By David Futrelle
Men Going Their Own Way are determined to let the world know that they really can go their own way — and that they neither need nor desire some dumb taks to take care of the basic tasks of life like, you know, cleaning, or preparing food for themselves.
They seem particularly invested in proving that they can cook at least as well as any dumb broad. And so from time to time they post recipes online — sometimes with pictures of the end results.
And while we may never get to see photos of the charred remains of chicken cooked the A Voice for Men way, or this slightly meat-heavy MGTOW pasta salad, the fellows on the MGTOW subreddit have been posting quite a few photos of their culinary creations and, well, I don’t exactly know how any of these taste, but let’s just say these fellas could work a little harder on the presentation.
Here in all its glory is what I can only call unidentified beige sauce on rice:
Here, allegedly, is a meatloaf:
Apparently the things on the left in this one are chicken breasts, enough for a whole week of identical meals. Or perhaps he’s starting a cult in his basement.
While the MGTOWs sometimes get adventurous and try things like Beef Wellington, most of the meals are either badly-cooked slabs of meat or some sort of glop on rice or pasta.
Other “recipes” barely count as cooking at all, except in the minimal sense of heating something up so you can eat it without dying of food poisoning. Here’s one fellow’s inspired BBQ feast:
This dude decided it was worth posting a picture of some sausage and fried eggs that he had miraculously been able to cook all on his own like a big boy.
I mean, yes, I’d eat that, but come on, dude, cooking eggs in sausage fat is really only a step or two above “making toast” as a culinary accomplishment.
Speaking of which, here’s one man’s, er, unique take on garlic toast.
Even some of the other MGTOWs were underwhelmed by this one. “Not trying to be rude bro,” one wrote, “but its bread with cheese melted on it.”
I know you all would be eager to chow down on any of these delicious-looking meals, but remember to save room for dessert!
“Made my first cake today,” the MGTOW who posted it wrote proudly. “Invest in yourself gentleman.”
Way to show the ladies just who’s the real chef around here!
Actually, I take that back. The real king of the kitchen isn’t a MGTOW or a lady. It’s this dude:
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That’s a lot of chicken breasts alongside those frozen mixed veggies. Must’ve bought the economy-sized packages. Next lesson: Dividing quantities for recipes and proper food storage, which make possible variety, and, maybe someday, creativity? (Okay, yeah, that last bit was tongue in cheek).
No one has commented on the anniversary dinner?
That was completely brill.
@Megalibrarygirl
Here’s what looks like the inspiration: https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Tomato_Soup
“Women hate it when men cook”?
Once again, MGTOWs show how little they know of women. Most women, like most people (I know, I know, it’s hard for them to realise women are actually people), love it when somebody cooks for them. And I’ve seen many women gushing over someone with “…and he can cook!”.
If – and that’s a big “if” – this claim is based on anything besides their ridiculous zero-sum view of men and women and life, I’d say that it’s based on either the stereotypical “it’s my kitchen, you keep out of it” housewife (and I suppose some of those might exist somewhere too; or at least be more like my mum, who didn’t mind help in the kitchen but had a tendency to micro-manage and get frustrated when people weren’t doing things right, or fast enough), or on those situations (also kinda stereotypical, but probably also with a basis in real life) where a man who doesn’t usually cook has his One Dish that he makes, now and then, serves with pride and talks about endlessly, leaving a mess in the kitchen for the wife to later clean up.
[Wait, was that all one sentence? Yow, sorry about that. Haven’t had breakfast yet so my phrasing’s a bit clunky.]
Anyway, even in those hypothetical cases, it isn’t “women hate it when men cook”; it’s either “some cooks – of either gender – do not work well with others” or “people don’t like it when you sometimetimes deign to do one thing that you usually consider their domain, leaving them with the bulk of the work, and then treating it like it was some great achievement”.
Or, in other words, women are people. Whoulda thunk it.
