By David Futrelle
Men Going Their Own Way are determined to let the world know that they really can go their own way — and that they neither need nor desire some dumb taks to take care of the basic tasks of life like, you know, cleaning, or preparing food for themselves.
They seem particularly invested in proving that they can cook at least as well as any dumb broad. And so from time to time they post recipes online — sometimes with pictures of the end results.
And while we may never get to see photos of the charred remains of chicken cooked the A Voice for Men way, or this slightly meat-heavy MGTOW pasta salad, the fellows on the MGTOW subreddit have been posting quite a few photos of their culinary creations and, well, I don’t exactly know how any of these taste, but let’s just say these fellas could work a little harder on the presentation.
Here in all its glory is what I can only call unidentified beige sauce on rice:
Here, allegedly, is a meatloaf:
Apparently the things on the left in this one are chicken breasts, enough for a whole week of identical meals. Or perhaps he’s starting a cult in his basement.
While the MGTOWs sometimes get adventurous and try things like Beef Wellington, most of the meals are either badly-cooked slabs of meat or some sort of glop on rice or pasta.
Other “recipes” barely count as cooking at all, except in the minimal sense of heating something up so you can eat it without dying of food poisoning. Here’s one fellow’s inspired BBQ feast:
This dude decided it was worth posting a picture of some sausage and fried eggs that he had miraculously been able to cook all on his own like a big boy.
I mean, yes, I’d eat that, but come on, dude, cooking eggs in sausage fat is really only a step or two above “making toast” as a culinary accomplishment.
Speaking of which, here’s one man’s, er, unique take on garlic toast.
Even some of the other MGTOWs were underwhelmed by this one. “Not trying to be rude bro,” one wrote, “but its bread with cheese melted on it.”
I know you all would be eager to chow down on any of these delicious-looking meals, but remember to save room for dessert!
“Made my first cake today,” the MGTOW who posted it wrote proudly. “Invest in yourself gentleman.”
Way to show the ladies just who’s the real chef around here!
Actually, I take that back. The real king of the kitchen isn’t a MGTOW or a lady. It’s this dude:
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My mom actually would have been a great resource for these guys, actually, except they’ll never get that because she’s a woman, so BAD!!
She used to be what she called a “natural chef”, because at the time she started there was much more of a distinction between “health food” and just plain “food”. But instead of working in a restaurant, she went around to people’s houses and taught them how to shop for and make food that’s good for them and tastes good at the same time.
There never would have been any hotdogs in a stand mixer. ???
My ex was a One Great Dish guy that I not only cleaned up after but also occasionally helped prep. It was worth it. Best Lasagna Ever.
But he certainly didn’t have the “cooking is women’s work“ attitude, nor the “I’m a much better cook than you but I’m too busy doing Real Work” thing I’ve seen in some men. I mean he had other faults (and so do I), but he wasn’t that kind of asshole. And he made GREAT lasagna.
I’m here to say that there is just no way to make meatloaf look or smell appealing.
@Cat Mara: Ugh, I saw that headline (offered on the Google stories thingy) and didn’t even bother clicking it. Hate stories like that, in a similar vein to how I hate “You’ve been cooking/eating X wrong your whole life!”. No, dude. Just because you prefer something personally doesn’t make the be-all-end-all of food preparation.
And yeah, waffle makers are great (the one I tried out this morning, by the way, was not amazing but perfectly fine, especially considering how inexpensive it was and the fact it has removable plates that can be changed to sandwich-press plates), but no way am I giving up something as useful as an oven. They have different uses for different things.
Same with slow cookers and Instant Pots, by the way. Yeah, they’re great for certain things, but I’m not going to make stirfry in my slow cooker (I’ve seen recipes for that) or bake bread in a pressure cooker or something like that, because that is not their function. If someone else does it and enjoys the result, good for them, but personally I don’t see the point.
@Cat Mara, Penny Psmith
I read the article and I agree with Penny on this one. I own a waffle iron, and I own an oven, and I like having both of them. Fact of the matter is, there are just too many things I like to make that require an oven. I will change my mind when I can roast vegetables, bake challah, and bake potatoes in a waffle iron.
