior alpha male mind so of course it makes no sense to those of us who aren’t alpha males. It’s like trying to explain mathematical equations to a duck!

MJ
MJ
1 year ago

I have had a few of these brainiacs back down when I tell them I’ve been a feminist since before their parents met. “Oh, well, then. You’re one of the rare real feminists! Not like these younger females!”

Yeah, because younger women gain feminist knowledge by plucking it out of thin air, like soap bubbles, and have never talked to the older feminists.

I think when I tell them I’m nearing 60 they think of their grammas and get panicky.

takshak
takshak
1 year ago

did you just dis Colin Furze, mad genius, by using one of his creations to illustrate these idiots?

… and they will not stop until they have it where a man can’t even draw a breath without a woman’s permission and approval.

…sounding better and better the more these waffle irons keep talking.

TheKND
TheKND
1 year ago

Yeah, because younger women gain feminist knowledge by plucking it out of thin air, like soap bubbles, and have never talked to the older feminists.

Well, it is how many MRA get their info. Looking at you, Karen”I know voting patterns from before there were polls” Straughan.

Nequam
Nequam
1 year ago

@Naglfar:

Well, “Mein Tail” has 5 men, and the woman is Christoph Schneider in drag, if we’re going to pick nits.

It’s certainly more entertaining than this fellow, at any rate.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
1 year ago

A woman walking 3 crawling men on leashes? There are guys who’d pay good money for the privilege of being one of those men.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@MJ
I thought they only like presuffrage feminists (and even then not always), so wouldn’t they only like feminists over 120?

@Dormousing_it
On some level I wonder if MRAs have some fetishes that they don’t know how to deal with, so they make up all this projection to cover for it. That would explain a lot.

Lizzie
Lizzie
1 year ago

I have to ask, as someone well past several walls in age, will the boots be comfy?

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

I don’t even want a dog, and those are creatures well known for their loyalty and unconditional love. I sure as hell don’t want to have to deal with caring for and walking three men. Someone else can have my feminist-issued quota of leashed men. Is there a shelter I can deposit them at?

Podkayne Lives
Podkayne Lives
1 year ago

I don’t even want a dog, and those are creatures well known for their loyalty and unconditional love. I sure as hell don’t want to have to deal with caring for and walking three men. Someone else can have my feminist-issued quota of leashed men. Is there a shelter I can deposit them at?

My mother, some years ago, read an article about older women doing dominatrix work. She was somewhat disturbed by it, and told me “I can barely handle taking care of one husband and our pets, I’m also supposed to have sex slaves?”

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Where did feminism start? Pursuing equal rights, equal job opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote. This was a very fair campaign that even men supported. They came out victorious. They have equal rights, equal job opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote, etc etc etc.

Even men supported it, so the campaigning was easy and everything was won within one electoral cycle. Two, tops.

Venn diagram of these guys and guys who think racism is over?

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

It appears that yet again MRAs have confused feminism with femdom

I subscribe to the magazine of the local feminist union, where actual membership is currently reserved for women (though this is hotly debated among said members).

I believe what I’m doing is termed malesub.

Robert Haynie
Robert Haynie
1 year ago

Those beta men who demanded equal right for unequal animal, viz woman are so stupid that they forget all these woman-talk are addresses to two years kids. After all, till a half century’s ago their evolutionary traits were so. Do beta men believe that evolution can speeded up in 50 years so there motherly controling tactics can be considered facts?

M. Futrelle, you say you cannot parse this– or at least indicate you do not wish to attempt to.

Good call. It is, in fact, unparsable. This is a common occurrence when someone tries to translate Old High Martian into English.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

Of course, another issue with the three men per woman thing is that there aren’t three times as many men in the world as women (The actual ratio seems to be about 1.07:1). So either all women will have far fewer men (maybe 1 or 2 max) or most women will have no men.
What will become of non-binary people? Will they be leash holders or leashed? Or will they just be outside the system altogether?
Also, at what age will women receive their leashed men, and at what age will men be leashed?
Clearly this requires more thought /s.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
1 year ago

Side note: Is there a way to make GIFs on this site stop auto-playing, or at least to stop them once they’ve started playing? I usually read the blog from my tablet, which is a bit old, so I find that GIF-heavy pages (not this post specifically, but some others with a lot of reaction GIFs) can be a bit hard on my browser here. And besides, they can be very distracting, so I always need to find a way to scroll so that they’re offscreen.
I like how on sites like Facebook, Twitter, Buzzfeed and others you can just click the GIF to stop it moving. That doesn’t work here. Do any of you have a solution?
Thanks!