The majority of what I cook can be charitably described as ‘nutritious paste’. I do soups, curries, stews- basically anything that involves me tossing a bunch of stuff in a pot and being able to make a full meal without the need for side dishes. It isn’t pretty, but it’s a forgiving method of cooking and it makes a lot of leftovers, which is a lifesaver for my depressed ass. And it’s an easy way to get a lot of vegetables and beans/lentils in me, rather than me subsisting on crackers and tap water, which sometimes happens during my low energy periods.
(Also, I originally came here to say something about non-photogenic food but that’s already been thoroughly covered by others. And now it’s time to go try out my new waffle-maker with a half-batch of Stella Parks’ vanilla buttermilk waffles. Hey, something cool: the recipe only uses eggwhites, so yesterday night I used the leftover yolk to whip up a little bit of pastry cream. Even if the waffle maker’s no good and they get botched, this is still gonna be a lovely breakfast.)
Yep, I’m exactly like Kootiepatra – I’m a good to a bit better than good cook and I’ve made some delicious stuff I wouldn’t take a picture of. Nor do you have to do a lot of complicated cooking to produce a beautiful and delicious meal that only requires a bit of heating up. Like last night’s sucuk and halloumi meal with Turkish bread and an onion and parsley salsa and a few crudité. Gorgeous – and the only real prep I did was the salsa. (I didn’t take a picture, but it was pretty.)
On the other hand – that sausage and egg thing really did trigger something!!! That kind of sausage isn’t really available in the UK, and I love it. So yeah, that was a bit of nostalgia food porn for me.
If I were of a mind to advise MGTOWs on easy delicious meals – I’d whisper “slow cooker”. But I’m not – and truthfully you can make some bland bleck in a slow cooker – it’s all about the herbs and spices…
ERA @Penny Psmith – I’m maybe a bit authoritarian about meal prep. I do most of it. But my partner does the cleaning up which I hate, hate, hate doing.. He helps with big meal prep. He can cook – but he has a limited repertoire, but what he does make is good. And he is also our master of the toastie when we do production line lunches for the kids.
I was actually taught to cook by my ex-boyfriend, who had a natural flair for it. ‘I’m jealous that he can cook and I can’t’ didn’t even make it into the top 100 reasons why I broke up with him, though. Sorry, MGTOWs.
@Penny Psmith
My aforementioned ex was definitely guilty of the latter – though he had more than one signature dish, he generally considered his job was done once the food hit the table. Cleaning the work stations and hob, putting ingredients back in the fridge, washing the dishes etc. were jobs for the women of the house. My parents got so fed up to it that they banned him from cooking in our house.
@Megalibtarygirl
Well I’ll do my best to outline my Tomato Soup recipe as best of my ability, and I feel obligated to add that I took some liberties with the in game recipe to make it a tad more palpable. This particular set of ingredients and approach to preparation and cooking has worked well for me in the past in a semi-consistent fashion; and it’s very good for what it is.
Ingredients:
1-2 large cans of crushed tomato’s
1 can of tomato paste
3 Leeks- rinse leaks thoroughly, cut the ends off, slice in half and diced
1-3 cloves garlic
3-5 strands (1-half tablespoom) of thyme (fresh or dried; fresh is ideal)
1 small carton of Cream (Dairy land cream) (optional but recommended for balance of flavor and mitigating tomato acidity)
Chives for seasoning.
Water optional if 1 can used (esspecially for large pot and for thinner broth)
dash of oregano
olive oil
Instructions:
– Wash and dice Leaks
-mince garlic
-prep thyme (no pun intended)
-open all can’s of tomato product for next step
-Set stove top to setting 5 with large pot and a bit of olive oil for perpetration; use drop of water to test if pot temperature is sufficiently ready
-sauté the leeks in olive oil until translucent; occasionally stir to prevent burning, add light dash of salt for seasoning
-add garlic and thyme and continue cooking leeks until caramelized to satisfaction
-add can’s of crush tomatoes; start with 1 can and work your way up as needed or desired.