I’m also generally of mixed opinion about those ‘make X using Y’ recipes that suggest making something in an unusual way. Sometimes it’s a good idea (pancake batter chocolate chip muffins are great) but much of the time it makes an inferior version of the dish, like those pressure cooker bread things.
I can’t cook, but I swear I could cook all of these (it’s just… why would I want to?). On the subject of glop on pasta, I stole a picture from a recipe website showcasing the easiest (laziest) version I know of:
(The recipe literally is: Cook pasta, put the sour cream and fresh cheese on it. Done!
There are “culinary” WARS over what kind of pasta and/or cheese you should use, how exactly cook the pasta, what else to put on it etc.)
I’ve always been a fan of the one-pot meal. Especially now that I have to do a lot more cooking since Husbeast’s mother moved in with us.
MIL is blind, has issues with hallucinations, and has very bad teeth. So I do a LOT of soup; which has to be pureed (mainly so she can drink it thru a straw), without dairy, and still hearty. My fave is the tomato and red lentil. MIL’s fave is potato leek. She goes to the dentist this Saturday, so fingers crossed! I’m getting tired of doing pasta all the time…
I would love it if someone came up with a vegetarian/vegan chicken stock because I don’t like veg stock with most of my soups. I can get by with roasted garlic, but prefer it in tandem with chicken.
I also have recently discovered Claire Saffitz’ videos. I’ve watched them all now, and that’s saying something! Brad’s “It’s Alive” series is also fun.
@Hambeast: me too. I have major digestive issues, endometriosis, and am on a medication that really cuts my appetite. So, yeah, a lot of soup!
@Penny Psmith, @Naglfar: Pressure cooker bread? Sounds like a stunt to me. Don’t get me wrong, I find a pressure cooker handy for making soups (especially with beans or other pulses; the reduction in cooking time is great) and even risotto (saves you from having to put the stock in a spoon at a time) but bread sounds like a stretch. Though I know that people used to cook bread in a Dutch oven, which would be similar…
Those Instant Pots are like some kind of cult, seriously. I’ve seen some of the forums dedicated to them and it’s scary.
While I could see the merits of using something like a waffle maker to make other stuff– especially if you’ve got a tiny kitchen or are on the road a lot– the things that really annoy me are those super-specialised appliances like doughnut makers, or cupcake makers, or– of all things– cake pop¹ makers! Um, I have a “cupcake maker” already, dude: it’s called an “oven”. Who has space for these things? They’re probably used once, then consigned to a cupboard somewhere when it’s realised just what a nuisance they are to clean…
¹ A spherical piece of cake on a stick, dipped in icing/ frosting. IME, cake pops are something you make when a cake goes badly wrong– overcooked, failed to rise, etc.– and you want to salvage something from the affair. Though my preferred method of disposing of a cake fail is to make gur cake out of it. The idea of actually having a specialised machine just to make cake pops is absurd to me.
@ Hambeast
Don’t know if these are any use to you; but just in case…
https://www.orringtonfarms.com/product/orrington-farms-natural-vegan-chicken-flavored-base/
https://store.edwardandsons.com/products/not-chickn-bouillon-cubes
https://www.betterthanbouillon.com/products/no-chicken-base/
(The last one has both veggie and vegan; so you might need to check which one)
@Cat Mara
I haven’t seen the forums, but my rabbi loves hers. Every time I get invited to dinner there is something from the pot.
I like muffin trays, but other than that the specialty molds seem gimmicky. That and they break way too easily.
I like cake pops, but I don’t need a mold. Just make small cakes and put sticks in them.
@Alan Robertshaw
Thanks for the links. I’m a vegetarian who is constantly having to substitute for chicken stock, and this is good to know.
@ naglfar
You’re very welcome! I’m not just there to be smug and sanctimonious about veganism (although that is about 90% of it)
The limit of my culinary accomplishment is adding a can of Campbell’s Chicken & Sausage Gumbo to the pasta sauce. I feel a lot better about my cooking now that I’ve seen the best the MGTOWs can manage, which seem more like the disgusting recipes from past eras Evan Symon would taste-test for Cracked.