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Penny Psmith
What browser do you use on your tablet? In many browsers there is an option to disable animated GIFs, but also this often disables other features.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
1 year ago

Oh, and as for the unparseable comment – actually trying to parse it seems indeed impossible, but the gist of it seems basically like a “women are sub-human, did you really think that giving them the vote would suddenly make them human?” argument. So, on top of the bad grammar and phrasing and such, I’m counting a combination of bad biology, bad sociology, possibly bad psychology as well, and of course bad history and bad math (1920+50 =/= 2019). Bad everything, really.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
1 year ago

@Naglfar: Chrome browser, not sure which version (as I said, the tablet is a bit old, and sometimes has a problem updating apps) but could check. Didn’t think of looking into browser settings for this, but I will. Thanks!

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Penny Psmith
If you can install browser extensions (not sure if you can on tablet), there is one called Animation Policy that allows you to disable GIFs.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
1 year ago

@Podkayne Lives:

“I can barely handle taking care of one husband and our pets, I’m also supposed to have sex slaves?”

Well, she could order the sex slaves to do some of the household chores. That always seemed to me like it would be the best part of being a dom.

Katamount
1 year ago

Not gonna lie, when the OP mentioned men on leashes, my brain immediately went to this:

Simon
Simon
1 year ago

Where can I buy the tins of manfood they obviously feed their three men? It would really simplify my life a lot.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

Cat update

My vet has started Jessie on a treatment of arthritis medication. She says he wails/meows a lot because his paw joints are hurting him so bad and that is why he is having more trouble going to the bathroom. It hurts him so he doesn’t want to walk from his bed to downstairs to use the litter box. we are going to try this for a couple months and see if he improves, if he does not, it probably would be best to put him to sleep since his mobility is becoming strongly limited and he’s in pain. I’ve got the hell bit out of me because I had to put this tube kind of thing in his mouth and force the medicine down it. He does not like it one bit, but will see if it helps him at all.

Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
1 year ago

I don’t even want a dog, and those are creatures well known for their loyalty and unconditional love. I sure as hell don’t want to have to deal with caring for and walking three men. Someone else can have my feminist-issued quota of leashed men. Is there a shelter I can deposit them at?

I donated mine to a farm.Last I heard there was a rabies outbreak, apparently one of the men bit a dog while trying to assert dominance and the dog got sick.

Nina
Nina
1 year ago

@naglfar

Of course, another issue with the three men per woman thing is that there aren’t three times as many men in the world as women

Well, I share my three men with a feminist from Australia, since neither of us likes to wear boots during the hot summer. It’s a great arrangement. Our guys get to lick boots all through the year while we get a well deserved break. #smartfeminism

Shadowplay
1 year ago

@Lainy

Good news, well at least sort of. I were thinking it sounded like kidney trouble, which isn’t too good for cats. Fingers crossed the meds give some relief.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

@Simon:

Where can I buy the tins of manfood they obviously feed their three men? It would really simplify my life a lot.

Don’t spoil them! Feeding them leftovers works just as well as those expensive tins.

Mabret (née Laugher at Bigots)
Mabret (née Laugher at Bigots)
1 year ago

I’ve given up the three men on leashes allotted to me because I’m a lesbian.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
1 year ago

@Mabret – How do you keep your boots clean, then?

@Naglfar – Thanks for the tech support! I really appreciate that. Unfortunately that extension seems to be a desktop-only thing (or at least, I tried adding it and nothing happened).
I did a bit of digging through the settings and tried disabling autoplay, but no change from that, either. Did note the app version, in case it helps: 75.0.3770.101 (on Android 5.0.2).