-add a third of a can tomato paste for 1 can and add as needed for more thickness and richness
-prepare adding cream shortly after adding tomato paste, wait until desired consistency and add half carton of cream, stir while pouring cream at moderate level to incorporate cream evenly to broth
-after adding cream; reduce temperature to simmer at 3 and a half or four , slowly stir
-add some chive for extra seasoning as well as colour and texture, slowly stir,
-at this point: serve soup either by itself, accompanied by bagel or as a side dish, or let simmer at setting 2 or 3 for another 5-10 minutes if desired
And that is pretty much the whole shebang. It’s not anything super fancy but it tastes good and is fairly healthy. Also just leaving a photo just to show off the finished product as i usually have it. I know it’s not much, but it tends to taste nice when I get the portions just right.
http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/bucue5/RandomPhotos/32157220_10160322664285203_1139696935230242816_n.jpg
@Penny Psmith: It’s funny you should mention waffle makers because I only read an article earlier this week written by someone who got some serious waffle religion: “I replaced my oven with a waffle maker, and you should too“. Sorry, dude, but you can have my oven when you pry it from my cold, dead, criss-crossed-with-old-burn-scars hands…
I know it’s too much to expect MGTOWs to live on the same planet but what on earth is the spirit behind this whole naive showing-offery about, let alone “women hate it when men cook”.
Both my brothers are great cooks and do the majority in their relationships, as their other halves do more out-of-home work hours. But then again, most of the women I know out-earn their male partners, 2 financially support their partners far less lucrative but much loved careers, and another has supported her partner for 5 years as he can’t work due to mental health challenges – all scenarios which simply can’t exist in the MGTOW philosophy.
@ sarity
Oh my word; they look glorious! Proper works of art.
I suppose it’s on topic to bring up the idea of “The first bite is with the eyes“. I certainly think that can be true at appropriate times.
Sushi is a great example. I know it’s a bit of a cliche; but it really does seem to epitomise that whole Wabi-Sabi concept. Yours does anyway.
Well, I know for one that at least my sisters in law appreciate my cooking ability. (I’m far from a gourmet, mind you, but I tend to be better than the above examples.)
That being said, I’m going to have to point out a few things that, as someone who actually does things in the kitchen on a regular basis (I am a bachelor, I am 62 come November, and I damn well had to learn don’t quite hold true in the above article.
The thing about beige sauce. Well, that’s fine as far as the examples given go. But honestly, there are some dishes that are by definition beige sauce. Most gravies are, for example. That looks, honestly, like a perfectly acceptable onion gravy. That rice, on the other hand, has been mistreated horribly, and someone could stand to shell out 20 bucks at Target for a cheap rice cooker.
The chicken breasts don’t look so bad– it would seem someone was attempting to butter poach them. With far too much butter. Like about six sticks. Again, not so pretty, but edible… if rather a lot. Lots of a lot. I’m guessing it’s for a function of some sort, from the side next to it… and that’s a hell of a lot of carrots and peas, wow, a hell of a lot of carrots and peas…
Yeah. The toast thing fails. But not as much as the… are you certain he called it a meatloaf?
Finally, the final video is sheer brilliance, and true mastery of the kitchen in action. If there is any flaw in that performance, it’s that the chef was, in my humble opinion, a bit light on the hot dogs. An extra pack or three would have bought a certain piquant aesthetic to the whole.
Ha, most of my cooking can be described as glop on rice or pasta.
But it is tasty glop.
Due to depression my energy levels vary and sometimes I stop eating entirely.
So I usually do stuff that doesn’t need much prep and just has to simmer on the stove or roast in the oven for a few hours.
And a few herbs and spices go a long way.
I’m not much for presentation either– I mean, who cares what it looks like when it’s going right into your facOM NOM NOM NOM ?– but I have been trying a bit harder recently.