Huh. Good job, gentlemen. I guess. You’ve passed this week’s session of Adulting 101. Here are your entirely non-sarcastic head-pats.
(The head-pats are totally sarcastic.)
Re: specialized waffle-maker-like appliances. They’re almost always available at Goodwill or similar donation stores. If you want to try them for a one-use and re-donate, it’s a good solution for sampling a clutter-gadget.
I am not good at cooking. But I do like to bake and that dude put way to much powder sugar on his cake. Not bad for a first attempt, it’s not burnt, but that’s just gonna be super grainy when you eat it.
My fiancé is pretty good at cooking. Neither of us are good at cooking delicious “healthy” things at all. His main dishes he makes are tamales and fajitas. in his defenses his grandmothers, both the Mexican one, and the Italian one, Tried to teach the girls how to cook but didn’t give much attention to the boys for that.
I’ve watched that hot dog clip many times. It’s incredibly unnerving and feels like it could be the teaser of some kind of breakout horror film.
@WWTH
Challenge accepted. I’ll post a photo next time I make my mini meatloaves.
Alan:
Ah, flexible veganism.
(sorry)
A lot of my favorite traditional Finnish cuisine is glop on cooked potatoes. I cook a lot of glop myself but I don’t even have the skill to properly make some classic dishes like läskisoosi (bacon in gravy). I once heard there’s a culinary club (like, older wealthy gentlemen) dedicated to that dish.
I’ve been studying up on how to make vegetarian stocks for my husband since he’s become veggie/pescatarian. Found a nice roasted mushroom stock recipe that freezes well and is great for French Onion soup.
How I make vegetable stock:
Assorted root veg (carrot, celery root, parsley root, etc.)
Leek
Onion, half
Spices (bay leaves, pepper corns, ginger root, cardamom pods, whatever else you want)
Leave the skin on the onion and trim the roots a bit. Char the cut surface of the onion in a dry pan.
Throw the charred onion, the cleaned veg, and all the spices into a pot of cold water and bring it to a boil.
Let simmer for a few hours.
Strain.
Eat the boiled to death veg if you want.
If you want to make fish stock, just add some fish heads and skeletons. Or small dried fish.
Seafood stock? Dried shrimp and shells.
Mushroom? Fresh roasted and/or dried.
Putting everything in cold water is important.
@WWTH:
@Cat Mara:
Have you read any of Rhik Samadder’s reviews of kitchen gadgets in the Guardian? There’s an amazing variety of devices you’d regret receiving as a gift. For example, the cursed Egg Master.
I’m one of those people with a tiny kitchen, unfortunately. I’d kind of like a rice cooker, but something would have to go.
I mean, I can’t fathom proudly posting one of my amateur home repair attempts, and then going “HA HA men, no need for you any longer!!”
But I am glad they’re learning to take care of themselves, and that they’ve decided gluey meatloaf is better than starving to death inside their self-imposed gender boundaries.
My cooking is skewed by having two picky 7 year olds who think grilled cheese cut on the diagonal is the height of culinary refinement, but once in a while I’ll cook something more adult when we have people over. This weekend, for our book club, I’m doing roasted sweet potato halves stuffed with black beans and garlic, avocado-spinach, and queso fresco. Dessert will be apple cider whoopie pies.
This thread is making me hungry. Thanks for all the recipes and ideas, everybody!
@K: That sounds good.
@Cat Mara: I was using spinach so I’m already heretical.
Whatever else the instant pot is, it is now my go to for perfectly cooked easy peeling hard boiled eggs. Age of egg irrelevant. My son has cultivated a mac and cheese instant pot recipe, and we are ready for the second adjustment to the pot roast recipe.
Favorite glop on rice? Japanese style curry rice. Brown and gloppy for sure- and simple and delicious. The New Farm Vegetarian cookbook has a vegetarian version that works pretty darn well.