Mabret (née Laugher at Bigots)
Mabret (née Laugher at Bigots)
1 year ago

I borrow men for short terms every few months or so. I couldn’t stand to keep them in my household.

footprints in wet clay
footprints in wet clay
1 year ago

I’m a trans man, given my atypical manhood and sympathy to lady feminists of all types does that mean I get to be on the leash, or I get to hold the leash of some other guys, or I get to pick which one I want to do on any given day? Or maybe it’s one of those things like when NeoPets got their own pets… maybe they’re just going to hook another set of leashes onto mine or something and those guys are mine.

or maybe we’re all like….. a sled team? We can do the Iditarod but with harnessed men.

(and for the humorless incels that might be lurking, yes of course I’m kidding.)

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

I’m not sure “epiphany” and “crapper” belong in the same sentence together. It’s an uneasy pairing.

So instead of the classic misogynist sneer “Enjoy your 50 cats!”, is it gonna be “Enjoy your 50 men”?

Prith kDar
Prith kDar
1 year ago

::rolls up sleeves::

Those beta men who demanded equal right for unequal animal, viz woman are so stupid that they forget all these woman-talk are addresses to two years kids. After all, till a half century’s ago their evolutionary traits were so. Do beta men believe that evolution can speeded up in 50 years so there motherly controling tactics can be considered facts?

Upon first reading, I thought he was babbling that women are like 2 year olds, but that is not the case! I believe this is a more approximate translation from the original ESLese:

Those beta men who demand equal rights for unequal animals, i.e., women, are so stupid that they forget that all women always talk as if they are addressing two year old kids. After all, until half a century ago, their evolutionary traits {kept them in the home where they belonged and} made this so. Do beta men believe that evolution was accelerated in 50 years so their motherly controlling tactics {i.e., fairy tales and lies} once used only on children can now be considered facts?

::shrug:: I don’t know why I did this, I just like translating shit. Of course making it intelligible doesn’t make it any more rational. Btw, I think his “50 years” is dating from the second wave of the 70s, rather than the vote, but that’s just a guess. His math could most certainly be that bad.

(ESL = English as a Second Language. It’s obviously not his native tongue.)

Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
1 year ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Well, for me, it certainly parallels the fact that like them, their ideas are full of shit.

ObSidJag
ObSidJag
1 year ago

Humm, the fact that this guy’s “idea” came to him while enthroned makes perfect sense to me: pretty much all their ideas come from the crapper.

And, ultimately, where they rightly belong (the ideas, if that wasn’t clear).

Lizzie
Lizzie
1 year ago

Hi Lainey, if your cat is in pain then he probably doesn’t like being held for the medicine, but if it reduces his pain then he may get more at ease with being held, it could happen! And I hope it does.

There is a product called cartrophen vet for arthritis in dogs, given by injection, and often used off-label for arthritis in cats. Four injections, a week apart, and then one every three months or so. Three of my cats had that for significant benefit. My sister’s dogs had it too, one benefited but it had no impact on the other. But – I am in Australia, and it wasn’t cheap either because of the vet visits initially, although longer term a vet nurse did the injection and I just had to pay for the stuff itself.

Here’s to your cat feeling heaps happier very quickly!

Ellesar
Ellesar
1 year ago

That last paragraph is the best! ‘Women are SO stupid, but my paragraph of drivel only has about 20 mistakes in it.’🤣

Weatherwax
Weatherwax
1 year ago

@Moon Custafer

“Well, she could order the sex slaves to do some of the household chores. That always seemed to me like it would be the best part of being a dom.”

Cynthia Payne is way ahead of you.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jyOjUqadUEA

ColeYote
ColeYote
1 year ago

Feminists want polyamorous BDSM relationships to be publicly acceptable?

Is now more of a feminist

Betrayer
Betrayer
1 year ago

All these “reasonable” anti-feminists love to claim that they are ok with first-wave feminism, but as soon as Red Dead Redemption 2 gave them the chance to punch a suffragette they went for it with gusto.

TacticalProgressive
TacticalProgressive
1 year ago

@Betrayer

All these “reasonable” anti-feminists love to claim that they are ok with first-wave feminism, but as soon as Red Dead Redemption 2 gave them the chance to punch a suffragette they went for it with gusto.

I imagine that is neither a mistake, nor a coincidence. One get’s the impression that it isn’t a question of what wave “XYZ” of feminism that they don’t like; but rather the existence of Feminism and it’s ideological values in general and the idea that women should have equal rights and be considered actual people.