This is a chocolate cake I made for a university friend who was visiting from Germany:
I was trying to follow some of the techniques in Claire Saffitz’s¹ Baking School videos over on the Bon Appétit channel on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-5yLt1gqIo
¹ If you haven’t seen Claire Saffitz, she’s awesome. She does this regular slot on the Bon Appétit channel called “Gourmet Makes” where she attempts to reproduce some cheap & nasty snack food (Twinkies, Doritos, etc.) in a “gourmet” version… normally ending up with her breaking down and praying for death by the third day of futile experiments. People seem to find it cathartic. She’s become something of an internet meme with people confessing to some serious girl-crushing on her. Find you someone who stans you as hard as Talia “chick in Kiev” Lavin stans Claire Saffitz. ?
Right, I’m totally showing off my lazy-bones feijoada then… 😀
https://www.instagram.com/p/BqGF0jrnaP2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Oh, and these were my lunch today:
They’re vegan “chicken” nuggets. I actually put them on a plate and everything– I’m not an animal! They’re actually really good– they’re made from a mixture of soaked cashew nuts and oatmeal flour– though I’m not sure whether that’s because a) chicken nuggets are so deplorably low on actual meat to begin that you don’t miss it when you remove it altogether, and/or b) anything tastes good when you roll it in breadcrumbs and fry it in enough grease ?.
@TacticalProgressive
Can’t wait to try it! Thank you!
Also, thank you @KindaSortaHarmless for the link. I really enjoyed Elder Scrolls. I spent most of my time gathering and making things.
I made some colcannon recently, but it would photograph horribly– I was trying to use up some leftover frozen potatoes that had been cooked with a pot roast (they rather outnumbered the meat at the time). Since said potatoes were soaked through and through with beef juice, they give the final result a weird greyish tint.
Further, since I was using small waxy potatoes left behind from my mom’s visit (for a different pot roast; they weren’t cooked but were perilously close to sprouting), I wasn’t used to how they’d cook through for mashing purposes. Between that and the toughened skins on the frozen spuds the only way I could get anything like a mash consistency was with a food processor, which is generally not recommended because they can (and did) get very paste-like.
That said, my husband proclaimed it delicious and I now have better ideas of what to do next time…
@ cat mara
I’ll take “Greggs entire business plan” for 500 please Alec.
Oh, and regarding the meatloaf– the post makes it sound like he used no eggs, which might have helped bind the meat together better. (I usually use one egg per lb of ground beef.) I also prefer to oven bake mine in a loaf pan.
@Nequam,
I love making colcannon — though, my favorite version came about by accident. We had leftover bok choy sauteed with garlic from one of the local Chinese restaurants, so I mixed that with the mashed potatoes with a dollop of Dijon instead.
Sauteed mustard greens works really well in it too.
If I make meatloaf I add egg and bread crumbs for binding.
Small mozzarella balls and chorizo chunks are tasty as well.
And I bake it in a loaf tin.
I’m also a fan of one pot dishes.
And if I want to go really fancy I cook Persian. The dishes use few ingredients but you cook it for a long time. And my mum has gotten really good at making Persian rice.
Cooking is best when done as a group.
My mum does the veg, my dad does meat, and I am the desert royalty.
@Alan: Oddly, Greggs’ have yet to make it over the Irish Sea, despite the popularity of mashed-pig-and-grease products being about the same on both islands…
@K., @Nequam: Things you should never do:
Start a land war in Asia
Ask an Irish person, “so, colcannon, then! What do you reckon: cabbage or kale?”
It’s a fraught question. Personally, I’m on Team Kale myself but there are a lot of people (who are Wrong BTW wrongity wrongity WRONG) who are Team Cabbage.
Of course, nowadays with the younger generation, the answer would be more like, “colcannon?! Will you go away out of that and get me a spice bag!” ?
I make a great soup that I finally got to taste just like Campbell’s beef barley (but without all the crap!)
There’s no way I’m posting a picture of it online, because people would just be looking into a pot of brownish-red colored liquid.